Things I don't want to admit

1. i lost an argument
2. i am childish (yes, not childlike)
3. there is such thing as "gray area"
4. i am a snob
5. i am totally over with the "past".. NOT!
6. that i have "loved" (from kaykay)

and finally,
that feelings is not a choice. attraction either. that everything is not absolute EVERYTHING. that we are bound with some limits and we cannot encompass the entirety of the universe with one word as E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

am i beginning to say that now I DO? did i fall again?

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Confession

i have forgotten the day i felt the way i did for the past week. it may seem over-reacting (oh maybe it is), and pure exaggeration, but it is to my deepest regret that i am now a self-confessed sentimental fool, very much attached to everything that is kept close to me (like sucking leech, yeck!), and clingy to my past.

the feeling has been bad. big time.. everything seems to be flashing back. the emotions had been mixed up. it's always that selfish me that pulls me back to embrace the future. it's always the jealous me, with a breaking heart, when i see somebody else has taken place. it's always that pity me that fails to bring herself up and needs a little prodding to move on, bit by bit.

...on my right, i see the clock which tells me that i am late.. when i turn a bit, i see that screen which tells me that, (no, not again), i'm not listening. to my left, i see that board, where the dates have been written, but had never been on time. just right in front of it is that seat that has always been occupied. when i enter the room, it always gives me that warm feeling.. that i am safe in my refuge. a brush in the head that gives me that comfort that i can be the best that i can be.

...when i look back, i have never enjoyed it than yesterday. it is as if the heavens have told me to relish each day. for time may come that you might regret enjoying it, and that the only chance you could take is to imagine at the back of your mind.

oh no. here i go again. i have promised myself that i will not mope about this. excuse my confession.

thanks to all who painted that lovely history to my lifetime.

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S-A-D

ang lungkot ko kahapon. grabe. hay:((

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Jumper - 3EB

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.
I would understand,
The angry boy, a bit too insane,
Icing over a secret pain,
You know you don't belong,
You're the first to fight, You're way too loud,
You're the flash of light, On a burial shroud,
I know something's wrong,
Well everyone I know has got a reason, To say, put the past away,
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, That you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,
I would understand.
Well he's on the table, And he's gone to code,
And I do not think anyone knows,
What they are doing here,
And your friends have left, You've been dismissed,
I never thought it would come to this, And I, I want you to know,
Everyone's got to face down the demons,
Maybe today, We can put the past away,
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,
I would understand,
I would understand...
Can you put the past away, I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
I would understand...

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I don't want to be - Gavin DeGraw

I don't need to be anything other
Than a prison guard's son
I don't need to be anything other
Than a specialist's son
I don't have to be anything other
Than the birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going, is knowing where I'm coming from
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one who noticed?
I can't be the only one who's learned
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
Can I have everyone's attention please?
If you're not like this and that, you're gonna have to leave
I came from the mountain
The crust of creation
My whole situtaion-made from clay to stone
And now I'm telling everybody
I don't want to be
Anything other that what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I don't want to be

p.s. sa june06 pa ang official one year celebration ko;)

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Milestone

Ang bilis talaga ng panahon. Naalala ko pa, one year ago. Mga ganitong panahon, nasa school na kami. Buong araw, umaga hanggang gabi. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Bahay na namin yun. Nagpunta na ko kung san san. Sa Carriedo kung san mo makita yung mga "porn" videos na binebenta sa kalye. First time ko yun nakita (salamat kay estre. bwahaha). Ang sumakay sa LRT. Ang pumunta ng FEU. Kumain sa Yellow Cab sa kung san san (Morayta, Harisson, Makati Ave, Glorietta, yung malapit sa mega. yung malapit sa tomas morato, di ko na maalala yung iba). Kumain ng kung ano anong pagkain sa Taft Tower (namiss ko na yung ERSAO) at sa Agno (ang siomai at ang tapsilog!!). Matulog sa classroom. Tumambay sa hallway. Maglaro ng scrabout. Kumanta ng vindicated. at ng yeah whatever. Maglokohan pag walang magawa. Hay. Ang bilis. Hanggang sa makatapos din kami. Kahit magulo. Kahit umiyak pa ako. Kahit nagalit pa ako. Kahit nainis pa ako. Kahit na kinawawa na ako ng mga loko-lokong GBE. Okay lang. Masaya naman eh, diba? Parte yun ng buhay. Pinakamasasayang araw ko yun. Isama ko na ang buong 4th yr talaga. Hehehe. Nakahinga na ng maluwag. Grabe, naalala ko, dati pinagdadasal ko matapos na kami don sa phase na yun.....

Tapos makamove-on na. Makapag-simula ng bagong buhay. As in magbagong buhay. Tapos yun, napunta ako somewhere na sinabi ko na AYOKO! Hay grabe. Di ko inakala. Pero di ko naman sinabi na ayoko talaga as in super. Well, ang ayaw ko lang naman eh yung lugar. Dun na naman. Tapos ^*@#$! walang kamatayang traffic. Bwiset. Oh well, Wala naman na rin akong choice. Opportunity. And that was EIGHT MONTHS AGO. Grabe, I can't believe I've stayed this long. And made friends. And had petty fights. And had a bunch of lunchouts (and counting!). And populated my MSN contacts with people from all over the world. (I need GOLD!:P) And saved a bit. And re-connected my life with few friends i've lost. And have made myself the person I can't say have grown, but gained a lot. And learned alot. In all aspects in life. Hay ang drama. It is all but the bittersweet dilemma of staying here. There's always the good and the bad. They never go away. They're part of it. They're all relative.

Tagal ko na di naka-blog, sabi ko magb-blog ako sa first year ko. Hehehe. Milestone talaga ito. One year na blog ko. Eight months na kami (bwahaha), tapos na ang training namin. Ma-mi-miss ko si leo. (Pigilan nyo ko baka maiyak ako!!!) May closing pa talaga. Grabe. Baka lalo akong maiyak. 24/7 na ako. Hay grabe na talaga. Ayoko pa. Sabi ko sana bumilis ang panahon. Pero ngayon na napansin mo na tumakbo, gusto mo na tumigil.

Afterall, happiness is a matter of choice. EVERYTHING is.

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WordPlay - Jason Mraz

I've been all around the world
I've been a new sensation
But it doesn't really matter
In this generation
The sophomore slump is an uphill battle
And someone said that in my scene
'Cause they need a new song
Like a new religion
Music for the television
I can't do the long division
Someone do the math
For the record label puts me on the shelf up in the freezer
Got to find another way to live the life of leisure
So I drop my top
Mix and I mingle
Is everybody ready for the single and it goes...

Ha La La La La
Now listen closer to the verse I lay
(Ha La La La La)
It's all about the wordplay
(Ha La La La Love)
The wonderful thing it does
Because, because
I am the wizard of ooh's and ah's and fa-la-la's
Yeah the Mister A-Z
They say I'm all about the wordplay

And it's time to get ill I got your remedy
For those who don't remember me
Well let me introduce you to my style
I try to keep a jumble
And the lyrics never mumble
When the music's makin' people tongue-tied
You want a new song
Like a new religion
Music for the television
I can't do the long division
Someone do the math
For the poeple write me off like I'm a one-hit wonder
Got to find another way to keep from goin' under
Pull out the stops
Got your attention
I guess it's time again for me to mention
The wordplay

I built a bridge across the stream of consciousness
It always seems to be a flowin'
But I don't which way my brain is goin'
Oh the ryhmin' and the timin'
Keeps the melodies inside me
And they're comin'
Til I'm running out of air
Are you prepared to take a dive into the deep end of my head
Are you listening to a single word I've said

Ha La La La La
Listen closer to the words I say
Ha La La La La
We're sticken' to the wordplay
Ha La La La Love
The wonderful thing it does
Because, because
I am the wizard of ooh's and ah's and fa-la-la's
Yeah the Mister A-Z
They say I'm all about the wordplay

Ha La La La La
I'm all about the wordplay
Ha La La La La
Stickin' with the wordplay
Ha La La La Love
I love the wonderful thing it does
Because, because
The ooh's and ah's and fa-la-la's fall back in love
For the Mister A-Z they say
Is all about the wordplay

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AdiK

isa kang adik sa isang bagay kung:
1. hindi ka makapali kapag wala sya sa tabi mo
2. gagawin mo lahat makuha lang yun. as in lahat
3. literally, para kang nanginginig. hindi mo talaga kaya ng wala
4. pathetic ka. ginawa mo nang basehan yun ng pagkatao mo.
5. ang bigat ng feeling mo pag wala kang magawa para makuha yung gusto mo
6. nagco-complain ka the whole day sa mga tao, kung kani-kanino
7. sinisisi mo sarili mo sa mga ginawa mo kaya mo di makuha
8. iniisip mo, kahit isang araw pa lang wala sayo, feel mo buong buhay mo wala na talaga
9. baliw ka na! nag-morph ka. di na ikaw ang totoong sarili mo!

nakakadiri maging adik. kahit gano ka-simple kina-a-adik-an mo. masama. tsk tsk tsk... magdasal ka na lang para ma-get over mo. isipin mo nalang may rason kung bakit di mo na dapat makuha ang mga gusto mo.

hay Lord tulungan mo sila.

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Paparazzi #004: Closing Time

Closing time - time for you to go out, go out into the world.
Closing time - turn the lights up over every boy and every girl.
Closing time - one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.
Closing time - you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from.
Closing time - this room won't be open 'til your brothers or you sisters
come.
So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits - I hope you have found
a
friend.
Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning'send.

Yeah, I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from...

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning'send...

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Relasyon

Iniisip ko na kung anong iniisip nya.
Natatakot ako pag may nasabi akong iba.
Natutuwa ako pag napapangiti ko sya.
Pakiramdam ko, ang galing ko talaga.
Kelangan kong gawin mga sinasabi nya.
Pag hindi, eto ko namomroblema.
Lahat ng ginagawa ko, dapat pabor sa kanya.
Kung hindi, eto ko sisihin ko sarili ko na mali na naman ako.
Perfectionist daw ako, pero sa tingin ko may kulang lang talaga.
Naiinis ako pag hindi ko nabibigay ng tama.
Ako na naman mali.
Hindi ko lang talaga siguro kaya.
Bibigay na ako.
Ayoko na.
Aalis na ako!
Wag, nasa isang relasyon ka.
Wag mong takasan. Tapusin mo.
Gawin mo ang dapat.
Hindi lahat ng gusto mo tama.
Pero di lang din naman ng kala mo tama, makakabuti.
Hay nako ang gulo talaga ng mundo.
Pero kelangang magsaya.
Pwede naman, diba?

Sabi nga nila, mahalin mo trabaho mo. Wag ang kumpanya. Hahaha. :P

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Overshadowed

Waiting for the star to fall... to come granting my wish.
Please please please, a heartful of pleas.
Ease this wounded soul, this broken heart.

+=+=+=+
How could one ever know how to do the right thing?

IMY.

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MT

Officially the "steady" state is over.

I am now in phase of THE GREAT DEPRESSION.

Spare me. Will you?

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Agimat

indeed, a noble life he led.

a tribute to a man whom i believe to be the greatest for me to know. in my lifetime. even if it would mean knowing him barely for 21 years. but seemingly, i've known his entirety for days, i can even use my hands for counting.

I cannot even draw together the words that would, at the very least, to give justice and put into prose the life he had for barely a century of living. Loving spouse. Eleven children. Hero to be called. There's so much with this man that I have to say I never fathomed to be the life that he led. He gave me more reasons to give importance to life (in general) to raising a HUGE family (11 children, with 9 in-laws, 27 grandchildren, and 3 grand-grand children), to living a noble life (which does not mean being a hero in the flesh. but doing simple things that truly express nobilty with a noble heart), to fighting not only against man, but against death during wars of the world, to leading, being highly-respected and making a mark to his community.

at the last breath, selfless he was... until the end. open arms, he accepted the new life he would live with HIM.

as i stared for two days beside him, it made me put that mark that i would be as loving as he was. that i will also find that man that he would be just as him. i have raised the mark to living life more than seizing the day. i have never felt that much pride in myself than that day. amidst the tears that seemed to have never ceased to flow, is a proud heart we bore, is bearing, and will always be, that we have come to know this man.

i heard gunshots. at the strike of 12, covered with a blanket of a nationalistic banner, he was laid to rest. in peace. through eternity.

we love you and will always be remembered.

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Paparazzi # 003: A View from the Top

The busy streets. The tiring strides. I am here.. At the top.

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Thanks

Thanks to the trips of kay, the box of sand from mark, the portraits of her soul - lheng, and to anna for making me love fridays even more... For keeping me in touch with their lives even if it will take a miracle for us to see each other as often as we did six months ago.

Lheng: 3 weeks will just spin off without you knowing. Hehe. Doze yourself to sleep.
Anna: Don't think that it's his lost. You didn't lose anything.:P
Kay: Bru! It's always been good hearing from you that you're doing great. Enjoy the life! Cheers!
Mark: To movies and heartaches and points of view in life. You've never changed. More so being in-touched with your "feelings". Still that same ol' designated-sensitive male.

I miss you all. Take care always. *HUGS*

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A brief come back

Sumptuous dinner.
Whooping hoax of 100mbps.
Sleepy head.
Meet old friends.
Still aching from sun burn and slight tan.
Stuffed with lunch outs with 'bosses' (deprived of desert! haha) and tomorrow again!
Pony tailed hair after eight years.
Awaiting to have braces-free fangs and incisors in not more than 3 weeks.
Oh yes,
I'm back.

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BIG SPLAT! for rotten tomatoes

oh yes i'm still alive.

i have to admit that i did miss it. this. you. me. but it was resonating that life has been unbelievably, indifferent. apathetic. unresponsive. oh yes, i'm shifting-F7 now. so what? there are no better words to fully express L.I.F.E for the half-year. by the way, congratulations for the momentous event -- to regularize yourself from your 3rd "second home" (hehe, did you get it?). but of course, it would not refuse to give credit for some happy moments spent here. of course there still are. there are many actually. however, to be deprived from watching the series of tv shows from star world (you still have to get 8 hrs of sleep, or else it would not only be a bad hairday! it will be a total mess!)

yes, at 7pm i can leave. and it is just now. good:)

LATER.

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Paparazzi #002: A Walk in the Clouds

Fly away.

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Paparazzi #001: Ped Xing

Wish I could cross all challenges in life. Wish I could cross through all my hopes. All I need is a Leap of Faith.

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March 5 2005

thanks Kay for that remarkable post. you have given justice to every person present in that occasion:) hehe.

to Mark: as if you have never been used to my trash talkings. you've always been that sensitive-male that you are. harharhar. and it's always the devilish me who pushes you to step on that accelerator even harder to give that squeaking sound from your tires (with a bit of smoke. hehe) and the resounding throbbing of our hearts. hehe. but it's always the best rides (hihihi. making it up to you:P) coz i wouldn't be part of all the trips that we have if it weren't for you. even if i have completed B-I-N-G-O (and not the whole alphabet lheng!), i owe it all to you:P cheers and more driving adventures. hehe!

it was as if you never want to go back. the smell of the Tagaytay breeze seemed to consume you and resonate a heavenly feeling as if you have been devoid from all the stress in life. peace and comfort. the freshness of the green grass and the pine trees have lifted me to serenity. relaxed and relieved.

3 B's. Basketball, badminton, bowling.
4 Drivers + 1. All of them were racing around (unconsciously? or involuntarily? or should i say normally?!). with one bully on the passenger seat:P
1 Place. Canyon Woods.
1 Winner. Accenture+OOCL.;) [i feel proud of us, haha. kay den lincoln dj she. did the frustration for the entire two years just reflected?]
1 Day. with a whole bunch of "activities" (without even following my itinerary! harharhar!) which ended up so soon (but thankful for the hitch to call wrap up the day).

hoping, that one day will not be the last.:P i'll see you guys around:)

xxxxx.
All men can sweep a woman off her feet. He just needs the right broom.
Life is not about how many breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.
xxxxx.

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