Constantly

I knew it was there
Though I tried to hide it
The feeling just kept on shining through
Haven't know you that long
So I try to deny it
But the feeling was much too much too strong

Could this be love
Deep down inside
Tearing me apart
I feel it in my heart

Constantly, you're on my mind
Thinking about you all the time
I can't sleep no matter what I do
I just keep on thinking 'bout you

Why do I feel this way
When I know you have someone
That you're seeing each and every day
Should I play this game
Of just being your friend
When I know that's not where I want it to end

How could this be wrong
When the feeling's so strong
Tearing me apart
I feel it in my heart

No I don't want to start no trouble
Between you and I and your lover
But I must tell you what I'm going through
Everytime you walk by I see love in your eyes

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Things I don't want to admit

1. i lost an argument
2. i am childish (yes, not childlike)
3. there is such thing as "gray area"
4. i am a snob
5. i am totally over with the "past".. NOT!
6. that i have "loved" (from kaykay)

and finally,
that feelings is not a choice. attraction either. that everything is not absolute EVERYTHING. that we are bound with some limits and we cannot encompass the entirety of the universe with one word as E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

am i beginning to say that now I DO? did i fall again?

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Confession

i have forgotten the day i felt the way i did for the past week. it may seem over-reacting (oh maybe it is), and pure exaggeration, but it is to my deepest regret that i am now a self-confessed sentimental fool, very much attached to everything that is kept close to me (like sucking leech, yeck!), and clingy to my past.

the feeling has been bad. big time.. everything seems to be flashing back. the emotions had been mixed up. it's always that selfish me that pulls me back to embrace the future. it's always the jealous me, with a breaking heart, when i see somebody else has taken place. it's always that pity me that fails to bring herself up and needs a little prodding to move on, bit by bit.

...on my right, i see the clock which tells me that i am late.. when i turn a bit, i see that screen which tells me that, (no, not again), i'm not listening. to my left, i see that board, where the dates have been written, but had never been on time. just right in front of it is that seat that has always been occupied. when i enter the room, it always gives me that warm feeling.. that i am safe in my refuge. a brush in the head that gives me that comfort that i can be the best that i can be.

...when i look back, i have never enjoyed it than yesterday. it is as if the heavens have told me to relish each day. for time may come that you might regret enjoying it, and that the only chance you could take is to imagine at the back of your mind.

oh no. here i go again. i have promised myself that i will not mope about this. excuse my confession.

thanks to all who painted that lovely history to my lifetime.

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S-A-D

ang lungkot ko kahapon. grabe. hay:((

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Jumper - 3EB

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.
I would understand,
The angry boy, a bit too insane,
Icing over a secret pain,
You know you don't belong,
You're the first to fight, You're way too loud,
You're the flash of light, On a burial shroud,
I know something's wrong,
Well everyone I know has got a reason, To say, put the past away,
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, That you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,
I would understand.
Well he's on the table, And he's gone to code,
And I do not think anyone knows,
What they are doing here,
And your friends have left, You've been dismissed,
I never thought it would come to this, And I, I want you to know,
Everyone's got to face down the demons,
Maybe today, We can put the past away,
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,
I would understand,
I would understand...
Can you put the past away, I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
I would understand...

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I don't want to be - Gavin DeGraw

I don't need to be anything other
Than a prison guard's son
I don't need to be anything other
Than a specialist's son
I don't have to be anything other
Than the birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going, is knowing where I'm coming from
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one who noticed?
I can't be the only one who's learned
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
Can I have everyone's attention please?
If you're not like this and that, you're gonna have to leave
I came from the mountain
The crust of creation
My whole situtaion-made from clay to stone
And now I'm telling everybody
I don't want to be
Anything other that what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I don't want to be

p.s. sa june06 pa ang official one year celebration ko;)

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Milestone

Ang bilis talaga ng panahon. Naalala ko pa, one year ago. Mga ganitong panahon, nasa school na kami. Buong araw, umaga hanggang gabi. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Bahay na namin yun. Nagpunta na ko kung san san. Sa Carriedo kung san mo makita yung mga "porn" videos na binebenta sa kalye. First time ko yun nakita (salamat kay estre. bwahaha). Ang sumakay sa LRT. Ang pumunta ng FEU. Kumain sa Yellow Cab sa kung san san (Morayta, Harisson, Makati Ave, Glorietta, yung malapit sa mega. yung malapit sa tomas morato, di ko na maalala yung iba). Kumain ng kung ano anong pagkain sa Taft Tower (namiss ko na yung ERSAO) at sa Agno (ang siomai at ang tapsilog!!). Matulog sa classroom. Tumambay sa hallway. Maglaro ng scrabout. Kumanta ng vindicated. at ng yeah whatever. Maglokohan pag walang magawa. Hay. Ang bilis. Hanggang sa makatapos din kami. Kahit magulo. Kahit umiyak pa ako. Kahit nagalit pa ako. Kahit nainis pa ako. Kahit na kinawawa na ako ng mga loko-lokong GBE. Okay lang. Masaya naman eh, diba? Parte yun ng buhay. Pinakamasasayang araw ko yun. Isama ko na ang buong 4th yr talaga. Hehehe. Nakahinga na ng maluwag. Grabe, naalala ko, dati pinagdadasal ko matapos na kami don sa phase na yun.....

Tapos makamove-on na. Makapag-simula ng bagong buhay. As in magbagong buhay. Tapos yun, napunta ako somewhere na sinabi ko na AYOKO! Hay grabe. Di ko inakala. Pero di ko naman sinabi na ayoko talaga as in super. Well, ang ayaw ko lang naman eh yung lugar. Dun na naman. Tapos ^*@#$! walang kamatayang traffic. Bwiset. Oh well, Wala naman na rin akong choice. Opportunity. And that was EIGHT MONTHS AGO. Grabe, I can't believe I've stayed this long. And made friends. And had petty fights. And had a bunch of lunchouts (and counting!). And populated my MSN contacts with people from all over the world. (I need GOLD!:P) And saved a bit. And re-connected my life with few friends i've lost. And have made myself the person I can't say have grown, but gained a lot. And learned alot. In all aspects in life. Hay ang drama. It is all but the bittersweet dilemma of staying here. There's always the good and the bad. They never go away. They're part of it. They're all relative.

Tagal ko na di naka-blog, sabi ko magb-blog ako sa first year ko. Hehehe. Milestone talaga ito. One year na blog ko. Eight months na kami (bwahaha), tapos na ang training namin. Ma-mi-miss ko si leo. (Pigilan nyo ko baka maiyak ako!!!) May closing pa talaga. Grabe. Baka lalo akong maiyak. 24/7 na ako. Hay grabe na talaga. Ayoko pa. Sabi ko sana bumilis ang panahon. Pero ngayon na napansin mo na tumakbo, gusto mo na tumigil.

Afterall, happiness is a matter of choice. EVERYTHING is.

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WordPlay - Jason Mraz

I've been all around the world
I've been a new sensation
But it doesn't really matter
In this generation
The sophomore slump is an uphill battle
And someone said that in my scene
'Cause they need a new song
Like a new religion
Music for the television
I can't do the long division
Someone do the math
For the record label puts me on the shelf up in the freezer
Got to find another way to live the life of leisure
So I drop my top
Mix and I mingle
Is everybody ready for the single and it goes...

Ha La La La La
Now listen closer to the verse I lay
(Ha La La La La)
It's all about the wordplay
(Ha La La La Love)
The wonderful thing it does
Because, because
I am the wizard of ooh's and ah's and fa-la-la's
Yeah the Mister A-Z
They say I'm all about the wordplay

And it's time to get ill I got your remedy
For those who don't remember me
Well let me introduce you to my style
I try to keep a jumble
And the lyrics never mumble
When the music's makin' people tongue-tied
You want a new song
Like a new religion
Music for the television
I can't do the long division
Someone do the math
For the poeple write me off like I'm a one-hit wonder
Got to find another way to keep from goin' under
Pull out the stops
Got your attention
I guess it's time again for me to mention
The wordplay

I built a bridge across the stream of consciousness
It always seems to be a flowin'
But I don't which way my brain is goin'
Oh the ryhmin' and the timin'
Keeps the melodies inside me
And they're comin'
Til I'm running out of air
Are you prepared to take a dive into the deep end of my head
Are you listening to a single word I've said

Ha La La La La
Listen closer to the words I say
Ha La La La La
We're sticken' to the wordplay
Ha La La La Love
The wonderful thing it does
Because, because
I am the wizard of ooh's and ah's and fa-la-la's
Yeah the Mister A-Z
They say I'm all about the wordplay

Ha La La La La
I'm all about the wordplay
Ha La La La La
Stickin' with the wordplay
Ha La La La Love
I love the wonderful thing it does
Because, because
The ooh's and ah's and fa-la-la's fall back in love
For the Mister A-Z they say
Is all about the wordplay

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AdiK

isa kang adik sa isang bagay kung:
1. hindi ka makapali kapag wala sya sa tabi mo
2. gagawin mo lahat makuha lang yun. as in lahat
3. literally, para kang nanginginig. hindi mo talaga kaya ng wala
4. pathetic ka. ginawa mo nang basehan yun ng pagkatao mo.
5. ang bigat ng feeling mo pag wala kang magawa para makuha yung gusto mo
6. nagco-complain ka the whole day sa mga tao, kung kani-kanino
7. sinisisi mo sarili mo sa mga ginawa mo kaya mo di makuha
8. iniisip mo, kahit isang araw pa lang wala sayo, feel mo buong buhay mo wala na talaga
9. baliw ka na! nag-morph ka. di na ikaw ang totoong sarili mo!

nakakadiri maging adik. kahit gano ka-simple kina-a-adik-an mo. masama. tsk tsk tsk... magdasal ka na lang para ma-get over mo. isipin mo nalang may rason kung bakit di mo na dapat makuha ang mga gusto mo.

hay Lord tulungan mo sila.

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