Two-timing

When I was eight, I was asked what do I want to be when I grow up. I said "I want to be a doctor". I dunno why I had that notion. I haven't been in admitted or hospitalized for some reasons that I would have a good encounter with doctors. To even know how they were really "working". The only vivid memory I can recall of me talking with Dra. Medina (our family physician) was when I had allergies all over my body due to SHRIMPS. I do not remember how old I was then, but I can very much recall what happened when I first discovered that I was having allergies because of seafood (those with shells, most especially). And oh, one more, when I was even younger (4 or 5? Do I have a valid memory retention by then?), when she gave me a lollipop with a long stick. Hehehe. Twice the length of a normal lollipop, but the candy part has the same size. I do not remember what was I doing then, or if I was really the one being checked up. (I did remember this because I have a picture of me hanging by one of the walls here at home:D my cutest picture... err kid picture that is:P wasn't a baby then anymore)

Anyway, what brings me to this is me having to watch for five hours of Grey's Anatomy. I don't know why I had that notion of being a doctor. Because now, having to watch surgery after surgery in this series makes me realize that I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO BE A DOCTOR. A surgeon that is. No offense to my med friends (they'll kill me when they get to read this!). I know you guys really want to be doctors, but with my personality, I do not want the pressure of emergency rooms. I have had immediate cases for work, and everybody knows that I have not learned the art of dealing with pressure. More so, I do not want making mistakes. What scares me the most is that when treating people, there's no room for mistakes. One mistake might lead to DEATH. Which I do not want coming across with. One thing that struck me most with Dr. Bailey (though I do not like her much), is that when she said that her husband makes a lot of mistakes in work. But it doesn't kill anybody. Doctors try as much to put remedy in any ailment a patient may have. But once you "killed" someone, you just have to get on with it. Just like Mr. A-Z says "the remedy is the experience. it is a dangerous liaison".

Of course, I do not discount the fact that it is an exhilirating feeling having to save another person's life. Giving another chance for that person to live. Nobody, than God, can give that gift of life. However, if you're given a chance to prolong that gift, man, it is beyond imaginable.

Most of the time, I am really the pessimist. However, I become the optimist when everything's turning negative on me. The biggest irony in me is that when things are getting the worse of the worst, then I suddenly shift to being the Positive Thinker. Harharhar. I am the biggest contradiction, contradicting my own, my very self.

I have been a two-timer for the past two hours:p Been shifting from watching BEP concert (which I was dying to see, but didn't have the time to really push on grabbing someone to tag along with. More so to take me home after:P) and the last episode I have targeted myself to finish in between commercial breaks. Now I'm watching BEP singing Let's Get It Started (Retarded, originally) but I am posting some quotes I jotted down from Grey's. Hehehe. How's that for multitasking:P

Dose 1:
some things we just don't want to hear. and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. somethings are more than what you say. they're what you do. somethings you say because there's no other choice. some things you keep to yourself. and not too often, let -- every now and then - some things simply speak for themselves.

Dose2:
love, like life is about making choices. fate has nothing to do with it. and that sometimes despite all your best choices and best intentions, fate wins anyway.

And here's a horoscope a fellow libran posted for me. How's this to proliferate my brain with jam-packed action? Hahaha. Who said to believe this anyway?
Do you want this person to stick around for the next phase of the journey or not? Now would be a great time to stop and inquire about their feelings regarding your next steps. It's better to be safe than sorry.

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