<MOI>

due to insistent public demand (blech!) i'll be yakking for today. excuse my uninspired mood. i am not in my true self the past few days. been in constant search for what the "True Self" must suppose to imply. despite this crisis that my identity is indulging itself, i have plucked aross the heavens, the universal truth, or better yet said, the FACT that i am the contrary to my own "self". whatever that means.

most of the time, i catch myself in a tumultuous realization that i am battling with myself. that it somehow makes me feel that i am involved in a contention, between the good and the bad, the yes and the no, the love and the hate.. within the subconscious(the angel and the devil clouded in a balloon. hanging on the right and left, barraging with different point of views at both ends of my temple) or even the conscious levels of thinking, of course, without the public utterance of such contradictions (self talk, zilch).

i forgot the conflicts with my "self", i should've written them down as i was wandering without constant direction. i laugh about it most of the time. and i am amazed, really, that i am unmistakably put into a persona full of contradictions. but, despite this contradictory thoughts that keep running through my sanity (if it is right to say that i haven't lost grasp of it), it made me realize that i may not practice what i preach, and that i am just good at blabbing about the "Good" and forgets to switch places and be the listener to myself, but makes herself known of the FACTS that should be chewed upon, and swallow it whole to be digested and dig into my nerves and penetrate into my senses. effective nonetheless. but saddening it is, that it had to take much time.

i guess i was quite successful in bringing it out. more than the contrary, but the blabber who doesn't talk gibberish, but understood to be simply just that. i cannot make myself anymore. success? turn yourself no sense, dear. non-sense.


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