guilty!

hehehe, this is the third post for tonight, and yes i'm on a roll.

i am a self-confessed guilt-freak right now. i am mad. i am crazy.

i can't stand this. but i have to. for how long? i don't know.

i am going to be killed for this.

i did not commit murder. i am not convicted of any crime.

but i am guilty of simple pleasures. gossip. showbiz. a pinch on the face. stalking. secrets. clean foot fetish (obsessive preoccupation). manly hands. goodnights. cariño brutal. more ice cream than cake. banofee pie. shopping. long chats. videoke.

what is your guilty pleasure?

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the few good men

i have three brothers, which i never ever realized that i can appreciate them now more than ever.

my eldest brother is really a tall guy. well not that much, but he is the tallest amongst us. when i talk to him, he usually leans to his right. he has quite a poor sense of hearing. his hair is not straight. he has a dark complexion. although, all my brothers are dark since they really grew up on the streets. literally. of all my brothers, he's the smartest. medyo idol ko nga sya. hehe. medyo lang :P he talks about sensible stuff. he's not a nerd, but he is really smart. i like it that he answers my questions. i value his opinion. there was this one time that i really had a petty argument that we did not talk for months. but, of course, we live in the same house so he can't stand not talking to me:P ha! or me. hehehe. i was really feeling bad that he doesn't talk to me. but eventually we did. how? i dunno. we just did. i just love him.

my next brother, who is the fifth, is the hippiest. hehe. he's cool. for me, he's the type na "kilabot ng mga kolehiyala". hehehe. i never admitted to him this, but he really is a good-looking man. naks! proud. hahaha. no, really. porma, dating, gentleman-ness. wooh! sya ang dapat tularan. hahaha. he picks me up even if he had to pick up his girlfriend (now wife.. hehe). i like it that he takes care of his then girlfriend, but he does not forget his family:) now it is understandable that he takes care of his "family" more. but he still picks us up, if he can:) we have the same profession, and i really idolize him for being where he is now. he has a good career and a great family to boot. jackpot!

the youngest brother, is three years older than me. well, i don't regard him as old, but sometimes i really think he really is old. hahaha. but too young to get married:P sometimes i get irritated that he never gets tired seeing his girlfriend everyday. but maybe that's really the way it is. (yah, i really dunno:P). he is the most makulit, and the most madaldal ever. he can practically deal with any kind of person. maybe that's the reason my mom got him as one their sales people in their biz. we fight most of the time. but i know there's just this sweet bone in him (i still think that he's the most demonstrative, and well, yeah, sige na nga, sweetest) that sometimes i really can't take. like, it's icky sometimes. hahaha. but he's my brother afterall.

i like it so much that they are taking care of their wives, kids, and girlfriend (for the last). minsan naaasar na nga ako na wala sila, dahil nasa mga babae nila, hehehe, pero we can't really hold them at home forever. i admire them that they pick them up, take them home, had their girls at home to be known to us. and i must say that they really have a good choice:P hehehe. i was and am good to them:P i treat them as part of our family. i like it that they are brutally sweet to us (hehehe, masochist:P), i like it that we don't talk much, but when we do, we just laugh our heads off. i don't like serious stuff, so it's just fine with us that we are really not that super close. like secret-sharing kind of close. hehe. i like it that they're older, three years minimum, and we don't have much differences in what we like. i like it that they don't spoil us much. but when we ask. they give:) hehehe.

i told my friend the other day the worst ever stuff that my brothers did or is still doing to me. having us girls smell their super baho socks.. rubbing their armpits on top of our heads. utot sa harap namin (kadiri talaga). i just give them the worst "kurot" they can take, i am really good at this. my brothers can give a testimony to the many bruises they got from me. they just deserved it:P but, even at their worse, i must say that i really admire them for being just my brothers. and i really wish that the person that i will end up with will have bits and pieces of my brother in them. if they get the worse, then they will just suffer the worst from me as well:P not to mention the pinches that i have mastered all these years:D

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home alone

i haven't been home alone for years. i think. i never wanted being alone. more than the fact that i really get bad migraines doing nothing than watch tv and lie awake in bed, i really can't stand solidarity at home. but the weekend that was, was quite different from the days i have been alone at home. and being at home, perse.

i cooked lunch. i was with my brother, and it was the first time (maybe again in years), that he told me he was smelling good food (from me:P). nothing grand with the chicken, it just smelled good of course tasted good mind you:D not much cleaning done, the house was completely in order before they left.

i didn't eat much. i wasn't even hungry. i did open the tv to check out Angel Locsin's welcome party at ASAP (hehehe, hell yeah, i am a tv/local showbiz addict:)) but after a few cuts, i turned it off and stayed at my room and started to read instead. i loved the silence. it was just the swing of the electric fan that i was hearing, and the turn of pages i had as i read through. my cell phone was beeping once in a while, though (thanks for the company:)). and that was all i had for a home alone weekend. a good lunch. a good friend. two books read from cover to cover. and a nap that lasted forever, with a dream i've forgotten.

and the home i called for silence came crumbling down when they have arrived. riot. migraine attacked as they came crashing my room.

afterall, it was great to be home alone. but not all the time:P

goodnight... :)

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waiting in vain

somehow, the excitement just died away with each day that passed as we waited for it to finally become official.

then it was. four days since.

i must say that i am happy. though, i could not fill it in with outmost content or even with bursts of joy. i am glad that it is here. but i could not revel in the news that was long overdue.

i cannot complain any further. it is here, and i am grateful that it is. this is what we have just been hoping to come. to be accredited. at the very least, to regard as someone that has raised herself up a notch in her own pedestal. they say that a name is just a name. but it isn't to us, because it is far better than any amount to begin with.

i have accepted the fact, and i am dropping all the others that makes me feel agitated of myself even more. otherwise, i will still be complaining. i might as well rejoice that it has come, no matter how long i've waited, or how remorseful it came. at least it did. i am not settling for anything less though. it's just that i cannot stretch it any further. i have accepted that there are just some things that we really do not have any control of. and being in no position to contest, beyond my defenses. i am up to the limits that i would like myself to think that it has approached acceptance.. plainly out of utter respect.

and again, i am happy. i will celebrate that i have come to accept my new post. i have come to accept that i am beginning to think a bit more "mature" (excuse myself for the lack of a better term). and that now, afterall, what matters to me most.

i was hopeful for years, in search for things i have been praying... of wanting, living, loving for. in my heart, i believe that it will come in due time.. oh well, some if it will. some if it, i still do not know. they may come in grandeur, with fireworks as i embrace them on their arrival. or they may come at the worst moment or instance i could have never imagined even welcoming.


x's: on a lighter note, i watched korina's interview with toni gonzaga. i am a fan, but not quite. although i am glad that she now has her love her life. haha cheezy. but he's cute, and i think she deserves him and vice versa. i am really amazed that she finally get to meet him, after all the men that came rummaging her life:P she's blessed. and happy:)

so when does waiting become "worth the wait"?

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