Iba

hay. bagong taon na.. panahon na para mapagnilay-nilayan ang aking buhay. hehe. nagbusy-busy-han daw ako. hehe. but true, ironically, the strip of two weeks of the holiday season has been the "busiest" days of my work for the year (for three months, that is:P). anyway enough of the excuses, i'm "drilling" down the past twelve months.. and what have been.

i cannot remember the nitty-gritty details of twenty-O-four. but the end of the year came into a big realization that A LOT OF THINGS HAVE CHANGED. year-ender word. DIFFERENT..

for one, this is the first new year's eve i've experienced na UMUULAN. naalala ko siguro ambon lang. pero ngayon, ulan talaga. pero di tumigil ang putukan. baka samin lang. hehe. pero it's weird. sa street namin, parang kami lang ang nagpaputok. the house adjacent us didn't get out for the new year's eve. samantalang kami na nga lang yung mga natitirang bahay na nagsasaya sa paputok at nagpapa-picture sa harap ng fountain at trompillo. wala na ring masyadong tao pumupunta sa bahay namin for both christmas and new year's eve. the dinner table has always been full for the banquet. ISA PA, WALA KAMING TV NUNG NEW YEAR'S EVE! NAPUTUKAN!!! badtrip.

by the end of this year, umabot na sa 16.25 ang pamasahe mo ko sa tricycle pauwi at 6.50 naman palabas. 30 pesos ang bus papunta pauwi. 5.50 naman ang jeep. my gulay. kung kelan naman ako nagkatrabaho saka naman nagmahal ang mga presyo. dammit.

we had a new fashion of our home. it was great to have a "real" interior designer (unlike US, who were PRETENDING) to re-decorate and re-arrange the look. we have never realized na may pag-asa pa palang umayos itong bahay na ito. for more than two decades with unknown number of rearrangements, we never had that idea na maging ganito yung ayos ng bahay namin. hahaha.

my lifestyle has changed. maybe because i have work. i cannot stay up too late coz i get really bad migraine. i sleep before 10pm. i wake up before 6am. i've outgrown going up on late-night gimmicks. i'd wish we could just chill out, dinner maybe, and a few minutes for coffee and then off to home. or maybe a lunch out and then a movie perhaps. i don't want telling my parents that i'll be off to a gimik and stay as late as i could... PASAWAY as i was nung college. i'm such a lola. however, i still cannot drink a bottle of san mig light.

my friends have changed too. maybe it's really time to "grow up" and do the things that "Grown Ups" do. to be matured that is. and try the things we haven't done for the past 5 years we've been together. but they cannot blame me for doing otherwise. it doesn't express my immaturity, it is a personal choice. or maybe i'm still immature and "innocent" that is. but i just don't want to involve myself into such. i am just glad that they are the people who will teach me how to do things. on the right time when i am willing to have a bottle of strong ice. and teach me the things i could only learn from the experts. hehe.

CHANGE has constantly reminded me that life has to be DIFFERENT. difference brings forth meaning into my existence. more often than not, i view change not on a positive light, but with a tinge of doubt and a question of why. however, i must realize that stagnation and permanence do not provide the kind of fruitful living. continuous quest for growth, learning and unpaid experiences compensate the moments of grief, depression, repression to be able to achieve the license for a more significant way of living. be open.

IDEALISM has yet to be knocked out of my senses. REALITY must kick in.

--as always, i have forever felt that i never made sense with any uttered words. that's not a change. i'm still in sluggish motion in keeping this blog filled with essence.

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