post 14th sentiments

can you honestly say you feel complete? what completes you? who will? when will you? how will you be?

===
in twenty-one years of living, it will be out of hypocrisy to say that we don't need any intimate relationship with that "someone". in time, we will realize we need that other half who will provide us with the emotional and physical affection from an earthly being. even if we say we are complete alone, there is still that longing to be together and share that completeness with the one you, quote unquote, LOVE.

===
solitary resounds as a totally out-putting image for me. dreadfully as i can imagine, being alone never cease to haunt me -- that the thought of waking up alone scares me even more that of a monstrous nightmare. i want to embrace the idea that being alone does not necessarily mean being lonely. but when i look farther from today, i cannot fight the feeling of being scared that i will only be with myself for the rest of my life. it is not a question of my capability of being independent, but it is more of being more than complete.. to be able to share that completeness with that special person, together.

===
LOVE. it will never cease. it will always be there, in our hearts. abstract it may seem, it is tangible. unseen but it is existing. a bitter satire at times, but the sweetest irony of happiness behind the tears. love makes us complete. but we must love ourselves first to proclaim ourselves that we are whole.

===
will always be loved. no matter how distant or even close. even if with no return. even if doubtful. even if skeptical. even if it came short. even if you left. even if you made me cry. even if it was too long ago. even if you gave up. even if it hurt. even if forgotten. even if i want to forget. even if it was just an illusion. even if near yet so far. even if you don't know. even if we never told. even if you never told. even if i only did. even if i thought you did. even if i waited long. even if i am still waiting. even if it's hard. even if it's gone. i still do even if it's odd. but the irony is that love has always been odd to be even.

[get this widget]

Surprise! Surprise!

oh how i love them!:)

this post has been a day delayed, but the surprise factor is still fresh. hehe. no biggie, but i was touched with the "boys" gesture. i never thought that men are still capable of doing such thoughtful move. haha. i have underestimated. hihihi.

anyway, i just would like to give thanks to the newbies-boys (carlo, dj, jegs, mio, pong, rage) for making me put that "taray" stint on me (for one minute -- putting that lousy excuse of having me volunteered as the leader of the outreach program sponsored by the office! grrrrr!) and making me realize i blushed in humiliation because i was then faced with two red roses and kisses chocolates in between my yakking. waaaaahhh.. hehe. i felt awfully shameful of my tactlessness, and my unsolicited-demanding-attitude of keeping my precious time on my hands. haha. i was 45% humiliated, 25% surprised and 20% thankful.

oh well. i do love surprises. no matter how small. how simple. the shallowness of my happiness.

apologies and many thanks:)

[get this widget]

Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch - The Temptations

Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch
You know that I love you
I can't help myself
I love you and nobody else

In and out my life(in and out my life)
You come and you go(you come and you go)
Leaving just your picture behind....(ooh)
And I've kissed it a thousand times(ooh)
When you snap your finger, or wink you eye,
I come a-running to you
I'm tied to your apron strings,
And there's nothing that I can do

I can't help myself,
No, I can't help myself,

'Cause, Sugar Pie Honey Bunch
I'm weaker than a man should be
I can't help myself
I'm a fool in love 'ya see

Wanna tell you I don't love you,
Tell you that we're through
And I try....
But ev'ry time I see your face,
I get all choked up inside
When I call your name,
Girl, it starts to flame
Burning in my heart,
Tearing it all apart..
No matter how I try
My love I cannot hide....

'Cause Sugar Pie Honey Bunch
You know that I'm waiting for you(waiting for you)
I can't help myself
I love you and nobody else

Sugar Pie Honey Bunch
I'd do anything you ask me to(ask me to)
I can't help myself
I want you and nobody else

Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch
You know that I love you(I dooo)
I can't help myself...
No... I can't help myself

[get this widget]

BS

shit happens. and when they do, you don't want to get yourself into that pit of bull crap, do you? so-- to revive yourself from that quicksand that (in the irony of swallowing you slowly) you should:
1) not struggle. because it will devour you even more.
2) focus. keep yourself to that thought that you MUST GET OUT.
3) not quit. you have to get out of that pit, but escape doesn't mean the rightest thing to do.
4) accept. it happened. there's always a divine reason for it.
5) think positive. if things really don't turn out right, look beyond the circumstance and view it on a positive light.
6) work on it. do something! and plan ahead to keep you away from BS.

and lastly, SMILE. though your heart is breaking, even though it's aching. when there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by...

"happiness is a matter of choice. everything is."

[get this widget]

Just Got Lucky

"oh it's nothing. i just got lucky..."

when was the time you ever felt you were so damn lucky??

why do people say that it's a matter of LUCK to have been where they are now. or have achieved something remarkable. or have been who they have become... got wealthy (and i mean overwhelmingly FILTHY rich). won something(erm.. except elections. it's something else. either it's magic or.. or..?) got the gold. been first place. is it false humility? or people can just accept the fact that they have acquired them, since they don't EVEN know when, where, why and how?

to where are we indebted of the great things that come to us? to luck? to destiny? or is it just ultimately our fateful path?

Or should i ask to Whom do owe all this glory?

Give thanks to Almighty.


[get this widget]

Shall We Dance?

I don't dance
So do you
But we came across
Dancing out of tune
You had to dance
With someone else
And so did I
You swayed with her
I did with him
But there was longing
That we could've been
On that night
When we had to dance
We ended up
Having that chance
Under the moonlight
You took my hand
I looked into your eye
With a tinge of fright
We took the first step
And flew with the music
Twisted and turned
With your hand across my body
The song was winding down
We are still holding each others hand
My heart was yearning
To keep you closer till dawn
But as the last note was played
We have to let go
The night was the same
As if we never danced at all


[get this widget]

Suntok sa Buwan - Session Road

Hindi mo ba alam
Ang dami kong pinagtakpan?
Pag kasama ka'y
Suntok sa buwan
Hindi mo nga alam
Mundo mo nga iyong tignan
Wag kang ganyan
Walang pupuntahan
Di ko to gusto
Kaya wag kang lalayo

Itanong mo sa akin, tatanungin ko rin
Kung ika'y aamin, lahat ay gagawin
Itanong mo sa akin, tatanungin ko rin
Kung ika'y aamin
Lahat ay gagawin

Hindi mo napapansin
Kailangan mo akong dinggin
Hindi habang buhay, ika'y aantayin
Ito'y akoing hiling
Kaya sana naman at tanggapin
Ng puso ko'y di nabibitin
Di ko ito gusto
Kaya wg kang lalayo

Itanong mo sa akin, tatanungin ko rin
Kung ika'y aamin, lahat ay gagawin
Itanong mo sa akin, tatanungin ko rin
Kung ika'y aamin lahat ay gagawin
Kung ika'y aamin
Lahat ay gagawin


[get this widget]

Reverting last post

this blog is not closing. i meant another form of closure.

i am already nearing 100 posts... with two unfinished businesses:P drafts.

and i don't have to have any romantic experience to have a post for this month. (even if i do, not a sole reason).

so i should've deleted the previous. everything was a total ERRATUM. oh, except for one-- the verdict for 10 splats of rotten tomatoes.


[get this widget]

Awaiting for Closure

second blog. ninth month. 80++th post. and it's february.

10 splats of rotten tomatoes for a blog that cannot be updated even with a single line of thought.

or does it only mean that it's the time of the month that i am completely devoid from any associated valentine experience to share?


[get this widget]

Welcome!

finally she has come out.

welcome to the family, Julia Angela.

be good, girl:P


[get this widget]

Observation

tell me if i'm correct.

if not, excuse my scrutiny.

physically blessed females end up with the not-so-good-looking males more often, than the good-looking-men ending up with the not-so-pretty girls.

is it because that men are more into "physical" aspects than women? or it's just because men get to choose the girls that they court? and women are only donned with the right to select from whoever asks?


[get this widget]

Nice Read.

After a long time, finally i got to finish reading The Wedding. Never did it slip into my mind that it will have an ending as such. it was great. i love it. i could be happy with a man like Wilson. of course including the Wilson at the end.

so much about love. i always have this knack for reading love stories, but i can never seem to have my own. *augh*

hehe. it always feels great to read happy endings. feels like i came right into that picture. and i end up happily ever after. for now, i am contented at that:)


[get this widget]

Three Things

Three names you go by: kaye kayers kaypah

Three screen names you have had: hunnystars wshngstr bluetoothfairy

Three things you like about yourself: i love my family, i make friends easily, i can fully express myself

Three things you don't like about yourself: i am fond of complaining, i am a scaredy-cat, i am a pessimist

Three parts of your heritage: family oriented, birthday parties and TARDINESS

Three things that scare you: losing people, being unhappy, being alone

Three of your everyday essentials: phone, wallet, PC (syempre)

Three of your favorite bands (or artists) at the moment: Alicia Keys, Bamboo, Jet

Three of your favorite songs at present: Karma, Hush, Hold On

Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months: finish reading a book in a week (or probably a month), don't get LATE, learn how to drive

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given): openness, communication, time

Three physical things about the opposite sex (or same) that appeal to you: smile, get up, nails:P

Three things you just can't do *or hardly*: write well, gain weight, GET UP EARLY

Three of your favorite hobbies: read. watch teleserye. listen to music (and sing with it. hehe bidjoke!)

Three things you want to do badly right now: buy new shoes! gain weight! sleep early!

Three careers you're considering: IT (where i'm into right now). business. marketing.

Three places you want to go on vacation: Beach (local). Europe. US.

Three things you want to do before you die: have a family. get rich. travel around the world.


[get this widget]

Kasama Ka.

Sana'y masabi
Sa awit kong ito
Lahat ng ninanais
Nitong puso ko
Sana saan man
Patungo sa buhay
May pag-ibig, may pag-asa
May saya at saysay
Sana sa bawat sandali'y
Matikman pa
Sarap ng pagsasama
At simpleng ligaya
Tara na, sakyan lang
Malay mo
Nandyan lang, nandyan lang
Ang hinahanap mo.

--Coca Cola


[get this widget]

Complacent

adj. contented; self-satisfied and unconcerned

i have been out last night and came to meet a few friends. we had dinner as usual (which always takes forever to decide where. at least almost all were in time. Thank God for that!) and never came around watching a movie.. opt to have a chat instead. they always had the knack for drinking and "one time big time" while talking about life, in general. more often than not, the bitterness of it.

she had a share of her own, i cannot think of mine, the other either. then this friend of mine came bursting out so much bitterness. i cannot collect everything that he has been uttering. it whacked me, big time! i cannot accept the fact that someone close to us has been recalling life to be so awful and full of pain.

bottomline of this saddenning argument is that he chose to be complacent. of course there is nothing wrong with being just that. but the thing is, he is doing NOTHING. and thinking that EVERYTHING is totally delusional, tires you from HOPING for a better outlook in life.. he's saying that since man creates his own emotions, and that they are all based from imagination, di na lang sya mag-iisip ng magagandang bagay. it is like saying that you create your own misery. sabi nya, nagho-hope ka ng magagandang bagay to come to your life, but at the end of the day you really don't get what you want.. and you realize even further that everything is a variable and nothing really lasts forever. so true. pero ang dating eh, so ikaw rin may kasalanan pala. wag ka nalang mag isip. ikaw lang din ang gumawa ng problema mo. DAMN! anong klaseng pag-iisip yan? totoo ba yan? being complacent doesn't just mean satisfaction and just absorbing what is present. que sera sera. i mean DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! if you don't get what you want, strive hard to achieve it! steady lang? stagnation yan eh! walang growth. at isipin pa isang taon ka palang na mamamatay ka rin in the end? gawd. what a painful way to view life. sabi ko nga HALF EMPTY. pero di rin nga eh, EMPTY talaga.

di ko maisip talaga, di ko matanggap. di ko ma-explain. his thoughts were "argumentative" to his own, even conflicting what he just said. again, i can't believe that there would be someone EVEN more impossible than this someone i know, thinking about LIFE in a totally negative way. may tatalo pa pala sa kanya. baaaakiiiit???

as i walked inside my room (thank God, someone opened the door for me:)) i came to think about the way i view life. and even if i don't get what i want, and even if i have moments of bitterness, it isn't so resentful at all that to have a better life is cynical. for twenty-one years that is, it wasn't so bad after all, and that i am not yet tired of living it the way it is. ENJOY the moment. at times when you're feeling sulky, there's always, always, always the LIGHT at the end of the tunnel. and if you choose to make your own emotions, never put yourself down that you will always feel deprived of the things that you hope for. if you don't achieve it, strive harder. quoting Paulo Coelho, the entire universe will conspire to help you achieve it.

stil, CARPE DIEM. seize the day. live life to the fullest.


[get this widget]

--

wala lang. wala akong masabi pero naisipan kong magpost.

parang may na-realize ako. na mas maganda kung may sistema ang buhay. hehe. parang ayoko yata ng buhay na di ko alam kung san ako pupunta. kelangan ko na mag-isip ng matinong patutunguhan.

naisip ko rin pala na maigsi lang ang buhay. kahit na di natin alam kung hanggang kelan lang, kelangan lang talaga mag-enjoy.

learn from the past. relish the moment. plan for the future.

--
naisip ko minsan na walang "connection" ang present sa future. i mean, hindi lahat ng ginagawa natin ngayon eh may kinalaman sa magiging future natin. parang every day is a new day and they do not collectively define the future. matagal ko nang iniisip kung pano ko ito ie-explain eh. pero di ko pa rin kaya.

labo noh. pero basta ganon. may naalala akong prof na nagsabi nyan eh. nakalimutan ko na.


[get this widget]

Iba

hay. bagong taon na.. panahon na para mapagnilay-nilayan ang aking buhay. hehe. nagbusy-busy-han daw ako. hehe. but true, ironically, the strip of two weeks of the holiday season has been the "busiest" days of my work for the year (for three months, that is:P). anyway enough of the excuses, i'm "drilling" down the past twelve months.. and what have been.

i cannot remember the nitty-gritty details of twenty-O-four. but the end of the year came into a big realization that A LOT OF THINGS HAVE CHANGED. year-ender word. DIFFERENT..

for one, this is the first new year's eve i've experienced na UMUULAN. naalala ko siguro ambon lang. pero ngayon, ulan talaga. pero di tumigil ang putukan. baka samin lang. hehe. pero it's weird. sa street namin, parang kami lang ang nagpaputok. the house adjacent us didn't get out for the new year's eve. samantalang kami na nga lang yung mga natitirang bahay na nagsasaya sa paputok at nagpapa-picture sa harap ng fountain at trompillo. wala na ring masyadong tao pumupunta sa bahay namin for both christmas and new year's eve. the dinner table has always been full for the banquet. ISA PA, WALA KAMING TV NUNG NEW YEAR'S EVE! NAPUTUKAN!!! badtrip.

by the end of this year, umabot na sa 16.25 ang pamasahe mo ko sa tricycle pauwi at 6.50 naman palabas. 30 pesos ang bus papunta pauwi. 5.50 naman ang jeep. my gulay. kung kelan naman ako nagkatrabaho saka naman nagmahal ang mga presyo. dammit.

we had a new fashion of our home. it was great to have a "real" interior designer (unlike US, who were PRETENDING) to re-decorate and re-arrange the look. we have never realized na may pag-asa pa palang umayos itong bahay na ito. for more than two decades with unknown number of rearrangements, we never had that idea na maging ganito yung ayos ng bahay namin. hahaha.

my lifestyle has changed. maybe because i have work. i cannot stay up too late coz i get really bad migraine. i sleep before 10pm. i wake up before 6am. i've outgrown going up on late-night gimmicks. i'd wish we could just chill out, dinner maybe, and a few minutes for coffee and then off to home. or maybe a lunch out and then a movie perhaps. i don't want telling my parents that i'll be off to a gimik and stay as late as i could... PASAWAY as i was nung college. i'm such a lola. however, i still cannot drink a bottle of san mig light.

my friends have changed too. maybe it's really time to "grow up" and do the things that "Grown Ups" do. to be matured that is. and try the things we haven't done for the past 5 years we've been together. but they cannot blame me for doing otherwise. it doesn't express my immaturity, it is a personal choice. or maybe i'm still immature and "innocent" that is. but i just don't want to involve myself into such. i am just glad that they are the people who will teach me how to do things. on the right time when i am willing to have a bottle of strong ice. and teach me the things i could only learn from the experts. hehe.

CHANGE has constantly reminded me that life has to be DIFFERENT. difference brings forth meaning into my existence. more often than not, i view change not on a positive light, but with a tinge of doubt and a question of why. however, i must realize that stagnation and permanence do not provide the kind of fruitful living. continuous quest for growth, learning and unpaid experiences compensate the moments of grief, depression, repression to be able to achieve the license for a more significant way of living. be open.

IDEALISM has yet to be knocked out of my senses. REALITY must kick in.

--as always, i have forever felt that i never made sense with any uttered words. that's not a change. i'm still in sluggish motion in keeping this blog filled with essence.

[get this widget]

Newbie

I'm proud to say that i am "enjoying" work. so far so good. it's because i am practically not working just yet. i'm still in school mode, sitting on that half-recliner for the whole day, forcing your eyes to keep it wide open, stuff your tummy with mentos (they have cost-cut. no more bananas and oranges:(), listening, and pretending to be listening. oh man. for the past few weeks after my last training with other newbies from other teams, i have been on AIDS mode (as if doing something) from 830am till 10am. and for lunch, i have always triggered my "stupid mouth" that almost always gets me in t-r-o-u-b-l-e. oh well. i'm trying hard to give it a break. operative word -- TRYING HARD.

Feeling close.
For the past 2 months (and 2 weeks) that i have been here, i am proud to say that i have "made friends". apart from the friends that were carried over and turned officemates from college (hehe), i have gained few people in my circle. the Ateneo boys, the UP Ladies, and the Green Archers (coED, hehe.) -- collectively known as the NEWBIES. we've had so many funny moments together, from all the practices for the OPI Christmas Party, to the ISD Christmas Party, the DANCE presentations (so much fun, really. despite the BIG BIG humiliation, they were really great experiences!), the games. the PAAARRTTYYYYY!!!! Everything. i hope it doesn't end after all these responsibilities that were burdened on to us (waaah!). besides the fellow newbies, the "oldies" (excuse for the antonym, hehe), were really cool to be with. i never expected people to be that FUNNY and GOOFY.. they all seemed serious at first. well except... harharhar:)

Goodbyes.
Damn. we just came in. but people seemed to be moving out. i am saddened by the thought that we barely knew all these people and they are now packing up and saying goodbyes. darn. it may have felt so hard for them leaving. they have established their second home (and literally speaking, their sleeping refuge) and they are bound to leave. oh well. life is inevitable with saying goodbyes. for there will be no more room for hellos if otherwise. but then again, i still hate saying them... i'm thinking about it though. why did they decide to leave?

The cube.
i still haven't proliferated mine with trash and doodles that i used to do to waste time. and the poems and quotes that you used to live up to. and the pictures. just to remind you of the better days. and the W.O.W. (words of wisdom) to whack you in times you forget.

Great Expectations.
Of course, it doesn't mean that we're getting along with each other will mean that you have really sink in to the family. you still have to live with expectations and still keep yourself altogether. don't come out too loose just yet.. reminder, keep your comments a bit discrete, pay EXTRA attention, do away with unnecessary activities, keep your mouth opened slightly (with only a small hole peeking for breathing and sleek speaking). utter words with substance, and keep your wits in tact. i believe you're losing your touch. keep yourself together. pack it up. like it was. 0r the way it was supposed to be.

Ring, ring, ring! the bells are ringing.

Enjoy every moment of it. Your time might be UP soon.


[get this widget]

Eternity

I have always dreaded the thought of someone leaving. Death has yet to signify a scythe.. the end... a tragic final destination. But one must see it on a different light. It is but a fateful and blessed transition... moving across a higher dimension and in eternal peace with the Lord. Most importantly, eternity is promised with absolute peace and contentment with Our Creator.


[get this widget]

My Knight

i've been worrying that people have been trying to attach some stories to my so-called life that I have never expected. even without an uttered word of "dangerous liaison" (to connect with a sensational feeling that is chained to t-r-a-g-e-d-y) with anybody from myself to anyone, i still cannot understand the fact that "people" with far or even farther association can put me into a connection that i have long before 'forgotten'. maybe i am still caught in the nightmare of a bugging 'fate'... or from a recurring 'past'... or from a present dilemma that has never seemed or NEVER WILL BE resolved in whichever angle we view it. i am CONFUSED... but, truthfully, there's nothing to be confused about. no one has ever pushed me to even think that it is yet to "even think about". excuse my paranoia. but i beg to defend myself and i have to say that you can never blame me to have felt that way. can i just say that i am but a normal person that is yet sensitive to any stimuli that can be fired momentarily?

they have been dabbing me with a "dangerious liaison" called L-O-V-E. it is the feeling that has never ceased to be forgotten, maybe it is yet but 'fate' to be always clinged to that word, a recurring past that has always taught me that i should, or from a present dilemma that i still haven't grasped REAL one. i cannot even tell why, maybe IT has never ceased to flash the headlines in any controversial conversation. i have been having 'associations' that struck me because it smelled something fishy (like perch sauced with coconut milk). like, with a tinge of "some truth" to that. reaction-less as i have tried, i gave a shrug. or even a grin to mean sarcasm. but at the end of the day, i catch myself as i fall asleep, "what have i done?".

people have always tried to associate myself with an "unknown" knight of mine. they have been clinging my heart to someone i don't even have full grasp of if HE trully exists (well at least in my territory). people from the past, or 'the recurring past', are trying to be pulled out from an ancient history. i am not that numb not to even think that maybe the feeling that must be just lurking around. but the PROBLEM is that i have refused to even think about it just yet.

My Knight has yet to come. HE might be coming in, coming out... Pretenders might be masked to be My Knight, but the heart must beat with magical throbbings that seemed to play a certain melody. Until when.. on the right time? Maybe. But I'll never know. I shall never wait. However I must keep myself obscured from negativities that always pull me back. But I shall never keep myself opaque from the thought that maybe My Knight will come to rescue me and TAKE ME HOME.

love has always taught me to be patient. but it was never successful to sink under my skin. maybe i haven't been virtuous enough.

==
staying up late. try again.


[get this widget]