My Knight

i've been worrying that people have been trying to attach some stories to my so-called life that I have never expected. even without an uttered word of "dangerous liaison" (to connect with a sensational feeling that is chained to t-r-a-g-e-d-y) with anybody from myself to anyone, i still cannot understand the fact that "people" with far or even farther association can put me into a connection that i have long before 'forgotten'. maybe i am still caught in the nightmare of a bugging 'fate'... or from a recurring 'past'... or from a present dilemma that has never seemed or NEVER WILL BE resolved in whichever angle we view it. i am CONFUSED... but, truthfully, there's nothing to be confused about. no one has ever pushed me to even think that it is yet to "even think about". excuse my paranoia. but i beg to defend myself and i have to say that you can never blame me to have felt that way. can i just say that i am but a normal person that is yet sensitive to any stimuli that can be fired momentarily?

they have been dabbing me with a "dangerious liaison" called L-O-V-E. it is the feeling that has never ceased to be forgotten, maybe it is yet but 'fate' to be always clinged to that word, a recurring past that has always taught me that i should, or from a present dilemma that i still haven't grasped REAL one. i cannot even tell why, maybe IT has never ceased to flash the headlines in any controversial conversation. i have been having 'associations' that struck me because it smelled something fishy (like perch sauced with coconut milk). like, with a tinge of "some truth" to that. reaction-less as i have tried, i gave a shrug. or even a grin to mean sarcasm. but at the end of the day, i catch myself as i fall asleep, "what have i done?".

people have always tried to associate myself with an "unknown" knight of mine. they have been clinging my heart to someone i don't even have full grasp of if HE trully exists (well at least in my territory). people from the past, or 'the recurring past', are trying to be pulled out from an ancient history. i am not that numb not to even think that maybe the feeling that must be just lurking around. but the PROBLEM is that i have refused to even think about it just yet.

My Knight has yet to come. HE might be coming in, coming out... Pretenders might be masked to be My Knight, but the heart must beat with magical throbbings that seemed to play a certain melody. Until when.. on the right time? Maybe. But I'll never know. I shall never wait. However I must keep myself obscured from negativities that always pull me back. But I shall never keep myself opaque from the thought that maybe My Knight will come to rescue me and TAKE ME HOME.

love has always taught me to be patient. but it was never successful to sink under my skin. maybe i haven't been virtuous enough.

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staying up late. try again.


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