happy happy happy birthday :)

this year, my birthday fell on a Sunday.

this was the first time that I remember spending my birthday the first day of the week. a few friends came, my family was there and my prince was there too:) i had a fun fun fun birthday party at home (as always) and food food food... wii wii wii... and pictures pictures pictures!!!

pictures will be posted on my multiply:)

i had an early birthday celebration with a surprise dinner date with my prince on the saturday, oct 11th. when he came to pick me up, he surprised me with 25 pink and red roses:) *awwwwwwwwww:">* he lured first me by having meryenda to eat our favorite california maki where we dropped mama, maggie and anne. then, he "blind-folded" me to the destination. since i was having a hint where we were going, he did some "unnecessary" turns to steer me away from the first thought. and after a few minutes of driving, we were there! in front of a water station. hmppp. what was that? hahaha. i put powder, cheek tint and lip gloss (since I had the impression we were taking a "formal" dinner. my prince was wearing a polo shirt with olive slacks and his black clogs. i was forced implicitly to change as I was wearing a maong short skirt with a purple shirt. hahaha.. turned to wear a black slacks, white sandals and beige blouse). he was still keeping my eyes closed when i got off the car, and to my surprise despite, my hunch was correct. he took me to Lolo Dad's at Quirino nearing Taft Ave. this fine dining restaurant kept us intrigued since we got together and we were finding a perfect timing for this. sure it was. and the food was great:)

we went to serendra for my birthday cake. he wanted me to blow a candle (and he promimsed me to sing for me on my birthday a few months back) for my cake. a strawberry shortcake at miss desert. we got home at exactly 12mn just in time for some candle-blowing and happy-birthday-song-singing:D more surprises came when he gave me an unexpected card. from his parents! waaahh. and i thought that it was just a card. the gift to which it was attached to, was a gift from his parents too! i thought the gift was from him, and the card was just attached to it. supposedly, the card was the gift tag for the card! waawww! i didn't expect anything from them. hahahaha. way too cool:D then he went out and took his real gift. hehehe! something i really wanted before..he even bought it from the States (sosyal! hahaha. yabang.. hahahaha). what a way to start my birthday.. happiness. pure happiness:)

then sunday came, and had lunch with family and hs friends. thanks for coming! then my prince lighted up the cake with 25 candles (he just can't get enough of me being 25. darn! harharhar!). sang happy birthday, with the two cute cute kids, lala and katie, blew the candles with me! (hope my wish comes true!). and there was something more. a white van came in front of our house. he went out to see maybe the van can't pass thru coz his car was double-parking. only to find when he came in, he was bringing 25 flying balloons! wiiipeeee! lovely:) the kids enjoyed it too! and my family was awed with the sweetest gesture. haayyy. *love mo daw ako talaga, bwahahaha* and more pictures came. yehey!

monday, i had a lunch date with my teammates at the office. overflowing food again and again and again.. buuurp! i did expect a cake from them, hehehe, but i didn't know they were up to something big. and i had more balloons!! yeheheeeeey!! i was so touched when i saw each of them holding a balloon on a stick with their message on it. awwww... it even made me cry! (darn it!) hahahaha. i was so touched, really. thank you to she, angel and betz for arranging this, despite the busy sked, and for having people sign up (even if it's out of free will hahaha). really really appreciate it..

tues was nothing but an ordinary day. except for my prince who had something for me, again! hahaha. he gave me m&m's, only having 25 pieces, all of them colored green!! i didn't know how he did it.. the pack was sealed... you never fail to surprise me:D

wednesday, i had dinner with college friends at dampa. overflowing with shrimps. waaahhh. gave me itches. good to see old friends getting together. it's been four years since we graduated. i have one college friend engaged. i have one secretly wanting to propose. hahaha. we're getting old. thanks for the cake, jiv! nice to meet lala, who's a schoolmate in highschool. small world, isn't it?

thursday, a day in the hospital. daym. i always end up in the hospital days before or after my birthday. i wonder why..

friday, movie time with ofcmates. a long time since we had dinner and movie. it's true that when the cat is away, all mice are peaceful. i didn't even notice that the cat was away.

saturday was a rest day. thank God for a wonderful week. thank you Lord for another year. thank you for everything. i love you Lord. thank you for being with me. thank you for being with us.

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i am so so weak :(

sabi ko na nga ba, ang babae. marupok.

hahaha. or ako lang? hahahaha...

oh, i shouldn't be laughing. i can't really stand up for my words. and i can't undo things now. so i should accept everything that comes after it. oh, help me God!

i wish that i could be firmer with my words. and i hope that i have a stronger faith. i have been failing at this, what is a good exercise? i have yet turned another year older and i should be doing better than this. i'm not getting any younger, and i have to be more mature with the way things are going.. and i shouldn't be a brat. and i shouldn't pick fights anymore. i shouldn't hate people that do not affect me much. i shouldn't stoop to their level. and i shouldn't give in. i shouldn't.. i shouldn't. but i did:( huhuhuhu.

kelangan ko ng tulong para mapabuti ang buhay ko. hay Lord tulungan mo naman ako please?

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tossing and turning in excitement

i didn't notice that it was already past 12am. and OCTOBER 6 mind you:P hahaha! i was busying myself with my "surprise" when i realized it's 12midnight and OCTOBER 6. did i just repeat that? OCTOBER 6? hahahaha!! finally waiting is over and my theme song will be "reunited.. and it feels so goooood". hahahahaha!!! nah-uh. not yet. till OCTOBER 7. maarte kasi yung kikitain ko, gusto talaga sa 7 pa. madaming drama sa buhay. wahahaha!!! joke lang;)

anyway, since i was so busy, i got tired.. i got to bed and before going to sleep, i updated my not-so-updated pocket pc. to recall what the week has been and to update for an upcoming vacay! woothoot! and then i rest to bed.. BUT COULDN'T SLEEP! hahahaha. three more hours till the plane lands. arrghh, anticipation sucks!!! hahahaha.. kaasar. di ko naman pwede antayin mag-3am diba. buti nga nag-3am pa, dapat 5am kasi may connecting flight pa dapat. hay buti naman diretso na kasi mag-aalala pa ako kng pano sya sa Guam. hahahahaha. praninger-Z.

anyway, since i can't sleep, i catch myself to viewing other people's pictures in multiply. suddenly i became a fan;) hahaha. i didn't bother looking at other people's pictures. other people's business that is. but, what the heck. it's for public viewing anyway. why would they post it if they don't want other people to check out right? hahaha. so i ended up looking over my cousin's pictures and.. waaahh. i drool again. she's gone to europe.. oh men! i'd dieeeeee to be in EUROPE!!! haaaayyy.. someday my prince will take me there. oh! i hope it'll be soon!!! my prince can you hear me???? hahahahaha!!!!

di ko na nga tinapos. maliban sa madami, gusto ko makita ko yn personally and say, YES I'VE FINALLY BEEN TO EUROPE!!! haayyy. sa ngayon dream nalang sya muna. but dreams do come true. i'll make that wish when i go to the beach and go stargazing. yesssaaa!! hahahaha.

hay need to sleep. i have to go to office early so i can leave early and finish my stuff. then! sleep early and wake up to the very much awaited OCTOBER 7. yehey!!!


petiks nalang bukas para mabilis ang araw. chika to the max nalang sa mga sangkatauhan tapos sagot ng email. kain.. chika ulit. at maglinis sa bagong cube. new neighborhood. hehehehehe. mabuti malayo sa boss. bwahahahaha!

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going places...

i dream of travelling around the world. that's my ultimate dream.

i have been to places around the philippines, and yet I have more to discover. i have been to the best beaches..discovered philippine history..immersed into pure philippine culture. i am but excited to set foot on every remarkable landmarks in the philippines.

i won't get philippines done in no time. it may take me forever:P so it won't stop me from setting foot on different countries across the globe.

and i more excited that i have my prince charming who will be with me as we take our dreams into reality. yey! it's good that we share a dream:D our ultimate dream is to go EUROPE! yehey!!! i am really envious to people who have gone there (i wish my parents have taken us with them before. augh!). but now i realize it would be best to have someone special to travel that wonderful part of the world:"> hayyy. *drools* i know we'll get there. someday;)

and my childhood dream is to go to disneyland. hahaha. haven't been there (kahit HK. pero syempre gusto ko US diba:D). i want to see mickey! and minnie! and the princesses!! and good thing my prince will take me there too! (kahit di nya talaga gusto. pero since gusto ko, hehehe, sama na rin sya! yahoo!). he promised me this, and i know he will... someday:D

my sisters/brothers are now in different continents. i wonder who'll be left behind. ayoko! hahaha. san kaya ako? hmmm... and tuwing kelan na kaya reunion? and wala na siguro kaming exchange gift. awwwwwww. so sad...:(

i want to go somewhere...

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don't you just love surprises?

i do. i really do.

Google defined surprise as:
the astonishment you feel when something totally unexpected happens to you
is a brief emotional state that is the result of experiencing an unexpected event

the best thing about surprises is the very thought of someone prepping up the whole thing to make it a "surprise". stirring it all up to formulate the element of making the "surprisee" (if there's such a term) slack-jawed... awed by sweetness... with an ecstatic aura that is impenetrable to any other emotion besides happiness.

and the best thing about putting up a surprise for the "surpriser" is seeing the "surprisee" jumping for joy:)

and i tell you a fairy tale i came across today... a letter from the princess to her prince.

To My Dear Prince,
I am still in an unsurmountable state of trance... It is as if you are near me. So close to me, that I can hear your heart beating. That I can smell the scent of your body. That I can feel your hands touching against mine. My heart cannot contain this certain kind of emotion, inexplicable with words, that is filling my entirety.

You, being away, never felt so long than any other journeys you have taken. The deep, dark woods may have drifted you apart from me. But the skies have always kept me reminded that we are still under the same canopy of stars. And reassured as I am today, you did not fail to make me feel that the world will never cease to revolve until we meet again.

In great fervor, despite the unrelenting summons of forlorn, I relish this moment that I can feel you near me. The huge foliage intricately donned over the patio, with flowers abloom shouting in loud hues and beaming shades, astounded me as I woke up in dawn. Thank you, my prince, for this symbolizes that our love is blooming as in spring. The scent of the morning has brought me that kind of certainty that you are nearing. And to my utter surprise, there was something more. A gift..wrapped in carnation pink, ribboned with an old rose lace. With a scroll tucked...scribbled with a letter from my prince. And now I cannot stop myself from pursing my lips with utmost joy. You have never failed to make me feel close to you in despite.

Grateful. Thankful my Prince I am now to you. For keeping your love enclosed in this universe. That our love is not bounded by land nor ocean. That it is not forgone as you have in my land. The promise of your return comes close as I close my eyes to sleep...

I await for your return. I send my love and blow kisses to the wind hopeful that they may reach you. Keep safe. I love you for eternity.

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On Second Chances

It is a liberating feeling when you are given a second chance to prove yourself of something. Graciously, you accept the opportunity to make it up. You hold on to this chance and will not let yourself be caught up on the same booby trap you got into.

You carefully watch yourself not to cross that line. You are careful not to fail. This is the second chance. No more third. Fourth... This is the second chance and the last.

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dreams...

are manifestations of something you want to happen?
are symbolism of a current situation?
are just imagination?
are a product of your subconscious mind, that dwells in you, and outlets comes in a bubble?
are answers to many questions?
are things you wanted not to happen so you let it out so that you can prepare for yourself?
are keys to your goals, to your fate?
are just dreams, that means nothing?

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committing the same mistake the second time around

I can't help but to feel infuriated to myself for doing the same thing that scared me a few months back. I feel so humiliated in front of God that I have committed the same mistake I promised to keep until He bestows it upon me.

I am such a brat.

I am spoiled.

I am weak.

It's always an eye opener when some bad things happen to you.. And I am ashamed to confess that it's always the bad things that keeps me coming back to God. It's not good :( We oftentimes turn to You when something does not happen the way it should. And I am not proud of it :( I am very sorry, and I want You to be a part of me again. This time I am being true to my words.

Lord, I surrender everything to You. Please accept me again. I have made the promise again in front of you and I promise this time, I will be firm with my words. I will stand up to what I believe in. And I stand up for my faith. Please help me to be stronger and to be more faithful to you. I love you.

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a post for myself, after reading others...

Sometimes, we tend to meddle with other people's lives so often than we take a closer look at our own lives. We are so caught up with other people's mistakes, that we judge them for being "wrong".. wrong in a different light... wrong in our own perspective. Or thinking the other way around how successful or happy they are, that we feel so envious that we judge them that they don't deserve where they are.

I am guilty of such, at times, when I always find myself looking at other people's lives.. looking or hearing them from afar -- even strangers at that. On how they talk to their companions, how they dress, the way they fix their hair, the things they talk about, on how they simply stand up on ground carrying only themselves. I tend to look at other people's lives on surface. I have been enjoying lurking around other people's business even if I really do not have anything to do with it. And I spend so much effort analyzing their lives and how they deal with it, even if it really is such a waste of time because they don't even know that I am scrutinizing it for them.

I hope the world will just keep moving with their own lives. Not meaning to say that we should care less about the rest of the world.. What I'm driving at is I hope we learn how to accept other people as they are. And being there, as what we are supposed to play in their lives -- a child, brother, sister, friend, colleague, companion.

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If at times a person has done you wrong, you have the all the right to feel furious, and express your anger. But do not nurture the pain because it will do you no good. Let God heal the wounds and let go of the darkness inside you. Do not let a negative feeling be the recipient of a negative action.

If at times you feel that a friend has done something wrong to another, do not put their fate on your anger. You have the right to get mad, but you do not have any reason to put into your hands the revenge to cover up for them. Console them, be there for them. Be positive to your friend. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do negative towards another to justify that you care for a friend.

If you are feeling envious that a person is successful, be happy for them. Rejoice with them. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, reach for your dream and be inspired that if somebody is able to step forward to their goal, believe that you can make it on your own.

If you feel sad about a person's situation, be there for them when they need you. Listen to their problems. They do not actually need advice, they just need someone to talk to. Unsolicited advice sometimes aggravate the problem, so just tell them that you will be there.

If you feel like the decisions you made put you in trouble, do not blame other people for it. Your actions always boil down to your own decision. No matter what people say, no justifications are needed because it's always you who have the last say.

I don't know why I am telling this. Maybe because I have had enough of meddling with other people's lives. I do not play a big part in them, but I always steer to keeping myself involved even if I don't have to. Then I end up now, thinking of my own life. How have I lived it. And how I have made decisions in my life that might be worth the time to think about instead of thinking about others. I have yet to deal with my own problems, and think about the decisions I have made. For those people, on the other hand, who are meddling with mine, then I'm telling you, you are wasting your time. I bet you have your own problems to deal with.. so deal with it!

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On Moving Out

I have been thinking about this for years. I didn't want to leave because I have stayed for as long as four years. I didn't want to move because I have made so much memories here. Through good times and bad, this was my refuge. I have made connections with people. Some dropping by. Some have come and go. I have connected to other people through this, what I called "home".

But I want something new. Brand-spankin' new experience, new feel, new light. I believe four years is too long. I can make new entries with my new home. I can still make connections to those who have stayed in the old spot. I still can have a look at it and visit it whenever I like. It's still where it's at. I am just moving but it won't be gone.

The question is where? And when...

I don't want to say goodbye to you yet, my refuge, Fresh Tomatoes. Four years have been a long, long time. There has been so much in this that keeps me wanting to be back. I have made so much memories kept in here. I love being here. I just want something new... I have stayed long enough to keep you burdened with the many things that happen to me for the last years.

I am searching for a new spot for my new life.... For the meantime that I have not found it yet, I will keep you posted.

Btw, I am happy. I haven't been posting happy thoughts for so long a time.. maybe the next one will be :)

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Ch-ch-ch-changes, changes!

This morning I got two messages from two of my Southern Girlfriends.

They were in the boarding area about to embark to their new lives.

I felt really sad that they are starting their brand-spanking days in a foreign land. Marga is still on her flight to US will Jode is now problably reunited with her mother and unpacking her things.

And I'm still here blogging away in my room.

Sometimes, we just need that "jumpstart" so we can start anew. Living in our comfort zone, sometimes we forget that there are a lot beyond our boundaries. And the sky's the limit! It does not mean changing the current environment, we just need something new so we may be able to discover other things besides what we currently do.

I read "Who Moved My Cheese" and it is about accepting changes in our lives. When your "cheese" is gone, it does not mean that someone took it. It may mean a lot of things, and it may mean that it you just devoured everything before you knew it's gone. It may mean that the cheese is probably somewhere you forgot to place. It may simply mean that it is just about time to find new cheese.

I am now living a new life with a lot of changes and I hope to make it better.

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To my Southern Girlfriends

To Jode and Marga, who are very dear to me.

There's just too much in my heart that I can't seem to let out. It is very overwhelming that two people close to my heart have just decided to move on and pursue a dream. To move on to greener pasteurs. To explore new things. To discover themselves apart from the zone to where they have nurturing comfort. Good friends. Great company. Our home.

These two people, who have been with me in most of the times that we decide to go out. Pig out. Rant. Chismis! Cry. Share. Laugh! Hard laugh that is. Go home:( (and staying too long in front of our house with more rants! hahahaha!). Tawid sa mga nakakamatay na walang tawiran. Paghahabol ng bus. Ng shuttle. Paglalakad sa MOA. Taxi sa kahit san. Bus sa kahit san. Road trip sa weird na kotse:P

I will be missing going home with you. Although some things have changed. It still feels different going home without you (and I won't go home without you!! Maroon 5:P).

I will miss all the night outs with you. I will miss everything about you two. I love you my friends. Take care always.

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Touched by God

I can barely remember the time when I have actually felt God touch me in mysterious ways.

I am not a self-righteous person, not even a religious one to claim such, but I have never felt more blessed than now. I have experienced an event that changed me from that moment on. I have come to accept Him and let Him be a part of me again.

I am ashamed on how I have come to know You again. That only in trying times we come back to you. But You accepted us, I know, because we can feel You near us.

I forget. I always forget. But in this time, I will never forget how God played a big part in my life and I am graciously thankful to God for accepting me again.

I am sorry that I still have doubts and fears. But I surrender everything to You, and I pray that you wash them away. My faith is in You. Our faith is in You, and we pray that You will continue to guide us in everything we do. That no matter what happens to us, may we realize that everything You give us has a purpose. To learn. and to know You better.

Thank you Lord for all heeded prayers. Thank you for teaching us lessons, that sometimes may hurt us. But I know that You only know what's best for us.

Thank you Lord for always, in all ways, working in our lives. I thank You how you have significantly changed our lives. And I am very much thankful that You have accepted us again and for entering in our lives together.

I am thrilled of living my life with You. I am excited on new plans, reinventing myself and pursuing my dreams. To travel the world. To try new things. To discover You more. And building our lives with You. I am excited that we are taking this journey with You. My journey. His journey. Our journey together.

I have come to realize that I am young and I have a lot of things to discover. There are so many things that I want to do. And I am living that life I want from this moment on. With a change that he's with me and You're with us. Carefree as a child, but wiser.. and with love, and in faith;)

We promise to keep You with us. And remember everything that we do is for Your glory.

A message that struck me the most in trial times:
When a problem leads you to a prayer... then it has served its purpose.

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Quickie

Just a quick get-back-on-track post.

I'm heeeereeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kelangan ng change ng layout para may rason na mag-blog ulit. Hehe.

Ayun lang. Hehehe. Hello World!

Balik ako in a jiffy;)

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