Bittersweet tonight

And the rain came pouring. AGAIN.

The weather seems to bring more gloominess to my setting. I am even more depressed with the black-and-white hue, the smell of raindrops, and the thought of stepping into wet road. I have never been a fan of this season, and it saddens me most that the rain came falling with my season of depression.

I had a great night though. I spent it indulging to a mango-strawberry crepe in Haagen Dazs. Feels heaven actually, although I could've enjoyed it better with more ice cream;)




Thanks to Angel, She and Pearl for being with me tonight as I succumb myself to... to.. to.

I gotta get back to work;(

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I'm back!

It's been a month I guess. I never got around of putting up something for several reasons. Hehehe. Tinatamad, walang time, sobrang busy, laging antok, bulok ang pc, walang masulat. Oh well, they are just some of the 'several'.

And I came counting my posts. I read from pong that he just reached his centennial post (Congrats!). I just realized that I am nearing my 2nd year in blogspot. Whew. Time really flies by so fast, isn't it?

I read my first few posts and I grabbed some of them (due to lack of time or should I say inspiration to post:P)

Fairy Tales
Published Thursday, June 24, 2004

Always and has been with the happy ending

I dreamt

Idealistic as i have been
I still believe in wands and wishes
That somehow i'd be able to find
My knight
To rescue me from misery
And lift me to serenity

I am wound with ropes
Unable to escape
The villains of happy endings
Let my hero
Unleash me from captivity
And let us runaway
Till we reach the liberty
From the abundant skies

Kisses, let it be my comforting sheets
Embrace me, to feel the warmth of security
Caress me with your undying love
The touch of your hand, YOU
The conqueror of my heart
I am living again

I am awake

A fantasy that is bound by an enchanting spell
Let the fairy cast it on me

======

in real life, love has to be possible. even if it is not returned right away, love can only survive when the hope exists that you will be able to win over the person you desire.

ANYTHING ELSE IS FANTASY.

--by the river piedera, i sat down and wept.

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Nothing to something

I was trying to put up something light over this blog, but after three hopeful attempts to it. I ended up with this one.

Nothing.

All ideas are flowing like water from the faucet down to the drain. Nothing is left but remnants of each thought, that I cannot put up for one coherent post.

Oh well, as I quote from a favorite line of a song somebody brought up to me.. 'When you're searching your soul, when you're searching for pleasure, how often pain is all you find. But when you're coasting along and nobody's trying too hard. You can turn around and like where you are'.

And now I am trying to make something out of nothing. Good good:)

I now realize that I am missing a lot of people now. Those people that I used to talk to everyday. That I used to see everyday. That I shed some 'tear' when I am caught up in a mess. That I have been sharing with glorious moments with. Some years ago when we would spend some time just talking about nothing. Even if the topics are just repeating itself, the laughter never wanes. We could not stop talking. Only if not for my mom or an exam or a pestering brother who keeps on bugging me to use the phone, it wouldn't end. I don't know if it's me who really can't stop talking, or you who wouldn't stop listening and injecting snippets of your own stories:P So I end up telling my story again where I started:D

To those people that just might be too far, or even to those who are far too close, I miss you. I know I can't bring it all back, but I hope it doesn't stop there. I hope we could still pick ourselves where we have left off. That's what true friends really are:) Even if we had our petty fights and our sulky sorries. Even if things have changed...

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Leap of Faith

First of Summer - Urbandub, I quote -- "This heartfelt leap I surrender".

So when do we actually take that infamous "Leap of Faith"? What does it actually mean? How do we know that we should? Who should?

I asked my ever reliable companion, GOOGLE and here's what he had in store for me:
Leap of faith defined: is the act of believing in something without, or in spite of, available empirical evidence.

Operative words:
1. Empirical. Whoa. And when did I actually last hear the word "Empirical"?! You wouldn't believe that I still remember the exact person, exact time, and exact facial expression she had while uttering the word.. "Em-pi-ri-cal". My gosh, my hatest Chemistry teacher back in third year highschool. Sounds nostalgic isn't it? I had my fingers counting to back track how many years was it then.. Blech! But as I remembered, she was explaining (with her shoulder pads flying across the class room:P) Empirical relies on observation. Based on experience. Theories banned.
2. Faith. Mostly in religion context, coined with trust and loyalty. But what exactly faith means? Some say that it is just obscuring a state of fear or denial.. and that it is used as a shield for fear when truth is unattainable. However, as I have defined it myself, or with which some definitions I truly agree upon is that -- Faith, more than a belief and a state, is a relationship that we have fully surrendered to have embraced upon. We do not need proof or any logic explanation why we have committed ourselves into it. And that doubt is completely inadmissible.

So when do we actually take that leap of faith? Besides EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE and the presence of INDUBITABLE FAITH. Even if the irony of absolute uncertainty has pre-occupied your mindset, the strength of your heart's uttered trust and belief must alleviate with compassion.

You can take half the step. But not a leap. Faith comes with entirety, you either lose it with all doubts or embrace it with complete surrender.

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Yet Another Test

Hehehe. Thanks to Wyleen for this;) I was interested because I love writing. Although at first I didn't know what to right, and was a bit conscious on my strokes. So here it is. I think it got me, close enough:P

What does your handwriting say about YOU?
You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a shy, idealistic person who does not find it easy to have relationships, especially intimate ones.
You are affectionate, passionate, expressive, and future-oriented.
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.

Objections are fully accepted. *Blapht*

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Cigarette

Government Warning: Cigarette smoking is bad for your health.
Some things I learned about life, I learned from a cigarette.

Sometimes, we'll never really know what we're getting until we give it a try. Even if at the very start you know that it won't do you any good, you'll never realise the good and bad side of it unless you are ACTUALLY into it.

Not all the 'bad things' are totally BAD. Likewise not all 'good things' turn out to be really GOOD. Again, the theory of relativity. Sometimes the good become bad to certain circumstances. Sometimes the bad becomes good, depending how a person works it out to be of advantage to him.

Not all we want turns out what we need. And not all of what we need is given to us.

Don't do something just because some people tells you so.

There are just some things in life that were made to hurt you. Even at that, all things are made purposely.

Though there are certain societal norms that build typecasting of influence (specifically, BAD that is), an individual should be at least more careful with that.

Your problems will not go with a *PUFF*

In love and in life, just like a cigarette, will make you addicted to it. At first you'll be at HIGH. But later, you'll never know you're a slave of it. You'll never know what you're losing unless you're in pain.


No, I haven't tried hitting on it. Not even the thought of letting that stick touch my lips. And more than me giving a puff, that smoke coming out of a person's mouth (sometimes thru his nose) is a threat.

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So I begged to disagree

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy

When a guy gets to know you, he finds a great catch Problem is... you're too shy for most guys to get to know. From meeting someone to dating, you usually have your guard up. And while you're just holding back, it makes you seem like you've got something to hide.

Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend?

Though I wasn't pissed of at the result (and because I totally do not rely on this crap. Thought I answered for the heck of it) and more than surprised, I found myself laughing out loud (oops, laughing in loud must be rather correct:p). How can someone tell you the ultimate REASON why I don't have one yet if questions are so stupid that I haven't tried, or can't even relate to. Augh, pathetic! But for the one and only question and ANSWER I exactly agreed with. Too simple not to hit.

Your ideal relationship includes:
A. Your guy taking the lead and doing a good job. Also, he should be your best friend and boyfriend in one.
B. You taking the lead on most things - without him actually knowing it.
C. Both of you having a lot of seperate interests and friends, with quality together time every so often.
D. A guy with a great personality, lots of charm, a good job, and great looks. Oh, and no female friends.

And the answer is.... I'll strangle you in the neck if you don't get it. Hehehe.

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The Irony of Mediocrity

And so we meet again. In those brief moments I revel in the grandness of mediocrity. The monotony just squeezes out the real juice. Imagine how the tables were turned, dull become bright... low to high. The mere thought of this metaphormism... BRILLIANT.

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Too hard to keep

Why is it so hard to keep your own word? To stay quiet for so long? To keep a secret forever?
Why is it so hard to forget? To completely throw something and not look back to where it has been, or even retrieve it from where it had crashed upon.
Why is it so hard to recuperate from a terrible pain? To be rejuvenated and feel renewed as if the scar has been healed quick time.
Why is it so hard to say whatever you feel? To be bold enough and care less of whatever other people would say.
Why is it so hard to fall? To be pulled down by gravity without fear, utterly screaming without pain but with joy of having risked the fun without regret.
Why is it so hard to say goodbye? To bid them farewell and leave it to the chest of the PAST? To kiss it away and blow them to disappear in thin air.

Why is it so hard for ME? I have tried so hard. But I guess, ALL is not OVER.. It's not yet over..

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Jeff Buckley - Last Goodbye

this is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
but it's over
just hear this and then I'll go
you gave me more to live for
more than you'll ever know

this is our last embrace
must I dream and always see your face
why can't we overcome this wall
well, maybe it's just because I didn't know you at all

kiss me, please kiss me
but kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation
you know it makes me so angry 'cause I know that in time
I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye

did you say "no, this can't happen to me,"
and did you rush to the phone to call
was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind
saying maybe you didn't know him at all
you didn't know him at all, oh, you didn't know

well, the bells out in the church tower chime
burning clues into this heart of mine
thinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memories
offer signs that it's over... it's over

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Waiting In Vain - Annie Lennox

You know how I terribly love this song (and I love Annie's version than Bob's). But as much as I wanted to sing it on my own, I have to stop. I am never going to sing this again... or should I say, wait in vain no more.

From the very first time I rest my eyes on you,boy
My heart said follow through but I know now
That I’m way down on your line
But the waiting feeling’s fine

So don’t treat me like a puppet on a string
Because I know how to do my thing
Don’t talk to me as if you think I’m dumb
I wanna know when you’re gotta come,you see

*i don’t wanna wait in a vain for your love
I don’t wanna wait in a vain for your love
I don’t wanna wait in a vain for your love
’cause sommer is here
And I’m still waiting there
Winter is here
I’m still waiting there

Like I said
It’s been three years since I’m knocking on your door
And still I can knock some more
Ooh boy,ooh boy,is it crazy look,i wanna know now
For I to knock some more,you see

In life I know
That there is lots of grief
But your love is my relief
Tears in my eyes burn
Tears in my eyes burn
While I’m waitin’
While I’m waitin’ for my turn,you see

(*repeat)

Like I said-
I don’t wanna,i don’t wanna
I don’t wanna,i don’t wanna
I don’t wanna wait in vain
I don’t wanna,i don’t wanna
I don’t wanna,i don’t wanna
I don’t wanna wait in vain

It’s been three years since I’m knocking on your door
And still I can knock some more
Ooh boy,ooh boy,is it crazy look,i wanna know now
Like I said,the tears in my eyes burn
Tears in my eyes burn
While I’m waiting
While I’m waiting for my turn,you see
Ooh boy,ooh boy,is it crazy look,i wanna know now
For I to knock some more
In life I know there is lots of grief
But your love is my relief

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Fate or Destiny defined

And so I asked my ever reliable companion.. Google. Although for some I would have to beg to disagree.

May also be referred to as Destiny: the ultimate agency that predetermines the
course of events (often personified as a woman); "we are helpless in the face of Destiny"

Or so am I just a victim of circumstances?

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Good Bye

Farewell to someone I held so dear for one year. It had been so long since I have last had you. When I had you back, everything seemed so different. Different but unique. Unique and made me distinct for the two decades of being ME. Distinctly me. I bore with you for so long. Even during the hardest times, I still wanted to keep you. I tried to maintain you, and had a little trimming of our misunderstandings. At times when I needed and wanted and felt I need to let go, I did not. For I thought, you bring out the better me.

Oh yes you did. For quite some time, I felt a new person every day. I can be different, I can be the same. I can play with myself and experiment. But, as they say, nothing really lasts forever. I got tired of you. You gave me more reasons to feel stressed. You made me look harassed/fatigued/stressed than ever. So I decided to let you go.

And now, I am a new person again. I feel better and the feeling is so light. Don't misunderstand me. I love you. and I still want you back. But not now. I still would want to enjoy the new me. And my new company.

I will see you soon. When I keep myself from being pampered from my reliable hairdresser. She will try to bring you back, a new and better you. For now, I'll keep myself combing for your better growth and keep you growing for another year. I hate to miss you. But I know we'll see each other again soon:)

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The Love Series: 2. Meant To Be

I hope I can remember it right. When I first heard it, I was really feeling giddy about learning how to drive.. Hehehe. And more so, I was totally 'in-love' with her story. I might have fabricated it a little bit, but the gist is there.

Main Character:
Lois - petite, cute, girl who has just learned how to drive

Setting:
Traffic jam in one of the Manila highways

Lois had just learned how to drive. Her car was not so new, but she was particular with it. And of course, as a beginner, she would want her first few driving moments to be smooth.. and a pleasure.

Some afternoon, Lois came 'cruising' her way to a traffic jam over the busy streets in the Metro. Being sooooo careful, she accidentally miscalculated hitting the gas, bumping to the car in front of her. Then the 'love story' begins:

*BUMP*
Lois: (Frantically nervous and disoriented) Ooooops....
Guy: (Came out of the car.. trying to look at the damage)
Before winding down the window, she was really praying hard that this guy may not be a goon. That she will not be harassed. Or even yelled at.
Lois: (Wound down the window, chinky-eyed saying..) Sorry..!!!:(
Guy: Uh, are you fine? It's okay. Actually, mas malaki ata yung tama sa yo..
Lois: *Blushing*
The guy was cute, tall, lean..
Lois: I am really sorry. Can I just give you my number? I am so much in a hurry. Can we just talk about it over some time soon?
Guy: Oh yeah sure.
Then they both went out their way.

*BEEP BEEP* Lois just received a text message. The 'Guy' just sent out: 'Ingat ka nalang. Cute ka pa naman:)'

Then the rest is history. What happened to the car? Well, I really don't know:P Maybe it was forgotten. Because what came about is a lovestory that was truly meant to be.

These are just some of the few things I can attest that: things really do happen for a reason. And that if all is right, things will just fall into place;) Everything will just seem so right, there will be no doubts, no second thoughts. Not a tinge of fright, and not a speck of surrender. I have always believed that God has planned out the 'RIGHT' things for me. Although, it is still up to my Free Will, I believe that the biggest factor of it is, my decisions are leaned towards and is guided by Him.

STILL, being RIGHT, doing what is RIGHT, getting what is RIGHT, feeling RIGHT, is rather relative (to each his own)...

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Ever After - Bonnie Bailey

Three years ago, our journey began
Chasing down this cure, no plan in hand
Just your pulse, my racing guide in the dark
Just knowing with conviction from the start

The moment your eyes made an introduction
I felt my second violent breath of life
Flawless to the point of being godly
Yet I fell hard for your imperfections

And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together, eye to eye through the storm, yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeahhhhh
Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side,
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

Nothing compares to the good times
Feels like we're floating, when the rest have to climb
You made me believe in love, and not the perfect kind
A real messy beautiful twisted sunshine

Emotions, volcanic eruptions
We both still care, so we're still alive
Tunnel vision, determination
I want you, I want to make it right

And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together, eye to eye through the storm, yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeahhhhh
Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side,
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

You are my twisted sunshine

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Close To You

Jologs na kung jologs. Pero gusto ko talaga itong mapanood. Hehehehe:P Kaysa naman sa I Will Always Love You. Yuck! Bwahahahaha. Peace sa mga kapuso. I just don't like Richard Gutierrez. Promise. Pano kaya nakapunta yung mahirap na si Angel sa San Francisco? Swerte naman nun. Sana ako din!

Kanta nalang kayo. FYI PBB fan ako:P

There's nothing I won't try
Just to make you mine
To get a little closer
Would be so divine

And everytime I see you
You make me come undone
I always watch you near me
In you I found the one

CHORUS
Oh why don't you smile my only star
Shine on baby
Smile my only star
Smile my only star
With you by my side
Girl it feels so right
And now that I'm close to you
I could stay all night
No matter where I go
No matter what I do
In the end your smile
Brings me back to you

You shine so true
I can't believe you're mine
And everything may change
But to me you'll always shine

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The Love Series -- 1. the Love Letter

I was supposed to rant about a miserable day it had been for me. But instead, I would like to keep myself from being bugged by 'language barrier' (:P) and misunderstood for nothing. Since it's the start of the 'love' month, might as well go with the flow. :">

So let me start these series on how a 'love' story begins.. from a 'love' letter. (Excuse my single quotes. I just have to punctuate that word for some reason).

How young were you when you first ever received that intricately prosed 'love' letter? (or how old?) How many were they? From how many persons? I just can imagine it the first time you received your first love letter. I am sure that the first one you ever received is still with you. Even if that person is not the one you are with now, or that person was never with you, you still have it, don't you? If you're still unattached, you've been reading it once in a while. The first letter you've given, I bet you still remember how many times you drafted it before giving it out. Or to whom you did consult if your grammar were correct. Or maybe, even the last lines you wrote down.

I read that letter from you, again. I can still remember that day.. My heart just leaped out of my chest. The moment I got hold of it, I knew it was from you. You never told me you will, but somewhere in my heart, I knew you would. I opened it the soonest and read it as fast as I could. It wasn't a novel and it wasn't that short even. However, I had to read it again and again (as fast and as many times as I could) until your message gets into my nerves. I wasn't at all paying attention to what you've been saying, but I just wanted to read it and feel that it was you talking to me. And alas, when I got back to my senses, I fully understood every word of it. And that I am grateful, the same way you were, that I had you.. As my friend. As more than just a friend but not greater than the thing called 'love'. It was not clear, but it had never been any clearer than knowing that you were there for me and I was the same way (and I still am, I have to say). I was for a moment lost for words and didn't know how to thank you enough. I could have never been thankful for every word. I can never be thankful enough, than to keep it still with me. They are very much still with me. And as I read it back, it just brings all memories, as if today was the moment.. the first time I read it.

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Heck Love Story

Somebody just asked me to write a 'love story' for myself.

So here it is..

Uh. Err. Uhm........

Thinking just that, makes me...

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

Sorry, my mind just shut down. It's 2:14am and being here at the office on a weekend is just plain CRAZY.

And YOU making me write a FOOLISH post makes it CRAZIER than ever.

Hahaha. Wag mo na ako paisipin please? Mas mahirap pa yan sa mga trouble tickets ko noh at kung ano anong queries!!!

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I resign!!!

Arrrgghhhh!!!!!!!!

Can I just complain even harder than that?!?

Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

To whine has always been therapeutic for me. As this has been the greatest stress relievers (and the people around me are the whining absorbers), I am glad that I am still not on the verge of quitting:P I have not been actually a QUITTER. Well, even if I am almost always at the brink of deliverance, still got my pinky hanging over the cliff.

As this has been one of the worst times here at work, here are some of the few reasons why I am just bursting or posting a resignation to my happier days:
1. Our teammate, my mentor, and the primary support to which I am secondary to have just resigned. Which means, I have no mentor, I am the primary support (to which he had left more or less five applications.. more than half of it is on me now) and I have no cubemate.
2. I was on a lousy Java Training for two weeks, which made life harder than ever. I was guilty for hating our trainor (for she does not know what she's teaching:() but still be nice to her because she is NICE. Tsktsk. And oh, freak! Still haven't passed my exercises! Can somebody remind me of that?!
3. The stressful case study which took us to come to ofc on a Saturday, stay overnight on Monday, cram on Tuesday, prepare the powerpoint on Wednesday morning and then present it 30 minutes afterwards. (although it turned out pretty well. thanks to my everdearest groupmates. you rock!!)
4. Our TL was on HK so 3 people were not around for two weeks.
5. 'SABON' early in the morning. Drama flicks. Got to give 100%. Man, if I just could tell them I can no longer carry the load! Waaahhh!!!

Here are the few things I am resigning to after all my whinings:
1. I am resigning to the fact that there's no use worrying about it but just to give it your best shot. Still, therapeutic whinings work, but never panic and that WHAT YOU DON't KNOW SHOULD NOT SCARE YOU:P (oh, i should be quoting limqule for that! hehehe).
2. I am resigning to the thought of living up to expectations of others. You should only be living up to your own expectations and clearly define what B-E-S-T means to you.
3. I resign to the fans club to which I am subscribed to. I have just given up. (and to all those who have put up a fans club for 'me', oh how I wish you do just the same:P)
4. I resign to the feeling. PERIOD. (no comments will be entertained)
5. I resign to the thought that it's not all about WORK. And I didn't even think I just signed up for that. Hehehe. We all need a life farther than that. I am posting this to all who think it is.

After all that has been said and done, I love it here despite...;)

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When I'm Thinking About You - The Sundays

Over the rooftops a plane in the sky
Beat of a bass drum cars passing me by
Under a bridge dark then back into light
A river of raincoats and a forest of faces
Still for a moment then red into green
Slow shuffling shoes whisper sight unseen
Row upon row of houses return an empty stare
Let the daydream for a little while longer

Ah.. yeah...
Hope I’ll never wake
When I’m thinking about you
(yeah) hope I’ll never wake
Cos now I’m thinking about you

Two-minute hailstorm then melts into rain
(oh) sing me a rainbow it’s sunny again
Swallows overhead while the traffic snarls below
Could I (could I) keep dreaming for a little while longer

Hope I’ll never wake
When I’m thinking about you
So that you know - I never want to wake
Cos now I’m thinking about you

When you’re searching your soul
When you’re searching for pleasure
How often, pain is all you find
But when you’re coasting along and nobody’s trying too hard
You can turn around and like where you are

(yeah and) I hope I never wake
When I’m thinking about you
And I close my eyes (dear)
Now I’ll never never wake
Why should I stop thinking about you

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The Ultimate Dream

Waaaah! I wish I have the luxury to travel. Whenever. Wherever.

Hay. I wish I have somebody with me to dream and live that dream;)

Anyone?

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Warning - Incubus

It is not a good omen to speak of a sentimental subject on New Year's Day. However, in times like these, it does not choose any occasion to feel... broken. Not necessarily of the HEART, but.. uh.. err. hmm.. BLECH! Oh yes, IT IS. Indeed it is about the heart.

I have not EXACTLY been involved of any significant relationships. For what 'EXACTLY' particularly means, I beg for it to be kept untold as it entails a looooong story and complicated BS as it is (haha did i just sound bitter at that?!). But for the 'longest' time I have not been, many people are asking WHY? Well, I've been asking myself that too.

Maybe, for one obvious reason, it must have been the IDEAL me. I cannot tell what idealism exactly or how idealism works for me, but for the people who knows me that well, they can very much attest to this public deliverance.

I have been thinking, what has really been the IDEAL?People have been prodding me to get out of the box where I have been keeping myself tucked forever. And that RISK has been greek to me that whenever it stings my ears, apparently my sense of hearing has come down. I become deaf for a moment.

The KNIGHT is still but a shadow that remains far from a distance. From a dream, it was just his grayish figure that came close to me. I cannot see if he got long hair or none, but his head was round. He was right beside me, stands not so tall, and was just lean. I can hear that he sings well. He never stops talking, but is witty and sensible that he never became a bore. I can feel his hands and was just manly that I can touch the bulging of veins. He says he knows how to play the guitar, and it has been his bestfriend ever since. He loves outdoor and very much into sports, but is also comfortable with the couches of his home, with a good book to read or just be that potato. The feeling of him beside me gave me that feeling of security. It was as if he was guarding me with his long and slender arms and that height that was not overpowering yet, he was as if shielding me from any danger.. When I was about to ask for his name, I was beginning to feel that I was about to wake up. But before I had my eyes opened (and even before I had to open my mouth for that question), he held my hands and prayed that someday we will meet... In color.

Warning - Incubus
Bat your eyes girl.
Be otherworldly.
Count your blessings.
Seduce a stranger.
What's so wrong with being happy?
Kudos to those who see through sickness...yeah
My biggest fear will be the rescue of me
funny how it always turns out that way

She woke in the morning.
She knew that her life had passed her by
She called out a warning.
Don't ever let life pass you by.

I suggest we
Learn to love ourselves,
Before its made illegal
When will we learn, When will we change
Just in time to see it all come down

Those left standing will make millions
Writing books on ways it should have been

She woke in the morning.
She knew that her life had passed her by
She called out a warning.
Don't ever let life pass you by.

Floating in this cosmic Jacuzzi
We are like frogs oblivious,
To the water, starting to boil,
No one flinches we all float face down

She woke in the morning.
She knew that her life had passed her by
She called out a warning.
Don't ever let life pass you by.
Pass you by.

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Euphoria

Defined: a pleasant state of high spirits; a state of extreme well-being and pleasure.

I was hoping I would be able to flood this strip of page with each-day-milestones-to-share for the entire month of December. But due to my unacceptable excuses (erm, which need not to be divulged anymore:P) coupled with the unexpected rainy weather on a cold December (yes, it should be. But the cold makes it gloomier, ripping the Christmas breeze in it), this blog has been empty since the 4th day of the month.

However, despite the long-days of absence, I still can vividly recall in graphic accounts, each occasion. This has quite been a momentous month (28 days to date). I had never been elatedly busy, as the busy-ness had been overpowered by the better things:D

1. My brother's and officemate's wedding had both kept me to almost-to-tears. Even I myself could not explain why (not even of the thought that it would sadden me of my brother leaving the house, or my officemate leaving his 'bachelor' life), my tears were lurking on the lids (but never dropped. Maybe because I tried not to). Unconventional wedding traditions and sumptuous meals. They sure had made it one of the most memorable day of their lives (and added to ours too..)

2. The two-time despe party for our beloved friend at Tagaytay and the so-called "Batangas". Freezing cold swimming party and the Cinderalla-like hangout (as I was interrupted at 12midnight -- the slave has been called for duty!) And now, another one has flown to pursue the 'American Dream'. There weren't much tears, but still it sure is a saddenning thought that we're starting to really grow smaller...

3. There were a lot of merriment for the Christmas holidays. Three I had for the company (OPI, ISD, IR2-WEB), two for the family (Bats and Home), and one for my forever KUBO friends (@ the not so Good Earth and ej's). And oh, I had to say that I won a microwave:P I just felt I would win. Hehehe. Oh I did forget there was one more, we had an Enchanted Christmas Party the day after Christmas, which I got another gift.. A bruise from my brother who shot me on my right arm when we played the paintball challenge. Darn.

4. The Christmas-list-conference with my siblings until 1am, and took me almost 10 sheets of my deskpad (now I'm using it, thanks much much:P) to rewrite, and finally come up with the list for the entire clan. Whew. And how much did we actually had for budget? Man, whopping xxx amount. Well, 'tis the season of giving, to be jolly. It doesn't really matter:P

5. The ACTUAL shopping. Well, I didn't had much involvement in this. As I had not done my own.. I still owe alot of people for presents, which I really need to pursue this much-awaited BREAK I needed.

6. THE BREAK. THE BREAK!!! I had been wanting this to happen. I had been dreading for me to sleep away, read away and BE AWAY from work. ALthough I had not been much successful (I cannot keep myself from connecting that is. Argh), I am still God-thankful for this:) I SHALL be making the most of my 3 free working days.

7. The gifts I have received: must say I am all happy and grateful for each:) As always;)

I am still in the euphoric stage. And I must contain this until the dreadful moment when I will be recaptured and be enslaved again by the monstrosity of the corporate jungle.

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Switchfoot - Stars

Maybe I've been the problem
Maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself
The outcome feels the same

I've been thinking maybe I've been partly cloudy
Maybe I'm the chance of rain
And maybe I'm overcast
And maybe all my luck's washed down the drain

I've been thinking 'bout everyone,
Everyone you look so lonely
But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I see someone else
When I look at the stars
The stars, I feel like myself

Stars looking at a planet
Watching entropy and pain
And maybe to start to wonder
How the chaos in our lives could pass as sane

I've been thinking 'bout the meaning of resistance
Of a hope beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent
Begin to look like home

I've been thinking about everyone
Everyone you look so empty
But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I see someone else
When I look at the stars
The stars, I feel like myself.
Yeah!

Everyone, Everyone feels so lonely
Everyone, yeah everyone feels so empty
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I feel like myself
When I look at the stars
The stars, I see someone...

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Impulsive, Reckless

Haaaayy. How can I ever keep myself from being so impulsive yet reckless when deciding on simple matters. Damn, I really hate myself. I can't even be patient for at least four days!! Augh!!!

And then after all these impulsive decisiveness, I find myself regretting of that shit decision. Damn. Sometimes spur of the moment works good on me, however sometimes (or MOST OF THE TIME) a little bit of CONTEMPLATION should be taken into consideration.

I hate ME. ME. ME!!!! Grrrrrrrrr!!! Huhuhuhuhuh:'( I have to punish myself for being so childishly, recklessly impulsive.

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Pop Question #002: Bakit ba?

Na-post ko na ito dati. Pero, my observation has been not been my own. I have shared the same 'theory' that may turn out a LAW. Oh no, wag naman sana!!!

Bakit kaya mas marami yung mga magagandang mga babae ang nage-end up sa mga not-so-handsome na mga lalake... Kaysa sa mga magagandang lalaki na nage-end up sa mga hindi kagandahang mga babae?

Gets mo? So eto na ba talaga nagpapatunay na physical lang talaga ang first level ng mga lalake? Pag chaka yung itsura, goodbye nalang! At ang mga babae, habang may buhay.. may pag-asa! Na hindi natatapos sa pisikal na kaanyuan ang lahat. Madadaan pa sa kabaitan at kasipagan:P Achecheche!

Depende pa rin. Pero san kayo mag/nag-fall? Hihihihihi:P

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Pop Question #001: Ano daw?

Ano daw ang ibang lugar (o sige kahit word, pero mas maganda lugar:P) na may 'G' na nagiging 'H' pag binasa?

E.g. Corregidor.

Sino ba daw naman kasi ang nag-imbento na bigkasin sya na 'Corre-hi-dor' imbis na 'Corre-gi-dor'? Hindi ba ang Pilipino ay -- kung ano ang sulat, sya ang basa... o kung ano ang basa syang sulat? (ah ewan kung ano man yun na sabi ni Ms. Filipi1, hehe)

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Guess who's back

Fresh Tomato splats again.

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Happy HOLLOWeen

Augh. Who could have ever spent this 4-day-weekend-sandwiched-two-working-days-again-three-weekends occasion better? Or should I say who could have ever spent the worst 'holidays' than me?! I have enslaved myself from work (with friggin' slow network!), became a janitress for a day and bummed myself to sleep on a Sunday because of a terrible migraine, and slept until midnight for my whatevers. BLECH!

I should have been on a beach. Or on a road-trip. Or been to Baguio (which I had only been once. When I was three). Or an overnight gimmick somewhere out-of-town and off my pc.

Poor me. I guess I just have to 'enjoy' the 'holidays' on November 1 and try to finish reading the Goblet of Fire.

Whining,
HollowGirl on a HalloWeen

Gusto ko umalis!!!!!!!!!!!

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Catharsis

Definition: The release of tension and anxiety by recounting and/or acting out past experiences.

I had a brief cathartic chat with a few friends. And funny how it seems that they are beginning to realize how life should be, and should have been. Now they know how to choose, know what they want, know when to try or risk, know where to put theirselves when dipped into deep sh*t.

Thanks;) Even if I hadn't experienced much to what have you had, I know it'll pull me through when I will. All had been heard, read, and kept in mind and carved in heart as well. You'll hear from me yakking, whining, struggling and howling with tears when I have my own share. For now I remain to be the addressee.

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Guilty Fries

It wasn't so late for me going home, but it was sure late for dinner. As I dropped myself in front of Jollibee, I decided to buy myself from hunger. One piece chicken joy and regular fries as usual. The first just came out right, however the latter had to keep me waiting. So I opened Goblet of Fire and whiled away for my fries. As I saw the red tray coming over my table, a large fries came lying on it. Thought that I had to wait a little longer.. But the guard was slowly coming over my way, then handing that large fries. I came looking for the receipt, and I read twice if I had just ordered large. But, it was as if I was reading in BOLD, saying REGULAR. or REG that is. I came thinking if I had to return and ask to be changed. Pretending to be naive and innocent of the said mistake, I went out and started eating.

Walking slowly, waiting in queue for the tricycle, and guilt-stricken as I was finishing the fries. Damn. The whole time I was munching each strip. I was battling with myself but I didn't do anything. Hahaha. Funny, para akong ewan na nakikipaglaban sa moral at sa gutom ko. Sabi ko pa, sasakit tiyan ko sigurado! Still, I ended finishing it all up (hungry still, though). Hay. It hadn't been me. I always return or ask to change my order if it hadn't been right (even if it'll be of my advantage). But I didn't know if I had just be too hungry (to death!) to exchange it for guilt.

Oh well. It'll be the last time. And I just came accomplishing that good deed, when I cashed-out my rebate for my Globe line. Hehe. The cashier gave me 2050, instead of 1250. Weird that he was, he came counting and reciting the bills. He said, "Ma'am your total cash is, One (thousand bill) thousand, Two (two 500 bills) hundred, and 50 (one fifty) pesos". I came counting myself in front of him, and repeated what he had just said. Then still he didn't get it. I wasn't successful of making him realize that he made a mistake. I was furious of his attention, then just came bluntly that he gave two five hundred bills instead of a hundred. As I walked out, I just realized that I am still a good girl, nonetheless:P

Good deed, dear:)

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Our Pseudo

Samuel Johnson. Marco Lance. Patrick. Haha. It is fun having our pseudos. That even with our own vivid, common, shared imagination, we are making things happen. As we want it. Haha. Desperate? Nah. We are just making fun of ourselves;) While waiting, let our minds wander through the 'catatonic' love lives... condition of being apparently awake but unresponsive (as google had defined).

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Milestone #002: 22

1. A card.
2. Two pictures with snippets of other picturettes.
3. cake with pink candles.
4. Pizza pasta chicken.
5. Dedications -- weird and funny and sweet and touching and inspiring!
6. 13 people.
7. Giftwrap tearing-- nada! Haha.
8. An emoticon gift.
9. An emoticon cake.
10. From myself - Nike Free.
11. No space for new messages.
12. Postponed evals.
13. 2k.
14. A black pen.
15. Green shirt.
16. Taco Bell's cinnamon twists.
17. Ube ice cream.
18. Marshmallows.
19. Irene (Wtf?! Ooops peace:P).
20. Waiting gift. Please pend, indefinitely (augh!).
21. Calls.
22. Home.

Missing some. Missing. Miss. Mmmmmmmmmmm.

Fun. More. Ta-tuh!

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Quote #001: The Evals

Never let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. - Jens Dahl

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What I Didn't Know - Athenaeum

I complain
When nothing's even wrong
And you're ashamed
Cause you're not quite that strong

That's when I said I'll need
More than you can offer me
I miss your face as you can tell
I hope my absence makes you well

Cause what I didn't know
Is I was killing you
I said a lot of things that I didn't mean to
But I am older now
And I am sorry too
So I can wait awhile
If it brings me back to you

I am shy
I never speak a word
And you are numb
From all the things you never heard

That's when I said I'll need
More than you can offer me
But now I own an empty space
And I can't fill it with your face

Cause what I didn't know
Is I was killing you
I said a lot of things that I didn't mean to
But I am older now
And I believe in you
So I can wait awhile
If it brings me back to you

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Milestone #001: First Anniversary

Quite nearing 22nd year of existence, it had been thought of putting down important, more so -- significant milestones that occur in my life. So let's just start with this..

First off, i had been corrected that it is grammatically incorrect to say "First Year Anniversary". It is redundant since "anniversary " already defines a year. So it has been noted. Thanks;)

Celebrating my first year in my 3rd "Second Home" was nothing much but an ordinary day. It was a usual Tuesday when I came on time (just like my first day last year:P) and sat on my cube starting to read mails and checking for tickets that I have to work on for the rest of the day. I have greeted two of my colleagues the same greeting I gave myself the moment I woke up, and those I have received since I got into the office. I was wondering if they felt the same thing I was feeling that moment on. Well, there's really no big deal about it, but I was just thinking if they were as quizzical as I was, pondering on how time flew so "fast". Or were they thinking that they had to "celebrate" their first year. Or are they "rejoicing" because they've got one more year left and they are (we are) broken free from the ball and chains. Or they are just simply "happy" and "contented" with what they have now, and thankful that they have WORK and THUMBS UP people to work with... Well enough of what they were thinking. I didn't even bother to ask. Guess they were thinking of it themselves and wondering the same way I did.

The first year may not be as extraordinary or did not shower brand-spanking new experiences to this so-called life, but I have to say that they were great. Really, time flies so fast. I came to meet alot of people, know things about other people, discovered alot about people, have analyzed the eccentricities of each person, have come to accept people as they are, no matter what. Precocious that I was/am, I have learned alot in a year.

Time:
1 month pretending to do something, and awaiting exactly for 5:30 to strike, racing against the door for dismissal. Trainings that seemed like so schoolish that I have missed.
8 months of imprisonment (with benefits:)) in the conference room made the bulk of the year.
3 months of "real work" came rummaging thru the core of "production"

People:
More than 80 people working in one floor
Six trainors
One "dad", one full "brother", and the rest are my half "siblings"
12 goofy teammates
one "odd" "Boss" (I had to put it in separate quotes since they had different connotations)
More than 30 "newbies" (dancing 80's, 90's and present).
[Those people that have gone in and out within one year had been more than momentous to call it a milestone.]

Place
One cube that I came populating with trash, and that turned to be the "water station"
One floor to which people spend more than 8 hrs
One sad looking bldg (because of its gray color) with poor elevator, and weird tenants from the lower levels (wish I can stalk at Kris Aquino by chance)
One way that I got to travel (in 2 hrs at max and 45 mins at min) for 5 years and counting

I have bought, received, lost, gained, gave, thrown away alot of memories and experiences. Some were firsts, some might be the last, some should be the last, some hopefully may not be the last, some may happen to be the first, some may not happen at again, some I never expected to happen, some I dreadfully wished not to happen but did, some I wanted to happen and did happen, and some just happened.

There's just too much in a year that happened and could not be compressed in one post. Glad that I am here. Aand after a year, I guess I have to say I am ready for one more:)

Evals coming up next week. Keeping my fingers crossed. My heart is thumping so fast.

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OktoberFest!

• Oct 03 - Betz's Birthday ; Leo's Back! ; Lunchout!
• Oct 04 - Our First Anniv ; walang lunchout:P ; NP w/ Jode
• Oct 05 - Pam's Birthday ; Libre Pam!!!
• Oct 06 - Lunchout c/o Leo ; San kaya?
• Oct 11 - Carlos' First Anniv ; May lunchout kaya?:D
• Oct 12 - hmmmm ; Pizza party?
• Oct 14 - Farewell party for Leo hehe ; Sino kaya papa-lunchout dito?:D
• Oct 15 - Party!!!!! ; sembreak na ng mga med students!
• Oct 21 - Monch's Birthday ; Libre Monch!
• Oct 29 - She's First Anniv ; Lunchout kaya kami?
  
• (POST OktoberFest!)
  *Nov 2 - Angel's First Anniv ; sabay na yan kay She! :P
• ThursDays are bowling days!

More to Come! More to Come!

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Moshi moshi

My Japanese name:

This kanji means Enlightenment.

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I'm Yours - Jason Mraz

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that i melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothin's going to stop me but devine intervention
I reckon its again my turn to win some or learn some

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
Ah la peaceful melody
It's your godforsaken right to be loved love loved love love

So i won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
It is our fate, I'm yours

Well I been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm sayin is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
I like one big family
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love

I won't hesitate no more
Oh no more no more no more
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved, I'm sure
Theres no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No I won't hesitate no more, no more
This cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours, I'm yours

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Yesterday Is Gone (My Dear Kay(e)) - Lenny Kravitz

I'm sorry your situation
Has let you down
I know that things did not go as planned
'Cause in this time you're feeling alone and sad
This is what you must understand

There is a way
Yesterday is gone
It's a new day
Yesterday is gone
Yesterday is gone
Yesterday is gone
My dear Kay(e)

You can't get nowhere
Staying at home and crying
You can't go on living in the past
The one thing constant is that there is always change

There is a way
Yesterday is gone
It's a new day
Yesterday is gone
Yesterday is gone
Yesterday is gone
My dear Kay(e)

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Coincidence or Fate

It could've been worse, or it could've been better. No one ever knows.

Who could ever put up a testimony that some things happen with or without a reason? Who could ever attest that there is no such thing as coincidence? Or would contest otherwise?

Is there really a thing called Fate? That all things have been planned, and choose that plan. Or it is just a matter of putting up your own Faith? Because you think that it would happen, you make it happen.

I have and had been in a roller coaster ride of emotions. I have confused myself into thinking the truest meaning of events that transpire everyday. I have persistently been praying to God that He may give me the rhyme and reason to all of these.

However I came to realize that I need not. Thru all of these, I am a masochist for nothing. I have buried myself into deep exasperation of thinking how LIFE works for me. It is just a matter of living it.

Hay. Now it all comes back to me. Just as I thought that I've forgotten it. dropped it. denied it. thrown it. It had not. I still have not. Leaves me a BIG SIGH. A silent sigh that deafens my entirety with a screaming plea.

===
why? until when? how? how will you know? will you? even if it hurts? is it, really?

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Sunrays And Saturdays - Vertical Horizon

Open the window
Let the sunset in
If only for the last time
Let me see you smile again

I'll take my records
You can have your books
I'm sorry I never read them
But it says so much about us

Always trying
To make love out of care
The perfect recipe
But something wasn't there

[Chorus:]
Sunrays and Saturdays
Perfect starry nights
Sweet dreams and moonbeams
And a love that's warm and bright
Sunrays and Saturdays
Friendship strong and true
Oceans of blue and a room with a view
To live the life you choose

You'll write me letters
I'll call you on the phone
A wire away from touching
And never quite alone

We'll get to know ourselves again
And we'll heal our hearts
It's not that we're bad together
We're just better off apart

Always trying
To have one and one make two
And even though it never worked
I still feel love for you

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Firsts

Whoa. Bringing myself back to life, with a few firsts for the month.

First time I,
Did my "job".
Got admitted to the hospital.
Had dextrose.
Held hands squeezed tight.
Spent two straight days (and almost sleepless night) with the TEAM:D
Dropped both phones.
Didn't sleep because of work.
Was stranded.
Bought two pairs of shoes at one time.
Got a perfect score on videoke.
Went home leaving my bag at the office.

Hay:) I'm still young:D In a few weeks I'll turn another year older, and still there are more FIRSTS to come;)

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Highness

This is quite a delay. But the memory still lingers, and the thought of that night will always be easily at grasp.

We have grown;) She was really panicky over the week before that day on how to go about the event. Well not really of the event, twenty-two years of celebration is nothing, but the problem is with the banquet itself. Hehehe. Pano, she was expecting almost THIRTY, yes, 3-0, people to come over and celebrate with her. Daym, I never realized that we were really that big if were really complete:D To add, she had invited her other friends she just recently gained from med school. Buti nalang, she came telling her mom about it, and finally settled to hold it in their humble abode.

We were excited, especially me, about the event because my other girl-friend had plotted a surprise! Wiipeee! I love throwing surprises (and being thrown at, too!). The thought of their bulging eyes, whopping with awe, bursting out of their sockets was surely something I was looking forward to.

We were late, as usual. Half of it because of me, quarter of it because of the other driver (:P), eighth of it because of the parking, and the rest was because I still came looking for that person in the parking lot. Hehe. With anxiousness that I made that person wait (again:P), and the worry that a sudden change of mind be made because of the lack of information on the venue. Hehe. Well, a shake of the head was given, and a sigh, and a sort of complain was heard, but we still made it. Hehehe. I was pushing it because it was part of the surprise:D

And so they were all there. They were in shock on the sight of me, telling me that I am now 18 years old. Harharhar. For those who didn't know, I was only 13 since we last saw each other (at puerto:D). But now, I'm on my pony tail and my cult accessories (I've been praying real hard you know:P). And there was our photographer friend who plays candidly on shooting at us. Till we're drop dead for pictures. Haha. I was so happy that I was able to see them complete, almost, and we were all there to share with her the event.

It was great. Nothing special, but it was great. It always had been the best being with them. I feel safe and at extreme highness (with no illegal medications taken:P).

To call it my story, I was happy that when we lighted them all, as expected, they were in total shock and I am glad they really liked them;) There's still the anecdote of the cake but I will save it for another post. It deserves a solo. Hahaha. I was just totally happy that they not only liked them, but loved them. Hay:) With the looks on their faces, whew, made me stretch a timid smile, but jolted my heart that came jumping and shouted for joy! Still, I am bearing that with me;) It was all worth it.

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Three Days

It's been three days since the last exchange of words were given. She said it was nothing on the first day. On the second, she thought it was normal. But this third day, she came across the thought that maybe it isn't. It wasn't nothing and it is not normal. She thought that it was something she knew she could handle, but at the end of today, she's probably wrong. She was attached. She is. And for the longest time (longest time in that short span), it was routinary for them to be in correspondence. Even if there is really nothing to talk about (maybe bored, tired, frustrated, down, a complainant, retrospective, restless, stressed, basically in any mode they were), they will talk, in whichever avenue they might think they can reach each other. She got to talk with her friend, and was even proud to say that she is okay. But, with the looks of it, obviously she is not.

She had reconciled to herself about the things that were bothering her for the past weeks. And the day she prayed to God that He might give her the sign she wanted, in His grace, He actually did. She prayed hard (with her other friends who felt for her), that whatever happens on that day would give a clearer picture of her uncertainties. She thanked God, that despite what happened, there's always a good thing that transpired. Enough of the preaching, but God is really good that He never leaves you with nothing. Despite all, there's still something we're given to realize that there's always the good in everything.

Funny it is, it only had been three days. It is not the end of it all, my dear (so he calls you:)). What you have is not for trash that you will throw away right then and there. He would not think of that. He doesn't even know that that's what you're thinking! Harharhar. Paranoid you. Dang. Learn from it. Feeling is strong, you've got nothing to worry about.:) Am Positive. Cheer up! Everything will be fine. You're just thinking too much. Learn from him;)

Experience is the best teacher. But who said that it only had it be yours for you to learn?

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Pampalipas oras

Habang nag-aantay ako na tumira yung kalaban ko sa YG (:P), naisip ko yung mga "say" sakin ng mga tao sa akin lately. Medyo weird, na nakakainis, na nakakatawa, na ewan. Hehehe. Una, first impression daw sakin "mataray". Nge. Totoo ba yan? Hindi ko alam kung naiinis ako kasi hindi naman totoo, o dahil ayaw ko lang tanggapin? Kahit si ***, akalain mong sinabi sakin na 'actually, yan talaga ang first impression ko sayo.' At sinabi din ni **** na, 'mataray ka naman talaga e'. At pinaka nakakaasar na sinabi ni ***** na 'oo, nakakainis yung pagkamataray na gusto kitang ...'. Wag ko na ituloy baka sya ang ma.... ko. Ah ewan. Pero good thing pa rin ba na sabihin na kahit ganon na ang first impression, di naman daw nag-last? And hindi talaga totoo? Ewan. The fact kasi na may ganong impression, negative that is, syempre hindi masaya diba? Who would take a negative comment with a smile diba? At mag-thank you pa ako dahil ganon impression nila? Oh well. Sige pasalamat na lang ako (o sila?) na hindi talaga ako ganon:P

This week or this month lang ata, dami nagsabi na maganda daw feet ko. Wahaha. Ano yan parang manok? Kelangan kilatisin ang paa? Adidas? Hahaha. Pero in fairness, sabi ng boss ko (hehe mega boss to! wooohooo!) maganda daw sya, at marami daw guys ang may mga fetish dito (haha, totoo at may kilala ako:p). Hay. Parang ano ba yan, hello, I have nice feet. Can we be friends? Yuck ano ba yan. Hehehe. So dapat pala pag nag-date ako dapat naka-sandals. Wekhekhek. Pero in fairness, kahit na madami nakapansin, nahiya naman ako bigla. Tinatago ko tuloy yung paa ko pag napapansin. Hehe. (pero nag-yapak ako kahapon nung nag-10-20 kami. Hahahaha!)

Last but not the least comment, eh TUMABA DAW AKO!! Wahaha! Applause, applause! Hehe, congrats. Pero, sa sinabi nya sakin, parang natakot tuloy ako. Inasar kasi ako na "taba", feeling ko tuloy OA na. Waaaah. Tinanong ko pa sya kung good o bad. Sabi nya nde naman daw masyadong panget. Man, the operative word.. 'masyadong'.. ibig sabihin medyo lang. Oh no! Natakot naman ako bigla. Ayoko naman maging lumba-lumba. Gusto ko lang magkalaman. Hehe.

Yun lang. Tapos ko na to, di pa rin sya nakakatira. Hay ang tagal mo!:P

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Past

The head is complaining of a bad headache, and wishes to be banged against the wall. But here are her fingers starting to frolic towards the keys and try to mimic the story in her head that wants to be untold.

It had passed. And now, with all truthfulness and honesty, she has come to say it was all in the past. Well, there was really no "past" to speak of in the first place, but for the sake of saying that she had, so say there is. There was no tension.. no apprehensions to talk of the present (although only at one side). And who would have thought that it was her giving "advice", so to speak, about relationships and overcoming dilemmas of it. Harharhar. What a funny way to get back talking. Anyway, what's even funnier is to discuss how to get over his "persistent" problems about such, those he thought he had gone over in the past, but unfortunately didn't, and he is still experiencing with his present. Although, there was a significant change, and she is glad that things have been better. But the point is that now, she is the one giving advices on how to overcome it, and now he's listening.. Oh well. Maybe he thought she was just being idealistic that they could still get the relationship (if ever there was, really) back on track. What the heck! In any case, she is happy that he has found that person that could make him happy, and to get him out of that box he has been keeping himself tucked for more than 20 damn years.

And then she realized afterall, that she's been hearing herself on him. about him. of him. Whatever. What he is yakking about is what she's been yakking to another, and the advices that she has been giving were those that another person is giving her. Did you get it? It was as if she had the license of giving them. More so, it was a bad idea since it was an unsolicited advice, and it sounded pathetic that it was as if she was talking to herself. Oh well.. It's always easier said than done.

So to cut the long story short, she is glad that she got the friendship back. It was something that meant more to her than anything else. She firmly believed that it will never die whatever happens. And she hopes she's still right.

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Mantra

Prescription:
1. Take occasional breaks.
2. Repeat aloud as often as possible.
3. Breathe and internalize.

You can only live one day at time.

The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win.

You can't have the best of both worlds.

Relax and enjoy whatever is there.

You will either find a way, or make one! - Hannibal

--
Thank you for making things lighter. Sure these are just words, but more than that I know there are people I can rant on to whenever. I hope you will still be there until my vocal cords are strained and my fingers complain (to build my yakking into words). Thank you.

imu.

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Leech

Just when you thought you lost them all, they all come back and wave to say that they are still here.

It has been a stressful week. I have never been stressed this much, as far as I can remember. Enough of the whinings, this time I felt my brain shut down for an hour. I was completely immobile, unproductive, and relenting for a moment there. But I was glad that I have recovered myself from such agony and pulled out by people who, just as I thought, would never leave me in awe. Even with a single word, even a single gesture, even with simple smile, never failed to boost me with hope.

I am happy that I have you, all, here with me. I am standing here, attached to every piece of you. Caress me with your comforting words. Bathe me with your touch. Speak to me like songs I'll never hear. Don't ever leave me, will you? But I know someday you will. You all will. I'll be alone someday, yet still I am thanking you all. For now, be with me as I fall asleep.

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Blue Sky - Hale

When do stars fade their light?
Does the moon and the sun make it right
For you the world maybe
Like an endless storm chasing a mystery

Is there hate in your heart?
Does your body drop and tell you to stop
Loving you or loving me
When it all falls down you just sing with me

Coz there's a blue sky waiting tomorrow
Waiting tomorrow shining and shimmering
A blue sky waiting tomorrow
Waiting tomorrow
Maybe it's all we need

Oh don't you wash away that smile
You just look out the window and see the light
It's beautiful to be alive
It's wonderful to live a life

The sun is sure to shine
For you and me for everyone
So don't be sad it's just the start
Of a new beginning in your life

Rain will keep on pouring
Some things you can't control
And while the sun seems far and hard to hold
It will unfold

There will always be a blue sky
A blue sky waiting tomorrow

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To Violet

To read of another intricately written prose about a woman's love to once she called her man, never failed to bring a concealingly weeping heart and an almost teary-eyed facade. It must have been really hard for her to let go. In retrospect, through all of the years spent together, it is definitely a struggle to draw herself out of that history.

And so Violet came reading constantly that woman's posted grief. It was as if the pain was seeping through her veins. It was as if she was feeling the same way. They knew nothing of each other. They were strangers, Violet and that woman. But what could have brought Violet to feel just the same? It was a mystery. It is.

No one would ever have thought that she was invlove, oh i mean inlove.. errr, involved with that same man. There was just a mere connection of amity between Violet and that man. But she never thought, in her darkest moments, she will fall.

To Violet, who knew nothing about love..

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
Sonnet XVII - Pablo Neruda

From the archives to bring you hope of your love to be discovered.

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Not much of a change

So, did you like it? It's still the same ol' tomato. But it needed to be replenished. It's been a year and things have changed. Some are for good. Some turned worse. However, no drastic changes just yet. Maybe soon. If things turn out really well.

I'm happy:) Really.

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Fruity Talk

I came across this site and found quite interesting to be shared. I was looking for something to rename my url, and came across finding sites about tomato.. which is indeed a fruit. And found some exact translation of some fruits in Tagalog.

Cooking Banana/Plantain = Saba
Bitter Melon/Bitter Gourd = Ampalaya (someone was arguing to another the correct translation. and now i know they're both correct)
Caimit = Kaimito
Guanabana/Soursop = Guyabano

And that:
Loofah is really a fruit. And it's also called the "sponge gourd".
Pumpkin seeds are the true "squash seed".
Tomato are not to be refrigated -- the cold adversely affects the flavor and the flesh.

--
http://www.nutribase.com/fruits.shtml

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Balisong - Rivermaya

It has been different. Nostalgic it is, but now it resounds with a different tone.. A tone which echoes the same way as the throbbing of my heart.

Your face lights up the sky on the highway.
Someday, you'll share your world with me someday.
You mesmerize me with diamond eyes;
I try to fool myself to think I'll be alright.
But I am losing all control -
My mind, my heart, my body and my soul

Never in my life have I been more sure,
So come on up to me and close the door.
Nobody's made me feel this way before;
You're everything I wanted and more.

To speak or not to; where to begin.
The way dilemmas I'm finding myself in.
For all I know you only see me as a friend.
I try to tell myself wake up fool; this fairy tale's got to end.

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130th

you will never always get what you want.

and things always, always do not turn out the way you expect it to be.

coz it is always the infamous "expect the unexpected".

but it is always at its best to get the feeling of a SURPRISE.

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Reinventing

I'm better. It's good to personally justify that you can manipulate your feelings/actions/reactions. It's just a matter of putting things into perspective. Even if it's hard, the truth is that it is only our choice to keep our vision straight. Right through where it's supposed to be.

Alas, alas! For the nth time around, I have been reminded that I am a big contradiction. Hahaha. I always keep on yakking about "living life to the fullest", but i myself haven't internally and fully accepted. To be "ideally preaching" of how should life be lived has just been a still picture. Devoid of action, as to walk the talk, or practice what you preach. I am just as always, fond with words.. Or with talking that is.

To love, to life, even to the tumultuous politics, I have then realized that I don't have any license to talk about it. Without, or the lack of experience and attachment to them, I do not have just as credibility to even pose a thought to be believed that i do make sense. Rubbish.

What's the next step? Thanks to the pep-talks I get every morning in my mails, and a bit of sermon through instant messaging, I have to work this out. I have to work myself out to be better, and to live the way I should, and the life as it is. For me, as ideal as it can be. Striking boldly, that to be ideal doesn't necessarily mean being perfect. But to lead it as you like it, thru your own (rooting from the word) IDEA. That the entire universe will conspire to help you achieve it. And that it will always be the FAITH that will keep you through.

Amen.

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Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own - U2

Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough

You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I...that's alright
We're the same soul
I don't need...I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me - when - I -
Sing, you're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me...

Where are we now?
I've got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone...

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

===
Thanks to Jonathan who gave me that U2 CD:P Belated/Advanced Merry Christmas:D

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In Random

We can never know what to want, because, living only one life, we can neither compare it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come.

There is a struggle between to write or to read. The senses have been battling whether to burst out your own sundry emotions or to take in emotional spurts as you leaf through the pages of another man's story. The heart is in demand of both. Which will you choose?

To think or not to think. Inevitably, the brain is incapable of malfunctioning. Unless you want to be dead. Or to be mentally inoperative. But to keep yourself from thinking of the shoulda-woulda-coulda's. Damn, really driving you nuts. To live life to the fullest will be the greatest remedy. To forget that the word REGRET even exists.

To love or to hate. There's a very thin line that separates four letters, that only sets its boundaries with its last commonality. 'E'.. for EMOTIONS. that both are genuine emotions, that can one can draw the conclusion to which side he has fallen into until physically acknowleding the situation. Feelings can never be dreamt, imagined, or even justified without confronting it. Even if it is surreal to even find words to encompass the true meaning of it, the truth beyond what the heart is beating can only be acknowledged upon sincere acceptance.. that you have fallen to love, or crashed upon hate.

I have then realized that in my defenses, I have come to incur contradiction to put myself into deep exasperation of masochism. That in arguments, I am beginning to feel that I am gaining more knowledge, and that I can build up my own view points towards a specific idea. And that to argue (without physical contact) and stress your brain from stretching its nerves to come up with bursts of ideas for the heck of contradicting, has brought me that relief that my brain is still working. Haha. Freak. However, now I am beginning to confuse myself to which side I'm really into. I am not somewhere in the middle. Neither at the positive or at the negative. I am like a limitless and directionless contradiction flowing against through both ends of infinity. I am posting another conflict, is this just me with "specific men"?

I have to stop. The room is now filled with strangers. Only through solitude I could embrace my indefinite comfort for words.

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Girlfriends

one of those, if not the only, opinion that mattered most to me.. whose influence can strike me the most, good or even bad (and can be the WORST!). hehehe. who would definitely, and i mean with utmost certainty, never leave you without a word of HOPE or anything to back you up. if the worse comes to the worst, there's always that escape to recover from you being caught up in whatever trap you have got yourself into. the ulitmate, REALIST, who can break you free when you're blinded by idealism that's ruling in YOU.. to allow you to view the box on different perspectives.

a prisoner of the so-called epitome of a true FILIPINA, has ESCAPED the incarceration of MARIA CLARA. haha. true enough, she has clearly gotten over board that impression, and has become the total opposite. which, take note, make one person gone mad.. DRUNKEN MAD because of this transition. (hehe FREAK!) however, despite this change, it didn't make her less of a friend... less of that GREATEST friends i have ever had. idealist turned realist (yes, because of the influence of the forementioned, dunno if that's a good sign or otherwise:p). the one who can ultimately listen to whatever. and would even go across to reach you. the person who would remind you to keep the FAITH. faith in whichever aspect.

no word can better describe her than the three letter word that builds the primary unit of a home. MOM. the number one icon of SELFLESSNESS. of a martyr(?).. of the OC.. of the filipino time.. of the nagger. haha. isn't she really the MOM?!:P although, you would have some doubts that she may be a good listener (her mind always floating to somewhere else, either to TV or to another person:P) she still is. really:) in any way you would think that you have no more friends left.. you're definitely wrong. coz you've got one that can never forget (uhm, exceptional in replying to text messages:P).

i love you all. thanks for the ultimate friendship. it has been almost seven years of friendship. of sisterhood. of "late-bloomers-hood". of boy-craziness. let's all cheer to that, with a bottle of vodka cruiser:D *yabang*

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Constantly

I knew it was there
Though I tried to hide it
The feeling just kept on shining through
Haven't know you that long
So I try to deny it
But the feeling was much too much too strong

Could this be love
Deep down inside
Tearing me apart
I feel it in my heart

Constantly, you're on my mind
Thinking about you all the time
I can't sleep no matter what I do
I just keep on thinking 'bout you

Why do I feel this way
When I know you have someone
That you're seeing each and every day
Should I play this game
Of just being your friend
When I know that's not where I want it to end

How could this be wrong
When the feeling's so strong
Tearing me apart
I feel it in my heart

No I don't want to start no trouble
Between you and I and your lover
But I must tell you what I'm going through
Everytime you walk by I see love in your eyes

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Things I don't want to admit

1. i lost an argument
2. i am childish (yes, not childlike)
3. there is such thing as "gray area"
4. i am a snob
5. i am totally over with the "past".. NOT!
6. that i have "loved" (from kaykay)

and finally,
that feelings is not a choice. attraction either. that everything is not absolute EVERYTHING. that we are bound with some limits and we cannot encompass the entirety of the universe with one word as E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

am i beginning to say that now I DO? did i fall again?

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Confession

i have forgotten the day i felt the way i did for the past week. it may seem over-reacting (oh maybe it is), and pure exaggeration, but it is to my deepest regret that i am now a self-confessed sentimental fool, very much attached to everything that is kept close to me (like sucking leech, yeck!), and clingy to my past.

the feeling has been bad. big time.. everything seems to be flashing back. the emotions had been mixed up. it's always that selfish me that pulls me back to embrace the future. it's always the jealous me, with a breaking heart, when i see somebody else has taken place. it's always that pity me that fails to bring herself up and needs a little prodding to move on, bit by bit.

...on my right, i see the clock which tells me that i am late.. when i turn a bit, i see that screen which tells me that, (no, not again), i'm not listening. to my left, i see that board, where the dates have been written, but had never been on time. just right in front of it is that seat that has always been occupied. when i enter the room, it always gives me that warm feeling.. that i am safe in my refuge. a brush in the head that gives me that comfort that i can be the best that i can be.

...when i look back, i have never enjoyed it than yesterday. it is as if the heavens have told me to relish each day. for time may come that you might regret enjoying it, and that the only chance you could take is to imagine at the back of your mind.

oh no. here i go again. i have promised myself that i will not mope about this. excuse my confession.

thanks to all who painted that lovely history to my lifetime.

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S-A-D

ang lungkot ko kahapon. grabe. hay:((

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Jumper - 3EB

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.
I would understand,
The angry boy, a bit too insane,
Icing over a secret pain,
You know you don't belong,
You're the first to fight, You're way too loud,
You're the flash of light, On a burial shroud,
I know something's wrong,
Well everyone I know has got a reason, To say, put the past away,
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, That you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,
I would understand.
Well he's on the table, And he's gone to code,
And I do not think anyone knows,
What they are doing here,
And your friends have left, You've been dismissed,
I never thought it would come to this, And I, I want you to know,
Everyone's got to face down the demons,
Maybe today, We can put the past away,
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,
I would understand,
I would understand...
Can you put the past away, I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
I would understand...

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I don't want to be - Gavin DeGraw

I don't need to be anything other
Than a prison guard's son
I don't need to be anything other
Than a specialist's son
I don't have to be anything other
Than the birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going, is knowing where I'm coming from
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one who noticed?
I can't be the only one who's learned
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
Can I have everyone's attention please?
If you're not like this and that, you're gonna have to leave
I came from the mountain
The crust of creation
My whole situtaion-made from clay to stone
And now I'm telling everybody
I don't want to be
Anything other that what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I don't want to be

p.s. sa june06 pa ang official one year celebration ko;)

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Milestone

Ang bilis talaga ng panahon. Naalala ko pa, one year ago. Mga ganitong panahon, nasa school na kami. Buong araw, umaga hanggang gabi. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Bahay na namin yun. Nagpunta na ko kung san san. Sa Carriedo kung san mo makita yung mga "porn" videos na binebenta sa kalye. First time ko yun nakita (salamat kay estre. bwahaha). Ang sumakay sa LRT. Ang pumunta ng FEU. Kumain sa Yellow Cab sa kung san san (Morayta, Harisson, Makati Ave, Glorietta, yung malapit sa mega. yung malapit sa tomas morato, di ko na maalala yung iba). Kumain ng kung ano anong pagkain sa Taft Tower (namiss ko na yung ERSAO) at sa Agno (ang siomai at ang tapsilog!!). Matulog sa classroom. Tumambay sa hallway. Maglaro ng scrabout. Kumanta ng vindicated. at ng yeah whatever. Maglokohan pag walang magawa. Hay. Ang bilis. Hanggang sa makatapos din kami. Kahit magulo. Kahit umiyak pa ako. Kahit nagalit pa ako. Kahit nainis pa ako. Kahit na kinawawa na ako ng mga loko-lokong GBE. Okay lang. Masaya naman eh, diba? Parte yun ng buhay. Pinakamasasayang araw ko yun. Isama ko na ang buong 4th yr talaga. Hehehe. Nakahinga na ng maluwag. Grabe, naalala ko, dati pinagdadasal ko matapos na kami don sa phase na yun.....

Tapos makamove-on na. Makapag-simula ng bagong buhay. As in magbagong buhay. Tapos yun, napunta ako somewhere na sinabi ko na AYOKO! Hay grabe. Di ko inakala. Pero di ko naman sinabi na ayoko talaga as in super. Well, ang ayaw ko lang naman eh yung lugar. Dun na naman. Tapos ^*@#$! walang kamatayang traffic. Bwiset. Oh well, Wala naman na rin akong choice. Opportunity. And that was EIGHT MONTHS AGO. Grabe, I can't believe I've stayed this long. And made friends. And had petty fights. And had a bunch of lunchouts (and counting!). And populated my MSN contacts with people from all over the world. (I need GOLD!:P) And saved a bit. And re-connected my life with few friends i've lost. And have made myself the person I can't say have grown, but gained a lot. And learned alot. In all aspects in life. Hay ang drama. It is all but the bittersweet dilemma of staying here. There's always the good and the bad. They never go away. They're part of it. They're all relative.

Tagal ko na di naka-blog, sabi ko magb-blog ako sa first year ko. Hehehe. Milestone talaga ito. One year na blog ko. Eight months na kami (bwahaha), tapos na ang training namin. Ma-mi-miss ko si leo. (Pigilan nyo ko baka maiyak ako!!!) May closing pa talaga. Grabe. Baka lalo akong maiyak. 24/7 na ako. Hay grabe na talaga. Ayoko pa. Sabi ko sana bumilis ang panahon. Pero ngayon na napansin mo na tumakbo, gusto mo na tumigil.

Afterall, happiness is a matter of choice. EVERYTHING is.

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WordPlay - Jason Mraz

I've been all around the world
I've been a new sensation
But it doesn't really matter
In this generation
The sophomore slump is an uphill battle
And someone said that in my scene
'Cause they need a new song
Like a new religion
Music for the television
I can't do the long division
Someone do the math
For the record label puts me on the shelf up in the freezer
Got to find another way to live the life of leisure
So I drop my top
Mix and I mingle
Is everybody ready for the single and it goes...

Ha La La La La
Now listen closer to the verse I lay
(Ha La La La La)
It's all about the wordplay
(Ha La La La Love)
The wonderful thing it does
Because, because
I am the wizard of ooh's and ah's and fa-la-la's
Yeah the Mister A-Z
They say I'm all about the wordplay

And it's time to get ill I got your remedy
For those who don't remember me
Well let me introduce you to my style
I try to keep a jumble
And the lyrics never mumble
When the music's makin' people tongue-tied
You want a new song
Like a new religion
Music for the television
I can't do the long division
Someone do the math
For the poeple write me off like I'm a one-hit wonder
Got to find another way to keep from goin' under
Pull out the stops
Got your attention
I guess it's time again for me to mention
The wordplay

I built a bridge across the stream of consciousness
It always seems to be a flowin'
But I don't which way my brain is goin'
Oh the ryhmin' and the timin'
Keeps the melodies inside me
And they're comin'
Til I'm running out of air
Are you prepared to take a dive into the deep end of my head
Are you listening to a single word I've said

Ha La La La La
Listen closer to the words I say
Ha La La La La
We're sticken' to the wordplay
Ha La La La Love
The wonderful thing it does
Because, because
I am the wizard of ooh's and ah's and fa-la-la's
Yeah the Mister A-Z
They say I'm all about the wordplay

Ha La La La La
I'm all about the wordplay
Ha La La La La
Stickin' with the wordplay
Ha La La La Love
I love the wonderful thing it does
Because, because
The ooh's and ah's and fa-la-la's fall back in love
For the Mister A-Z they say
Is all about the wordplay

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AdiK

isa kang adik sa isang bagay kung:
1. hindi ka makapali kapag wala sya sa tabi mo
2. gagawin mo lahat makuha lang yun. as in lahat
3. literally, para kang nanginginig. hindi mo talaga kaya ng wala
4. pathetic ka. ginawa mo nang basehan yun ng pagkatao mo.
5. ang bigat ng feeling mo pag wala kang magawa para makuha yung gusto mo
6. nagco-complain ka the whole day sa mga tao, kung kani-kanino
7. sinisisi mo sarili mo sa mga ginawa mo kaya mo di makuha
8. iniisip mo, kahit isang araw pa lang wala sayo, feel mo buong buhay mo wala na talaga
9. baliw ka na! nag-morph ka. di na ikaw ang totoong sarili mo!

nakakadiri maging adik. kahit gano ka-simple kina-a-adik-an mo. masama. tsk tsk tsk... magdasal ka na lang para ma-get over mo. isipin mo nalang may rason kung bakit di mo na dapat makuha ang mga gusto mo.

hay Lord tulungan mo sila.

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Paparazzi #004: Closing Time

Closing time - time for you to go out, go out into the world.
Closing time - turn the lights up over every boy and every girl.
Closing time - one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.
Closing time - you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from.
Closing time - this room won't be open 'til your brothers or you sisters
come.
So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits - I hope you have found
a
friend.
Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning'send.

Yeah, I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from...

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning'send...

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Relasyon

Iniisip ko na kung anong iniisip nya.
Natatakot ako pag may nasabi akong iba.
Natutuwa ako pag napapangiti ko sya.
Pakiramdam ko, ang galing ko talaga.
Kelangan kong gawin mga sinasabi nya.
Pag hindi, eto ko namomroblema.
Lahat ng ginagawa ko, dapat pabor sa kanya.
Kung hindi, eto ko sisihin ko sarili ko na mali na naman ako.
Perfectionist daw ako, pero sa tingin ko may kulang lang talaga.
Naiinis ako pag hindi ko nabibigay ng tama.
Ako na naman mali.
Hindi ko lang talaga siguro kaya.
Bibigay na ako.
Ayoko na.
Aalis na ako!
Wag, nasa isang relasyon ka.
Wag mong takasan. Tapusin mo.
Gawin mo ang dapat.
Hindi lahat ng gusto mo tama.
Pero di lang din naman ng kala mo tama, makakabuti.
Hay nako ang gulo talaga ng mundo.
Pero kelangang magsaya.
Pwede naman, diba?

Sabi nga nila, mahalin mo trabaho mo. Wag ang kumpanya. Hahaha. :P

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Overshadowed

Waiting for the star to fall... to come granting my wish.
Please please please, a heartful of pleas.
Ease this wounded soul, this broken heart.

+=+=+=+
How could one ever know how to do the right thing?

IMY.

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MT

Officially the "steady" state is over.

I am now in phase of THE GREAT DEPRESSION.

Spare me. Will you?

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Agimat

indeed, a noble life he led.

a tribute to a man whom i believe to be the greatest for me to know. in my lifetime. even if it would mean knowing him barely for 21 years. but seemingly, i've known his entirety for days, i can even use my hands for counting.

I cannot even draw together the words that would, at the very least, to give justice and put into prose the life he had for barely a century of living. Loving spouse. Eleven children. Hero to be called. There's so much with this man that I have to say I never fathomed to be the life that he led. He gave me more reasons to give importance to life (in general) to raising a HUGE family (11 children, with 9 in-laws, 27 grandchildren, and 3 grand-grand children), to living a noble life (which does not mean being a hero in the flesh. but doing simple things that truly express nobilty with a noble heart), to fighting not only against man, but against death during wars of the world, to leading, being highly-respected and making a mark to his community.

at the last breath, selfless he was... until the end. open arms, he accepted the new life he would live with HIM.

as i stared for two days beside him, it made me put that mark that i would be as loving as he was. that i will also find that man that he would be just as him. i have raised the mark to living life more than seizing the day. i have never felt that much pride in myself than that day. amidst the tears that seemed to have never ceased to flow, is a proud heart we bore, is bearing, and will always be, that we have come to know this man.

i heard gunshots. at the strike of 12, covered with a blanket of a nationalistic banner, he was laid to rest. in peace. through eternity.

we love you and will always be remembered.

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Paparazzi # 003: A View from the Top

The busy streets. The tiring strides. I am here.. At the top.

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Thanks

Thanks to the trips of kay, the box of sand from mark, the portraits of her soul - lheng, and to anna for making me love fridays even more... For keeping me in touch with their lives even if it will take a miracle for us to see each other as often as we did six months ago.

Lheng: 3 weeks will just spin off without you knowing. Hehe. Doze yourself to sleep.
Anna: Don't think that it's his lost. You didn't lose anything.:P
Kay: Bru! It's always been good hearing from you that you're doing great. Enjoy the life! Cheers!
Mark: To movies and heartaches and points of view in life. You've never changed. More so being in-touched with your "feelings". Still that same ol' designated-sensitive male.

I miss you all. Take care always. *HUGS*

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A brief come back

Sumptuous dinner.
Whooping hoax of 100mbps.
Sleepy head.
Meet old friends.
Still aching from sun burn and slight tan.
Stuffed with lunch outs with 'bosses' (deprived of desert! haha) and tomorrow again!
Pony tailed hair after eight years.
Awaiting to have braces-free fangs and incisors in not more than 3 weeks.
Oh yes,
I'm back.

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BIG SPLAT! for rotten tomatoes

oh yes i'm still alive.

i have to admit that i did miss it. this. you. me. but it was resonating that life has been unbelievably, indifferent. apathetic. unresponsive. oh yes, i'm shifting-F7 now. so what? there are no better words to fully express L.I.F.E for the half-year. by the way, congratulations for the momentous event -- to regularize yourself from your 3rd "second home" (hehe, did you get it?). but of course, it would not refuse to give credit for some happy moments spent here. of course there still are. there are many actually. however, to be deprived from watching the series of tv shows from star world (you still have to get 8 hrs of sleep, or else it would not only be a bad hairday! it will be a total mess!)

yes, at 7pm i can leave. and it is just now. good:)

LATER.

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