two seconds of tear drop

these are the moments that i feel i don't want to talk.. or even try to open my mouth. everything just don't fall into place, and i am f*cking tired and frustrated. DESPAIR, is one of the few things that can possibly change your life in split seconds. i wanted to quit, but i can't. it'll only make things WORSE. possibly the WORST. unreliable, non-sense form of ESCAPE... because it'll haunt you forever. and the only way of getting rid of it from your senses is to FINISH it. but DAYM. how?!? when?!? until what?!? i'm a SLAVE. but i am willing to be slave-driven by this 6-letter word for a few weeks more, just to be able to move on to another phase in life.

i don't know what else to do, but i am still holding on to the fact that we will finish. we will cross that line and rejoice finally that it is over. but not until that time comes, i have the luxury to complain, get tired for 16 days or more, sacrifice, feel frustrated, laugh at yourself, feel stupid, unworthy, have a little time "bonding" (and jamming that it is at times you feel brainless) with fellas on hallways, feel your stomach grumbling every after every 30 minutes (but feel like puking everytime you only have the choice between eating siomai, barbeque, corn, banana cue, or spend walking 10minutes under the scorching heat of the sun for a higher-budget meal at jollibee or mcdonalds. but frugality surfaces, so you stick to the former)thinking about possible solutions to unknown problems, feel sometimes special (for some uknown you reason, you just feel so..) discovering a few secrets from other people, realizing the other sides of other people, feel deprived of having to read a 200++ pages of a book (hanging on to the roller coaster story of MARIA, which somehow makes me realize of how life should be treated.. a strong woman she is, dared to live life to the fullest...), wanted to sleep for and hour or two, but unable to do so, coming to school around 10-1030 am, realizing it is time for lunch, and after a few moments it's 430, and then it's 8pm, and then 9... realizing by wednesday that the week will be ending soon. and by saturday you feel it's a great day because the next day is sunday and it will feel great being home, but when it's sunday you realize that tomorrow will be monday and it's again another cycle...

tomorrow will be another day of counting.. subtracting another day, another hour, another minute, another second.. but still, at the end of the day, i thank the Lord for giving me all these. because He makes me realize things i have never realized before, blessing me with more strength, and keeping my faith strong so i may be able to carry through another day of counting...



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