Highness

This is quite a delay. But the memory still lingers, and the thought of that night will always be easily at grasp.

We have grown;) She was really panicky over the week before that day on how to go about the event. Well not really of the event, twenty-two years of celebration is nothing, but the problem is with the banquet itself. Hehehe. Pano, she was expecting almost THIRTY, yes, 3-0, people to come over and celebrate with her. Daym, I never realized that we were really that big if were really complete:D To add, she had invited her other friends she just recently gained from med school. Buti nalang, she came telling her mom about it, and finally settled to hold it in their humble abode.

We were excited, especially me, about the event because my other girl-friend had plotted a surprise! Wiipeee! I love throwing surprises (and being thrown at, too!). The thought of their bulging eyes, whopping with awe, bursting out of their sockets was surely something I was looking forward to.

We were late, as usual. Half of it because of me, quarter of it because of the other driver (:P), eighth of it because of the parking, and the rest was because I still came looking for that person in the parking lot. Hehe. With anxiousness that I made that person wait (again:P), and the worry that a sudden change of mind be made because of the lack of information on the venue. Hehe. Well, a shake of the head was given, and a sigh, and a sort of complain was heard, but we still made it. Hehehe. I was pushing it because it was part of the surprise:D

And so they were all there. They were in shock on the sight of me, telling me that I am now 18 years old. Harharhar. For those who didn't know, I was only 13 since we last saw each other (at puerto:D). But now, I'm on my pony tail and my cult accessories (I've been praying real hard you know:P). And there was our photographer friend who plays candidly on shooting at us. Till we're drop dead for pictures. Haha. I was so happy that I was able to see them complete, almost, and we were all there to share with her the event.

It was great. Nothing special, but it was great. It always had been the best being with them. I feel safe and at extreme highness (with no illegal medications taken:P).

To call it my story, I was happy that when we lighted them all, as expected, they were in total shock and I am glad they really liked them;) There's still the anecdote of the cake but I will save it for another post. It deserves a solo. Hahaha. I was just totally happy that they not only liked them, but loved them. Hay:) With the looks on their faces, whew, made me stretch a timid smile, but jolted my heart that came jumping and shouted for joy! Still, I am bearing that with me;) It was all worth it.

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Three Days

It's been three days since the last exchange of words were given. She said it was nothing on the first day. On the second, she thought it was normal. But this third day, she came across the thought that maybe it isn't. It wasn't nothing and it is not normal. She thought that it was something she knew she could handle, but at the end of today, she's probably wrong. She was attached. She is. And for the longest time (longest time in that short span), it was routinary for them to be in correspondence. Even if there is really nothing to talk about (maybe bored, tired, frustrated, down, a complainant, retrospective, restless, stressed, basically in any mode they were), they will talk, in whichever avenue they might think they can reach each other. She got to talk with her friend, and was even proud to say that she is okay. But, with the looks of it, obviously she is not.

She had reconciled to herself about the things that were bothering her for the past weeks. And the day she prayed to God that He might give her the sign she wanted, in His grace, He actually did. She prayed hard (with her other friends who felt for her), that whatever happens on that day would give a clearer picture of her uncertainties. She thanked God, that despite what happened, there's always a good thing that transpired. Enough of the preaching, but God is really good that He never leaves you with nothing. Despite all, there's still something we're given to realize that there's always the good in everything.

Funny it is, it only had been three days. It is not the end of it all, my dear (so he calls you:)). What you have is not for trash that you will throw away right then and there. He would not think of that. He doesn't even know that that's what you're thinking! Harharhar. Paranoid you. Dang. Learn from it. Feeling is strong, you've got nothing to worry about.:) Am Positive. Cheer up! Everything will be fine. You're just thinking too much. Learn from him;)

Experience is the best teacher. But who said that it only had it be yours for you to learn?

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Pampalipas oras

Habang nag-aantay ako na tumira yung kalaban ko sa YG (:P), naisip ko yung mga "say" sakin ng mga tao sa akin lately. Medyo weird, na nakakainis, na nakakatawa, na ewan. Hehehe. Una, first impression daw sakin "mataray". Nge. Totoo ba yan? Hindi ko alam kung naiinis ako kasi hindi naman totoo, o dahil ayaw ko lang tanggapin? Kahit si ***, akalain mong sinabi sakin na 'actually, yan talaga ang first impression ko sayo.' At sinabi din ni **** na, 'mataray ka naman talaga e'. At pinaka nakakaasar na sinabi ni ***** na 'oo, nakakainis yung pagkamataray na gusto kitang ...'. Wag ko na ituloy baka sya ang ma.... ko. Ah ewan. Pero good thing pa rin ba na sabihin na kahit ganon na ang first impression, di naman daw nag-last? And hindi talaga totoo? Ewan. The fact kasi na may ganong impression, negative that is, syempre hindi masaya diba? Who would take a negative comment with a smile diba? At mag-thank you pa ako dahil ganon impression nila? Oh well. Sige pasalamat na lang ako (o sila?) na hindi talaga ako ganon:P

This week or this month lang ata, dami nagsabi na maganda daw feet ko. Wahaha. Ano yan parang manok? Kelangan kilatisin ang paa? Adidas? Hahaha. Pero in fairness, sabi ng boss ko (hehe mega boss to! wooohooo!) maganda daw sya, at marami daw guys ang may mga fetish dito (haha, totoo at may kilala ako:p). Hay. Parang ano ba yan, hello, I have nice feet. Can we be friends? Yuck ano ba yan. Hehehe. So dapat pala pag nag-date ako dapat naka-sandals. Wekhekhek. Pero in fairness, kahit na madami nakapansin, nahiya naman ako bigla. Tinatago ko tuloy yung paa ko pag napapansin. Hehe. (pero nag-yapak ako kahapon nung nag-10-20 kami. Hahahaha!)

Last but not the least comment, eh TUMABA DAW AKO!! Wahaha! Applause, applause! Hehe, congrats. Pero, sa sinabi nya sakin, parang natakot tuloy ako. Inasar kasi ako na "taba", feeling ko tuloy OA na. Waaaah. Tinanong ko pa sya kung good o bad. Sabi nya nde naman daw masyadong panget. Man, the operative word.. 'masyadong'.. ibig sabihin medyo lang. Oh no! Natakot naman ako bigla. Ayoko naman maging lumba-lumba. Gusto ko lang magkalaman. Hehe.

Yun lang. Tapos ko na to, di pa rin sya nakakatira. Hay ang tagal mo!:P

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Past

The head is complaining of a bad headache, and wishes to be banged against the wall. But here are her fingers starting to frolic towards the keys and try to mimic the story in her head that wants to be untold.

It had passed. And now, with all truthfulness and honesty, she has come to say it was all in the past. Well, there was really no "past" to speak of in the first place, but for the sake of saying that she had, so say there is. There was no tension.. no apprehensions to talk of the present (although only at one side). And who would have thought that it was her giving "advice", so to speak, about relationships and overcoming dilemmas of it. Harharhar. What a funny way to get back talking. Anyway, what's even funnier is to discuss how to get over his "persistent" problems about such, those he thought he had gone over in the past, but unfortunately didn't, and he is still experiencing with his present. Although, there was a significant change, and she is glad that things have been better. But the point is that now, she is the one giving advices on how to overcome it, and now he's listening.. Oh well. Maybe he thought she was just being idealistic that they could still get the relationship (if ever there was, really) back on track. What the heck! In any case, she is happy that he has found that person that could make him happy, and to get him out of that box he has been keeping himself tucked for more than 20 damn years.

And then she realized afterall, that she's been hearing herself on him. about him. of him. Whatever. What he is yakking about is what she's been yakking to another, and the advices that she has been giving were those that another person is giving her. Did you get it? It was as if she had the license of giving them. More so, it was a bad idea since it was an unsolicited advice, and it sounded pathetic that it was as if she was talking to herself. Oh well.. It's always easier said than done.

So to cut the long story short, she is glad that she got the friendship back. It was something that meant more to her than anything else. She firmly believed that it will never die whatever happens. And she hopes she's still right.

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Mantra

Prescription:
1. Take occasional breaks.
2. Repeat aloud as often as possible.
3. Breathe and internalize.

You can only live one day at time.

The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win.

You can't have the best of both worlds.

Relax and enjoy whatever is there.

You will either find a way, or make one! - Hannibal

--
Thank you for making things lighter. Sure these are just words, but more than that I know there are people I can rant on to whenever. I hope you will still be there until my vocal cords are strained and my fingers complain (to build my yakking into words). Thank you.

imu.

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Leech

Just when you thought you lost them all, they all come back and wave to say that they are still here.

It has been a stressful week. I have never been stressed this much, as far as I can remember. Enough of the whinings, this time I felt my brain shut down for an hour. I was completely immobile, unproductive, and relenting for a moment there. But I was glad that I have recovered myself from such agony and pulled out by people who, just as I thought, would never leave me in awe. Even with a single word, even a single gesture, even with simple smile, never failed to boost me with hope.

I am happy that I have you, all, here with me. I am standing here, attached to every piece of you. Caress me with your comforting words. Bathe me with your touch. Speak to me like songs I'll never hear. Don't ever leave me, will you? But I know someday you will. You all will. I'll be alone someday, yet still I am thanking you all. For now, be with me as I fall asleep.

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