On Second Chances

It is a liberating feeling when you are given a second chance to prove yourself of something. Graciously, you accept the opportunity to make it up. You hold on to this chance and will not let yourself be caught up on the same booby trap you got into.

You carefully watch yourself not to cross that line. You are careful not to fail. This is the second chance. No more third. Fourth... This is the second chance and the last.

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dreams...

are manifestations of something you want to happen?
are symbolism of a current situation?
are just imagination?
are a product of your subconscious mind, that dwells in you, and outlets comes in a bubble?
are answers to many questions?
are things you wanted not to happen so you let it out so that you can prepare for yourself?
are keys to your goals, to your fate?
are just dreams, that means nothing?

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committing the same mistake the second time around

I can't help but to feel infuriated to myself for doing the same thing that scared me a few months back. I feel so humiliated in front of God that I have committed the same mistake I promised to keep until He bestows it upon me.

I am such a brat.

I am spoiled.

I am weak.

It's always an eye opener when some bad things happen to you.. And I am ashamed to confess that it's always the bad things that keeps me coming back to God. It's not good :( We oftentimes turn to You when something does not happen the way it should. And I am not proud of it :( I am very sorry, and I want You to be a part of me again. This time I am being true to my words.

Lord, I surrender everything to You. Please accept me again. I have made the promise again in front of you and I promise this time, I will be firm with my words. I will stand up to what I believe in. And I stand up for my faith. Please help me to be stronger and to be more faithful to you. I love you.

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a post for myself, after reading others...

Sometimes, we tend to meddle with other people's lives so often than we take a closer look at our own lives. We are so caught up with other people's mistakes, that we judge them for being "wrong".. wrong in a different light... wrong in our own perspective. Or thinking the other way around how successful or happy they are, that we feel so envious that we judge them that they don't deserve where they are.

I am guilty of such, at times, when I always find myself looking at other people's lives.. looking or hearing them from afar -- even strangers at that. On how they talk to their companions, how they dress, the way they fix their hair, the things they talk about, on how they simply stand up on ground carrying only themselves. I tend to look at other people's lives on surface. I have been enjoying lurking around other people's business even if I really do not have anything to do with it. And I spend so much effort analyzing their lives and how they deal with it, even if it really is such a waste of time because they don't even know that I am scrutinizing it for them.

I hope the world will just keep moving with their own lives. Not meaning to say that we should care less about the rest of the world.. What I'm driving at is I hope we learn how to accept other people as they are. And being there, as what we are supposed to play in their lives -- a child, brother, sister, friend, colleague, companion.

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If at times a person has done you wrong, you have the all the right to feel furious, and express your anger. But do not nurture the pain because it will do you no good. Let God heal the wounds and let go of the darkness inside you. Do not let a negative feeling be the recipient of a negative action.

If at times you feel that a friend has done something wrong to another, do not put their fate on your anger. You have the right to get mad, but you do not have any reason to put into your hands the revenge to cover up for them. Console them, be there for them. Be positive to your friend. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do negative towards another to justify that you care for a friend.

If you are feeling envious that a person is successful, be happy for them. Rejoice with them. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, reach for your dream and be inspired that if somebody is able to step forward to their goal, believe that you can make it on your own.

If you feel sad about a person's situation, be there for them when they need you. Listen to their problems. They do not actually need advice, they just need someone to talk to. Unsolicited advice sometimes aggravate the problem, so just tell them that you will be there.

If you feel like the decisions you made put you in trouble, do not blame other people for it. Your actions always boil down to your own decision. No matter what people say, no justifications are needed because it's always you who have the last say.

I don't know why I am telling this. Maybe because I have had enough of meddling with other people's lives. I do not play a big part in them, but I always steer to keeping myself involved even if I don't have to. Then I end up now, thinking of my own life. How have I lived it. And how I have made decisions in my life that might be worth the time to think about instead of thinking about others. I have yet to deal with my own problems, and think about the decisions I have made. For those people, on the other hand, who are meddling with mine, then I'm telling you, you are wasting your time. I bet you have your own problems to deal with.. so deal with it!

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On Moving Out

I have been thinking about this for years. I didn't want to leave because I have stayed for as long as four years. I didn't want to move because I have made so much memories here. Through good times and bad, this was my refuge. I have made connections with people. Some dropping by. Some have come and go. I have connected to other people through this, what I called "home".

But I want something new. Brand-spankin' new experience, new feel, new light. I believe four years is too long. I can make new entries with my new home. I can still make connections to those who have stayed in the old spot. I still can have a look at it and visit it whenever I like. It's still where it's at. I am just moving but it won't be gone.

The question is where? And when...

I don't want to say goodbye to you yet, my refuge, Fresh Tomatoes. Four years have been a long, long time. There has been so much in this that keeps me wanting to be back. I have made so much memories kept in here. I love being here. I just want something new... I have stayed long enough to keep you burdened with the many things that happen to me for the last years.

I am searching for a new spot for my new life.... For the meantime that I have not found it yet, I will keep you posted.

Btw, I am happy. I haven't been posting happy thoughts for so long a time.. maybe the next one will be :)

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