Things I Never Had in College Life

which i really wanted so badly but never had the $$ money to buy... or found something else better to use my money for..

i) WHITE SNEAKERS!!!!!!! ultimate talaga!! (was supposed to but bought black instead thinking that it wouldn't mess up that easy. but i guess i was wrong! it was even harder to clean!!!)

ii) jacket (yung parang sweater lang)

iii) jansport bag (i never bought a bag for myself)

iv) leather belt (that is, i can call MY OWN!)

v) socks na may outline ng toes.. (mahal kasi. brrrr sa top shop lang ako nakakita non tapos wala na yata. kaasar!)

vi) original album ng kahit ano (oops, meron pala yung VERTICAL HORIZON. haha. pero actually kasi di sakin yun eh kay kuya juls yon eh, binigay lang nya sakin kasi nanghihingi ako sa kanya, binigyan siya so binigay na lang sakin. bahaha long story na walang kwenta!)

vii) casing ng phone. bwiset. 2 times na akong nagka-phone never ko silang nabilhan ng bagong case. nyahaha. hanggang sa nawala na lang..

viii) learn how to drive! haaaaayyy. wala na di na yata talaga ako matututo;(

ix) book! haha, halos lahat ng books na nabasa ko eh galing kay lheng:) hehehe. thanks to her she fulfilled some part of my reading leisure. hehe!

i've had so much in mind while i was in the bus on my way to school, but i almost forgot half of them. minsan, pag may gusto ko, antay na lang ng christmas so i can just ask my sisters/brothers to buy those for me;) almost 9 gifts during christmas! weeehooo!!!

but still,,, the list will continue.....

putek, makamundo ko talaga. bahahahahahahahahahahahahaha............ sige next time, i'll think of something non-material.;)

[get this widget]

Here's to the Night

So denied so I lied are you the now or never kind
In a day and a day love I'm gonna be gone for good again
Are you willing to be had are you cool with just tonight
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Put your name on the line along with place and time
Wanna stay not to go I wanna ditch the logical
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

All my time is froze in motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more
Don't let me let you go
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

===
bittersweet dilemma of goodbye.

[get this widget]

T a K o T

lagi akong nakakaramdam ng pangingilabot. ng TAKOT. hindi ko maipahiwatig kung anong klase, kung saang aspeto (palagay ko sa lahat ng bagay). hindi ko maintindihan. parang lahat ng gagawin ko ay may kapalit na hindi makakabuti. natatakot akong kumilos sapagkat tingin ko laging may kaakibat na panganib. hindi ko maintindihan. nanghihina ako. pakiramdam ko parang lahat hindi sumasang-ayon at hindi naaayon. nararamdaman ko na parang unti-unting pinapatay... ang puso ko, dahan-dahang pinipiga.

MULTO? TAO? PALIGID? o AKO?

ewan. hindi ko alam. hindi ko talaga maintindihan. naiinis na ako. natatakot ako. totoo.

Panginoon, patnubayan mo nawa ako.


[get this widget]

Timeless

the sky was gray, but the sun is still shining.. the wind blows softly, as her hair dances with it. she was wearing all white, her pj's on and long-sleeved sweater. the leaves were rustling, and the waves were tamed, just giving that sound that seems to be relaxing and therapeutic. she walks through the shore, barely wetting her feet, with a little bit of sand coming through. she was smiling. looking towards the end of the shore, she sees a wonderful day ahead of her. infinite possibilities awaiting her, like the endless sea. she wanders in the cold day, embracing the book that she's about the read till the sun sets. having it read for the hundredth time, ceaselessly giving her that warmth that she had, has and will always have for the rest of her life.

...........

[get this widget]

my runaway tendencies

i've been blogging myself away today. i missed it. hahahaha;) i haven't done much today. i ate, blogged and slept! waaaahoooo! i missed having siestas. and it was a great feeling because i gave my back the rest that it needs. reclined and at peace..

i don't want to put up something about life and/or love again. i've had enough for the day. i am telling a story of myself before and i am totally cracked up when i recall this memory of my childlike or even childish days. but cannot blame me to have acted that way. after all i was really a Kid back then.

i can vividly recall the moments. hahaha, my sister and i got stranded... in our garage. sneaking out and eating indian mangoes from a neighbor's house was the CRIME. like prisoner's of war. i was really holding to the gate, like i was behind bars. my mom was screaming out loud, wag na kayong pumasok!!! diyan na lang kayo sa labas!!!!. i was really scared to death. thoughts began popping into my mind... pushing a cart, yelling dyaryo, bakal, boooteeeee.. wandering on the streets, looking for food and lifting every garbage can lid i could see. or maybe i'll be sleeping at the garden, feasted by the monster mosquitoes and i'd be dying myself to bites. i was praying, "Oh Lord. Sori na po.. di ko na uulitin. magpapaalam na ako ulit pag lalabas ako. sorry na Lord sana papasukin na ako ni mama." bahahahahaha. anyway, i think God heard my prayers and my dad came beeping in his car. i was jumping inside, and felt hurraaahhhhh!!! i'd be able to get in. and my dad was carrying us through and asked why we were sitting in the garage. i was crying. and as i got in, i didn't talk to my mom. she was still mad. i don't remember if she was yelling at us. but as i got inside the room, i tried to pull out all my clothes from the cabinet. bahahaha. :D and i got a white blanket trying to pack it all up there, tying it and have it hanging in a stick. can you imagine that? those which bugs bunny has been bringing when he's out on a journey? carrying a stick on his shoulder with that white cloth hanging. i wish i could draw this out. anyway, on second thought, i can't. and i wouldn't. first, i don't know where to go. i was around 8 years old back then and i didn't have money at all. i was thinking of moving to my aunt's house, but it was way far in parañaque. i didn't have plans of walking thru there. and i was afraid the dogs would bite me. anyway, since i didn't know what to do, and as hopeless as i can get, i put all my clothes back and just locked myself in my room. i cried myself to sleep. but when dinner came, my mom went inside and told me to eat. she didn't say a word about what happened. she was still yelling at me though, but i know it was all over.

[get this widget]

in real life, love has to be possible. even if it is not returned right away, love can only survive when the hope exists that you will be able to win over the person you desire.

ANYTHING ELSE IS FANTASY.

--by the river piedera, i sat down and wept.

[get this widget]

Candid

Smile!

take a shot... be as candid as i can possibly be. spontaneity. i still think that i am closed to that fact that i am still thinking about "what is right" according to some social norms. i am in an ordeal. in a wreck. but i am becoming, or at least trying to be more positive about it.

welcome to existence.

i am thinking of reinventing myself.. but to what form? from what and to where?

i dare myself to move. SALVATION IS HERE.

------------<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>-----------------
Dare you to move - Switchfoot

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here



[get this widget]

Fairy Tales

Always and has been with the happy ending

I dreamt

Idealistic as i have been
I still believe in wands and wishes
That somehow i'd be able to find
My knight
To rescue me from misery
And lift me to serenity

I am wound with ropes
Unable to escape
The villains of happy endings
Let my hero
Unleash me from captivity
And let us runaway
Till we reach the liberty
From the abundant skies

Kisses, let it be my comforting sheets
Embrace me, to feel the warmth of security
Caress me with your undying love
The touch of your hand, YOU
The conqueror of my heart
I am living again

I am awake

A fantasy that is bound by an enchanting spell
Let the fairy cast it on me


[get this widget]

But, Anyway - Splender

I think I've had enough. I think I might erupt.
I'm looking for some information. It's digging in the skin.
Whenever I begin, There's gonna be a complication.

I take another breath, It's deeper than the rest.
I'm swimming to the final breaker. It's sitting in my mouth.
I wanna get it out. I wanna know when somethings on,

But anyway, I just can't be myself today, apparently
But anyway, cause nothing seems to come to me so easily.
But anyway, cause I mistake my memories for company.
But what a day, I've gotta say, I can't believe in myself today.

Sitting on the bed, every finger spread,
Looking for some motivation. If I can offend,
I'll try to fit in and I dont need an explanation.

I think I'd better wake.
I'm starting to deflate.
I'm looking for some compensation.

I'll never understand. I'll never be a man,
When I don't know when something's on,

And I'll face it face down, the long way.
And I'll face it face down, the long way.

I think it's got an end. I think it's gonna bend.
I think I gotta a new impression.
So tell me how I look. Tell me what I took,
To try to keep the conversation.

I think I'll get it right. I'm fucking with the light.
I'll turn it to the situation. I'm doing what I can.
I'll never understand, when I don't see when something's on

But Anyway,
I just can't be myself today, apparently
But Anyway,
Cause nothing seems to come to me so happily.
But anyway,
Cause I mistake my memories for company.
But what a day, I've gotta say,
They're getting harder to seperate.

I can't believe in myself today.

[get this widget]

a battle with myself

i was supposed to post my critique for The Notebook. but i don't feel like it. i am tired. although i haven't done much stressful today, i feel the pain in my back.. i feel the strenuous days have passed and i am experiencing the ultimate outpour of all kinds of pain. i am suffering with terrible back pains that seemed to have gathered all the stress i have endured the past few days.. maybe it is because my body subconsciously tells me that it will be a free day tomorrow and that i should be resting it to sleep.

in any case, i'd be lying in bed soon. i just don't feel it now. my spirit is willing yet my body is weak. i have yet to push myself to the limits and feel it breakdown. harharhar. no, i won't. not yet..

these days, i have beginning to re-assess my life. daym, the 1-hour-to-almost-2-hours bus journey seems to lead me to a warp zone.. with all the ghosts and monsters and angels surrounding me, being that second, and third, and fourth and whatever nth voices that i am hearing to make me realize how my life has been.

1)i am again in a state that i think am VISIONLESS. i don't have that end goal that i want to fulfill for myself.

2)i am pathetic and i whine over the simplest things.

3)i hate to admit what i really feel because i am afraid of what people would say.

4)i don't have something that i am truly proud of. i want to have something that i can say that i am good at something and that it is my talent.. *loser*

5)when i read a book, i always perceive myself as the main character. the girl who always ends up falling in love with the right man. the one who is meant to be. (meaning, most of the time, if not 100/100 times i read love stories with the twist of philosophy to spice it up abit and make it more a mind over heart thing.)DAYM.

6)i want to get out from the entrapment of my foolishness and childishness. but i can't. i am trying though.

7)i want to be a singer, although not of a celine dion thing or fantasia or something biggie. i just want to have the right tone and be able to sing good.. for myself. haha!

8)i am easily carried away with present conditions,and tend to have my thoughts be swayed that quick. but due to unavoidable circumstances, i find myself back from where i used to be. i am fickle-minded just as MEN are (MOSTLY. and i am not as intense;).

9)i am a frustrated writer, i am struggling to come up with a good piece. and OBVIOUSLY, i am still.

[get this widget]

i like The Calling's new song. OUR LIVES. it tells so much about life. every single word reminds us of how life should be lived.. a better and positive thought on making the most out of it. whatever reason we believe why we're here, let's all live to it. i'm sure that everyone must have their own reason for living. even life's in a waste, there's still more to it.. more things to bring out the best moments.

haay. i just feel good whenever i hear the song. *sigh* :)

These are the moments, these are the times. Let's make the best time of our lives. We will all can get it right. Surely.

[get this widget]

Our Lives - the Calling

Is it love tonight
When everyone's dreaming
Of a better life
In this world
Divided by fear
We've gotta believe that
There's a reason we're here
Yeah, there's a reason we're here

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives

See the truth all around
Our faith can be broken
And our hands can be bound
But open our hearts and fill up the emptiness
With nothing to stop us
Is it not worth the risk?
Yeah, is it not worth the risk?

^^**^^
Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives
Even if hope was shattered
I know it wouldn't matter
Cause these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives
^^**^^

We can't go on
Thinking it's wrong
To speak our minds
I've gotta let out what's inside

Is it love tonight
When everyone's dreaming
Can we get it right?
Yeah, well can we get it right?

^^**^^

[get this widget]

a blabber that i am

it's been a day. it was tiring for me. although the day was started with a message that woke me up abruptly, *wink*wink* it was a tiresome day. we were able to do alot. although i wouldn't want to talk about that stuff. i never wanted to talk about it at home. well as much as possible, that is. i wouldn't want to bring home some work.

anyway, shifting it to another side, as i was on my way home, by the tricycle station, i came to bump to a highschool friend of mine. at first i didn't want to initiate any contact or even a conversation. firstly because i didn't know how was she called. really! i didn't know if she was called by her firstname (which i had to recall for a few seconds! dumb!) or by something else. i wouldn't want to seem "close" and then calling her by her first name.. haha. that's weird. like me, not to be called by "kaye" is quite weird. that only means that we're not close enough to start a conversation. teehee! anyway, my lookaway moves didn't work and i had no escape because she was just in front of me in the queue. anyway, i had to say "hi" and made and alibi that i didn't notice her.. hehe. anyway, enough of the pretensions, we did get along thru the 5min conversation we did. talking about graduation, practicum and another friend that will be migrating in a month! after that, when it was her turn to take the trike, she gave me that lady-like gesture for goodbye. a cheek-to-cheek. a beso-beso that is, which made me feel quite awkward because i don't usually don't do it with someone unless they're really close.. and because i felt my face was too oily and quite embarrassing to have it rubbed against another cheek. yeck! *shy*.

anyway, when i got home, poor me! something terrible happened to my PC as i was moving my copied mp3's from estre. daym! i had to reformat the whole thing, which took me 3hrs i guess. i didn't know how to do it, and still took time to have it figured it out for myself. good thing now though, i know how it works!!! hahaha. but still! it's 230am and i'm still awake! i should be ending by 11pm!! waaah. oh well. i have to get up early tom because i am sneaking at 530pm and attending a "recognition night" that isn't really important. harharhar. anyway, i wanted to come because i wanted some recognition for myself. at least, for the mere fact that i joined an "organization" that gave me the slightest "recognition" i needed. hahaha. felt honored of being part of it though, even if i haven't accomplished much there. although i have to say i had good memories during that time with my colleagues. paved way too to meet new friends.

i hope i could attend. you know, thesis is important that 2 hrs of work is crucial!! oh well. i hope i can get that break. that's why i have to end this now. but i have 48% left of installation! daym! i still have to be awake! waaah.

so to keep this going, i have been reading The Notebook by N.Sparks and the time i was doing this draggy re-installation of XP, i was able to finish around 50 pages. hahaha. i could've not started or moved on reading this book if not for this night. hay. when the bad comes in, the good always comes right after. and vice versa. tomorrow will be a heavy day. for my head will feel heavy, but light because you'll feel like it's floating in thin air. i hate that feeling. surely i'd be complaining. hahaha. so typical. anyway, i'm making a blabber out of myself right now so bear with me. it feels good writing this down though. oh well, maybe i have to continue reading The Notebook. i'll be giving my review on it soon. ;)

[get this widget]

twins?!

haha. have always heard that we look like twins. like having a mirror image of another.. sheesh! i still can't see myself as a complete look-a-like of my sister?!? daym! am i blind or i just refuse to accept that? hahaha. this is weird. well, it isn't really. it's normal i guess. i have never heard ppl really ADMIT that they look like their siblings. hehe! anyway, she's not that ugly for me to look like her, aight?! *wink wink*. and in fairness, my nephew's pogiiii and cute so it would be great for him to look like me! teehee! i simply love him and he would thank me sooner that her mom had the "twin" in me!!! haha, i would just share that we were really mistaken as TWINS when we were in MCDONALD's. stupid us, we wore the same shade of shirt, and wearing white shorts. both having braces and short hair! haha how silly can that get and be surprised that we are confused as twins?! HELLO?!

msg me to see the illusion. harharhar!

[get this widget]

drama? yeck!

i realized i was in a whole drama shit! i can't take this!! hahahaha! it makes life boring. i now shift my drama mode to something else. i'll still be thinking about it for the rest of the hours i lie awake in bed. booohoo!!! :D such a booooreeee.. daym! i will let loose in my deepest fantasies.. LATER!

[get this widget]

a night out

it has always been the usual. 12am, still talking under the moonlight. never ceased to end. talking about LIFE.. and LOVE.. never fails. but like i said, there's nothing more to tell or even talk about than our own lives.. it surprises me that we still can carry through another talk about the same things without even getting tired of it.. maybe we will. sooner! hahaha. although i have to say that it doesn't surprise me much that i still have my friends with me. although we might not be the "complete" if there was ever a complete list of the gang, but i still have to say that i am truly grateful that they have stayed all along.. this LONG! waaaahhh! i love my "girlfriends".. and i really can't imagine myself, imagine this life without them. they are my cushions every time i fall. hahaha! and my shock absorber thru good and bad times! these people have been with me for the longest time and i guess they are the ones who truly knows me inside out..

i can remember one thing good about myself that i have realized is that i keep my friends no matter what. no matter from where or when or how i met them, since birth up until now, they are still part of me and i will never forget them... *sobsob* they have helped me become who i am now.



i am happy today. i just realized i have been happy these days.i feel more positive about it. i am fulfilled at the end of the day. when i get home, i feel the warmth of my bed to ease the stress for the day. although at one moment i felt so deprived of happiness and subjected to pain, i felt that this life has offered me so much and it is just up to me to make the most out of it. to make sensible and significant moments and turn them to long lasting memories. if there's anything that would compensate the many troubles and emotional imbalances that i am undertaking now is that i have my family and friends to keep my sanity.

however, if there's one thing i've learned tonight, is that we should find your inner peace within yourself. you can never feel complete by finding your missing jigsaw parts from other people or from some other things, but only to yourself. and it's more of being an OPTIMIST in viewing LIFE in general because it is what makes you. for what you think moulds you and defines you later. the people around us just serve as our security blankets and our guide to help us become a better or worse person that we are.

x's. SF got me. haha. someone we saw over the gasoline station and they were a group of guys huddling over the SELECT version of CALTEX. hehe. that guy wearing that san francisco shirt was cute though. driving that silver PRADO. haha, first time i eyed on a guy over a gasoline station.. no, he's not the gasoline boy.. ;)

[get this widget]

A Soul to Squeeze

I got a bad disease,
Up from my brain is where I bleed.
In sanity it seems,
Is got me by my soul to squeeze.
Well all the love from me,
With all these dying trees I scream.
The Angels in my dreams,
have turned to demons of greed,
That's me.

<3
Where I go I just don't know,
I got to, got to, gotta take it slow.
When I find my piece of mind,
I'm gonna give you some of my good time.

Today loves smile on me,
It took away my pain, said please
All that you ride is free,
You gotta let it be,
Oh ya.

-==<3==-

You're so polite indeed,
Well I got everything I need.
Oh make my days a breeze,
And take away my self destruction.

It's bitter baby,
And it's very sweet.
I'm on a rollercoaster,
but I'm on my feet.
Take me to the river,
Let me on your shore.
I be coming back baby,
I be coming back for more.

Doo doo doo doo dingle zing a dong bone,
ba-di ba-da ba-zumba crunga cong gone bad,
like an apple gift but i went out and never said my pleasures
I'm much better but I won't regret it never

-==<3==-

Where I go I just don't know,
I might end up somewhere in Mexico.
When I find my piece of mind,
I'm gonna keep for the end of time!




[get this widget]

harakiriii!!!

i wanna die. ahahahaha.. i want to kill myself.. i love this life but i don't think that i live with it. i just EXIST.

which makes me realize about simply living it, but am bound by the complexities i have refused to co-exist with. transcending that distinct and character of mine -- that i never GROW UP. i have come to realize FACTS i have always refused to admit. i refute the notion of LOSING. hate the thought of giving up.. fears the thought of letting go. succumbs into traumatic past events. daym. watta life. i have to learn to move on. i am stuck in this moment.

it got me a soul to squeeze. maybe i have to do an honorable japanese tradition to death. waaaapaaaak! or am i just the damsel in distress and have my knight in shining armor or my dashing hero to come rescue me?!

[get this widget]

the not-so-melodramatic life that i have ever since the world began

I am nothing special; of this i am sure. i am a common woman with common thoughts, and i've led a common life. there are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but i've loved with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.

i read this from The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. it struck me so much that every word of it was like an arrow penetrating under my skin. if ever i would be given the chance to have my life be written as a novel, surely it can't be a lovestory. i have yet to find someone that will leave my tale with the line "And they lived happily ever after"... neither it can be the drama series with the same old whining and *sobsob* moments because of a heartrending episode or even letting me have the ultimate cry-me-a-river scenes from start till ending. i could not even imagine myself dipped in a chick flick teeny-bopper style that seemed to set up the trend of the new kids on the block. i have never been that fashionista to influence style or be the grand epitome of the highschool/college icon. never have i lived my life in shimmering limelight, or even care to share a momentous event that can somehow be the movie of the century. haha. simply put, it is about my LIFELESS and ORDINARY journey of living.

but then again, it's all about love... AGAIN! i'm becoming a bore, but it lightens me up and gives me that bright bright future when i have this four-letter-word in my grasp. as what people have been saying, i am quite idealistic with it. true enough, i really am, thinking that with love, everything seems to be perfect.. not necessarily implying that there's no negativity to pull it down, but it just tries to push life towards a three-fold-utopian dream.. a life to lift you up to serenity.. the love to keep you wide awake, escaping the monsters in your dreams.

i want to have a life that when i look back, may it be the happy or sad, a tragedy or triumph, bulakbol or pa-goody ones, i would love to bring them back and say that i have made a signficant one that has changed my life and others as well. i am not aspiring to be a HEROINE, fighting crimes, trying to save the world. or even a historic figure to be remembered and put upon a pedestal.. i want to be remembered as someone else.. still thinking what few words would i like to be carved in my tombstone..

bwahaha. death. it scares me though.. so i guess, i have to end this now. i'm falling asleep... *bog*

[get this widget]

a lovely day.. ; )

happy happy day:) it was a sun shiny day... i woke up with a smile on the face:"> it is unexplainable, hahaha, it's an extraordinarily "ordinary" day, that i can't say that something momentous has transpired. i can't believe this! i'm finding myself funny, smiling as i key in the words that wander in my mind without conscious direction.. hahaha! this is great! i hope this continues for the rest of the days, and hoping for the rest of my life.. harharhar!!

i should be seeing a friend today but i dunno what happened.. raincheck! she didn't reply to my msg, i was even looking forward to it pa naman. anyway, i hope we could still see each other soon. up until next week. its been ages since i last saw her. there's a whole lot of catching up in our lives! teehee!:)

estre came back from EUROPE! he made a big prank saying that he'll be home by friday! but as i got inside the room, he was there! haha! i got alot of pasalubong from him. it was like we had shopping from the WEST! hehehe! that's cool..

hay. that's enough. maybe it was the sugar rush that did this. hehe. hope things will turn out fine for the next days... looking forward to more happier days.

[get this widget]

Wonderful -- Stone Temple Pilots

If I were to die this mornin'
Would you tell me things that you wouldn't have?
Would you be my navigator?
Would you take me to a place we could hide?

As I'm fallin' out
I wonder what I lost
Must be movin' on
Know I'll be waitin' here alone

I wanna ask you to forgive me
I haven't been the best with all that I had
Wish I'd only laid beside you
I think I spread myself a little too thin

As I'm fallin' out
I wonder what I lost
Must be movin' on
Know I'll be waitin' here alone

You're the everything
That led me to believe,
"Hold on, hold on"
You're the wonder in everything
That's wonderful

As I'm fadin' out
I don't feel anything at all
Think I'm movin' on
Know you'll be safe but not alone

You're the everything
That led me to believe,
"Hold on, hold on"
You're the wonder in everything
That's wonderful
Know you'll be safe but not alone

[get this widget]

Temporary Madness

yes, love. it is but something we can afford to lose our sanity. i don't know, but despite its irony that love is yet undefinable, there's a whole, wide, vast perspective through which man can draw their own definition out of this magical feeling. oh well, maybe that's what makes it undefinable, there's an infinite number of definitions a human psyche can come up.. and with which one meaning is quite individualistic, that it all depends on how the person sees it, and how it just works for himself.

it wouldn't surprise me if people will be caught in this booby trap that love has devised itself. sometimes, you find yourself caught in a quicksand devouring you, enveloping your entire being, consuming your humanistic physicality, your psychological state of mind, even your deepest emotional senses from which every momentary sentiments or passionate emotions are rooted from. even if at times you are suffering from this entrapment, we still revel in the torment that we are undertaking.. or a better way of projecting it is that, we are unaware of the pain because we are blinded by the concept of love, and that it is just part of the package that we have come to willingly accept and embrace. insanity, temporary madness, overshadows the probable escape that might have taken into consideration..

there's just so much foolish acts that we find ourselves doing when we are IN LOVE. it's just an exhilirating feeling that it seems we are walking into the clouds. we are numb with the feeling of pain because love is overflowing and that we are anesthesized with lies, deceit, sorrow. i, for myself, plead guilty of insanity. i am crazy about love. it's like an addictive opium that fires my senses to produce pleasure, highness, and bliss. the feeling is yet undefinable, and as been said, it is quite an individual perspective that only i, for myself, would have such experience and notion about love.

at the present moment, i find myself IN LOVE. i have always been in love. romantically or just the absolute meaning of being in love, having someone to share this feeling, either intimate or those familial ones.. even the spiritual kind of love, for that matter. i find myself in a situation wherein i am outpouring with this exhilirating feeling. but, at this moment, i want to be in love with a man that can make me feel high. that with him things are lighter, they seem to get bettter. i'll be able to see the light that shines beyond the darker days. i'll feel the love that embraces me, caressing me with hope, rekindling my faith.

Although, deep inside this feeling, I know that there’s nothing more that I will be getting. Factors that cannot be avoided, and that I think there’s nothing more in stored for the future. sometimes we are caught in this entrapment and that we find no escape. But, for in truth, we don’t want to stumble upon the fact that there’s some way out but we are caught in ultimate irony of it. despite the hardships that it brings, we try to endure every heartache.. every little thing seems to be magic. A tonic that seems to wash away the pain.. funny it seems… even we’re hurt we still find good things in it to keep it alive.

when you're in love, you give meaning even to the slightest details that happen in your life.. life is but more meaningful with love. much more meaningful if you had someone to share it with. however, we are blinded with the reality that things happen just because. we are just the ones who give meaning to life. although, come to think of it, as a famous philospher, Paramenides, said - everything is just an illusion.. or we can say that words are just words. there's really no such thing as LOVE, or being in love. it's just a feeling that we have come to put up into a four-letter word.

**i got this from my previous blogspot but highlighted, deleted a few to make it more appropriate for the current status of my life.:)


[get this widget]

Eyes that rise to meet me half way up among the stars

what do you have to say on that?! sounded great but i would love to give much meaning to that.. the depth that would prolly move someone if i told him that i saw the twinkle in his eyes which met me halfway among the star-painted sky;) i came to wish upon a star, that everything my heart desired has come to meeee..

it's way past time for one last try, so it's goodbye again..

[get this widget]

HOLD ON - Wilson Philips

I know this pain
Why do you lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Don't ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?

Chorus:
Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things'll go your way
Hold on for one more day

You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin' your worries pass you by
Don't you think it's worth your time
To change your mind?

(Chorus)

I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free the chains
Yeah I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and you
Break free, break from the chains

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day yeah
If you hold on

Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day,
If you hold on
Can you hold on
Hold on baby
Won't you tell me now
Hold on for one more day 'Cause
It's gonna go your way

Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can't you change it this time

Make up your mind
Hold on
Hold on
Baby hold on



[get this widget]

come out, loose!

i've been thinking.. maybe i just have to let myself out in the open.. LOOSELY. i have, and had been just that, being as "vocal" as i was with what and how i feel. however, i just had been that whiny, and mumbling about it behind. i have always kept myself from doing it UPFRONT, hiding from it when the problematic scenario arrives.. i come out clean, pretending everything's fine. i wanted to be and to do anything without thinking about how others feel and or assume of who i am. it is excruciatingly tiring to keep on wondering how would others perceive me with what i do.. painstakingly remained as paranoid as i had been for ages.. i want to be loose for myself, AND NOT for anybody else. i want to be someone that i could be without having to think that some people might not like being me, or sticking in to my brain that i am not doing anything sensible because others don't think of it as something significant. according to the best buddies that i have in my entire life, DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY, dude. sometimes you cannot act because it is "socially" incorrect, as dictated by standards of humanity that has just been driven by relentless traditions or by someone we don't know who had been babbling about the fairness or otherwise of our so-called life, pretending he can therefore speak for the entire human race. do whatever you think is right, making sure that you have kept your faith and principles uptight, but coming out loose, with perfect binding to keep it altogether;) i love this life, we are only given the chance to live it once. seize it. live to the fullest. CARPE DIEM.

[get this widget]

staring at the screen

Another Day - Mojofly

I think I'll go home now
it's been the greatest day
thank you for shedding life to my fantasy
throw me a wicked smile
the one like yesterday
that threw me up and away to the evergreen
like a spiral staircase down i go
losing every step
i sense an earthquake
I.L.U. don't even know how to say
when will it break
today is gone
but tomorrow will be okay
i'll wait another day
morning awakes me
i need a special plan
this very simple task i cannot overcome
hundreds of streets i roamed
in search for the perfect line
nothing i've found good enough
for a boy like you
like a spiral staircase down i go
losing every step
i sense an earthquake
I.L.U. don't even know how to say
when will it break
today is gone
but tomorrow will be okay
i'll wait another day
why i can never let you go
so strange extraordinary
why i can never tell you so
i must be dumb
why i can never let this go
can't stop
this fun it must be done
i'll wait another day


[get this widget]