Chapter 4

it's been a long day.  it has been ages since i've been out with the family for the entire day... and we were complete!!!  it's my niece's christening today and it is my first time to be ninang. i didn't cheap in for the gift that my sisters bought yesterday (it was a car seat, which my sister asked for=p) but i did make her a CD she has been asking from me. haha. i didn't do anything special with it, but it felt good doing something for her though. i was planning to do something with a baby motif to her cd cover, but i didn't have time, sticker, colored ink (in short i have nothing!) to do it.. too bad. anyway, my niece's getting bigger and prettier though;) i remembered she was too small and fragile that i was really afraid to even touch her. now she's kinda "handy" hehe, because i know she has stronger bones now.. hahaha.
 
after lunch, we went straight ahead to Batangas to visit lolo. he's been hospitalized for 2 days already. it has been yearssss since we last saw him.. although i didn't have much attachment to him, still, i felt i needed to see him. i dunno, they made it seem that we should. sounds scary though, but i am thankful that we got there. there's been that haunting reason why we were "prohibited" to visit him... long scary and threatening story. i don't even want to recall. i remember when i was a kid we used to spend every christmas, nov1 and 2 "holidays", holy week, and fiestas at the old house.. but since that freaky incident happened, we were not able to step in the lands of our family gatherings.. daym, i am enraged by recalling the situation..
 
anyway, on our way home, which was quite a breeze since there was no traffic in the south, suddenly the rain poured down. we stopped by the grocery store, with my mom buying stuff alone and we just waited and slept inside the car. it was really raining so hard, which makes me think that i have been like the rain these past few days.. i am raging. i didn't know why before, not until i realized that maybe the hormones did it. (oh yes, blame it to something else. or even BLAME IT ON THE RAIN. yeaaah, yeaaaah.) post-something... i had to be consciously aware of it, my friend told me so, because i have to explain it to people so they'd understand. but it was too late i guess. no more explaining to do because it was all over. guilt now surfaces, and i truly feel sorry to the people that made themselves feel that it is because of them that has caused my anguish. i plead guilty. i'm really sorry:( i have never again felt so responsible of being bitchy at times, i usually waste away and bitch some more to tease them. but i guess i am a bit older now, and a bit more sensitive to what others feel. haaaay. ang babaw ko kasi. nakakaasar na. pwede ko na bang patayin sarili ko? ayan. ang babaw ko na naman. bwiset!
i'll just laugh at myself after a few days, when i read this again... sige tawa pa.
 
it is hard to sneeze while brushing your teeth.
 
i miss the christmas lights...
 


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