a battle with myself

i was supposed to post my critique for The Notebook. but i don't feel like it. i am tired. although i haven't done much stressful today, i feel the pain in my back.. i feel the strenuous days have passed and i am experiencing the ultimate outpour of all kinds of pain. i am suffering with terrible back pains that seemed to have gathered all the stress i have endured the past few days.. maybe it is because my body subconsciously tells me that it will be a free day tomorrow and that i should be resting it to sleep.

in any case, i'd be lying in bed soon. i just don't feel it now. my spirit is willing yet my body is weak. i have yet to push myself to the limits and feel it breakdown. harharhar. no, i won't. not yet..

these days, i have beginning to re-assess my life. daym, the 1-hour-to-almost-2-hours bus journey seems to lead me to a warp zone.. with all the ghosts and monsters and angels surrounding me, being that second, and third, and fourth and whatever nth voices that i am hearing to make me realize how my life has been.

1)i am again in a state that i think am VISIONLESS. i don't have that end goal that i want to fulfill for myself.

2)i am pathetic and i whine over the simplest things.

3)i hate to admit what i really feel because i am afraid of what people would say.

4)i don't have something that i am truly proud of. i want to have something that i can say that i am good at something and that it is my talent.. *loser*

5)when i read a book, i always perceive myself as the main character. the girl who always ends up falling in love with the right man. the one who is meant to be. (meaning, most of the time, if not 100/100 times i read love stories with the twist of philosophy to spice it up abit and make it more a mind over heart thing.)DAYM.

6)i want to get out from the entrapment of my foolishness and childishness. but i can't. i am trying though.

7)i want to be a singer, although not of a celine dion thing or fantasia or something biggie. i just want to have the right tone and be able to sing good.. for myself. haha!

8)i am easily carried away with present conditions,and tend to have my thoughts be swayed that quick. but due to unavoidable circumstances, i find myself back from where i used to be. i am fickle-minded just as MEN are (MOSTLY. and i am not as intense;).

9)i am a frustrated writer, i am struggling to come up with a good piece. and OBVIOUSLY, i am still.

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