Where my migraine takes me

I was having a mild attack of my occasional migraine. For a moment, I hesitated to take that pill to kill the pain. I was trying to locate where the throbbing comes from, but my entire head started to feel a little numb.. Then I felt a drilling pain somewhere around the temple area.. then at the back of my head. I am beginning to feel nauseous more nauseous that I couldn't bear it any longer. So I took the drug and laid my head to rest. I am now a slave of my migraine.

Through these times that I am having some cranial disorder (I seriously do not hope it would get any worse), I usually find myself completely caught up in a state of unconsciousness. My imagination starts to wander -- to a possible future, a regretful past, a recurring past, a distant past, a disturbing present, a sweet present, the wanted present, a wishful future, a dreaded future, a promising future. My mind brings me to places as though I have been warped in a time zone or immovable from time.

Tonight, as I drugged myself to an inevitable pain I get when I have been doing nothing (my body is now allergic to lame afternoons), I have wandered aimlessly into the world of pure imagination. When I am physically immobile due to an almost suicidal pain, my head has been busting itself, roaming around, carrying in itself in what seems to me as a time capsule... Incidentally, the medication seems to have metaphorically done its job.

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SWAMPED!

The word doesn't seem something new.. But the bold, striking letters of S-W-A-M-P-E-D gets as heavy as the black ink. Our work shouldn't be strangers with this word, but, maaaan, I have to say this time it really is a pain in the.. BACK. Hehehe.

We haven't been dilly-dally-ing or spending our eyes rolling over e-mails from the inquisitive idiots. Or roaming around like supervisors watching other people do the works. I haven't been. I have been panting all-over my cube trying to get things done, but my e-mail never ceased to increment with unread messages, red-flagged, and a running number of tickets, the change request, the enhancement, too many follow-ups, the "im-getting-tired-of-the-pend" (as if we can do something about it) and all that crap. I've been talking to a lot of people from other teams, and I haven't given them a decent reply. I am most of the time lost for words (that I can't seem to pick the appropriate terms for a simple conversation!). My brain cells are dying:'(

My body is deteriorating slowly. My eyes have been sore for the past few weeks, itching most of the time.. My back really hurts. I have a slight stiff neck. I have a mild soar throat. My wrists and my thumb have been complaining from my typing. I have intermittent cough and colds. I have problems waking up early, let me rephrase that. My problems with waking up early has gotten WORSE!! I think I am having a poor sense of hearing nowadays. AND I DO HAVE A LOT OF PIMPLES!!!!

Daym, I AM BUSY and I AM SICK!

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Friends - as they are

I picked a fight some months ago. No, it was not much of a childish fight or a brawl for that matter. It was a tensioned conversation which led that person into telling me that I am far-off okay and that it's not a big deal if we're not friends with each other because I have a lot anyway. So when did having a lot of friends become a reason for losing one?

Anyway, this person is still a friend of mine. Hehe. Although, things have started to be a little feeling off this time, we're friends. We talk, but not often, now. Okay, digressing.. My point now is people see me with an amiable persona. I can easily be at ease with people (well, not all... that depends on the other person) and I don't have much problems getting to know more people and them getting to know me. I am not saying that I do not have enemies. Maybe I do have, but that I do not know. Coincidentally, there was one weird lady who came knocking on the gate and asking if she could have a short conversation regarding her some sort of Catholic mission. She was telling me some things that I didn't pay attention because she was a total stranger. She was asking me things, that out of respect, I answered with minimal information divulging. Anyway, when she was about to leave, she asked whether I was working or studying. She told me that I should be careful with my working environment because there are some people that are against me. And where did that come from? I did not entertain that idea, besides the fact that she is a stranger and I do not believe in HULA (she was claming that she was a MANGHUHULA as well). Erm, okay, so I did entertain that subconsciously. It made me think after a while, but nonetheless I just dismissed the idea because if ever there was anybody who have issues with me then I don't give a damn. Just as long as I am going along well with these people that I work with, and I know I am not a bad person (am I? speak up! hahaha!), then it is nothing. My real friends will bluntly tell me if they are not good with me. Unless somebody tells otherwise?

So again where am I? Of friends. I have a lot of friends. Really. I am not bragging (they say the fact that I did say it, it is actually bragging. So I am bragging but not in an arrogant way, but in a proud way because they are my friends:)). I have friends back in HS that I am still seeing every-so-often, if not everyday in YM (hehe). I have known them since I was in pre-school and have been friends, as in really friends with them for eight years now. We go out on weekends, watch a movie, hang-out, go to the beach, celebrate christmas parties, birthdays, been on the worst days, crying days, happy days, falling apart days, phone calls, conferences, videoke nights. Oh man, we've been thru alot. Next to family, they are the closest to me. They just made me feel what the cheesy catch phrase Friends Forever mean. Seriously. And we are looking forward to the next event of our lives. Weddings. Who gets to marry first?:P

I have a friend, Bom, whom I've spent the same school for 12 years, but just got been really close when we were in 2nd year highschool. We belong to a different set of barkada, but we never lost the closeness of our friendship. We do not see each other often (uhm, like once a year?:P) but when we do, it is as if we've been seeing each other everyday. She's always present on my birthday (well except for last year I think. So she spent 7 birthdays with me:))There's just so much to tell. So many stories to share. We never ran out of things to say and so much to catch up. Maybe that's what keeps us being really good good friends. We're like sisters. Hehehe. She never gets tired of listening even if I talk about the same person after two years:P And so is she. I never get tired of listening to her stories with the same person for nine years as well. Hahaha:P So call it quits. Harharhar! We just love talking:P

And my college friends. There are since-first-year-college friends. And the since-third-year-college-friends. And the college-friends-turned-officmates friends. Hehehe. College was a different thing. A bit more serious, but more fun and exciting and adventurous. There's more in everything. More baon:D, more professors, more subjects, more overnights, more problems, more friends, more gimiks, more experiences, more problems.. MORE OF EVERYTHING! College has really wrapped it up with our THESIS. Thesis was the culminating activity. But it was as if those days were the true college days. It encompassed what college means to me. All the stress, tears, pain, sacrificies, fun, fun and fun!!! And now that were not in college anymore, we still have our tagaytay trips. And our occasional dinner-outs.

And the final set of friends that I have gained, to date, are those which I have spent the worst times at work, the best times at work (there is?! seriously?!).. my movie buddies. my bora buddies. my friday dinner-out buddies. my ever-reliable taz-trans companion:P my teammates. my college-friends-turned-officmates friends which are there on trying, crying, and rejoicing times:) my ex-officemates-turned ym buddies. my jologs-movie buddies. my breakfast buddies. my blog buddies. my batch2004 buddies. These buddies coincide with other buddies, meaning that every person may be in other buddies list:P They can be in all. Hehehe.

And so I do have a lot of friends, don't I? They say that there's also the downside part of it. I am not talking about it. Heck the reasons to the negative side of it. I love them. I love you all. And even if I have alot, I do not wish losing any one of you. Not even a single soul.

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Season Ender

Finally, I finished watching Grey's Anatomy Season 2. I actually felt bad that I am so done with the late nights, two-episodes-per-night sessions for one week. I am not going to divulge an iota of any episode that I have watched (even if I am so in to letting it all out, with all my favorites). But here's another dose of them (the last for that matter):

a wise man once said you can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it. what he meant is, nothing comes without a price. so before you go into battle, you better decide how much you are willing to lose. too often, going after what feels good, means letting go of what you know is right.and letting someone in, means abandoning the walls you spent your lifetime building. of course, the toughest sacrifice is the one we don't see coming. when we don't have time to come up with a strategy to pick a side or to measure the potential loss, when that happens -- when the battle choses us and not the other way around, then that's when the sacrifice can turn out more than we can bear.

I will miss George O'mally the most. He's funny and comical in a sense that he is really one iconic figure in that series. I will miss his antics and his i-don't-want-to-talk-about-and-don't-let-me-tell-it-to-you character (even if nobody asks him to tell it). I will miss the rest of the surgery team: Isobel "Izzie" Stevens (and her blond character), Cristina Yang (her awkwardly, sleepy looking like eyes), Preston (uhm, his apartment?), Richard Webber (with his not so likeable superior position. [I don't like him, really]), Addison Montgomery-Shepherd (her goal to win Derek back), Miranda Bailey (the NAZI! wooohoo! didn't like her at at first, but she's one tough character), Alex Karev (although he's really a bad ass, he tells the truth and very straightforward), Meredith Grey (with her end-of-episode-dose-of-quotable-quotes, and her flawed character. Quite interesting for the BIDA to be flawed). And the McMen.. bwahaha. McDreamy (Derek, his deep set eyes -- full of emotions), McSteamy (Mark, his cutesy smile) and McVet (Finn, his charming character, and cooking skills). If I were Meredith, I would be slack-jawed if these three line up in front of me. But I'd still go for McDreamy. Hehehehe.

I so so so love this show. Seriously?! Seriously.

http://abc.go.com/primetime/greysanatomy/index.html

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More episodes of my Grey's Anatomy addiction

I love McDreamy now. Really. But, daym. I can't blame Addison for falling for McSteamy. Whew. Harharhar. And and and, the vet! the vet!! I am rooting for the next episode. I wish I could see him more:) His smile's cute. Hihihi:"> But still! GO FOR MCDREAMY!!!!!

superstition lies in the space between what we can control and what we can't.

life is not a spectator's sport. win, lose or draw, the game is in progress. whether we want it to be or not. it's not about winning, it's how you play the game.

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Carpe Diem!

And so I did name my blog after this adage.

I am rooting for a wonderful week. Although, I haven't really jump-started this week with a punctual time-in, I am still hoping for the better days. I am trying to finish the entire Season 2 of Grey's Anatomy. I will be finishing The Zahir, which I have completely forgotten where I left off (would you believe I brought this book with me to Boracay in the hopes I'd be able to finish a good book by the beach. Hohummmmm). And the next will be The Faithful Gardener, which I returned to Ms. A but she gave it back to me since I didn't read it. Hehehe. I will be starting the procrastinated automation process of a task (which hopefully I get done within this week, because I am lined up with a bigger task the following wk!) which I have to work with another team, so I hope things will really get done as scheduled. I will play badminton again, due to lack of physical activity. FYI, I just gave up the free gym offer, so I am walking lame again. And I'll be spending most of the time doing things I would and should do before time runs out. No, I am not counting down, and I am not planning to. But as what the title of this entry tells me so, I should seize the day. Make the most out of each chance I get. Only comes once. Scream at the top of our lungs.. Carpe Diem!! Seize the Day. Live life to the fullest.

More from Grey's:
Who gets to determine when the old ends, and the new begins? It's not a day in the calendar. Not a birthday... not a New Year. It's an event, big or small, something that changes us. Ideally, it gives us hope. A new way of living and looking at the world; letting go of old habits, old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. But it's also important to remember that amid all the crap, there are few things that are really worth holding on to.

Sometimes you get what you want in life. Sometimes you don't. And sometimes you get somethings in between.

If everything turns out really well, God, I feel so blessed than ever:)

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Two-timing

When I was eight, I was asked what do I want to be when I grow up. I said "I want to be a doctor". I dunno why I had that notion. I haven't been in admitted or hospitalized for some reasons that I would have a good encounter with doctors. To even know how they were really "working". The only vivid memory I can recall of me talking with Dra. Medina (our family physician) was when I had allergies all over my body due to SHRIMPS. I do not remember how old I was then, but I can very much recall what happened when I first discovered that I was having allergies because of seafood (those with shells, most especially). And oh, one more, when I was even younger (4 or 5? Do I have a valid memory retention by then?), when she gave me a lollipop with a long stick. Hehehe. Twice the length of a normal lollipop, but the candy part has the same size. I do not remember what was I doing then, or if I was really the one being checked up. (I did remember this because I have a picture of me hanging by one of the walls here at home:D my cutest picture... err kid picture that is:P wasn't a baby then anymore)

Anyway, what brings me to this is me having to watch for five hours of Grey's Anatomy. I don't know why I had that notion of being a doctor. Because now, having to watch surgery after surgery in this series makes me realize that I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO BE A DOCTOR. A surgeon that is. No offense to my med friends (they'll kill me when they get to read this!). I know you guys really want to be doctors, but with my personality, I do not want the pressure of emergency rooms. I have had immediate cases for work, and everybody knows that I have not learned the art of dealing with pressure. More so, I do not want making mistakes. What scares me the most is that when treating people, there's no room for mistakes. One mistake might lead to DEATH. Which I do not want coming across with. One thing that struck me most with Dr. Bailey (though I do not like her much), is that when she said that her husband makes a lot of mistakes in work. But it doesn't kill anybody. Doctors try as much to put remedy in any ailment a patient may have. But once you "killed" someone, you just have to get on with it. Just like Mr. A-Z says "the remedy is the experience. it is a dangerous liaison".

Of course, I do not discount the fact that it is an exhilirating feeling having to save another person's life. Giving another chance for that person to live. Nobody, than God, can give that gift of life. However, if you're given a chance to prolong that gift, man, it is beyond imaginable.

Most of the time, I am really the pessimist. However, I become the optimist when everything's turning negative on me. The biggest irony in me is that when things are getting the worse of the worst, then I suddenly shift to being the Positive Thinker. Harharhar. I am the biggest contradiction, contradicting my own, my very self.

I have been a two-timer for the past two hours:p Been shifting from watching BEP concert (which I was dying to see, but didn't have the time to really push on grabbing someone to tag along with. More so to take me home after:P) and the last episode I have targeted myself to finish in between commercial breaks. Now I'm watching BEP singing Let's Get It Started (Retarded, originally) but I am posting some quotes I jotted down from Grey's. Hehehe. How's that for multitasking:P

Dose 1:
some things we just don't want to hear. and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. somethings are more than what you say. they're what you do. somethings you say because there's no other choice. some things you keep to yourself. and not too often, let -- every now and then - some things simply speak for themselves.

Dose2:
love, like life is about making choices. fate has nothing to do with it. and that sometimes despite all your best choices and best intentions, fate wins anyway.

And here's a horoscope a fellow libran posted for me. How's this to proliferate my brain with jam-packed action? Hahaha. Who said to believe this anyway?
Do you want this person to stick around for the next phase of the journey or not? Now would be a great time to stop and inquire about their feelings regarding your next steps. It's better to be safe than sorry.

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Bora Part 2

I am slowly having a degrading memory retention lately. Before I completely have my BORA memories be housekept and be blown down the drain, here's the next batch of memory-cast.

Day3. Henna and Braids.
Buffet breakfast at The Boracay Regency (courtesy of Estre:D). Sleep. Lunch at Paluto (d' talipapa). Braids!! Henna!! Bora sun! MAMANG!!! Hehehe. Foodtrip at Jammers, hotdog, isaw, barbeque. Migraine attack!

Today should have been the Food trip day. I dunno what happened why we ended up having braids and henna instead. Hehehe. Well, can consider it food trip day since we had buffet breakfast at Boracay Regency. Food was great! I remember eating the same food (I mean same menu:P) 4 years ago, but still A-OK! Thanks Estre!!! Oh, we were supposed to eat breakfast at Le Soleil only to find out that they moved to Regency and sat outside so they can flag us that they've moved. Both Lheng and Estre had their cellphones down. Hehehe. Then we spent lunch at 'D Talipapa at namalengke kami nila Jun, Elsa and She. Hehehe. Had shrimps (na nde kami pwede ni DJ), tahong (na nde ako pwede), squid (na nde pwede si DJ), and fish (NA PWEDE KAMING LAHAT:P). Although, waiting has been boring and too long (we took pictures instead!!!) the food was great:D and cheap!!! Swak sa budget!! Hahahaha! After a sumptuous lunch, we passed by this Henna kiosk so we had our flesh dabbed with ink. Hehehe. P80 worth of henna drawn on my ankle and a free BORA SUN (tatak ng 3G!). Then the lady who does the braid is just across the henna kiosk, so the braid and henna works simulateneously. Hehehe. Although I wasn't able to keep it up for more than a day, I had to let it loose because of my unpredictable migraine. So as DJ so we had to entangle half of the braids. Hehehe. Oh, and MAMANG!!! She was a balikbayan who came back for 3 wks. She was a real cool mom coz she wanted to have braids despite of her short hair! As in super short ha, bobcut style! Hahahaha!

Day 4. Last Whole Day
Supposedly sun-bathing morning. Photo-op in front of Boracay Regency. ATV!!! Lunch at Jonah's. The shake! The crepes! Shopping! Last beach swimming. 'Exotic' Dinner at Mongolian. The rain.

It was a cloudy day. Went out early in the morning to enjoy the sun, however seemed like it hid beyond the clouds. We went to Boracay Regency instead (where there were benches and sun-bathing seats) to lie down and had our pictures taken. Hehehe! Pictures galore!!! Met Jun and Elsa 10am for our ATV! All Terrain Vehicle. Waaaaaayyyy tooooooo coooooooool!!!! Ditch ride. The dirt road. Reaching the highest point in Boracay (well besides riding the Parasail!!) Mt. Luho. It's nice to be here! Hehehe. Waaah I wish I could post the pictures already! Hehehe. That one hour mountain trip (or land tour, as Manong Oliver says..:P) was a highlight as well!! Waaaah! Adrenalin rush! I can feel the continuous pump of blood all over my body when I press the gas even harder. After the 1 hr tour, my hands were still shaking. I was still feeling the physical activity has consumed me entirely. Hahaha. Then a great meal at Jonah's where the most famous shake can be found. Hahaha. And the crepe was great! Wooohooo! We went to the grotto, paid visit to Mama Mary and prayed. Then went shopping for pasalubong. Then the last swim at Boracay when the rain started to pour. The massage wasn't so good, but not that bad either. The massage on the head did the trick;) The rain was really pouring hard dinner time, when we had the EXOTIC (which wasn't really intentional haha) dinner at the mongolian resto, where there were moths in our food. Yikes! Hahaha! With the brave women we were with (Julia and Janice!) we didn't pay for it. Yey!!!

Day 5. Bye Bora!
630 am departed from Station 2. Rain was pouring real hard now. Harder than yesterday. On time flight:) More Pictures. Home by 130pm.

And so it ended June 18, 2006. Landed on Manila by 12:00pm.

My prayer:
Dear Lord,
Thank you for the wonderful time you have given us.. To have spent five days and four nights with one of your greatest creations, in the beaches of Boracay. To have spent these days with great people.. with my dear friends. And my new found friends:) Thank you for keeping the rainy days away for a moment, to let us enjoy the days with the fine weather. The heat of the sun to keep us warm and to let us revel the beauty of the scenery even more;) Thank You for each day that You have kept us safe as we travel thru air, water and land. Thank You for letting us be one with the nature, to appreciate one of your greatest blessings to man. I could not thank You enough. This trip has brought me closer to my friends.. and even closer to You. Thank You Lord, all these we offer to You.

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