dreams...

are manifestations of something you want to happen?
are symbolism of a current situation?
are just imagination?
are a product of your subconscious mind, that dwells in you, and outlets comes in a bubble?
are answers to many questions?
are things you wanted not to happen so you let it out so that you can prepare for yourself?
are keys to your goals, to your fate?
are just dreams, that means nothing?

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committing the same mistake the second time around

I can't help but to feel infuriated to myself for doing the same thing that scared me a few months back. I feel so humiliated in front of God that I have committed the same mistake I promised to keep until He bestows it upon me.

I am such a brat.

I am spoiled.

I am weak.

It's always an eye opener when some bad things happen to you.. And I am ashamed to confess that it's always the bad things that keeps me coming back to God. It's not good :( We oftentimes turn to You when something does not happen the way it should. And I am not proud of it :( I am very sorry, and I want You to be a part of me again. This time I am being true to my words.

Lord, I surrender everything to You. Please accept me again. I have made the promise again in front of you and I promise this time, I will be firm with my words. I will stand up to what I believe in. And I stand up for my faith. Please help me to be stronger and to be more faithful to you. I love you.

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a post for myself, after reading others...

Sometimes, we tend to meddle with other people's lives so often than we take a closer look at our own lives. We are so caught up with other people's mistakes, that we judge them for being "wrong".. wrong in a different light... wrong in our own perspective. Or thinking the other way around how successful or happy they are, that we feel so envious that we judge them that they don't deserve where they are.

I am guilty of such, at times, when I always find myself looking at other people's lives.. looking or hearing them from afar -- even strangers at that. On how they talk to their companions, how they dress, the way they fix their hair, the things they talk about, on how they simply stand up on ground carrying only themselves. I tend to look at other people's lives on surface. I have been enjoying lurking around other people's business even if I really do not have anything to do with it. And I spend so much effort analyzing their lives and how they deal with it, even if it really is such a waste of time because they don't even know that I am scrutinizing it for them.

I hope the world will just keep moving with their own lives. Not meaning to say that we should care less about the rest of the world.. What I'm driving at is I hope we learn how to accept other people as they are. And being there, as what we are supposed to play in their lives -- a child, brother, sister, friend, colleague, companion.

--------

If at times a person has done you wrong, you have the all the right to feel furious, and express your anger. But do not nurture the pain because it will do you no good. Let God heal the wounds and let go of the darkness inside you. Do not let a negative feeling be the recipient of a negative action.

If at times you feel that a friend has done something wrong to another, do not put their fate on your anger. You have the right to get mad, but you do not have any reason to put into your hands the revenge to cover up for them. Console them, be there for them. Be positive to your friend. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do negative towards another to justify that you care for a friend.

If you are feeling envious that a person is successful, be happy for them. Rejoice with them. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, reach for your dream and be inspired that if somebody is able to step forward to their goal, believe that you can make it on your own.

If you feel sad about a person's situation, be there for them when they need you. Listen to their problems. They do not actually need advice, they just need someone to talk to. Unsolicited advice sometimes aggravate the problem, so just tell them that you will be there.

If you feel like the decisions you made put you in trouble, do not blame other people for it. Your actions always boil down to your own decision. No matter what people say, no justifications are needed because it's always you who have the last say.

I don't know why I am telling this. Maybe because I have had enough of meddling with other people's lives. I do not play a big part in them, but I always steer to keeping myself involved even if I don't have to. Then I end up now, thinking of my own life. How have I lived it. And how I have made decisions in my life that might be worth the time to think about instead of thinking about others. I have yet to deal with my own problems, and think about the decisions I have made. For those people, on the other hand, who are meddling with mine, then I'm telling you, you are wasting your time. I bet you have your own problems to deal with.. so deal with it!

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On Moving Out

I have been thinking about this for years. I didn't want to leave because I have stayed for as long as four years. I didn't want to move because I have made so much memories here. Through good times and bad, this was my refuge. I have made connections with people. Some dropping by. Some have come and go. I have connected to other people through this, what I called "home".

But I want something new. Brand-spankin' new experience, new feel, new light. I believe four years is too long. I can make new entries with my new home. I can still make connections to those who have stayed in the old spot. I still can have a look at it and visit it whenever I like. It's still where it's at. I am just moving but it won't be gone.

The question is where? And when...

I don't want to say goodbye to you yet, my refuge, Fresh Tomatoes. Four years have been a long, long time. There has been so much in this that keeps me wanting to be back. I have made so much memories kept in here. I love being here. I just want something new... I have stayed long enough to keep you burdened with the many things that happen to me for the last years.

I am searching for a new spot for my new life.... For the meantime that I have not found it yet, I will keep you posted.

Btw, I am happy. I haven't been posting happy thoughts for so long a time.. maybe the next one will be :)

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Ch-ch-ch-changes, changes!

This morning I got two messages from two of my Southern Girlfriends.

They were in the boarding area about to embark to their new lives.

I felt really sad that they are starting their brand-spanking days in a foreign land. Marga is still on her flight to US will Jode is now problably reunited with her mother and unpacking her things.

And I'm still here blogging away in my room.

Sometimes, we just need that "jumpstart" so we can start anew. Living in our comfort zone, sometimes we forget that there are a lot beyond our boundaries. And the sky's the limit! It does not mean changing the current environment, we just need something new so we may be able to discover other things besides what we currently do.

I read "Who Moved My Cheese" and it is about accepting changes in our lives. When your "cheese" is gone, it does not mean that someone took it. It may mean a lot of things, and it may mean that it you just devoured everything before you knew it's gone. It may mean that the cheese is probably somewhere you forgot to place. It may simply mean that it is just about time to find new cheese.

I am now living a new life with a lot of changes and I hope to make it better.

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To my Southern Girlfriends

To Jode and Marga, who are very dear to me.

There's just too much in my heart that I can't seem to let out. It is very overwhelming that two people close to my heart have just decided to move on and pursue a dream. To move on to greener pasteurs. To explore new things. To discover themselves apart from the zone to where they have nurturing comfort. Good friends. Great company. Our home.

These two people, who have been with me in most of the times that we decide to go out. Pig out. Rant. Chismis! Cry. Share. Laugh! Hard laugh that is. Go home:( (and staying too long in front of our house with more rants! hahahaha!). Tawid sa mga nakakamatay na walang tawiran. Paghahabol ng bus. Ng shuttle. Paglalakad sa MOA. Taxi sa kahit san. Bus sa kahit san. Road trip sa weird na kotse:P

I will be missing going home with you. Although some things have changed. It still feels different going home without you (and I won't go home without you!! Maroon 5:P).

I will miss all the night outs with you. I will miss everything about you two. I love you my friends. Take care always.

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Touched by God

I can barely remember the time when I have actually felt God touch me in mysterious ways.

I am not a self-righteous person, not even a religious one to claim such, but I have never felt more blessed than now. I have experienced an event that changed me from that moment on. I have come to accept Him and let Him be a part of me again.

I am ashamed on how I have come to know You again. That only in trying times we come back to you. But You accepted us, I know, because we can feel You near us.

I forget. I always forget. But in this time, I will never forget how God played a big part in my life and I am graciously thankful to God for accepting me again.

I am sorry that I still have doubts and fears. But I surrender everything to You, and I pray that you wash them away. My faith is in You. Our faith is in You, and we pray that You will continue to guide us in everything we do. That no matter what happens to us, may we realize that everything You give us has a purpose. To learn. and to know You better.

Thank you Lord for all heeded prayers. Thank you for teaching us lessons, that sometimes may hurt us. But I know that You only know what's best for us.

Thank you Lord for always, in all ways, working in our lives. I thank You how you have significantly changed our lives. And I am very much thankful that You have accepted us again and for entering in our lives together.

I am thrilled of living my life with You. I am excited on new plans, reinventing myself and pursuing my dreams. To travel the world. To try new things. To discover You more. And building our lives with You. I am excited that we are taking this journey with You. My journey. His journey. Our journey together.

I have come to realize that I am young and I have a lot of things to discover. There are so many things that I want to do. And I am living that life I want from this moment on. With a change that he's with me and You're with us. Carefree as a child, but wiser.. and with love, and in faith;)

We promise to keep You with us. And remember everything that we do is for Your glory.

A message that struck me the most in trial times:
When a problem leads you to a prayer... then it has served its purpose.

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Quickie

Just a quick get-back-on-track post.

I'm heeeereeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kelangan ng change ng layout para may rason na mag-blog ulit. Hehe.

Ayun lang. Hehehe. Hello World!

Balik ako in a jiffy;)

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farewell to 2007!

has it been fair and all well for me the past 365 days?

i told myself i was going to start the year right. and i did. and i think i did a good job at making the year the best year of my life to date. there was just so much with the past year that made my life tumble with joy, tears, happiness, pain, suspense, excitement.. to the many adventures.. lucks and bad lucks.. first time experiences.. land, air, water trips.. parties, events, hangouts.. love, laughs, tears..

i am so proud to let all the people know that the year that was, is the best year of my life... YET. that i never would've any regrets that i have spent the year the way i did. they might not all be right and i may have made a lot of mistakes. but this is who i am now and have defined how i will be in the future. i will become a better person. i will be living my life better to be more fruitful and fulfilling. i will become happier than ever. i will be building my dreams now, and making it happen.

i am happy and thank you to all the people who made my 2007 the best. my 24th year of existence had been more meaningful. i will set the bars higher and make 2008 better than better. the best has yet to come. :)

cheers to 2007, for a year that made us who we are now. another toast for 2008 that will make us better for the coming years!!!

who said life was fair? you can only have the luxury of living it well. Carpe Diem!

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welga! welga!

while the Writers Guild of America is currently holding a strike, we, ebot and violet, have resigned to produce articles for the corporate magazine. We will not accept, or on an indefinite refusal to accept any favors or charity to scribble a write up for a momentuous event in the company. i have been out-of-focus to discover that our article has been edited entirely, as if it was written by someone else. i felt violated. it was as if i was robbed off a license to write a decent article. not that i am saying that ours was perfect, but the fact that it was changed and we weren't informed, and our names were still published as authors... i am enraged to have tagged of some article that we didn't even write. i was too ashamed to let the entire company, and i mean in all regions and territories, read something that was totally not ours.

i cannot imagine writing that kind of article. sorry and excuse my arrogance. but really... i cannot let something be published without having it proofread (at least for something that is going to be circulated in an organization where reputation matters:p and bosses, and big bosses are having a quick access to information from its employees). *sigh of disbelief.. of embarassment.. of sadness*

i am redeeming ourselves from this. not that i am bragging, but i just would like them to know that we did not write that article. i am not claiming ours is better, i am posting this to, at least, let others know what we have written. i believe this just deserves to be published.

for the summer sportsfest 2007:
From the first bullseye target, till the last move to checkmate, OOCL Summer Sportsfest 2007 has rummaged every inch of a muscle in all OOCL Employees.

Commenced last April 24, 2007 at the Garden Deck of DY International Building, the Sports Committee headed by Rheeo Gatchalian opened this year’s sportsfest with a feast. Yellow, Green, Pink and Purple, as fun and vibrant each represent, are the four teams for this year’s sportsfest. Having the entire event run for five weeks, with six games to vie for (darts, table tennis, badminton, billiards and chess), the event brought excitement and tension to each team day-by-day. As each week passed, teams’ standings were so close, giving all teams a strong chance for the first spot. Competing with each other neck to neck, every team screamed -- at the top of their lungs to break a leg! (more leaning to the idiom, though). Action packed as these weeks were, snapshots of the events still linger to these sports enthusiasts. Mouse set aside as dart invaders aim for the bullseye. Heads turned left and right with smash after smash as shuttlecocks came crossing courts faster than the speed of light. Spikers’ serve resounded an echo. With throbbing hearts, the receiver got ready for the attack as everyone waited for the kill. But as all games end, only one team emerged as champions. Garnering the highest points, taking away three games as first – hail to the Purple Team for being paramount to all the best and victorious of all winners.

Hit the Bullseye. Spin the ball. Smash the shuttle cock. Serve with a Spike. Break it. Until finally, one goes Checkmate! 2007 Sports Committee, congratulations for a job well done!

congrats ebot for this article. it may have not been published as expected, but i am proud to have produced an article, as this, with you. thank you:)

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sweet and cute victory:)

i remember a few months back, one of my teammates shared to us that he has been addicted to the stacker game at timezone. i didn't know what it was then, so when i had the chance to "exercise" the kid in me, i went to timezone and started trying it out by myself. the first time i did, i actually won the minor prize. i opted to take it, because it was my first and i wanted to have something for my first win. but, since i was a newbie at that, i wasn't able to get the minor prize coz there was a stupid time limit to get the prize. i didn't know, and when i had to press the start button to get it, the time was over... so what i did was to try again:D and chose to go for the major prize this time:D after three attempts, i was a sore loser not to get any... awwwwww..:(

last saturday, while waiting for the movie showing, i paid a visit to my little playground and tried my luck for the nth time. i was feeling a bit easy this time... the first game i had was the stacker game. i was paying full attention to the squares moving from side to side, stacking it in the middle... my eyes were rolling from left to right. hitting the red button as the light were in lined in the middle. minor prize, kaboom! i hit it!!! i had the gut feeling i was going to have a good shot at this one, so i went off to get the major prize. three more lines. one square. first line. kaboom! hit!!! second line.. kaboom! hit again! and here comes the last... the square was really moving fast.. i was getting the beat of it. then i pressed the red button at that instant i felt it was directly above the last square. and YES! kaboom! MAJOR PRIZE it is!!!! i had a winnie the pooh stuff toy!!! (which, i must say was not a cheap one. it was fluffy and stuffy hehehe).. it was cute really:) and i was so happy that i got it finally:D i was watching the other kids play it, and i haven't found anyone yet who hit the jackpot:P hahahahaha!!!!


i had my mind on it. i had a strong feeling that it will be mine. i was feeling that i will get it. i've waited long enough. i've tried so many times and i thought i won't be able to get a hold of it. many times i thought of giving up. but the emotion was far too strong to let myself give up on it. i knew and felt that it was for me. i was victorious. I AM. finally, i had it:) and the most important part of it, i was with you.

to this i wait... till i finally call it my own victory.

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octOVER

october is finally over. my birthday month;) it wasn't just a day.. a week.. it's been a month. i have been celebrating my 24th year for days and days and i can't seem to get enough of it:) and there's much with this month that it has always been filled with momentous events.. the OctoberFest. i remember posting my last year's birthday bash and i had to call it octoberfest, octoberpest. hahahaha. there's just too much with this month that i never fail to put up a banner inside my head.. reading..."to the month i swore i'll never get over:P"... hahahaha. this month seemed to be sluggishly come day by day. not because i am bored, but there's just too much that a week after my birthday seemed months have gone by.

with this month, we had four celebrators.. two additional from our team;) every week, we had to put up a surprise! hahaha. mine was great. i had full of surprises. and gifts. and love:) i was asked the other day (in a high-schoolish spin-the-bottle session with my teammates:P), that if i had a chance to repeat a day all-over again, what would it be? i had my answer in a jiffy (since i was asked a similar question a few days back:D), and it had to be my birthday this year:) it was the first time that i got to celebrate it with the special people (physically and in spirit, in my heart:P) in 24 hours:) well, the only time that i wasn't able to celebrate was the very few hours of sleep:P and it has been a birthday month. it has been special than ever. i never had the chance to fully explain in detail, but really it is the greatest birthday i've ever had in 24 years of existence:) i was and am still awed and, still reveling with outmost joy the days that i had been celebrating it with family and friends:) i still haven't gone over it yet not until the last day of the month. hahahaha. thank you for all the gifts:) it has always been the child in me. i love surprises:)

week after my birthday, we had our last teambuilding. i had a blast. of joy. of tears. not a total disaster but it was great. the long drive was a pain in the a** but i must say that it was worth the time for togetherness:) the sunny day could've made it, but the whip of the strong wind with the shower of rain made it a bit lonesome to wrap up the day. the emotions were in-tuned with the weather. but as all rainy days go, a sunny day follows:) and it outshines the gloominess of the rain.

the last event for the month was our halloween party:) it was a long-time in planning.. and i'm glad that it still pushed through. honestly, i was afraid it wouldn't... thank goodness, we pulled it through:D i am excited with the pictures!!! of fairies (good and bad:P), of a surgeon (not a nurse, or a caretaker mind you), of a hula dancer, of scream!!!, of dracula, of demons (not framework:P), of a chinese pirate (more like of a shaolin to me:D), of shrek turned dracula, and of zorro in his mask (with elena... where? in his heart:P). the night-out at the pad with two poles was great.. the spin-a-bottle, the tequila, the "active" moments. hahaha. it was a great. great night.. happy night. tiring night.

what a way to wrap up october. and yes, it is finally over:(

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Happy happy happy:)

I've been pinning myself to write a recap of what life has been after three quarters this 2007. We're down to the last and I must say that bigger and better and the "hellacious" (:P) keep coming my 24th year.

It has been a blast. The past week. My birthday week:) Not all smiles. But in general, and most of the time, HAPPY:) No nitty gritty details. I would like to perceive it as one big happy smile. Full of surprises. gifts. love. For the entire week:) Happy happy happy:)

Thank you to all the people who became part of my birthday week. Especially to those people I've been with on the day itself:) You mean a lot to me, and I am truly grateful and blessed to have spent my most memorable day for the entire year with you. I must say that this is the best birthday.. yet:) I am looking forward to better birthdays ahead. I love you, all:) *kisses and hugs*

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I got to watch Stardust last Saturday and it is a great movie:) It wasn't dragging (although excuse my sleepiness that it had to kick-in involuntarily, not because the movie was boring. I was just to sleepy and it was very conducive for a short break:P haha not an excuse, not an excuse!). I just would like to share Yvaine's monologue to poor Tristan who turned into a mouse for a few minutes. Her speech was lovely.

Yvaine: You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

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A Love Story

I got to read Bom's blog with Jim Paredes' article. I was astounded by the women that he had in his life. Not because of the number of women that came by, but of the lessons that he learned with them.

It was not that long ago when I wished I could write my own story. I have read stories of love. Watched movies about love. Heard stories about love. To every relationship that I have come across, I was just a spectator. I have had my own comments... good or bad. Advices.. that which some have come unsolicited. I had a say. And that it had always been easy telling them what to do, or thinking upon yourself what could've they done.. or pretending to be in that position, and acting upon it readily as if I were on their shoes. It has always been different. And it has always been easier said than done. Definitely, easier said than done...

The latest love story that I have come across was that of a man who came across two flowers at the same garden. These flowers were lined up in a stream of pots. In all shades and hues... The first that came to sight had been his favorite. Red Rose. Beautiful, in its full bloom. The other flower was a Violet Lilium. He didn't know what it was called. It just came to him in passing, as the flower bowed its head not showing the true beauty of its petals. The others were ordinary that he didn't come to notice.

He roamed around the garden and then came back to the rose to which he was attracted the most. He was mesmerized by the beauty of the rose that he examined every part of it. The pollen. Its petals. And leaves. He wanted to pick the flower, although tempting, he refused since the thorns protruding its stem threatened him to be pricked. He, then, watched the flower from afar and appreciated the beauty of the flower.

But there came a time that he was no longer happy that he could not touch the flower. He risked being hurt, went thru the thorns, and came to pick the rose. How lovely it was for them to be together now. Even if the thorns still bespeak of danger or of unrelenting susceptibility to pain, he still continued to pursue his love for the flower. It was hard, however, he reveled in the joy of risking.. There was no other flower anyway, not any flower that he knew of.

It has been years since the man has nurtured his love for the rose. He took care of it. Sprinkled with love. Showered it with rays of sunshine. He was still avoiding the threats of the thorns. But after some time, he began to slowly lose his love for the flower. He was tired. He did not feel that he can love the flower fully because of its thorns. He felt that it was now an obligation to take care of the rose. The rose did not speak of any pain. It fully submitted to the love of the man. Though it cannot defend itself from the thorns, the sacrifice to live with the man for as long as it can, made it bloom further than it has ever imagined itself blooming.

He was not falling out of love with the beauty of the rose. He was still taking care of it. He still loves the radiance it brings. But he felt empty at times. He felt that his love was coming out of guilt. Or of a commitment that he swore he'd keep. It was not good. Then he came back to the garden where he found the rose. He walked for a while, then it came across the lilium that still bowed her beautiful violet petals amongst its leaves. The man was curious and he came to give a closer look to that flower. Only then he realized the beauty of a lilium. Gazing up at him, its glow spread outward.. exuding a scent of joy... of happiness that reverberated through his body. He examined it yet again, and slowly, he began to fall for the lilium. It was lovely. The beauty illuminates a certain fragrance that lived darkly in its body.

Yet he thought, he could not take care of two flowers. The pot that he made was for one. Only one flower can fit in. Now he thought to risk the place that he had made for the rose... and pick the lilium and plant it to the pot. But the beauty of the rose will just die without defenses. It won't die a natural cause of death. It will die because of a love that was lost. Then, the lilium was still there, bowing its head... waiting to be picked..

The ending has not yet been known. For now, the rose still holds the pot. And the lilium has been one with the others...

Love at the wrong time. Love that was so true, but a mistake. It is painful to call a love a mess. Contradictory to its meaning, love is a strong positive emotion... with relevance to an energy that sustains a powerful state of happiness... and joy. But to all the good comes in the bad. Love is a choice. Love is a choice to do the right.. Or to do what we desire. Neither of the two is of lower value.

Love at the wrong time is love that is lost. Some may take the risk of leaving the now to revel in the joy of the future. Some, as most take, risk of leaving a probable future, because the odds does not give them any reassurance of happily-ever-after. But who knows? Nobody knows what the future holds. It has always been a great idea not to keep the doors closed. However, for how long can we? Can we hold it further without anyone come knocking besides that person you've been waiting for all along?

Yes it is true that we meet better people in our lives. Better flowers... More beautiful. More radiant. But how long do we keep ourselves from being tempted to pick another flower? How long do we keep finding which is better without even starting to pick? Opportunity only comes once. We may never find another flower like it..

Love is a risk. Love is pain. Love is love. We learn how to love. We love to learn.

I love you. My heart can only wait for as long as it can. I hope you come back at the right time.

-- violet

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Always On Your Side - Sheryl Crow Ft. Sting

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But my demons and my angels reappeared
Leavin' only traces of the man you thought I'd be
To afraid to hear the world's I'd always feel
Leavin' you with all the questions all these years

Is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No, it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

Is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are we left to wonder, all alone, eternally
But is this how it's really meant to be?
no, this isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away,
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wandering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side?

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A Prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I pray that God bestows me what my heart desires. On the right time. My faith has strongly believed that things are meant to last only if they deserved them well.

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guilty!

hehehe, this is the third post for tonight, and yes i'm on a roll.

i am a self-confessed guilt-freak right now. i am mad. i am crazy.

i can't stand this. but i have to. for how long? i don't know.

i am going to be killed for this.

i did not commit murder. i am not convicted of any crime.

but i am guilty of simple pleasures. gossip. showbiz. a pinch on the face. stalking. secrets. clean foot fetish (obsessive preoccupation). manly hands. goodnights. cariño brutal. more ice cream than cake. banofee pie. shopping. long chats. videoke.

what is your guilty pleasure?

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the few good men

i have three brothers, which i never ever realized that i can appreciate them now more than ever.

my eldest brother is really a tall guy. well not that much, but he is the tallest amongst us. when i talk to him, he usually leans to his right. he has quite a poor sense of hearing. his hair is not straight. he has a dark complexion. although, all my brothers are dark since they really grew up on the streets. literally. of all my brothers, he's the smartest. medyo idol ko nga sya. hehe. medyo lang :P he talks about sensible stuff. he's not a nerd, but he is really smart. i like it that he answers my questions. i value his opinion. there was this one time that i really had a petty argument that we did not talk for months. but, of course, we live in the same house so he can't stand not talking to me:P ha! or me. hehehe. i was really feeling bad that he doesn't talk to me. but eventually we did. how? i dunno. we just did. i just love him.

my next brother, who is the fifth, is the hippiest. hehe. he's cool. for me, he's the type na "kilabot ng mga kolehiyala". hehehe. i never admitted to him this, but he really is a good-looking man. naks! proud. hahaha. no, really. porma, dating, gentleman-ness. wooh! sya ang dapat tularan. hahaha. he picks me up even if he had to pick up his girlfriend (now wife.. hehe). i like it that he takes care of his then girlfriend, but he does not forget his family:) now it is understandable that he takes care of his "family" more. but he still picks us up, if he can:) we have the same profession, and i really idolize him for being where he is now. he has a good career and a great family to boot. jackpot!

the youngest brother, is three years older than me. well, i don't regard him as old, but sometimes i really think he really is old. hahaha. but too young to get married:P sometimes i get irritated that he never gets tired seeing his girlfriend everyday. but maybe that's really the way it is. (yah, i really dunno:P). he is the most makulit, and the most madaldal ever. he can practically deal with any kind of person. maybe that's the reason my mom got him as one their sales people in their biz. we fight most of the time. but i know there's just this sweet bone in him (i still think that he's the most demonstrative, and well, yeah, sige na nga, sweetest) that sometimes i really can't take. like, it's icky sometimes. hahaha. but he's my brother afterall.

i like it so much that they are taking care of their wives, kids, and girlfriend (for the last). minsan naaasar na nga ako na wala sila, dahil nasa mga babae nila, hehehe, pero we can't really hold them at home forever. i admire them that they pick them up, take them home, had their girls at home to be known to us. and i must say that they really have a good choice:P hehehe. i was and am good to them:P i treat them as part of our family. i like it that they are brutally sweet to us (hehehe, masochist:P), i like it that we don't talk much, but when we do, we just laugh our heads off. i don't like serious stuff, so it's just fine with us that we are really not that super close. like secret-sharing kind of close. hehe. i like it that they're older, three years minimum, and we don't have much differences in what we like. i like it that they don't spoil us much. but when we ask. they give:) hehehe.

i told my friend the other day the worst ever stuff that my brothers did or is still doing to me. having us girls smell their super baho socks.. rubbing their armpits on top of our heads. utot sa harap namin (kadiri talaga). i just give them the worst "kurot" they can take, i am really good at this. my brothers can give a testimony to the many bruises they got from me. they just deserved it:P but, even at their worse, i must say that i really admire them for being just my brothers. and i really wish that the person that i will end up with will have bits and pieces of my brother in them. if they get the worse, then they will just suffer the worst from me as well:P not to mention the pinches that i have mastered all these years:D

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home alone

i haven't been home alone for years. i think. i never wanted being alone. more than the fact that i really get bad migraines doing nothing than watch tv and lie awake in bed, i really can't stand solidarity at home. but the weekend that was, was quite different from the days i have been alone at home. and being at home, perse.

i cooked lunch. i was with my brother, and it was the first time (maybe again in years), that he told me he was smelling good food (from me:P). nothing grand with the chicken, it just smelled good of course tasted good mind you:D not much cleaning done, the house was completely in order before they left.

i didn't eat much. i wasn't even hungry. i did open the tv to check out Angel Locsin's welcome party at ASAP (hehehe, hell yeah, i am a tv/local showbiz addict:)) but after a few cuts, i turned it off and stayed at my room and started to read instead. i loved the silence. it was just the swing of the electric fan that i was hearing, and the turn of pages i had as i read through. my cell phone was beeping once in a while, though (thanks for the company:)). and that was all i had for a home alone weekend. a good lunch. a good friend. two books read from cover to cover. and a nap that lasted forever, with a dream i've forgotten.

and the home i called for silence came crumbling down when they have arrived. riot. migraine attacked as they came crashing my room.

afterall, it was great to be home alone. but not all the time:P

goodnight... :)

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waiting in vain

somehow, the excitement just died away with each day that passed as we waited for it to finally become official.

then it was. four days since.

i must say that i am happy. though, i could not fill it in with outmost content or even with bursts of joy. i am glad that it is here. but i could not revel in the news that was long overdue.

i cannot complain any further. it is here, and i am grateful that it is. this is what we have just been hoping to come. to be accredited. at the very least, to regard as someone that has raised herself up a notch in her own pedestal. they say that a name is just a name. but it isn't to us, because it is far better than any amount to begin with.

i have accepted the fact, and i am dropping all the others that makes me feel agitated of myself even more. otherwise, i will still be complaining. i might as well rejoice that it has come, no matter how long i've waited, or how remorseful it came. at least it did. i am not settling for anything less though. it's just that i cannot stretch it any further. i have accepted that there are just some things that we really do not have any control of. and being in no position to contest, beyond my defenses. i am up to the limits that i would like myself to think that it has approached acceptance.. plainly out of utter respect.

and again, i am happy. i will celebrate that i have come to accept my new post. i have come to accept that i am beginning to think a bit more "mature" (excuse myself for the lack of a better term). and that now, afterall, what matters to me most.

i was hopeful for years, in search for things i have been praying... of wanting, living, loving for. in my heart, i believe that it will come in due time.. oh well, some if it will. some if it, i still do not know. they may come in grandeur, with fireworks as i embrace them on their arrival. or they may come at the worst moment or instance i could have never imagined even welcoming.


x's: on a lighter note, i watched korina's interview with toni gonzaga. i am a fan, but not quite. although i am glad that she now has her love her life. haha cheezy. but he's cute, and i think she deserves him and vice versa. i am really amazed that she finally get to meet him, after all the men that came rummaging her life:P she's blessed. and happy:)

so when does waiting become "worth the wait"?

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