Newbie

I'm proud to say that i am "enjoying" work. so far so good. it's because i am practically not working just yet. i'm still in school mode, sitting on that half-recliner for the whole day, forcing your eyes to keep it wide open, stuff your tummy with mentos (they have cost-cut. no more bananas and oranges:(), listening, and pretending to be listening. oh man. for the past few weeks after my last training with other newbies from other teams, i have been on AIDS mode (as if doing something) from 830am till 10am. and for lunch, i have always triggered my "stupid mouth" that almost always gets me in t-r-o-u-b-l-e. oh well. i'm trying hard to give it a break. operative word -- TRYING HARD.

Feeling close.
For the past 2 months (and 2 weeks) that i have been here, i am proud to say that i have "made friends". apart from the friends that were carried over and turned officemates from college (hehe), i have gained few people in my circle. the Ateneo boys, the UP Ladies, and the Green Archers (coED, hehe.) -- collectively known as the NEWBIES. we've had so many funny moments together, from all the practices for the OPI Christmas Party, to the ISD Christmas Party, the DANCE presentations (so much fun, really. despite the BIG BIG humiliation, they were really great experiences!), the games. the PAAARRTTYYYYY!!!! Everything. i hope it doesn't end after all these responsibilities that were burdened on to us (waaah!). besides the fellow newbies, the "oldies" (excuse for the antonym, hehe), were really cool to be with. i never expected people to be that FUNNY and GOOFY.. they all seemed serious at first. well except... harharhar:)

Goodbyes.
Damn. we just came in. but people seemed to be moving out. i am saddened by the thought that we barely knew all these people and they are now packing up and saying goodbyes. darn. it may have felt so hard for them leaving. they have established their second home (and literally speaking, their sleeping refuge) and they are bound to leave. oh well. life is inevitable with saying goodbyes. for there will be no more room for hellos if otherwise. but then again, i still hate saying them... i'm thinking about it though. why did they decide to leave?

The cube.
i still haven't proliferated mine with trash and doodles that i used to do to waste time. and the poems and quotes that you used to live up to. and the pictures. just to remind you of the better days. and the W.O.W. (words of wisdom) to whack you in times you forget.

Great Expectations.
Of course, it doesn't mean that we're getting along with each other will mean that you have really sink in to the family. you still have to live with expectations and still keep yourself altogether. don't come out too loose just yet.. reminder, keep your comments a bit discrete, pay EXTRA attention, do away with unnecessary activities, keep your mouth opened slightly (with only a small hole peeking for breathing and sleek speaking). utter words with substance, and keep your wits in tact. i believe you're losing your touch. keep yourself together. pack it up. like it was. 0r the way it was supposed to be.

Ring, ring, ring! the bells are ringing.

Enjoy every moment of it. Your time might be UP soon.


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Eternity

I have always dreaded the thought of someone leaving. Death has yet to signify a scythe.. the end... a tragic final destination. But one must see it on a different light. It is but a fateful and blessed transition... moving across a higher dimension and in eternal peace with the Lord. Most importantly, eternity is promised with absolute peace and contentment with Our Creator.


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My Knight

i've been worrying that people have been trying to attach some stories to my so-called life that I have never expected. even without an uttered word of "dangerous liaison" (to connect with a sensational feeling that is chained to t-r-a-g-e-d-y) with anybody from myself to anyone, i still cannot understand the fact that "people" with far or even farther association can put me into a connection that i have long before 'forgotten'. maybe i am still caught in the nightmare of a bugging 'fate'... or from a recurring 'past'... or from a present dilemma that has never seemed or NEVER WILL BE resolved in whichever angle we view it. i am CONFUSED... but, truthfully, there's nothing to be confused about. no one has ever pushed me to even think that it is yet to "even think about". excuse my paranoia. but i beg to defend myself and i have to say that you can never blame me to have felt that way. can i just say that i am but a normal person that is yet sensitive to any stimuli that can be fired momentarily?

they have been dabbing me with a "dangerious liaison" called L-O-V-E. it is the feeling that has never ceased to be forgotten, maybe it is yet but 'fate' to be always clinged to that word, a recurring past that has always taught me that i should, or from a present dilemma that i still haven't grasped REAL one. i cannot even tell why, maybe IT has never ceased to flash the headlines in any controversial conversation. i have been having 'associations' that struck me because it smelled something fishy (like perch sauced with coconut milk). like, with a tinge of "some truth" to that. reaction-less as i have tried, i gave a shrug. or even a grin to mean sarcasm. but at the end of the day, i catch myself as i fall asleep, "what have i done?".

people have always tried to associate myself with an "unknown" knight of mine. they have been clinging my heart to someone i don't even have full grasp of if HE trully exists (well at least in my territory). people from the past, or 'the recurring past', are trying to be pulled out from an ancient history. i am not that numb not to even think that maybe the feeling that must be just lurking around. but the PROBLEM is that i have refused to even think about it just yet.

My Knight has yet to come. HE might be coming in, coming out... Pretenders might be masked to be My Knight, but the heart must beat with magical throbbings that seemed to play a certain melody. Until when.. on the right time? Maybe. But I'll never know. I shall never wait. However I must keep myself obscured from negativities that always pull me back. But I shall never keep myself opaque from the thought that maybe My Knight will come to rescue me and TAKE ME HOME.

love has always taught me to be patient. but it was never successful to sink under my skin. maybe i haven't been virtuous enough.

==
staying up late. try again.


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Breeze

I smell Christmas.

Even if I pass by a junk shop, or a pile of trash, or even stacked old tires, it still smells like the season to be jolly...

The best time of the year. I smell the sweetness of giving, the feel of reuniting and the taste of the whirlwind vacation but always seemed to last a lifetime.

.looking forward.


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Repeat

What if you had a second chance with the one that got away?

will you keep yourself vulnerable from the chance that the person might run away... again?

or love is sweeter the second time around?


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Inevitable

there are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.
-- George Bernard Shaw

so what must go between? or, essentially, life is but a tragedy after all?


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Dilemma

late at night, you just got home... tired from work and haven't had dinner. so sleepy that your eyes are drooping, and your tummy is complaining for it to be stuffed. but you have only a few calories left to do an action. what would you choose? eat or sleep?



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More today than yesterday - GoldFinger

I don't remember what day it was
I didn't notice what time it was
All I know is that I fell in love with you
And if all my dreams come true,
I'll be spending time with you
Everyday's a new day, in love with you
With each day comes a new way, of loving you
Everytime I kiss your lips my mind starts to wonder
And if all my dreams come true,
I'll be spending time with you
I loved you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow
Ohhh, I loved you more today than yesterday
But darlin' not as much as tomorrow
Tomorrow makes each spring time just a day away
Cupid we don't need you now be on your way
Thank the Lord for love like hours that grows ever stronger
And if all my dreams come true I'll be spending time with you
Ohhh I loved you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow
Ohhh, I loved you more today than yesterday
But darlin' not as much as tomorrow
Everyday's a new day
Everytime I love you
Everyday's a new way
Everytime I love ya


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All you need is love - The Beatles

(Love Actually Soundtrack)

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be in time
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love.


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Strange Transmissions - Norah Jones

I believe, you say
Don't think, we stay
Drawn through the ebb
Lost in the flower
Beneath my breath, I confess
My world, loved less
The devil held the proof for me to know
I could only fight for the longest while
But with the truth out baby
I belong to you
I stoop, to find
My place, entwined
I took it to the bottom one more time
I could only fight for the longest while
But with the truth out baby
I belong to you
I could trip and
I want you to know
Very time I think that
I think I should go
I receive strange transmissions


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Kalokohan lang naman

sabi ko mo nung una, ngayon may trabaho ka na, magpakasasa ka sa luho mo.

hay kaye. sa hirap ng buhay ngayon, mag-ayos-ayos ka na. ngayon alam mo na ang hirap kumita ng pera. hindi ka na yata magkakapamilya.. hehe. wag naman sana. o basta ayusin mo na.. ayusin mo na yung mga bibilhin mo! hehehe.

WISH LIST.
1.book - hehe syempre kahit na walang oras, kelangang magbasa. para di mabobo sa pc.. hehe!
2.CD - Side A anthology. tsaka si Kitchie Nadal. pati ang MYMP. tama yan, OPM para mura. hehe!
3.jacket - syempre sa lamig ng opis eh kelangan ng jacket. yung pwede mo namang iwanan. pano mga gamit mo sa kapatid mo lahat eh. hehe.
4.frame - i-display mo naman ang class picture natin. wipeee. blanko pa rin ang table moo.:( sana may magregalo sayo ng pang-populate at pangkalat sa cubicle mo.. kawawa ka naman.
5.shoes - wala ka na ngang mapaglagyan eh bibili ka pa!

RESOLUTIONS
1.tuwing friday ka lang pwede kumain sa labas. hehe. mag-ipon para may pambili at panlibre. wenkwenkwenk. di totoo yun... hehe!
2.magpakasaya sa trabaho para matuwa ang buhay mo at magtagal ka ng 2 taon.
3.wag ka nang maghanap ng mga bagay na hindi kayang hanapin. MAG-ANTAY LANG, pwede?
4.maging seryoso sa buhay. hehe. tama yan, di ka ang kaye sa office. nagpapanggap ka lang. hehehe. saka ka na maglabas ng tunay na kulay. magkunwari ka muna. mga next week pwede na. hehe.
5.wag mainggit sa mga ibang tao. walang patutunguhan.
6.matulog at gumising ng maaga. wag nang magpa-late. magbagong buhay ka na!
7.tigilan ang mga extra-curricular activities. hehe.
8.gumimik ka naman kahit paminsan. isama mo sa budget yan.
9.ayusin mo ang mga gagawin mo sa pang-araw-araw para marami kang magawa. malapit ka nangmagsakripisyo ng buhay mo (i.e. sabado at linggo)
10.tumaas na ang pamasahe. wala ka nang matititipid. sulitin mo nalang. humanap ka nang may TV para makanood ka ng balita sa umaga at sa gabi. makakatulong sa iyong paglaki.

parang horoscope ng libre ang dating. hay. umayos ka nga. matanda ka na, paalala ko lang sa'yo.


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Reunited

eto na. eto na. finally. hehehe. i've been wanting to sit down and write, errr, type away what the life has been the past month. oh yah, it's been a month since i've worked. pero i won't be talking about that today... i hope. hehe. well maybe a few will do. there's nothing much that has been going around myself today regarding work.. sige be starting this supposed-to-be-jampacked blog. (note: ayan ah, gone far beyond my "sleeping time" to make up for my fans.. hehe joke:P)

ESS HS Batch 2000 reunion. well, it wasn't that much look-forwarded to. for me it would be just the usual "get-together" of same old barkada. but on the event itself, it was a different kind of experience. it was great seeing other people, even though they don't mean much to me. it was great spending a milestone in the institution where i've spent more than half of my existence... pero yung pinaka-bottomline nung event was it made me realize that people really don't change at all... all these years, they're all the same. well, maybe for a few, but generally, parang pare-pareho lang talaga. yung group.. yung style.. yung levels (oo may levels. sa kahit anong angle mo tingnan.) parang kala mo sa sarili mo nag-grow ka na.. pero yung growth mo parang linear lang. sa pag-akyat mo, akyat din yung iba. sa fashion na lang eh, kakatawa. kala namin sophisticated na dating namin, pero patawa, ang baba pa rin pala. hehe parang di pa rin namin sila nasabayan. hehehe. not that we want to or it even matters, pero on the thought that you have brought yourself up, iba pa rin pala. you can only move around the circle that you're working into. parang naka-enclose ka na sa boundaries na yun and people can never get through... unless they pull you towards the center. in any case, it doesn't matter what where how people are working in, for, to, but what's important is that masaya kami sa lahat ng ginagawa namin, walang pake-alamanan, and ulitmately we were all there, kinalimutan for a moment yung grupo and relieve those precious moments "together". cheering (whoaw. goosebumps yata ako dun. galing pala talaga noh?! hehe:P) yung mga tagilid at sablay na grad pics, yung mga moments sa monkey bars at quadrangle. yung mga kaaway mo (hahaha), mga nagalit sayo (for no apparent reason.. teehee. di nya ako pinansin.. haha! well di naman talaga kami close) yung mga naging ka-close mo for a moment. yung mga dating kasama mo sa mga pang-kenkoy na gimik sa SM at mga intermission numbers sa mga quiz bee. yung mga ka-SPICE GIRLS mo. (oh my gulay. nakakatawa maalala yon. syet!) nakakaaliw makibalita ng mga chismis ng mga ibang tao. at pambihira, ang dami na nilang may boyfriend/girlfriend. kami na lang yata wala ah? hehehe. hay. dami noh. kakatuwa rin i-recall. masaya naman sya.. in fairness to St. Elizabeth Ann Seton.




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Two weeks notice

i cannot comprehend the train of thoughts that keep running through my mind. i have alot of things i needed to let out but seemed to be constant trepidation and in indefinite stagnation... maybe because i am in a state of transition. however, the thought that i am shifting from one metamorphic stage to another has been in contrast to the reality that happens to me right now... the truth is that the transition has never exuded concurrently.

it is true that in the few weeks of engaging to so-called life-time slavery, i have to say that i am "enjoying" my masochism. although, not in its worse state just yet. (level garnered to 2, of 10?) the 'torture' is self-inflicting for the moment.(explanation: FULFILLMENT IS grasped in its full-length. taste the glory beyond the pain gone through.) although at some moment in my stay, a terrible guilt kicks in due to extra-curricular activities done on the background (so goodbye to YM for the moment:b wish i can abstain from that). but in general, so to speak, so far.. so good:)

it is again true that in those few weeks, i have started my ultimate search for my OTL. (one-true-love. pure bletch!) but, to my deepest regretful fate, in no less than two years, i would still keep myself posted on a single note. literally, SINGLE. oh well, i do believe now that it could never be found. for it finds you, wherever, whenever you may be. cliche as it seems, you'll get it when you least expect it. so for now, i'll still have this blog unreadable with love thoughts or escapades... whether of faster heartbeat or of solid heartbreak. still, there will be no stories of a date to remember. of overflowing emotions. of tears. in sadness. a night spent together. nada.

dismiss the idea of impeccable things that are never attainable. that my job will be this good. that life will remain to be fair. that love will always be mine. destiny has yet to come. a plan for my intricately weaved path will come may way in due time. it has always been the patient that remains to be virtuous. be worthy.


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pixie

to make up for the times i have been away and have procrastinated my overdued update requests, i'll be posting some pics (from an overdued sending request. blame the big ticket!=b). relive the days.












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Seize the Day

fyi: i'm still in a delirious state, so please forgive my ineloquence. the sandman, i am still in an intense "finding-myself" stage so, pardon me (while i burst:P) what brings me to this is that i have brought myself up another level to this staircase-like travel (aging up soon. augh!) to the so-called metamorphic stages of life. (final to heaven? ah-uh. always the ME stowed from all life's assurance.)

there is no turning back. i did sign the white sheet of a tree bark, supposed to chain you to a sixty-thousand worth of shackles for seven hundred thirty sets of sunrise and sunset (with unknown number of undiscoverable and unnoticed previously-said transition). but so far, so good.

which reminds me some "thoughts to ponder" from the so-experienced mother of mine. there's so much that she has been preaching. although, i may seemed uninterested and not listening, i am just otherwise.i know everything that she has been blabbing about are not rubbish (of course) and not the usual motherly-sermon to their loving child, but are true enough and sure will be taken considerably.

CARPE DIEM, as always. it never fails. although i myself cannot religiously follow, i then realize it afterwards.


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due to insistent public demand (blech!) i'll be yakking for today. excuse my uninspired mood. i am not in my true self the past few days. been in constant search for what the "True Self" must suppose to imply. despite this crisis that my identity is indulging itself, i have plucked aross the heavens, the universal truth, or better yet said, the FACT that i am the contrary to my own "self". whatever that means.

most of the time, i catch myself in a tumultuous realization that i am battling with myself. that it somehow makes me feel that i am involved in a contention, between the good and the bad, the yes and the no, the love and the hate.. within the subconscious(the angel and the devil clouded in a balloon. hanging on the right and left, barraging with different point of views at both ends of my temple) or even the conscious levels of thinking, of course, without the public utterance of such contradictions (self talk, zilch).

i forgot the conflicts with my "self", i should've written them down as i was wandering without constant direction. i laugh about it most of the time. and i am amazed, really, that i am unmistakably put into a persona full of contradictions. but, despite this contradictory thoughts that keep running through my sanity (if it is right to say that i haven't lost grasp of it), it made me realize that i may not practice what i preach, and that i am just good at blabbing about the "Good" and forgets to switch places and be the listener to myself, but makes herself known of the FACTS that should be chewed upon, and swallow it whole to be digested and dig into my nerves and penetrate into my senses. effective nonetheless. but saddening it is, that it had to take much time.

i guess i was quite successful in bringing it out. more than the contrary, but the blabber who doesn't talk gibberish, but understood to be simply just that. i cannot make myself anymore. success? turn yourself no sense, dear. non-sense.


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A walk and a ride

it had been five (5) days. the longest i have been away from home. i cannot put into prose, in continuity, the experience i had in Hong Kong. so i'll be posting snippets from the five-day film strip.

..CULTURE-SHOCK, nada. i wasn't culture-shocked in my stay. people were almost asians, and i was used to seeing chinky-eyed people around. so maybe i just had a trip in Manila. hehe. and gawd, even in their "tiangge", there were otso-otso and sexbomb songs playing over. and the Chinese people trying hard speaking in Tagalog. OMG.

..CITY LIGHTS. the City Lights were the real city lights that i am looking for. an overlooking sight at The Peak left me slack-jawed. astonished as i was -- looking at the 18 of the top skyscrapers beaming with lights, i was like a kid who enjoyed them as they sparkle amidst the sky. the Tsing Ma bridge and the others were like belts of stars hanging over the sea.

..thank God for your legs. the lifestyle is about brisk walking, everyday, riding thru the Tram, lodging in the Ferry to take you to different islands, the double decker buses, the bus thru a rail road (i forgot what was it called) and the old boats of the villagers mostly used for fishing. there were Rolls Royce and the BMW's and the Mercedes-Benz's and Honda's but they were mostly owned by the richEST among the rich who can afford the parking which will cost them more than the amount of their car. 4/5 of the time, we were walking. leave the house at 9am, come home by 11pm. again, 4/5 of the time were spent for walking. really, my legs were complaing on the second day.

..SAME SAME. walk through the streets where it seemed like you have been there. hehe. everywhere you go, there is that same store. Giordano, SASA, U2, the Aji Ichiban, Esprit. every corner there's a mall (but mind you, they don't have that damn toy store who sells Looney and Cartoon Network! They don't know who Scooby Doo is!!!)

..DOG LOVERS. most of them own a dog.. i think it was a sight of a dog kingdom, with every breed walking thru the entire Park Island at Ma Wan every morning. waaaooowww.

..SHOPPING. with the malls, you can never do away without it. five days are not enough. although, i wasn't able to buy much. to buy something for every person here in our home sweet home, surely there's not enough time for that. hehe. for the babies, gaby and mae, maggie, ann, ate carol, kuya jun, kuya julius, jaymie, kuya bert, kuya top, papa. oh my. we cannot even carry as much luggage as we can!

.. SALE SALE. with the shopping you must find the store with the tag. or else we won't step on it. hahaha. it was fun, and Tito was really good with bargaining. i never expected him to be just that. even the torment of walking. hehe. maybe i was just thinking how papa is. hehehe. far away.

..ABYSS. the trip to Ocean Park on the first day was a blast!! ironically, it wasn't an abyss after all. the Abyss was the ride which will take you to the heavenly cradles of paradise... taking you atop (i don't know how high that was!) and turbo-drop you to feel the depth of the sky. haha, and i was lucky enough not to ride the DRAGON because it was closed for maintenance. harharhar! lucky me!:P

there's so much in here, and i always end up flooding my blog out. but i guess i have to end here... for the meantime. i'll be posting pictures soon. i am so much thankful to my Tita and Tito who have provided us with shelter, for all the prayers, and for accompanying us through the five days of dragging walks (most of the time spent in search of Scooby. Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you?!) and for financing us with the coins on the Tram, and me with the luxury that i can get. hehe. i can never thank you enough:) i wish we could get back soon.. for Disneyland!!!;)

i missed them all this soon... aaaaawwww.


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Dear Jessie

been truly a fan of Madonna. thru her songs Cherish, Crazy for You, I'll Remember... here's to bringing old Madonna back.

Baby face don't grow so fast
Make a special wish that will always last
Rub this magic lanternHe will make your dreams come true for you

Ride the rainbow to the other side
Catch a falling star and then take a ride
To the river that sings and the clover that
Brings good luck to you, it's all true

Chorus:
Pink elephants and lemonade, dear Jessie
Hear the laughter running through the love parade
Candy kisses and a sunny day, dear Jessie
See the roses raining on the love parade

If the land of make believe
Is inside your heart it will never leave
There's a golden gate where the fairies all wait
And dancing moons, for you

Close your eyes and you'll be there
Where the mermaids sing as they comb their hair

Like a fountain of gold you can never grow old
Where dreams are made, your love parade

(chorus)

Your dreams are made inside the love parade
It's a holiday inside the love parade

On the merry-go-round of lovers and white turtle doves
Leprechauns floating by, this is your lullaby
Sugarplum fingertips kissing your honey lips
Close your eyes sleepy head, is it time for your bed
Never forget what I said, hang on you're already there

Close your eyes and you'll be there
Where the mermaids sing as they comb their hair
Like a fountain of gold you can never grow old
Where dreams are made, your love parade


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Victim!!!

natatawa ako sa sarili ko kahapon. napagkamalan ko siyang kilala ko. kala ko talaga siya. naalala ko kasi siya, natawa ako sa idea na makikita ko siya ulit. sabi nila hindi daw siya yon. pero sabi ko "Siya yon talaga!" nilapitan ko siya... sinabayan ko pa ng lakad.. hinawakan ko siya sa braso.. tumingin siya.. WHOAAAA! tinitigan nya ako, nanlaki mga mata nya! nagulat sya.. natakot siguro ng sobra.. hahaha. natawa ako sa sarili ko! tumakbo ako pabalik.. tawa sila ng tawa. ang kulit ko daw kasi.. nagpipilit. ANG TIGAS KASI NG ULO MO EH! ayan napala mo.

naalala ko itsura nya. gulat na gulat siya.. takot na takot. haha. nagbalik tingin nga siya eh, kala nya siguro may kamera... bwahaha. VICTIM!!! o WOW mali?!


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Sweetest Goodbye - Maroon 5

Where you are seems to be
As far as an eternity
Outstretched arms open hearts
And if it never ends then when do we start ?
I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you comeback
I have some things to say
How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I
Dream away everyday
Try so hard to disregard
The rhythm of the rain that drops
And coincides with the beating of my heart

I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you comebackI have some things to say
How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I feel


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-Ber

i passed by Toyota few days ago, and i was fascinated with their new theme.. they always put up their "bonggacious" (excuse my slang) Christmas decor.. although, year after year, it is obvious that they have cost-cut. hahaha. i haven't felt the breeze rustling just yet, but the sight of Christmas lights, Santa Clause, and the Christmas Tree just rings the oh-so-many- bells... and oh, SM has already starts selling Christmas decors.. hahaha.. which brings me to thinking that gawd, by the next time i view the calendar, it'll spell out D-E-C-E-M-B-E-R... haaayyy. oh well. time really flies so fast. in no time, i'll be starting to work (yeah, damn right!), graduate, and then sing Happy Birthday to me... *sigh* then give gifts and exchange cards on season of 12-25. haha. i'm excited by thought of me wrapping and giving gifts.. AGAIN! hehe. i got myself bankrupt every season and i only end up giving a gift to my nephew!




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Bad headache

some thoughts i got from the books i've read and movies i've watched these past few days.

1. the term horny came from the Egyptian god of fertility, AMON, which is then represented as a man having the "horns" of a ram. thus paved way to the birth of such pointed term.

2. that MONA LISA, indeed, is a fusion of man and woman. ancient traces of gods and goddesses seemed to be reflected on this piece of art by Leonardo Da Vinci.

3. no matter how depressing or tragic our experiences can get, we would not opt to have them completely erased in our mind, no matter what. or any biological cause for the loss of memory cannot defeat the power of love... because somewhere along the way, they have taught us great lessons in life and leave fond memories to live by. no escape. no regrets.

4. we often find ourselves discontented with our lives. we wish we get what we want. but at that instant we have them in our grasps, we wish we get something else. and the cycle goes on. we find ourselves therefore, EMPTY. quoting from a friend, truly man possesses an inherent disability -- an insatiable hunger for gratification.

5. There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it. -- George Bernard Shaw

6. there had been varied explanations for the origin of friday the 13th. i dunno if i should still believe this one, but some allegorical explanation may suffice. i cannot explain enough, but it was about protecting the Church resulting to a tragic death of so many. well, doesn't really matter much. nothing i can relate to.

7. blessed are the forgetful. for they get the better even of their blunders. -- Friedrich Nietzche >> care to explain further?


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The Notebook

he was pulling his silver ring back and forth from his finger.. it makes him think twice. should he stay to relive either the anguish or the happy memories of their love? the movie was promising him something. it is just up to him up to what extent he wanted to be consumed.

I am nothing special; of this i am sure. i am a common man with common thoughts, and i've led a common life. there are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but i've loved with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.

these were the first lines Noah Calhoun uttered as the movie opened. glad i was still able to follow with him through (and i posted it here too before!). it was truly a love story... genuinely it was. it is. i cannot capture the right words that could seem to fit the entirety of the film. CAPTIVATING. sure it was. unlike other books-turned-to-movie type, The Notebook has left me astonishingly sappy, in tears... well i wasn't actually sure if it were tears of joy or sadness or empathy but whatever has been drawn from that, it definitely mean something extraordinary. there was no room for comparison to what the film has turned out from having it extracted from Nicolas Sparks'. the important parts of it were there. *sigh of relief* my fellas had shed their say for the movie and so i wouldn't elaborate much.

love, seemingly is truly timeless. eternal. some believe that there's no such thing as PERFECT or even IDEAL. but the love story of Noah and Allie has truly captured that love that will last for eternity. it spoke of devotion and unconditional love. Noah stood by her, even it hurts... like a spear stabbed right thru. she was his life. his home.. until their last breath, with the few moments of Allie recovering from dementia, their fingers interlocked, side by side, they kissed and said goodbye, but not for long until their next life.

naturally, he caught himself crying. he cannot say a word. he pretended not to feel a thing. but his tears are telling us more than his lips can. but he carries it through. i know he will. they will.


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Tied the Knot

i haven't formally exchanged vows just yet, but there was a short confirmation of being tied. it was a whirlwind. i don't know. i just finally said YES. i was caught up with two dilemmas. a choice between the-not-so-likeable job. i was given enough time to think about it, but i didn't make use of that time to even "think". i wasn't really interested. and i almost had that final decision that i won't take it. but today just turned my life upside down. i was faced with two opportunities and i felt trapped. i thought that i didn't have the luxury to turn down two blessings at the same time. i could not let them just slip into my fingertips... i don't think that i am much valuable to this society that i am badly needed. no, not just yet that i am starting to take the path to corporate world. i am the guinea pig. or i am the youthful fish that is being lured by a striking plastic squid stuck on a hook. i don't even have the right to demand for something else. i've been pathetically convincing myself that i'll be goddamn "rich", so to speak (and that "rich" definition is relative to myself), and save enough for my fetishes. i will do have chances of flying from one foreign island to another. and a promising working environment where i can, or may, find my "knight". but daym, i cannot convince myself just that. i don't know. i hate the place. i frigging hate the hellish traffic! i fear that i'll be working with freaky old people who will maliciously and overly take advantage of their "superiority". i fear being called at night to fix some anomalies lurking around the system. worse, not be able to fix it! be asked to report on a frigging lovely weekend. have myself pestered by *ring*ring*'s flashing through my mobile phone, interrupting my holy days. ride myself to sleepless nights. ghostly midnights. miss the city lights of the high-maintenance world of Makati. miss the skyscrapers and the busy-buzzing people walking through the streets of Ayala. but should i chose something that cannot pay the work that you do? work for the name? thank you very much.

maybe it's just not time to get what i really want. or maybe, i have been focusing myself to the bad part of life that i am subjecting myself to hurt to be able to realize that there's still good things on the other side of it. self-confessed MASOCHIST, remember? maybe i've just been thinking too much. or then again, been complaining for no concrete reason just yet. or maybe it is quite too soon to look further. i haven't started. maybe i just have to take one step at a time. and gawd, i still have long life ahead of me. even before i end up my "tied-up contract" i am just damn 23!!!! young, really... hehe. still more room for success! bring it on!:D

i have had enough of the weighing and the maybe's. it has been delayed. and it is too late. i just have to leave myself with good thoughts coming around. i've promised myself just that. now, i'm thinking of a somewhat "long term" goal in life. well, i just can't believe that i am now driving myself to work because i am gonna be hell earning enough. it wasn't my ultimate goal in life, i just realized again. i want to be ultimately happy with my life, in general. maybe that's the worse part of thinking much. i have been complicating myself with unknown complexities that seem to bother me and make life miserable. much more miserable. well, now, i am thinking that i will be entering another phase and i need to surround myself with a lot of positive thoughts. i shall think that i am entering this job because there's a great possibilty of growth. i should be able to attain a higher level of understanding in this field. oh yes, in the IT field. (i have accepted that line of work, finally) i should prove to myself that i can do things on my own, that i can now decide for myself. that i am now solely in charge of my life, and that i have no other people to blame for my shortcomings. that i have to put myself to the top, because i need to get there, so after two years of being tied, i am ready to sell myself and yes, finally be proud of myself. i have to regain that pride that once was lost. i have to put a price to myself. that i am worth something. no, am not worth any monetary value. i just have to have that feel again that i am something. i am someone. i need to be proud of myself again and win first place.

enough enough. what matters most now is that i have 25 days left to my bummer days. i am CARPE DIEM-ing starting today. wish me luck. and oh, please do pray for me? will you?

Dear Lord, i pray tonight that You may bless me with serenity. i have been indulging myself into deep thinking and it has devoured me for the entire being. i pray that You guide me, as You have always been, that i may find true happiness and fulfillment that i haven't had full grasp of. i have been in continuous search for the path that You have intricately weaved out for me, and may i find one of its strands, through the decisions that i have made. in times of confusion, hear me Oh Lord, so i may be able to resolve the perplexities i am faced with. may You continue to bless me with guidance and wisdom that i may be able to carry out all Your plans for me. Lord, i offer these all to You.


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First Swipe

as the first sign of being a bummer, i swamped out of my bed the whole day. too bad, i caught myself with a terrible migraine.. it kills me everytime i have that attack that seems to break my skull in two. oh well, at least i got the rest i needed for three days. at long last, i finally had the taste of peace. devoid from stress. what a relief. *bliss* WHEW!

anyway, i've started to keep good things coming my way. i feel positive vibes around me. this is all good:) with anything that pulls me away from happiness, i veer away and drive myself to the road to bonheur. hehe. i've spent weekends my precious nephew and niece. i've watched The Big Fish. great movie. i just wish i had that conversationalist dad as Eddie was. and highlighting, my first swipe! i just bought the Borrowed Heaven and Songs About Jane!!! woopeedoo!!!! i'm so excited! hehehe. i am enjoying myself to the sounds of Maroon 5. oh yeah, first time i swiped the card, and scribbled my own signature to that white piece of electronic generated receipt. daym! i just wish i have work (but not too soon!) so i could buy my luxury once in a while;)

anyway. that's about it. hope good things come even more. You are all welcome, indeed!


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official flag bearer for the bummers!

today wraps up college life. it was saddening though. the last day didn't seem 'memorable'. maybe it was too highschool-ish to be just that. i still can't overcome the thought of me leaving school. oh well. that's life. i need to move on.

i'm now in for my ultimate mission. to REST.. for a while. indulge myself to the perks of being a bummer! reliving my couch-potato days. and my 'buhay-baboy' days.. sleep-eat-sleep. bwahaha. my quest for the eternal sunshine that may come to my spotless mind. to sleepless nights of waiting for a chapter, and another chapter, and another chapter to finish. to all the coke i can gulp and the MSGs i can munch. to the comfort of my bed, and the pesky mosquitoes which are really fond of sucking my blood. my skin immunity is not getting any better. to more YM and blogging sessions! and being in touch even more with the silver screen. waaaah!

it is official! i am now a certified bummer!!!! Congratulations. may you make the most out of it. soon enough you'll then be tied again. enjoy. CARPE DIEM, kiddo.

*i dyingly want that maroon 5 cd! huhu! donate donate! and the MYMP. and the Borrowed Heaven. and the Eleven Minutes. and the Shopaholic. haha. and oh, Keith Martin was beside us tonight. we were looking at Kyla's CD and he interrupted Mark by telling that "hey we have two duets there". hahaha. i just realized he was beside us when he interrupted our conversation. hahaha. :) and sudenly i just heard his music play over the background of the store. waaahahaahaha..


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Acknowledgement

i've done my acknowledgement to my dear college friends for everything we have shared through the entire 4 years and 1 term we have been together. the memories are immeasurable with any number of "thank you's" i can utter. now i'm thanking the people whom i owe my social life. if not for them, i could have really turned to a real nerd. haha. that's my personal definition of a nerd. WALANG SOCIAL LIFE. hahahahaha;p

Thank you to my highschool friends.. we are not collectively known as something else, for we don't know who's part of it really. hehe. so thank you to all. most especially to Buday, for always being an ear to listen (i really miss your manila line!! i can't complain to you anymore!!! bring it back! bring it back!!) . at least i've finished that last dragging chapter. but i've come to another predicament. (i've been vigorously been involving myself with that, don't i? self-confessed MASOCHIST.) i owe you my sanity. and please, for crying out loud, have your cell phone loaded!!! you're working dude! hehehehe;) to Pearl, thanks for the moments we've shared through YM complaining about thesis. hehe. i'm wishing you the best. you still have one more sem to go!!! wooopeedoo! thank you for taking time reading my whines even if it would mean not sleeping (again!) and exchanging your plates for me. or am i your scapegoat? tsktsktsk. i still am looking forward to our business deals in the future. i really hope we get filthy rich (oops, kami lang pala;p mayaman ka na!) so we make them all concrete;p to EJ for being my constant companion through college life. i really miss our bus rides home. :( and i miss your house. your room. your kitchen! hehe. thanks for being my siamese twin, connected through our intestines.. hehe. sana naman this time, we find ourselves having the same freaking experiences on a positive level naman. good luck on your MED school. don't give up dude. it is your passion. let it drive you;) thanks to Hart, for pestering me every God-given midnight with "pointless" arguments that we always end up into a pesky quarrel i can only give up to stop. but you never wanted me just simply giving up. 'escape', 'retreat', blah-blah-blah. no more comments on that. STOP. i've had enough every night. but thank you really, it made me awake at times i needed to keep my eyes open-wide. although it was sordid to keep an argument alive. it stresses me even more. hehe. but, on a serious note, thanks also for being "there" and for all the memories shared. you made me realize so much about life... and that it is bad to say sorry when you don't mean it. haha.:P To tara for being proud of me that i have taken courage. hehe. thank you for clicking with us easily.:) to Chase for taking me home those times we spent 3am at starbucks and for taking me home the next morning when you got asleep at pearl's house! hehehe. thanks really;) to Jerome, for all the rides din. since summer. hehe. thanks for your weird insights and i am glad that you realize now that having a CAR and a CELLPHONE is not a NECESSITY. gawd, i can't believe it took you 21 years to realize that!!!! hahahaha. thanks for all the pinky promises. teehee! i enjoy the times you never stop yakking about your life, most esp the 'most intriguing' aspect of it. hahaha;) continue building your muscles to keep you from being noticed at first glance as a, uhm, girl. hehe. to Pie, for still keeping in touch even if we're so many miles away... i really miss you. to Glenn for the ride home when Jerome and Chase weren't around yet. hehe. thanks sa lahat ng pangungulit kahit na ngayon eh nabawasan na. thank you to Carl for reading my blogs. hehe. for all the ym's.. and for my promising treat at Yellow Cab. hahaha. sama natin si...?? hehehe. joookeee:) buti naman you've changed my outlook towards your batch. it wasn't good. please don't ask:P

I really want to thank my family for being there, a cushion everytime i come home from battle (thesis that is. hehe). thank you to my MOM for giving me all the support i needed. for praying for me ( i really do praise the Lord for all blessings showered upon us) and for the much-awaited "reward" (i'm thanking in advance!) for all the sacrifices. hehe. i hope this is not drawing this time. for the nth time my dearest mother. hehe. to my dad who never seemed to talk that much, i know you're happy for me now that i am finished. to all my brothers and sisters for bullying me and pestering me everytime i am in front of the computer and looking serious. damn, i hate it when you do that! to my brothers, thank you for all the fresh-from-foot-socks you've been squashing upon my face. and for picking me up when i don't have any ride. i just wish you teach me how to drive already? long-standing request!!! to all my sisters, for all the clothes i wore, the watches i scratched, for the bags i ditched, and your perfumes i drank (hehe), for the accessories i lost. hehe. sorry for that. when i get rich, i'll get you to a shopping spree (yeah right?! haha!). to my nephew Gaby for bringing so much light into our house when you're around. for making me procrastinate just to stay with you for the night. for wrecking my pc the last time we were about to defend! (i didn't get mad don't worry:)) for all the scratches in my face. and for the pictures with you that i have posted online. hehe. to my niece Baby Mae, you bring so much joy when you're around. you and your kuya are my stress relievers. hehe! i hope you grow up to be a good girl;) like ninang. hehe!

i just want to thank the Lord again for all the blessings that He has been showering upon us. Thank you Lord for everything. there's far more than words can express for all the things You have done for us. thank you for all the prayers heeded. thank you for still hearing them out even if at times i forget to give thanks. You truly are my pillar whenever i am in doubt, and about to fall. I offer this all to You.

to all the people who had, has and still continue to inspire me to move on every single day, thank you. life hasn't been smooth for me. i've been born with all the complexities and ironies that seemed to have consumed me throughout this lifetime. but i could never have given so much importance about this life if not for the people i have met along the way... life has been worth the living. and suppose i say, i LIVE and not merely exist, it is because...

i'm ending this up with a favorite line i got from one of my favorite authors, Paulo Coelho. it best explains what i feel just now.

At the moment, I'm far too lonely to think about love, but i have to believe that it will happen, that I will find a job and that I am here because I choose this fate. The roller coaster is my life;life is a fast, dizzying game; life is a parachute jump; it's taking chances, falling over and getting up again; it's mountaineering; it's wanting to get to the very top of yourself and to feel angry and dissatisfied when you don't manage it....However, if I believe that the track is my destiny and that God is in charge of the machine, then the nightmare becomes something thrilling. It becomes exactly what it is, a roller coaster, a safe, reliable toy, which will eventually stop, but, while the journey lasts, I must look at the rounding landscape and whoop with excitement.


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Runs in the Blood

I think that one thing that is inherent in our family is, BEING LATE. yeah, surprise no more. it does run in the blood. I had been ever so late in my entire college life (i've never had a record of perfect attendance for my first classes for the day!). And i was freaking late today for my interview. YIKEEES!. Oh well. Really a bad trait, but can't even do away with it. I do promise myself when I work, I'll try to manifest punctuality. Hehe. And I'm doing away with the Manila route. Hell traffic really kills me!

Congratulations! This marks my fourth month in my hopeful attempts to come up with my own masterpiece. Try harder.




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The Golden Rule

Do unto others what you want them to do unto you.

However, do not assume that they'd do just the same... for a golden follower does not expect anything in return.

My faith is still in You, oh Lord. Worry not.


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10 Rules to Follow - My Sassy Girl

First, don't ask her to be feminine.
Second, dont let her drink over three glasses, she'll beat someone.
At a cafe, drink coffee instead of coke or juice.
If she hits you, act like it hurts. If it hurts, act like it doesn't.
On your 100th day together, give her a rose during her class. She'll like it a lot.
Make sure you learn fencing and squash.
Also, be prepared to go to prison sometimes.
If she says she'll kill you, don't take it lightly. You'll feel better.
If her feet hurts, exchange shoes with her.
Finally, she likes to write. Encourage her..

awwww...:"<


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Watch Me Shine - Vanessa Carlton

I'm not your average type of girl
I'm gonna show the world
The strength in me that sometimes they can't see
I'm about to switch my style
And soon things may get wild
But I will prove that I can conquer anything

So from my head to toe
I'm taking full control
I 'll make it on my own this time
(Better watch me shine)

Better watch out
Going for the knockout
And I won't stop til I'm on top now
Not gonna give up until I get what's mine
Better check that I'm about to upset
And I'm hot now so you better step back
I'm taking over so watch me shine
Oh oh oh

So get ready here I come
Until the job is done
No time to waste
There's nothing stopping me
Oh
But you don't hear me though
So now it's time to show
And prove I'm gonna be the best I can be

So from my head to toe
My mind body and soul
I'm taking full control
This time
(So watch me shine)

Better watch out
Going for the knockout
And I won't stop til I'm on top now
Not gonna give up until I get what's mine
Better check that I'm about to upset
And I'm hot now so you better step back
I'm taking over so watch me shine

Oooo oh ya ya (Oh ya ya)

Bet you don't think I can take it
But my mind and body are strong
Bet you don't think I can make it
It won't take long
Bet you don't think I can take it
But my mind and body are strong
Bet you don't think I can make it
It won't take long


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Side Order = Biggie Frustration

yada yada yada yada...

blank. blank. blank.

blah-blah-blah-blah;

Gaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrr. Roooooowwwwwwwwl!!! Waaaaaaaaahhhhhh...

*Burp* I've had enough. Can I barf?


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Job Hunt #4

i've been on a mission.. trying to fit myself in to the "Real World". strutting myself to unknown streets, in heels (i'll be missing my sneaks!), hitching myself to trains that seemed to pack people inside, and squeeze yourself out before the light starts to blink and the sound goes 'beep! beep! beep! beep!'. (i almost got myself trapped, got those people pushing me back to the train!)

oh well. i'm truly lucky enough to be unfortunately, UNEMPLOYED. harharhar. seemingly, or true enough (better!), the sound of bitterness came out inherently. bahahaha. for so long, i've caught myself miserably dumbfounded, pitying myself (like, still got your brain intact? let it come out, you rusty mass of a balloon vessel!) and dumped with all frustrations that i can get. aauugghh. i've been thinking that maybe i really am not meant for this. maybe there are other plans ahead, and that i should keep my faith.. there's still more in stored. more to life.

WAIT AND HOPE. and oh, patience is indeed a virtue.

x's: i'm stuck with stupid logic problems which make me even 'stupider' (quoting from Jack Frost!) not to even answer one! to cats, and blue-eyed people, and alphabet that seem to have values of their own. dammit.

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Second Place

just when you thought you were about to win, you just lost it.

i was sitting in our not-so-comfortable couch watching Olympics.. event was a marathon thing. i don't know how many meters that dash was but it was short. the world record was barely 10 seconds. so that waso one real quick run. the yellow shirt wearing guy was leading for 5 secs, but 2 or 3 seconds later... uhh, well, unfortunately, he didn't step into the line first.

i have been living the quarter of my life (80 years is quite long enough. i should be ready to leave by then) and i have yet to add another year of existence in two months time.i had been in a journey. it wasn't a pilgrimage or an odyssey. and it wasn't that long ago. i haven't had adventures or brand-spanking-new experience to be proud of. but to the very few encounters that i had, i have to say that i always end up almost winning. that was it. ALMOST. JUST QUITE. but never. i had never won the battle.

but then again, i guess i didn't lose after all. i've just realized it's not about winning. with whatever level that is. the thing here is that you have set your aims at high.. that you have come this far. DAYM, i know that nothing beats winning the gold. but whatever it takes, always look at the brighter side of it. you have gone this far. never expect what will happen, but let the battle consume you and taste the dash to winning.

-- Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.


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Hey Love - Jason Mraz

Hey love, where you going to?
You're not sleeping anymore, you're just trying to.
Stay love, where you running to?
Awful happens all the time, don't let it kill you.

Easily with me I feel as fast as I can see...
Afraid of the horror stories I fall down on my knees.

Come away, come away.
From all these things unheard
If a chosen word has got you cornered
Then it's a lesson learned
Like close the book before it burns you.
Come away, come away.
From all these things unseen
At the price you paid I promise you won't believe anything they say
Belief will only disappoint you

In case you never noticed the path you never chose has chosen you.
Afraid to face and break it.
The secret


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Welcome Back to Earth

It's been a week.. of slacking off. Teehee. What a great relief. It's been three months since I've last watched a movie (Day After Tomorrow), had a good book to read (The Notebook), been to the dentist (yeck!), bought something for myself, and written "something". like using a pen and scribbled something down in paper (yeah like my diary). But now, i have been reviving myself from that deep nightmare and start to wake my senses from slumber. I am alive!

I've watched a movie last Friday. The village. Well, it wasn't that great though to mark the resurrection of my movie life. just shocked me for three (3) times! It was suspense to make your heart beat faster everytime the camera turns close-up to the character. (yeah, you know something freaky will happen). Thanks to She for letting me keep in touch with MR. Silverscreen again;) I still have to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind though.=b that's one thing i'm keeping in my diary. I have finished reading Eleven Minutes, which really, really really, is a great book. Maria's diary and the pursuit of her dream, which wasn't how she would have wanted it to be.. amazingly, it had brought me "light" despite her melodramatic and lonesome life. The ending really moved me and like, kept me awed for a moment. Anyway, I'll be talking about her soon. (Be grabbing myself a copy of it. But not until I get more funds to feed myself with that luxury) I've watched two movies at Anna's laptop, Cheaper by the Dozen and Ella Enchanted, which both turned to be hysterically funny. :D

I'm planning to visit my loving dentist this week. (dreadfully wishing my braces be pulled off my teeth the soonest!) About to end the extended procrastination of reading The Da Vinci Code. And, oh, i still have pending things to do before "college life" wraps up in a week...


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Somebody to Love - Anne Hathaway

i liked Ella Enchanted. i got myself cracking up the whole time! it was great. ;) Anne Hathaway looked better with her hair reaching down to her hips. the guy wasn't that good looking though... awww.

Can anybody find me somebody to love?
Each morning I get up I die a little
Can't barely stand on my feet.
Take a look in the mirror
And I, see what you're doing to me.
I've spent all my years believing in you,
but I just can't get no relief.
Won't somebody, somebody, can anybody find me, somebody to love.

Got no feel I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat
I'm okay I'm alright
It shows that there's no defeat
I just gotta get out of this prison cell
One day I'm gonna be free
Lord somebody
Somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love

(She works hard) EverydayI try and I try and I try
But everybody wants to put me down
They say I'm going crazy
They say I got a lot of wonder in my brain
Got no common sense
I've got nobody left to believe

(Find her somebody to love x6)
(Can anybody find me)

Somebody To Love


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seriously, am i a living comic story? can i just (if you please) say that i need to stop all the hoaxing and bah-humbugs and the lip-service?

should i believe today?


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Never exercise frugality on Investments!

ironically, due to my extreme exercise to frugality, i have resorted myself, involuntarily, to spend more than what is expected.

we went to powerbooks since it was "SALE" but was still hoping that i could get a book below P300. lucky i was, there wasn't. thru glorietta, we've been to a book sale and blinding light came shining for a "cheap" book... found some interesting and great catch novels. silence of the lambs and hannibal. two of thomas harris' great pieces. missing was red dragon though. anyway, to utmost surprise of having a bargain, i grabbed those two hastily.. with first glance on prices -- Silence at P55 and Hannibal at P20.. again? Hannibal at P20? that sure was ultimate deal! happy and excited as i was when i got to the cashier, buday noticed that the receipt has been scribbled with P175! wtf? that supposedly-twenty-peso-worth-of-a-book was a hundred more!!! daym that S-A-L-E green marks almost concealing that hundreds place worth! blushing into deep humiliation, i was forced to take out another bill from my oh-so-harassed wallet of mine leaving it with enough funds to take me home. what did i do to the books? i gave them both to buday and served as a gift for her august22 birthday. i'll be frustrated reading those anyway. harhar. but i will someday.. after she finishes them both. afterall, i still have two pending to relish. *sweet-lemoning* and oh, she promised me she'll buy me the "Shopaholic".. hehe. assuring me of that feel-good-book:) i'm looking forward to it. and looking forward to someone else giving me the sequel book. manhattan or sister that is?

lesson learned... go figure.

that's why they're called "investments".


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crowning glory of nuisance

had a bad hair day?

i haven't been blessed with the oh-so-lovely-shiny-jet-black hair... that follows to every move. (singing to that tune..) even during my infancy, through my toddler years, i haven't got straight strands.. like what my psych prof told me during a discussion when we're asked to bring pictures when we were kids, he called my hair as Ben Wallace's.. and reinstating it by calling me 'cute' to compensate that understatement (bletch!). during my gradeschool, i had curls that looked like those of swiss milkmaids. it wasn't that awful (or maybe it was), but it wasn't great either.

as i stare at the mirror yesterday, sitting in that chair that was supposedly built to treat you and pamper you for a moment, i look at myself being sordidly combed through my not-so-manageable hair, and blew with hot air to dry after a relaxing shampoo over the sink. *one of my natural high's, having my hair nursed and caressed by combing it through. (i love it when somebody sweetly brushes through my hair.. sacred that is. hehe) after about 10 minutes of pampering, voila! how i wished my hair was always treated that way. but i don't have the luxury to do that. no time, and i am lazy to tend it ;) but i loved it then. i wished it stayed for a lifetime.. haaay.

anyway, to my big frustration of having it stayed that great (at least i thought it was!), i went to the salon today to have it cut. (btw, i had the license to haircut since we're finally over thesis) but, again (as always), i found myself regretable about having it chopped (like grass, it was too parched and dreary! like dessicated coconut). i am no bush, but a hairy button mushroom sprout. hahaha. oh well, i cannot do anything about this anymore. i can yak the whole night, and blame that lady-scissorhands for having me look like a capped- fungus. oh well, i just have to wait for two more months to regrow... but now i promise to give myself that simple luxury of having a better crown to glory... to win someone's heart? haha. naaah. i'll be winning it for myself.


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Bittersweet dilemma of Goodbye

the news has been delayed for one day. we have survived.. the long and winding and tiring road.. it marks the end.. of the excruciating pain.. of all patience and perseverance and hope all wrung from our restless bodies and worn-out spirits. and most importantly, it marks the end of the phase. just as what has been wished, will be moving on to another chapter.

but there's nothing to celebrate.. just yet? the feeling is absurd. my heart is filled with mixed emotions. i am happy yet sad. i am relieved but i am not just as fulfilled as i wanted to be. i am grateful that we have crossed the line but regretful that i have not yet done things i could and should have done. i am always on the contrary... with myself!

the overwhelming feeling has dwindled so soon. different emotions came shooting and firing on me. bringing me to another state where i found myself thinking so much about "the other" matters in my life. flying to another dimension where future lies. i don't know. maybe i just have resurrected the PARANOID side of me.. AGAIN. well, undoubtedly, it never died anyway. it was just there waiting to be triggered again.

i just have to revel on the glory of pain... it's always the bittersweet dilemma of MOVING ON.

goodbye? no such thing. say hello to tomorrow, for it is another day... no different from yesterday.

i have yet to believe that every person that comes in and out of our lives are bound to a special purpose. whatever the reason may be, whoever the person is, they will become a part of us... may be to make us or mar us. whichever it is, the reason is indubitably lucrative for our existence. the tangible connection of our lives may be broken, but the spirits will always keep their bond. with this, i believe that any one who has walked with me through the course of life may not take the journey with me still, but will always leave his footstep in my heart.


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Reliving the post

A battle with myself..

Highlighting #6 and #9.

and, oh - fickle-minded as MEN are.. but not as intense =b


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Full Moon

The night is dark
But the light of the sun
Reflected through this satellite
Is shining down on us

I rest my head
By the striped seats of the bus
As I stare at the perfect roundness of
The seemingly cratered disc
Silvery, shimmering, with halo-like ring
I admire
Even if the shadows of the clouds
Is trying to hide its beauty

It's running after me
With toss and turns
Of curves and straights
To every path we take
It's watching over me

Gleaming with bursts of light
Bleeding in luminosity
The radiant moon has come to
Embrace me with the touch
Of an endearing gentleness
And flashing me that passionate glare
Like eyes beaming in fantasy


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Things I Want to Have After College Life

i've had my moments thinking what i haven't got "during" my college life (technically i am still in that phase though..). so now i'm planning ahead and make sure that i get these after 10 years. haha. i'll be getting back on this. hoping this blog is still alive (and free from "Stalkers".. yeah yooouuu!!!)

1>> first and foremost, i want to get a LIFE i can call my own. haha. steering on my own wheel of life.

2>> i want to have a job that will sustain me for 50 more years.. that i can eat as much as i want, just gaining a few more pounds (i'm thinking of a 110 threshold. haha. but i have to keep in touch with my tummy getting as big as.. you know what. haha)

3>>after having that job that i want, i need a car. hehehe. i think i will have in the near 5 years or so.. but that'll be the time when all my brothers have their own families that they will be leaving the cars behind. haha. i want a jet-black car.. i do not prefer leather seats because they get a little bit uncomfy, when you're all sweaty. yeeeckk..

4>>i want to have a laptop. for sure, i'd be working with my bestfriend, the computer... in the world that i live in called the world wide web.

5>>i want to change my cell phone. hahaha. i want to throw mine today. harharhar. i dreamt last night that i was standing by the window at 4th floor of Gox and i "accidentally" dropped it. i was quite happy it happened (it was half-accident, btw) but unfortunately, dumb me, i dropped it over the blue altis car. hahaha. which will cost me even more.  soooo, which means that i still have to wait for time to tell whether i should change it or not. hahaha. 

6>>i need a new wardrobe. haha. i am tired of the jeans and shirts. i will be sure strutting myself to the corporate world and i need a new make over. harhahar. well not really. i wouldn't veer away from my usual comfy tees and rubber shoes. i love 'em. but maybe i'll be trying a bit of heals, skirts and more pleats. hahaha.

7>>books. books. books. i'll be investing much on these when i have my work. i plan to build a library of my own. hahaha. how i wish. and how i wish i have the luxury to read as much.

8>>cds.. vcds.. dvds.. and not pirated ones, please? haha. be one of my investments too.

9>>family? oh well. that should be something. i want to but...

that's about it. and i've been thinking, that i still have less than a month to fulfill things i never had in this lifetime. maybe it's about time...

everything is shortlived. make the most out of it. CARPE DIEM kiddos.


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Tulog - Chad Borja

i remember singing this song when were up to the beach last summer. played the CD 5 times round and round. my parents liked it though because they didn't change it to their nat king cole's/bee gees/frank sinatra cd's. harharhar. thanks to my sister for giving it to me. (haha, i assumed she's giving it to me now. hehehe. (may bf na naman siya. bwahahahahah!)

Sa pagtulog ko ikaw ang nakikita sa isipan
Puro sa 'yo lang napupunta ang bawa't kuwento

Sinungaling na panaginip
Di ka raw lumayo sa akin
O kay sarap
'Di tayo nagkahiwalay
Tuloy-tuloy pa rin
Lumilipad sa aking isip
Ayokong magising
Ayokong malayo sa piling mo

Kahit na imposible okey lang
Basta't palaging andiya't kasama ka
O kay sarap
'Di tayo nagkahiwalay

Sa tulog ko lang ba kita maaaring makamtan
'Di ba puwedeng makasama ka sa ibang paraan
O Diyos ko, tulungan mong maging totoo
Ang panaginip kong ito...

Sinungaling na panaginip
Di ka raw lumayo sa akin
O kay sarap
'Di tayo nagkahiwalay

Sa tulog ko lang ba kita maaaring makamtan
'Di ba puwedeng makasama ka sa ibang paraan
O Diyos ko, tulungan mong maging totoo
Ang panaginip kong ito...

Sa tulog ko lang ba kita maaaring makamtan
'Di ba puwedeng makasama ka sa ibang paraan
O Diyos ko, tulungan mong maging totoo
Ang panaginip kong ito...

Sa tulog ko lang ba kita maaaring makamtan
'Di ba puwedeng makasama ka sa ibang paraan
O Diyos ko, tulungan mong maging totoo
Ang panaginip kong ito...


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Confirmed

yes it is confirmed. always thought to be the rumors, but oh yes, it is true that my sister has a boyfriend already. actually, we've been suspicious about it, and 'assumed' that she really has, but now it has been divulged that she really is now in a relationship. DAYM! my brother has snooped into her cellphone today (because there has been friggin' 10 missed calls i guess..) and read the message, calling her HONEY. yikes!! bahahaha. and just now, when i came to open the invitation she had for a debut (gosh, i missed attending those.. and the overnights in the hotel. waaaah) there was a note saying that "pwede mong dalhin yung bf mo kasi i reserved an extra seat for you." daaaaaym!!! what was that all about?!? and add the fact that my mother hasn't reacted violently, and if i were correct and if my visions were right, i just saw her smiling. is it a smile of acceptance? or denial stage that maybe kids today just casually call each other honey? brrrrrrrr.. this isn't true!! waaaaaaahh. or  am i getting bitter now?

what is freaking wrong with me?!


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Make You Mine - The Corrs

Wondering, waiting for the day to fade away
So I can hold you once again and chase the fears away

Lie with me
Show me how you feel
I'm falling for you deeper everyday

When the night turns over
I'll lie with you
When the morning wakes you
I'm there by you
When the daylight takes you
I'll miss you
Til you come back home to me
And I can make you mine oh mine

Wanting you
Every waking moment I'm on fire (I'm on fire)
Always needing you
I'm aching for you only
I'll never tire
Promise me
This is how we'll be
I'm falling deeper everyday

When the night turns over
I'll lie with you
When the morning wakes you
I'm there by you
When the daylight takes you
I'll miss you til you come back home to me
When you come back home to me

I'll break you
I'll chase you
You'll find that you can't stand to be away
Not for a day (not for a day...)
Oh and when life defies you
I'll be the soul
You'll never go astray...
And you'll be mine, mine, mine, mine, mine...

(Fly with me, loose reality)
I'm falling deeper everyday
So when the night turns over
I'll lie with you
And when the morning wakes you
I'm there for you
When the daylight takes you
I'll miss you
Til you come back home to me
And I can make you mine

When the night turns over
I'll lie with you
When the morning wakes you
I'm there by you
When the daylight takes you
I'll miss you til you come back home to me
And I can make you mine mine, mine, oh mine
Oh mine...

reminiscing and cruising to the Best of The Corrs CD. i miss TOC... san na kaya yun?! huhuhuh;(


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Sonnet 17 - Pablo Neruda

i love Pablo Neruda, and made me love him even more when i got to watch Patch Adams. awww. although they have been telling of some poetic licence of some sort. it doesn't matter. i love it.

I do not love you as if you were the salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
 
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
 
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
 
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

i kept this sonnet posted on my notebook for five years. :( i missed that note.


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The dreamer - Random Thoughts

>>
i feel like blogging away. sometimes it's therapeutic. and sometimes i feel that i am able to fulfill 'at the very least' my dream of being a writer... but now that i am awake, i am haunted by the fact, of reality, that i am still in a struggle.

>>
i am frustrated, really. in all aspects. so i am dreaming away all these fateful wishes and hopeful sighs, that maybe someday... like a wish on a star. will all come to meeee...

>>
i will be the blabber that i am again. haha. i am noting to myself that i have been noticeably gaining some weight. i haven't checked it out how much i gained, but i did, significantly.. i am happy though, but i am worried that i might not be able to stop getting bigger. i don't want to get big like my sisters. NOOOOOOOOO!!! haha. i don't want to let them realize that karma is getting back on me.. harharhar.

>>
i miss eating yellowcab, or sbarro. i miss talking over the phone. i miss watching movies (last i saw was day after tomorrow. not an over movie-fanatic, but it feels good watching one though). i miss hanging out at pearl's place (under the moonlight, wide breezy garden). i miss the story of Maria and the suspense Da Vinci Code. i miss watching cielo and romer and lawrence (teehee!). i miss watching CHARMED!!!! (how's piper doing? they've been telling that maybe chris is somehow related genetically to wyatt? hmm, i forgot the connection). i miss the dance-revo. i miss the babies (gabby and baby mae). i miss staying late talking (most of the time about nothing, or the never ending topic about L-O-V-E and at times added with some *bleep*bleep* stories. hahaha. i'm learning!) i miss having a walk (brisk walk, with some talking. [not HHWW. i don't miss it because it never happened anyway!]). i miss playing badminton (for 4 straight hours without eating!). i miss eating ice cream on  sugar cones. i miss the magic mic (singing, out-of-tuned, the never ending The Corrs songs! haha).  i just realized i missed Meteor Garden (hahaha).  i'm missing out on a lot. where have i been?!

>>
i am rekindling Jason Mraz to my heart. haha. i just realized i missed him, too. my sister borrowed the "pirated" copy of Waiting for my Rocket to Come and it's just now she gave it back. i'm playing it now (i won't worry my life aawaaaaayyy..) and will be playing the other tracks which mark gave me before. hehe. i love the 2 JM's. Mr. Mayer and Mr. Mraz. hahaha. i wanted to write like they do. and play the guitar as good as them. but i don't even know how to strum it perfectly! daym. i've been wanting to play it, but nobody even wants to try to teach me:( like my wanting to learn how to drive.

>>
do i have to learn everything all by myself?!?

>>
oh well. i'm sleepy and i am about to enter my dreamland where everything i could possibly think of (wanting to happen, those i miss will not be missed anymore) will turn to reality. but as i open my eyes tomorrow, i welcome myself back to earth.

>><<
i am almost finally finally out of words.. - mr. j.mraz:)


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Ironic

it's been a while.

i'm really burnt, but i have to keep it burning. i am really tired everyday, that the moment i step into the door of our home sweet home (prolly around 11pm, that is. augh!) i rush into the closet to change, run through the washroom to cool myself and refresh a bit.. and i scramble to my bed (which is quite embarassing to sleep into because my sister has been sleeping beside me for some weeks now... being the 'scaredy cat' that she is, having to hear dogs growling [seeing ghosts daw] and keeping the other room empty), curl into the sheets and lay myself to sleep in seconds. wake up in the morning still feeling groggy (haven't recuperated from the hours of sleep i lost during the overnight) and rushing again to have the warm bath to keep me awake for another day.

three days to go for the deliverables, and it sinks in JUST NOW that, DAYM, it is really nearing.. and IT IS NEAR!!!! waaaaaaaaah. we haven't finished testing, doing that thing for three weeks and counting. but it doesn't end in three days. it'll keep haunting us until the D-day comes. D for doomed, disaster, damned, death-defying (haha, i'll be cold as dead) defense day. waaaaaaaaaaaaah. i hope history wouldn't repeat itself, or even turn out worse. i wouldn't know how to handle the worst. i'm hella scared, nervous and freaking panicky over this. Roger, roger... PARANOIA on call..

on the other side of my melodramatic life, i have been thinking that i have no life beyond school. i really wish i had. i wish i had something exciting to look forward to each day. more reasons to wake up for another day. something to keep me "busy" but not to the point that i have to do it for most of my day. haaayyyy. however, i've been thinking about the irony that i have been wishing to end school, but for sure, at the end of it all (in the hope that it will end) i will miss it.. everything. everytime. everyone. awwwww...

oh well. you can never really get what you want. or keep something standing still. or even hold on to everything forever.  that is IMHO.

i want to move on to another phase in life, but i am scared to face the future. i want to be happy but when it comes, i fear that it will end soon. i want to leave but i want to keep them all. i want you, but i am scared to be with you. i love you, but i don't even know what it is all about.
 
when can i write something extraordinarily happy blog? DAYM. how hopeless can i get?!? darn it, i don't want to seem hopeless and desperate but i am!!!! huhuhuhuhuh..;(


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Crush - 3g's

thanks to mark for rekindling to me this old song;) hindi lang pala siya pang mga songs which sounds seemingly like vibrating over the electric fan, or voluntarily shaking or banging your head to produce that echoing or beating sound.. (with matching beautiful [kuno] eyes.) hahaha. anyway. thanks to you again. peace out!;)
 
You have got to have
The bluest eyes
I've ever seen
And when I wake from dreamin'
I am screaming out your name
 
Yes, I must confess
You simply are the best
And there's no point denying
When I'm lying by your side
 
It's more than just a crush
Everytime we touch
'Cause baby you know
You make this feel brand new
Like there's been no one else but you
 
For the first timeI feel like this could be
the last time I will(true love never lies)
Fall In Love
 
And for a thousand years
I hope to stay right here (right here)
Wrapped up all around you
So glad I found you when I did
 
You make me feel so pure
Like you're some kind of cure
Baby you're my healer
You heart stealer of a man
 
Hold Me
Baby 'Cause You Know Me
With every single touch
It's More Than Just a Crush
 
Reach Me
Only you can see me
And what i crave so much
Its more than just a crush
 
Fall In Love
For a thousand Years...


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Chapter 4

it's been a long day.  it has been ages since i've been out with the family for the entire day... and we were complete!!!  it's my niece's christening today and it is my first time to be ninang. i didn't cheap in for the gift that my sisters bought yesterday (it was a car seat, which my sister asked for=p) but i did make her a CD she has been asking from me. haha. i didn't do anything special with it, but it felt good doing something for her though. i was planning to do something with a baby motif to her cd cover, but i didn't have time, sticker, colored ink (in short i have nothing!) to do it.. too bad. anyway, my niece's getting bigger and prettier though;) i remembered she was too small and fragile that i was really afraid to even touch her. now she's kinda "handy" hehe, because i know she has stronger bones now.. hahaha.
 
after lunch, we went straight ahead to Batangas to visit lolo. he's been hospitalized for 2 days already. it has been yearssss since we last saw him.. although i didn't have much attachment to him, still, i felt i needed to see him. i dunno, they made it seem that we should. sounds scary though, but i am thankful that we got there. there's been that haunting reason why we were "prohibited" to visit him... long scary and threatening story. i don't even want to recall. i remember when i was a kid we used to spend every christmas, nov1 and 2 "holidays", holy week, and fiestas at the old house.. but since that freaky incident happened, we were not able to step in the lands of our family gatherings.. daym, i am enraged by recalling the situation..
 
anyway, on our way home, which was quite a breeze since there was no traffic in the south, suddenly the rain poured down. we stopped by the grocery store, with my mom buying stuff alone and we just waited and slept inside the car. it was really raining so hard, which makes me think that i have been like the rain these past few days.. i am raging. i didn't know why before, not until i realized that maybe the hormones did it. (oh yes, blame it to something else. or even BLAME IT ON THE RAIN. yeaaah, yeaaaah.) post-something... i had to be consciously aware of it, my friend told me so, because i have to explain it to people so they'd understand. but it was too late i guess. no more explaining to do because it was all over. guilt now surfaces, and i truly feel sorry to the people that made themselves feel that it is because of them that has caused my anguish. i plead guilty. i'm really sorry:( i have never again felt so responsible of being bitchy at times, i usually waste away and bitch some more to tease them. but i guess i am a bit older now, and a bit more sensitive to what others feel. haaaay. ang babaw ko kasi. nakakaasar na. pwede ko na bang patayin sarili ko? ayan. ang babaw ko na naman. bwiset!
i'll just laugh at myself after a few days, when i read this again... sige tawa pa.
 
it is hard to sneeze while brushing your teeth.
 
i miss the christmas lights...
 


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Here I Am There You Go - Splender

So now you say dirty things that you regret
Try to breathe and relax and get over it
This I know, this I know.

And now you look and you digging a deep hole
And every word that you say is regretable
This I know, this I know.

But here I am
There you go
Time's been changing you more than you'd ever know
Here I am
There you go
Ive been waiting for more than you'd ever know.

You can pretend that you don't need a reason
For all the calls on the phone that would never end
This I know, this I know.

So now your cold and your tired and ...
Try to wave with the hand as you scratch me
This I know, this I know.

We'll last, stay here.
while you're not there
Bear with me, please.
Day after day
I'll get my way
Bear with me.

So now you stare at the face in the photograph
You want to scream but you can't get ...
This I love, this I love.

Here I am
There you go
Time's been changing you more than you'd ever know
Here I am
I'll let you go
I've been waiting for more than, more than you know.

But I know
But I know
More than you know
Here I am
(I know, well I know)
Here I am
(I know)



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Unpressed. Repressed. Depress.

I'm quite indifferent
But it is seemingly usual
I'm all like the great pretender
Not to tell you how much I care
But I do,
You'll never know
But I really do

I have been looking for the perfect song
To capture every detail in my heart
But i can never find
Something as profound as you

They're all like showers of daffodils and roses
Dancing as they pour over my head
I am shackled by the memories of your smile
Imprisoned by the longings of your touch

I wonder how
Or when, or from where?
I got that from an Italian sonnet
But it doesn't really matter that much
They're all like shooting stars
Landed on earth
And came as arrows of love
That struck me
Right through my heart

You have ceaselessy amazed me
By the simple things you do
And you don't do
I never thought you could have gone that far
To make me realize that it is you
Oh, I never thought
And I can never be certain
But I'm hoping I will
And maybe you will, too

In Time
*****



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I'll Be Here Awhile Lyrics - 311

I'll be here awhile
Ain't going nowhere
I'll be here awhile
Ain't going nowhere
I'll be here awhile
Ain't going nowhere
I'll be here awhile

Far is solace in the
Maddening pace
Sad state
Written on my face
Not a tight rope walk
But dance
(Oh, oh, ooh)
Uncertain game of chance
(Oh, oh, ooh)
But I'll see it through in time

And if a person place
Or thing can deliver
I would quiver with delight
Tempted by the hand that could

Blind my vision and sight
But at twenty years of age
(Oh, oh, ooh)
In frolic and in rage
(Oh, oh, ooh)
I will see it through in time

But the dawn has come
Into the endless night
And everything's
Going to be all right
But at thirty years of age
Through frolic and in rage
All regressed and healed in time

I'll be here awhile
Ain't going nowhere
Said I
Said I
Said I
I will survive



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Jelly Beans

i was out today with gabby. i really didn't plan of going somewhere else (wanted to sleep the whole day.. or read 11 minutes), but surprisingly, the baby boy came running inside our house and he was just enough reason to come to SM, and spend time with him;) he was overly-makulit and i had a slight headache running after him. but it was all okay.;) he came stopping by Storyland, and stared by the Candy Store. I wanted to buy him some jelly beans (i remember when i was a kid when my mom used to buy us jelly beans from US. i liked those esp the mint ones, but i hated eating them when my mom bought the beans from Phils. dunno, is it different?!) but i only had some few coins in my pocket. i felt sorry for him and just told him to say bye-bye to the candies.. he was a good boy though. he didn't have tantrums!:) it was a happy day being with the kid again. hay! [the sigh with a smile!:)] next sunday will be the Christening of Baby Mae. quite exciting, because it'll be the first time i will be ninang. hahaha. i still don't have money to buy her a gift, so surely, i will just hitch from my sisters. harharhar!

anyway, i wish i was a kid again. eating jelly beans from US. being hugged... carried. kissed. fed. i wish i could transform into a kid, and be kissed and hugged by anyone without the malice.. the babies' charm that makes you want to kiss him and won't let go.. haaaaayy..

i need a hug.;)

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an excerpt from the diary of Maria - Eleven Minutes

...I stood for a long time by the roller coaster, and I noticed that most people get on it in search of excitement, but once it starts, they are terrified and want the cars to stop.

What do they expect? Having chosen adventure, shouldn't they be prepared to go the whole day? Or do they think that the intelligent thing to do would be to avoid the ups and downs and spend all their time on a carousel, going round and round on the spot?

At the moment, I'm far too lonely to think about love, but i have to believe that it will happen, that I will find a job and that I am here because I choose this fate. The roller coaster is my life;life is a fast, dizzying game; life is a parachute jump; it's taking chances, falling over and getting up again; it's mountaineering; it's wanting to get to the very top of yourself and to feel angry and dissatisfied when you don't manage it.

...However, if I believe that the track is my destiny and that God is in charge of the machine, then the nightmare becomes something thrilling. It becomes exactly what it is, a roller coaster, a safe, reliable toy, which will eventually stop, but, while the journey lasts, I must look at the rounding landscape and whoop with excitement.

--Paulo Coelho

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two seconds of tear drop

these are the moments that i feel i don't want to talk.. or even try to open my mouth. everything just don't fall into place, and i am f*cking tired and frustrated. DESPAIR, is one of the few things that can possibly change your life in split seconds. i wanted to quit, but i can't. it'll only make things WORSE. possibly the WORST. unreliable, non-sense form of ESCAPE... because it'll haunt you forever. and the only way of getting rid of it from your senses is to FINISH it. but DAYM. how?!? when?!? until what?!? i'm a SLAVE. but i am willing to be slave-driven by this 6-letter word for a few weeks more, just to be able to move on to another phase in life.

i don't know what else to do, but i am still holding on to the fact that we will finish. we will cross that line and rejoice finally that it is over. but not until that time comes, i have the luxury to complain, get tired for 16 days or more, sacrifice, feel frustrated, laugh at yourself, feel stupid, unworthy, have a little time "bonding" (and jamming that it is at times you feel brainless) with fellas on hallways, feel your stomach grumbling every after every 30 minutes (but feel like puking everytime you only have the choice between eating siomai, barbeque, corn, banana cue, or spend walking 10minutes under the scorching heat of the sun for a higher-budget meal at jollibee or mcdonalds. but frugality surfaces, so you stick to the former)thinking about possible solutions to unknown problems, feel sometimes special (for some uknown you reason, you just feel so..) discovering a few secrets from other people, realizing the other sides of other people, feel deprived of having to read a 200++ pages of a book (hanging on to the roller coaster story of MARIA, which somehow makes me realize of how life should be treated.. a strong woman she is, dared to live life to the fullest...), wanted to sleep for and hour or two, but unable to do so, coming to school around 10-1030 am, realizing it is time for lunch, and after a few moments it's 430, and then it's 8pm, and then 9... realizing by wednesday that the week will be ending soon. and by saturday you feel it's a great day because the next day is sunday and it will feel great being home, but when it's sunday you realize that tomorrow will be monday and it's again another cycle...

tomorrow will be another day of counting.. subtracting another day, another hour, another minute, another second.. but still, at the end of the day, i thank the Lord for giving me all these. because He makes me realize things i have never realized before, blessing me with more strength, and keeping my faith strong so i may be able to carry through another day of counting...



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.... never forget that, until God deigns to reveal the future of man, the sum of all human wisdom will be contained in these two words: WAIT and HOPE..

- count of monte cristo

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Just a day, just an ordinary day..

the little rascals were here! hehe. gabby and baby mae are in the houuuseee! wooohooo! it's been a while since i last saw these little babies around, and it never fails to give me that natural high..;) i really love kids, esp these kiddos because they're our firsts. first boy and first girl for the family. hahahaha. they already left today and i'll be counting the days again to seeing them again..

anyway, we had a little family reunion today. we were almost complete;) it's been soooooo long since we were all together. it feels great though seeing them all. i'm afraid for the day to come that we'll be 3 left at home.. because at the time that only three of us are left, it only means that i'm the NEXT to leave... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh. i can't imagine leaving home.. someday i will.

there's nothing much to say. the comments are saying more than enough. hahaha. i realized something though, i am planning to revive the business i once had. i used to print stickers/calling cards for my classmates when i was in 3rd till 4th year. it died for some unknown reason. my sister was managing it though, and i just typed and printed them all out. i even lock myself into the room before when i found out (only after printing them all) that i have made a typo in one of the calling cards i made! booboo!!! i was lucky enough to have minor ones.. typed F instead of E!!! and to keep myself from printing it again, i marked the last line for letter E from F using my black-g-tech pen. haha. what a move. luckily, i did good in concealing the booboo without my sister and the buyer noticing it. (well i sure i hope i did.. and i won't be doing it again, for goodness sake. be more careful and will make 100 times sure that i type in correct details!!!)

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Panawagan

nananawagan ako sa sangkatauhan, help me fulfill these wishes. hahaha. be my genies for the moment... bahahahahahaha. or santa... or my cupid. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!

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Things I Never Had in College Life

which i really wanted so badly but never had the $$ money to buy... or found something else better to use my money for..

i) WHITE SNEAKERS!!!!!!! ultimate talaga!! (was supposed to but bought black instead thinking that it wouldn't mess up that easy. but i guess i was wrong! it was even harder to clean!!!)

ii) jacket (yung parang sweater lang)

iii) jansport bag (i never bought a bag for myself)

iv) leather belt (that is, i can call MY OWN!)

v) socks na may outline ng toes.. (mahal kasi. brrrr sa top shop lang ako nakakita non tapos wala na yata. kaasar!)

vi) original album ng kahit ano (oops, meron pala yung VERTICAL HORIZON. haha. pero actually kasi di sakin yun eh kay kuya juls yon eh, binigay lang nya sakin kasi nanghihingi ako sa kanya, binigyan siya so binigay na lang sakin. bahaha long story na walang kwenta!)

vii) casing ng phone. bwiset. 2 times na akong nagka-phone never ko silang nabilhan ng bagong case. nyahaha. hanggang sa nawala na lang..

viii) learn how to drive! haaaaayyy. wala na di na yata talaga ako matututo;(

ix) book! haha, halos lahat ng books na nabasa ko eh galing kay lheng:) hehehe. thanks to her she fulfilled some part of my reading leisure. hehe!

i've had so much in mind while i was in the bus on my way to school, but i almost forgot half of them. minsan, pag may gusto ko, antay na lang ng christmas so i can just ask my sisters/brothers to buy those for me;) almost 9 gifts during christmas! weeehooo!!!

but still,,, the list will continue.....

putek, makamundo ko talaga. bahahahahahahahahahahahahaha............ sige next time, i'll think of something non-material.;)

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Here's to the Night

So denied so I lied are you the now or never kind
In a day and a day love I'm gonna be gone for good again
Are you willing to be had are you cool with just tonight
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Put your name on the line along with place and time
Wanna stay not to go I wanna ditch the logical
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

All my time is froze in motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more
Don't let me let you go
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

===
bittersweet dilemma of goodbye.

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