From Bom:)

i am leeching this from my one of my dearest friends, bom. :) i found myself amazed that i have the same feeling for different people. strangely, i feel that we are talking about the same person... (which of course, is impossibly true, hehe!). thanks bom for this. i am letting my sentiments out for them unknowingly. i have alot of people i want to say something, but this might be overkill. hehehe. the list might go on and on.. and on.. and on.. and on........

RULES:
1. Write something about/for fifteen DIFFERENT people.
2. You can NOT (read: NEVER) say who they are.
3. If someone asks you which one is about/for them, you are NOT to tell.

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1. I really admire you for your guts. To where you've been and have achieved. I wish I can reach the same success as you have now. In all aspects.
2. Sana nagkakilala tayo ng mas maaga. Hay:( and Hay:)
3. Sana may gift ka na talaga sa birthday ko:P
4. Di ko talaga alam kung bakit, pero di talaga kita kaya kausapin ng matagal. Ewan ko talaga. I just feel indifferent towards you.
5. Hehe, despite what I have been through with you (or you with me), I am glad that we are really in good terms. I am happy that I can tell you anything about everything right now;)
6. Sayang lahat ng pinagsamahan. Na-miss kita. Pero ganon ata talaga. I wish I could see you and give you a hug.
7. Di ko alam bakit naging ganon lahat, pero sorry, di ko na gusto na maging super ok tayo. Wala na talagang chance mabalik sa dati.
8. I know you're just right there whenever I need you kahit na nde tayo magkita at matagal na nde mag-usap:)
9. Gusto ko ma-try na lumabas na tayo lang.
10. I know things have changed now, and ok na ako. Hehe weird pero di kita nami-miss:P
11. Gusto ko na sabihin sayo kung ano totoo, pero pag sinabi ko, baka madaming magbago.
12. Takot ako sayo. Dahil sa maraming bagay.. Lalo ngayon. Hay :S
13. Alam mo na ayaw ako sinisigawan, ginagawa mo pa din!
14. You're giving me the strangest feeling I've never felt in my entire life. Go figure.
15. Sorry sa lahat ng masamang nagawa ko sayo. I know what I did was totally wrong, and I do not have any excuse for being just that. I never really got around saying sorry, but I am. Really.

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no masochist for nothing

i am emotionally wrecked this week. i cannot further elaborate on the nitty-gritty details, but i am on an indefinite sanity with an imbalanced state of mind.

i can barely recall the last time i shed tears. however, those tears have flowed in ducts that sore a fortnight, were tears of sadness. now, i shed tears of incomprehensible disbelief, of betrayal, of being hopeful for nothing, of deprivation to that chance i thought will compensate for waiting. i was given false hopes. i may be wrong for assuming, but i will never have assumed if i have never been told. i am hurt not because i was defeated of a chance, but i am hurt because i knew that i was not given what i deserved. that i did not receive what i knew, with all my heart, i knew was for me.

my heart has been amassed with spears of doubt and fear. daggering to every nerve, seemingly making me numb. i am frightened that i may fall into a trap that i cannot escape. only finding myself slowly being devoured into what seemed to be a quicksand.. struggling for survival. i do not know when to stop. i do not know if it's even starting. i am beginning to think that there must be something wrong. but i beg myself to differ. talk about self-contradictory madness. i am still trying to convince myself that there is nothing wrong. i am hopeful that i can still bear with it. that i will not give up until the limit has been pushed.

i am mad. crazy. depressed. puzzled. hurt. deprived. hurt. scared. unnoticed. torn. hurt. then again, i am no masochist for nothing.

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FT

i miss you for so long, that i almost forgot how you looked. i have gotten the chance to get back to you. a glance maybe. i had that chance to rekindle the moments we had together, but it was quite too short. i missed you. and seeing you that time has made me feel that i'll always have you. my friend.

as we held hands and bid farewell, barely touching my fingers to yours.. lingered for as long as i can remember.. my heart was breaking that i know it will take more time for me to see you again.. yet rejoicing that i know we will still, in the not so far future.


i was told that the sites to where our refuge of emotional baggages reside has been blocked. well, i hadn't noticed since i was too "busy" keeping myself "busy" these days. i am mixed up with stuff that i cannot seem to keep myself in order. hehehe.

i do not have anything much to say now but i just wanted to revisit my spot. i miss this spot. it has been abandoned for so long a time that i cannot even recall the times that i wanted moments to be written. or those that i wanted to be shared. or those that i just wanted to type it away.

i miss you. i miss this. i miss talking to you for as long as i can. for being there, listening (erm, reading, or whatever you may call it) for all my yakkings. you know much of what others don't. most of the time you are the first to know. and you never forget, because it is and will always be written. i miss this, with my fingers strike the keys as i free-flowingly tell you the details of my story. i miss you. it is you.. my recourse to all emotions. this is you. i do not know for how long i can let it happen, but i know that i will always have you, and you will always have me.

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830pm

i cannot remember the last time i've watched deal or no deal. hehehe. which means, that it has been ages since i last got home that early. lahat sila nagtataka, ang aga ko daw dumating. pwede naman pala eh. bakit nga ba hindi?

touch down, 830pm. what a record. this is the earliest i've gone home since the start of the year. 12th day of the 2nd half of 2007. whew.

i got to watch DOND. i got to read 2 chapters of harry potter (the last two to go!). i got to blog! and i got goodnight kisses from the cute gremlins in spongebob pajamas. awwwwwww:">

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walang tawiran. nakamamatay.

i am sharing this entry with my friend, tobe. we swore that this will be the last time that we will take chance of risking our lives crossing that "street".

so why did the chicken crossed the road?

minsan sa buhay natin, kelangan sumugal. sabi nga nila take chances. opportunity only comes once. eh minsan hindi mo alam kung yung oportunidad na yun eh dumaan na, padaan palang. or andyan na. kung pang-ilan.. kung una.. pangalawa.. pangatlo. kailan mo nga ba malalaman na eto na ang tamang panahon para tumaya sa lotto at makuha ng jackpot.

malamang sa hindi, walang nakakaalam. tyans (hehe, chance) nga e. tanong natin kay google kung ano daw ang tyans.

according to my ever reliable world-wide-web partner in life:
- a risk involving danger
- an unknown and unpredictable phenomenon that causes an event to result one way rather than another

it is unpredictable. and a risk. so, FORTUNE FAVORS for the BRAVE SOULS!

so yun. makukulit lang talaga kami na ulit-ulitin ang pagtatangkang makamit ang aming mithiin. ang makasakay ng shuttle sa may Mall of Asia. pumunta kami ng 10pm, 930pm 9pm, 8pm. wala pa ring tumambad na sasakyan na maghahatid samin papunta sa katimugang bahagi ng Maynila. hanggang sa napagod na kami, at napag-isipang, hindi na kami uulit.

bahagya kong naisipan ang malaking signboard na nakapaskil sa gitna ng two-way-four-laned street. WALANG TAWIRAN. NAKAMAMATAY. kung ako yung nasa bus, maasar ako sa mga taong tumatawid. kitang-kita na nga. binalaan ka na nga. KAMATAYAN na nga ang threat , tigas pa din ng ulo mo. balak mo nga lang talaga siguro magpakamatay ano?

we broke the law. risked our lives. took that chance. admittedly, we have become irresponsible citizens, being the pasaway that we were. there's no excuse to what we've done. we've broken the rules. i'm not the goody-two-shoes kind, and i won't clean my hands either. a crime is a crime. but then again, i realized that a chance gives you that possibility of a yes or a no. 1 or 0. black or white. slightly, there's that maybe. you'll never know what you're gonna get. but then, there's just a time, when you try to STOP and think rationally that it is not always taking chance. not at this point that we risk LIFE.

so yun, we ended up swearing to ourselves that we won't ever travel MOA by public transportation. oh, how i love makati. this is just the place to be.

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back... again!

there's just too many things that happened weeks or even months since i last got hold of myself into writing something spontaneous. not those of the usual, "fixed, please confirm". or those of unrelenting "not reproduce, please close". or of being required to put up an article i cannot start for weeks (due to lack of time, or have been busying myself to work -- so goes my apologetic alibi to the sports committee head). thanks to the ever reliable tobe. worldplay really is the way to go;) we got ourselves printed again in that infamous corporate magazine. hehe.

anyway, there's just too much i have left unwritten since the last one i posted. in fairness to my "busy schedule", i really was swamped. add the fact that i lost my home support pc for two weeks, which is my only portal to this world. it was supposed to be my excuse for getting myself a new laptop, but i suddenly felt that there's no urgency for that gadget-y vanity. hehehe. not yet. i still can manage to keep up with the very slow refresh of this out-of-date, bulky, heavy, slow-paced office-owned tower computer. with all honesty, it would be best to donate this to public schools. more kids would be so much happier if they do. and i'd be happy that they have one, and i'll have a replacement:) everybody happy:)

well, im off to bed for now. i'll be back soon.

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GA SE03 EP21 - Desire

too often the thing you want most, is the one thing you can't have.

desire leaves us heartbroken. it wears us out. desire can wreck your life.

but it's tough as wanting something can be. the people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want.

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i hate math!!

when i was in kinder, i was 1st place in math contest. the picture is very much with me still, having miko (my highschool friend, well since elementary days [classmates gr3 - gr5, all hs yrs except 2nd yr], but let me start counting on 3rd yr... so 9 years to date) stand by the 2nd place box (with his khaki shorts unzipped:P). i can still clearly remember that i was left alone, having all contestants been kicked off the contest hall. hehehe. i wasn't aware of any rule at that, i was just puzzled why i was alone. hahaha. i had fever later that day:P

i have been asked to join math quiz bees since then, but i can only recall winning the first time i joined. i aced math when i was in elementary (maybe because it was just plain adding or subtracting apples). my math teachers favored me (which i never enjoyed).

i have never been the treasurer for the class. we voted for those who have been joining math competitions outside school. or those who almost perfected math exams. i was either elected for secretary, sgt at arms (yeah right!), or even as president (which i didn't want.. ever!).

i sucked at math when i was in highschool. total sucker for trigo and geom, on my 3rd year in highschool. i hated this year, because this was the year i got line of 7's for math. yuck. math. then i hated math. i hated my math teachers as well, because they kept calling me with my sisters' names (they were two under them, so they kept calling me either with my last name, or with two first names). i hated them, because i they're too smart, i couldn't measure up. hahaha. add the fact that we were in a sp*cial section.

when i was in college, well, easy does it --1st and 2nd year was a way to go. 3rd and 4th year was a different story though. i hated my 1st trigo prof because it was a 7am class. and he's late when i'm not. and he isn't when i am. my 2nd trigo prof was a total monkey (not because he's a wise a**hole, but he damn looks like one). i hated him because he had multiple choice for an exam, and didn't accept my answers with erasures (which, i contested that it was not specified in the directions). more so, having a 3.5 grade point average for his class despite his threat to "take him personally". how professional, professor! and oh, i can never forget him wishing me a christmas gift -- to be a good girl. bletch!

i hated math. i hated it much now, that i can't even put up a mental calculation of a simple addition of how much i ate. or how much is the jeepney ride from RP to office for 13 persons? i hate math that i have to compute more or less a hundred shirts i've been trying to cater to my sister (whom i had a bad conversation.. erm, more of a high-pitched argument, just now, which brings me to this). i am pissed off that i have to compute all this stuff for her, which makes me realize then that i do not like to have business doing all the math.


a pop question was asked during our summer getaway. what contest you most hated ever joining? i said, declamation. and your most liked? spelling:P having joined math contest the most in my entire school years.. never really liked them.

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I don't drink beer

Another testimony that this is crap. Or I am crap?:P

You Are Barney

You could have been an intellectual leader... Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."

The Simpsons Personality Test

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What mood am I in today?

For the lack of anything to say.

Though, this blogthings change answers when you answer the quiz with a 30-second gap, it is but a confirmation that today doesn't really mark a good one for me.

Yes, all three!

You Aren't In the Best Of Moods

While you aren't full on depressed, things aren't going your way. You may be hurt, angry, frustrated... or all three. Not to worry - you'll be feeling fine in no time.

What Mood Are You In?

CRAP BAG!

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quotable quotes

If you don't have anything good to say, please. Keep your mouth shut.

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Ally Mcbeal Stints

Highschoolish, as Ally Mcbeal series seems to me. It was far more than what I have imagined sympathizing with Calista Flockhart's character. I was not a huge fan though, before. But I do get a hard laugh when she imagines her very self at the back of her head being dumped on a garbage truck. Or even biting her toe. Never fails.

Don't hold on to everything because you might just walk away with nothing.
- Angela

Bygones.
- Fishism

Just don't be condescending.
- Ally

John Cage is too much erratic. I don't like him. Hate is too much of an emotion to someone or something non-existent. Rather, should I say, too fictional to play a role with my emotions.

Hate to say this Ally, but Billy and Georgia really look good together :( Although, Billy is really a good catch.. I would love to think that your 'The One' and not 'The Only' will be right there to catch you. I can't remember much of Robert Downey Jr's character, but I am more thrilled to more men barraging in your office:D

Just as I remembered. Now I know where you got the "designated-sensitive-male" title. It's Billy! Maaaaan, way beyond. Hehehe.

Oh, yes. I second the motion, attorney. I just don't want to be alone:(

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benta

I cannot vividly remember what last year has been. But from what I can barely recall, I was laid back on our lumpy couch watching Star Cinema movies of Aga Muhlach. Now, I can't even seem to finish one movie without being paged. All My Life movie, I had to pass just because of one ring. Arrgghh.

This is terrible. 16 hrs of OT has been very much beneficial to the cost of this company. My movie marathon has been busted, thank you very much.

I hate being on-call!!!

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on pet peeves #003

I just don't know if I am that irritable to put much attention on simple things. But at times, you just can't simply take it.

On questions. How would you feel if somebody asks you a question, and when you do try to give him/her answers, it seems like you never gave any. Like hello? Did I just talk with the hand? Or my answers were blown by and gone with the wind?

Don't ask questions if you really do not want answers. We really don't mind if you don't ask. I would not like to be asked just for the heck or etiquette of asking. Don't even bother.

Just feel free to comment on anything. Bletch!

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on baking

Last saturday, my everdearest nagger mother woke me up 9 o'clock on a crisp summer morning. That is for me to cook lunch. What is? LUNCH. My sister who use to prepare the dish was out for work. My mother will be out as well, going schools all over the city for my youngest sister's transferral. My sister, next to me, is not to be trusted with the kitchen so it's on me (I will be out for a lunchdate with friends, one who will bitch out about med school! haha!). On a side note, I am saddened that my sister's transferring because that's my Alma Mater! For 12 freakin' years!!! I so wanted her to feel that pride I felt when I graduated. And with loyalty, I must say I cannot find any other school that can be far better than my Alma Mater. Hahaha. *digressing.....* Anyway, back to cooking lunch.. I was asked to cook "bulanglang" (for those who don't know, it's a veggie dish -- sabaw na nilagyan ng luya, with matching kalabasa, sitaw, sigarilyas, and fried tilapia. I so love this dish, but I don't know how to cook it!!! I was given directions, put this, put that after this, after that.. But I really dunno what magic spell they recite to make it taste like... FOOD! Hahahaha. After mixing and matching. I still ended up having, erm, nilagang tubig. Or piniritong tubig. What a waste. Hahaha. I dunno how they were able to rectify it (I was out for lunch:P), but I saw that the bowl of soup was there lying on the dining table. Meaning somebody ate it:D

Having said all that crap, I am now convinced that I could've been better in the kitchen if I was a baker:P Hehehe. After watching Stranger than Fiction (which is recommended. Life is short:D), with Maggie Gyllenhall baking cookies, I am inspired to be a baker. Hahaha. Something I can imagine myself doing besides typing and staring blankly at a monitor. Hahaha. FYI, no expertise whatsoever. My only baking attempts are the Macaroons we usually do during Christmas and New Year... which I'm proud to say always sold out:P hahaha. Only (!!!), I forgot the recipe because it's my sister's. Hahaha.

I'm planning to have a session with a colleague who will teach me some "baking skills". More than mixing with a spatula:P do I have a bright future in this? Well, definitely brighter than cooking lunch!

i do know how to cook spaghetti, though:P

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Quotable Quotes

All good things come to an end. Because the best things are yet to come:)

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On Setting Goals

I've watched Rated K the other night and there was this 5-million-peso-richer guy who has a "dream board". He posts all pictures he "wants" or "dreams" or "aims" to have. His "dream board" has a car, a house, countries he wanted to visit.. So cool, that he posted 5-peso bill which he drew 6 zeroes more. And now he proudly says that his bank account figures is somewhat similar to the said "5-peso-bill".

I'm making that one for myself too:D Sabi nya, when you want something you should write them down. Pag nasa-isip mo lang, imagination pa lang. Pag nakasulat, naka-plan na. Hehe.

He said that he still rides the MRT, LRT, jeep or the bus. He has the "luxury" to splurge into normal things.. I wonder after that episode he will still have that luxury without people swarming around him, like a celebrity.

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of pet peeves #002

waiting for the elevator.. people pressing the down button when they are going up.

will it make the elevator go down faster?!?

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waiting for a star to fall

another shooting star!

yey! i had yet again come across the sight of a falling star. or a shooting star. what's their difference anyway? kung pataas siguro, shooting. kung pababa, falling. hehe, hula lang:P. METEORS na nga lang. still i was not able to make a wish. not because it was just too impossible to make a wish instantaneously as it falls across the sky, but i just didn't know what i exactly wanted. i did not want to make a wish that will change another person's mind, thru decisions and actions that will be beneficial to me. (assuming that wishes really come true:)). or something that will be physically impossible to come true. (like me winning the lotto even if i don't bet:P). i was carefully thinking of that "wish" that i certainly want to come true, that will make a remarkable signficance in life.

but i ended up with nothing.

now, what i want to do for my next beach getaway is to spot another meteor. i'll think of a wish now.. i'll be ready for one wish to come true:)

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i was wrong

i suddenly lost it.

just when i thought i was holding into something very precious, i was wrong. i wasn't holding into anything. neither precious. what is value when it is only considered valuable by one alone.

i trust that something will grow fonder with absence. but i was wrong. what is absence if it was never present? just when you thought it was there, it was just pretense after all.

assurance, i thought was something you can hold on to. but the rest is not assured. i was wrong. we can never be assured of anything. sometimes, somethings fall short of security.

for whatever it's worth, i give utmost importance to what i called the gift. i'll keep it for as long as i can. by certain norms, it is irrevocable. but then again, i must be wrong.

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