GA SE03 EP21 - Desire

too often the thing you want most, is the one thing you can't have.

desire leaves us heartbroken. it wears us out. desire can wreck your life.

but it's tough as wanting something can be. the people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want.

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i hate math!!

when i was in kinder, i was 1st place in math contest. the picture is very much with me still, having miko (my highschool friend, well since elementary days [classmates gr3 - gr5, all hs yrs except 2nd yr], but let me start counting on 3rd yr... so 9 years to date) stand by the 2nd place box (with his khaki shorts unzipped:P). i can still clearly remember that i was left alone, having all contestants been kicked off the contest hall. hehehe. i wasn't aware of any rule at that, i was just puzzled why i was alone. hahaha. i had fever later that day:P

i have been asked to join math quiz bees since then, but i can only recall winning the first time i joined. i aced math when i was in elementary (maybe because it was just plain adding or subtracting apples). my math teachers favored me (which i never enjoyed).

i have never been the treasurer for the class. we voted for those who have been joining math competitions outside school. or those who almost perfected math exams. i was either elected for secretary, sgt at arms (yeah right!), or even as president (which i didn't want.. ever!).

i sucked at math when i was in highschool. total sucker for trigo and geom, on my 3rd year in highschool. i hated this year, because this was the year i got line of 7's for math. yuck. math. then i hated math. i hated my math teachers as well, because they kept calling me with my sisters' names (they were two under them, so they kept calling me either with my last name, or with two first names). i hated them, because i they're too smart, i couldn't measure up. hahaha. add the fact that we were in a sp*cial section.

when i was in college, well, easy does it --1st and 2nd year was a way to go. 3rd and 4th year was a different story though. i hated my 1st trigo prof because it was a 7am class. and he's late when i'm not. and he isn't when i am. my 2nd trigo prof was a total monkey (not because he's a wise a**hole, but he damn looks like one). i hated him because he had multiple choice for an exam, and didn't accept my answers with erasures (which, i contested that it was not specified in the directions). more so, having a 3.5 grade point average for his class despite his threat to "take him personally". how professional, professor! and oh, i can never forget him wishing me a christmas gift -- to be a good girl. bletch!

i hated math. i hated it much now, that i can't even put up a mental calculation of a simple addition of how much i ate. or how much is the jeepney ride from RP to office for 13 persons? i hate math that i have to compute more or less a hundred shirts i've been trying to cater to my sister (whom i had a bad conversation.. erm, more of a high-pitched argument, just now, which brings me to this). i am pissed off that i have to compute all this stuff for her, which makes me realize then that i do not like to have business doing all the math.


a pop question was asked during our summer getaway. what contest you most hated ever joining? i said, declamation. and your most liked? spelling:P having joined math contest the most in my entire school years.. never really liked them.

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I don't drink beer

Another testimony that this is crap. Or I am crap?:P

You Are Barney

You could have been an intellectual leader... Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."

The Simpsons Personality Test

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What mood am I in today?

For the lack of anything to say.

Though, this blogthings change answers when you answer the quiz with a 30-second gap, it is but a confirmation that today doesn't really mark a good one for me.

Yes, all three!

You Aren't In the Best Of Moods

While you aren't full on depressed, things aren't going your way. You may be hurt, angry, frustrated... or all three. Not to worry - you'll be feeling fine in no time.

What Mood Are You In?

CRAP BAG!

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quotable quotes

If you don't have anything good to say, please. Keep your mouth shut.

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Ally Mcbeal Stints

Highschoolish, as Ally Mcbeal series seems to me. It was far more than what I have imagined sympathizing with Calista Flockhart's character. I was not a huge fan though, before. But I do get a hard laugh when she imagines her very self at the back of her head being dumped on a garbage truck. Or even biting her toe. Never fails.

Don't hold on to everything because you might just walk away with nothing.
- Angela

Bygones.
- Fishism

Just don't be condescending.
- Ally

John Cage is too much erratic. I don't like him. Hate is too much of an emotion to someone or something non-existent. Rather, should I say, too fictional to play a role with my emotions.

Hate to say this Ally, but Billy and Georgia really look good together :( Although, Billy is really a good catch.. I would love to think that your 'The One' and not 'The Only' will be right there to catch you. I can't remember much of Robert Downey Jr's character, but I am more thrilled to more men barraging in your office:D

Just as I remembered. Now I know where you got the "designated-sensitive-male" title. It's Billy! Maaaaan, way beyond. Hehehe.

Oh, yes. I second the motion, attorney. I just don't want to be alone:(

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benta

I cannot vividly remember what last year has been. But from what I can barely recall, I was laid back on our lumpy couch watching Star Cinema movies of Aga Muhlach. Now, I can't even seem to finish one movie without being paged. All My Life movie, I had to pass just because of one ring. Arrgghh.

This is terrible. 16 hrs of OT has been very much beneficial to the cost of this company. My movie marathon has been busted, thank you very much.

I hate being on-call!!!

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on pet peeves #003

I just don't know if I am that irritable to put much attention on simple things. But at times, you just can't simply take it.

On questions. How would you feel if somebody asks you a question, and when you do try to give him/her answers, it seems like you never gave any. Like hello? Did I just talk with the hand? Or my answers were blown by and gone with the wind?

Don't ask questions if you really do not want answers. We really don't mind if you don't ask. I would not like to be asked just for the heck or etiquette of asking. Don't even bother.

Just feel free to comment on anything. Bletch!

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on baking

Last saturday, my everdearest nagger mother woke me up 9 o'clock on a crisp summer morning. That is for me to cook lunch. What is? LUNCH. My sister who use to prepare the dish was out for work. My mother will be out as well, going schools all over the city for my youngest sister's transferral. My sister, next to me, is not to be trusted with the kitchen so it's on me (I will be out for a lunchdate with friends, one who will bitch out about med school! haha!). On a side note, I am saddened that my sister's transferring because that's my Alma Mater! For 12 freakin' years!!! I so wanted her to feel that pride I felt when I graduated. And with loyalty, I must say I cannot find any other school that can be far better than my Alma Mater. Hahaha. *digressing.....* Anyway, back to cooking lunch.. I was asked to cook "bulanglang" (for those who don't know, it's a veggie dish -- sabaw na nilagyan ng luya, with matching kalabasa, sitaw, sigarilyas, and fried tilapia. I so love this dish, but I don't know how to cook it!!! I was given directions, put this, put that after this, after that.. But I really dunno what magic spell they recite to make it taste like... FOOD! Hahahaha. After mixing and matching. I still ended up having, erm, nilagang tubig. Or piniritong tubig. What a waste. Hahaha. I dunno how they were able to rectify it (I was out for lunch:P), but I saw that the bowl of soup was there lying on the dining table. Meaning somebody ate it:D

Having said all that crap, I am now convinced that I could've been better in the kitchen if I was a baker:P Hehehe. After watching Stranger than Fiction (which is recommended. Life is short:D), with Maggie Gyllenhall baking cookies, I am inspired to be a baker. Hahaha. Something I can imagine myself doing besides typing and staring blankly at a monitor. Hahaha. FYI, no expertise whatsoever. My only baking attempts are the Macaroons we usually do during Christmas and New Year... which I'm proud to say always sold out:P hahaha. Only (!!!), I forgot the recipe because it's my sister's. Hahaha.

I'm planning to have a session with a colleague who will teach me some "baking skills". More than mixing with a spatula:P do I have a bright future in this? Well, definitely brighter than cooking lunch!

i do know how to cook spaghetti, though:P

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Quotable Quotes

All good things come to an end. Because the best things are yet to come:)

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On Setting Goals

I've watched Rated K the other night and there was this 5-million-peso-richer guy who has a "dream board". He posts all pictures he "wants" or "dreams" or "aims" to have. His "dream board" has a car, a house, countries he wanted to visit.. So cool, that he posted 5-peso bill which he drew 6 zeroes more. And now he proudly says that his bank account figures is somewhat similar to the said "5-peso-bill".

I'm making that one for myself too:D Sabi nya, when you want something you should write them down. Pag nasa-isip mo lang, imagination pa lang. Pag nakasulat, naka-plan na. Hehe.

He said that he still rides the MRT, LRT, jeep or the bus. He has the "luxury" to splurge into normal things.. I wonder after that episode he will still have that luxury without people swarming around him, like a celebrity.

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of pet peeves #002

waiting for the elevator.. people pressing the down button when they are going up.

will it make the elevator go down faster?!?

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waiting for a star to fall

another shooting star!

yey! i had yet again come across the sight of a falling star. or a shooting star. what's their difference anyway? kung pataas siguro, shooting. kung pababa, falling. hehe, hula lang:P. METEORS na nga lang. still i was not able to make a wish. not because it was just too impossible to make a wish instantaneously as it falls across the sky, but i just didn't know what i exactly wanted. i did not want to make a wish that will change another person's mind, thru decisions and actions that will be beneficial to me. (assuming that wishes really come true:)). or something that will be physically impossible to come true. (like me winning the lotto even if i don't bet:P). i was carefully thinking of that "wish" that i certainly want to come true, that will make a remarkable signficance in life.

but i ended up with nothing.

now, what i want to do for my next beach getaway is to spot another meteor. i'll think of a wish now.. i'll be ready for one wish to come true:)

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i was wrong

i suddenly lost it.

just when i thought i was holding into something very precious, i was wrong. i wasn't holding into anything. neither precious. what is value when it is only considered valuable by one alone.

i trust that something will grow fonder with absence. but i was wrong. what is absence if it was never present? just when you thought it was there, it was just pretense after all.

assurance, i thought was something you can hold on to. but the rest is not assured. i was wrong. we can never be assured of anything. sometimes, somethings fall short of security.

for whatever it's worth, i give utmost importance to what i called the gift. i'll keep it for as long as i can. by certain norms, it is irrevocable. but then again, i must be wrong.

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Tender Juicy Hotdog

a real great loss.

it still haven't gotten into my nerves that, finally, he has come to leave us. the last day didn't feel like the last. maybe because there's just this feeling that it won't.

again, we had just lost one of the key persons in our team. i must say the he is really a genius. in all aspects in life. i admire him for his potentials, achievements, capabilities, intellect and most of all his passion for just about everything he does. who would have thought that in such a small built contains a gigantic heart and mind?

to tell you honestly, the first impression wasn't at all impressing. i got hired first. so when he was being toured and introduced to everyone, i thought he was a fresh graduate. he was a bit vertically challenged, and i had the feeling that i was taller than him (but in most cases, men just really seem smaller if i can look at them straight in the eye. and in most cases, i'm wrong:P). he looked like a probinsyano, na parang "bagong luwas ng maynila". hehe. sorry!!! see how judgemental i can be:P i thought of him as a bit shy type and meek. maybe because i never really got around into talking to him for about a month due to trainings. although i was a bit confused why he wasn't attending any. there was just this one training that he attended (i think it was UNIX) and our mentor said "hindi mo na kelangan to e, bakit andito ka pa?!". then, on that day i knew that he is on his late twenty's! i never had the slightest idea that this man has been busting himself to work for nine years! from that day, he became our "kuya" who would let us copy his case study. hehehe...

we became seatmates during our training. knowing me, who has a very short attention span during meetings, he always reminds me to keep focused. "huy makinig ka!". hehe.. eventhough he knows that i don't listen, he still guides me whenever i'm lost:D he still entertains my questions even if he's very concentrated into listening to our blue-nosed trainor. hehe. he's the bibo kid and the favorite student of all our trainors. he's not the pa-bibo kid. he's just that. without even trying..

thru all these years as teammate, i am fully convinced that this man is really a genius.

Carlos/Kaarlo, Carlo for me, has been a great friend and colleague. Within more than two years of seeing each other everyday, I have come to know the man that he is. We never had a hard time getting along with him. Funny, serious at times, joker most of the time, which is why we're having a hard time distinguishing what he is at a certain point in time. hehe. What I have realized from him is that he is a very patient man. He does not waste time and energy thinking of bad thoughts, having bad feelings, but diverts himself into doing something good. I have never seen him or knew of him having ill feelings towards others. He always sees the good side of everything. Positive thinker:P He also has a giving heart. He would give everything he can to help anyone. He is passionate with everything he does. As husband, that he provides everything that his wife needs. As a colleague, that he fulfills and exceeds expectation from his job. As a friend, by simply being there when you need him.

I will surely miss this bibo kid around. I will miss my seatmate during lunch. I will miss one of my south buddies. I will miss his kakulitan. I will miss his quotes. I will miss his stints.. his antics. simple pero malakas ang dating. I will miss his strums in the guitar. I will miss the very few driving-moments of his life. I will miss him. Carlo, cheers to your new found journey. I hope that path leads you to yours and Rona's greatest dreams. I pray that you may be able to fulfill all your plans.. and that you may find more growth, happiness and peace in your new career. I wish you the best of luck, and may God bless you even more. You deserve nothing but the best. Please do keep in touch. I would love to hear from you, more so if the news is about Carlos III. Hehehe. I'll see you around. Kampai!

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Emotional Ako Ngayon

Sabi ni ebot, wag daw ako magdecide kung emotional ako. Eh tuwing mga ganitong panahon, ang dami ko pa namang naiisip. Na hindi ko siguro maiisip ever kung nasa normal na katinuan ako. At baka hindi ko rin sya magawang gawin talaga, as in make the move, you know:P, if I'm guarded with my consciousness. Mas nagiging praning ako pag walang emotions. Hehe weird talaga.

Anyway, maybe there's just a barrage of emotions digging in due to several events coming in.. or going out. Hehe.

I'm sad because..
People just seem to leave like they aren't leaving anyone or anybody behind. Hehe. Bitter lang siguro ako kasi ako di pa nakakaalis. Haha. Crab:P Ang dami na nilang nang-iiwan. Grabe. Pati ang mga little angels namin iwanan na rin kami. Wuhuhuhu. Di nyo ba ako mamimiss???

I'm mad because..
May mga taong sadyang demanding. At mga maiinit ang ulo. Kala ko ako lang yun?!?! Haha joke. Pero nakaasar lang minsan. Kasi OA na. Hay. Yun lang naman. Di naman ako nagagalit masyado, masakit sa ulo:P

I'm sawi because..
Di ako maka-decide para sa sarili ko! Grr. Tanda ko na:( Pero parang bata pa din. I'm sawi kasi hindi ko ma-push sarili ko to go up. Go up to give up, sabi nga ng aking mabuting kaibigan/officemate na nilayasan na rin ako. Tsk. Hehehe. Sawi ako kasi parati nalang ako nag-hihintay. Kahit sang bagay. Dahil ba parati akong late, babawi sila sa ibang bagay sa buhay ko? Lugi!!! Tsaka I'm sawi kasi parating kulang sweldo ko.. Grr! Nagtatrabaho ako ha! Welga na 'to!

I'm happy because..
Though iniwan nila ako, eh I know masaya sila ngayon:) Kaya mas happy ako kaysa sad. Hehehe. Libre nyo nalang ako kasi yaman na kayo. Haha joke. Hehehe. Basta enjoy your new found journey. Wag nyo ko kakalimutan:P Yung isa, big time sa lugar na nde ko alam kung san. Hehe ok yan kasi para sa future at sa growth (kahit na hanggang 20yrs lang yung growth years:P joke) Yung isa, gusto nya talaga yun at dream nya yon, kaya alam ko kahit bigatin yan yakang-yaka pa din! Yung isa naman, hehe, alam ko mahirap pero ok yan. At least lahat ng napag-aralan mo eh ma-apply mo. Hehe. Astig yan, bilib ako sayo:) Idol na rin kita:P

I'm also happy because the people around me are happy as well. Yung isa, masaya kahit nde official ang kanilang relationship. Hehe, go go go! Enjoy ka lang. Kaso be on guard lang. Alam mo na.. Hehehe. Yung isa, masaya kasi official NA! Congrats!! Stay happy and cheers to more years of togetherness sa inyo!:) Pray kayo parati para sa matagal na pagsasama. Yiiheee! Pasalamat ka samin:P wahehe joke! Yung isa naman, dumating yung official nya, kaya masaya sya. Hehe. Yung isa, masaya kasi nag-level up na sya. Woothoo!! Libre mo naman kami! Hahaha. Daming trabaho, pero ok lang yan. At least level up! Hahaha. Para ka nang gasolina, tumataas ang presyo:P Yung isa, masaya din kasi feeling nya na-meet na nya ang kanyang The One. Nice naman. Kahit may problema, hehe, malay mo diba? Malay mo sya na talaga. hehe. Chill ka lang;) Yung isa naman, masaya kasi masaya sya sa bago nyang relasyon. Ayiiiiihiiii. Hehehe. I'm happy for you:) Na-feel ko naman na ok sya at ok kayo kaya ok na rin sakin. Hehehe. Gimik ulit tayo ha, yung libre mo ulit:D Bagong work din eh, kaya ok! Wooohooo!

I'm happy kasi nag-improve na ako. Hindi na ako impulsive buyer. Nakakaipon na ako ng totoo:p At! Maaga na ako pumapasok. Haha, what an achievement.

Above all, I'm happy kasi I'm going places now:) I'm still praying for my ultimate goal to come true:) Sana talaga. Hehehe. Sana rin makahanap na ako ng The One sa career.. at sana ma-meet ko si The ONE soon. Hehe. Wag muna ngayon. Travelling kid pa ako:P

Wag nyo ko masyadong pansinin. The time of the month is just around the corner, which explains spurts or bursts of emotions. Hehe. Anyway, there's just too many reasons to be happy, so why not be just that.. or even more than that?:P

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The Lakehouse

"How do you hold on to someone you've never met?"

I've been pinning myself to watch this movie since last year. I was just able to download a copy last month, and I got to finish watching it just now (in several installments). Hehehe. I finally decided to watch the entire film this weekend.

I am not sure how, or should I say what to react. Maybe because I really didn't get the chance to watch it with someone (hehe, other people's emotions count:P) or in one sitting. Or I had this notion that they made it in silverscreen after the local version of Il Mare came out (Moments of Love (?)). Tsk. Anyway, in general I like the movie. More than the fact that it's Keanu Reeves (waaah!) and Sandra Bullock tandem, the love story was heartful. I love the theme of putting faith into love. Or love into faith. Or loving with faith. Or faithful to love. I am amazed, eventhough cynical to the idea.. or doubtful (then again it's fiction), of them crossing paths. I was teary-eyed being on that part when Kate had that "chance" to really meet Alex thru his brother. And then I came flashing back those events and said to myself "waaahh, it was him!!!" :(( I do not tend to overanalyze movies, (some might have predicted that to happen..) and just wait as the movie rolls and the story unfolds. And when it came to that scene, man, my tears were really on the verge of rolling down my cheeks. The movie was great. I'd love to see this again. In one sitting, this time.. even better with someone (who will cry so I can. Hehe)

I know we'll meet. In time. I trust that the Lord will bring me to you. I am not sure if I've met you or you've met me. Or we could've bumped into each other, or been in a sandbox once upon a time. We may have that "lakehouse" that connects us. Somehow, someday, we will realize that we've just been separated by time. Eventually, our paths will cross and by then we'll know in our hearts that You and Me are our the ONES.

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Dig - Incubus

We all have a weakness
But some of ours are easier to identify.
Look me in the eye
And ask for forgiveness;
We'll make a pact to never speak that word again
Yes you are my friend.
We all have something that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when weakness turns my ego up
I know you'll count on the me from yesterday
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me
Sing this song
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.
We all have a sickness
That cleverly attaches and multiplies
No matter how hard we try.
We all have someone that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when sickness turns my ego up
I know you'll act as a clever medicine.
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me.
Sing this song!
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.
Oh each other....
When everything
Else is gone.

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Wrapping up February

Recap..

this blog just seems like a diary per month. hahaha. events. birthdays. trips. i'm really getting to used to writing down important events. and places i've been. and i'm glad that every month there's something wonderful that happens in my life. woah! i have a life! wooothooo!

Feb 9 - Miko's Birthday!
Feb 10 - 11 - Blue coral at Laiya, San Juan Batangas (with college friends)
Feb 14 - Valentine's Day <3
- Music and Lyrics movie date (with officemates, Pearl and Jek)
Feb 15 - Dinner at National Sports Grill (Wa and Den's birthday bash!)
Feb 16 - Manong's Birthday
-She's Birthday! (Dencio's Lunchout and A Veneto and Ghost Rider Nightout!)
Feb 21 - 23 - Palawan Getaway!!! (with OOCL peeps)
Feb 24 - Joanna's Birthday!
Feb 27 - She's birthday bash with TMB at Italianni's

february came in a jiffy. it was just three days short with january, but it seemed like the days have been whipped out of the calendar.. so fast, that my calendar still shows the month of feb. hahaha.

march is starting to roll... looking forward to better days. it's summer time, baby! enjoy the heat of the sun!

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U2 inspired

sometimes you can't make it on your own...

LSS.. tough. you think you've got the stuff?

i've been wondering if people around my cube has been pestered with my "singing" voice. hehehe. when you're at your headphones, you can barely hear anything from the background and feel like you're all by yourself, having the entire floor as your studio to sing at the top of your lungs. hehehe. well, i've been asking my ever reliable neighbor if he hears me. i am not sure if he's just too busy with work that everything else passes out and as if he builds his own little world in his territorial cube. or maybe, he's just too kind -- enough not to embarass me if he said that he's been hearing creaking or croaking voice once in a while.

i've been a huge fan of bono (well U2 for that matter) ever since time immemorial. well, exagg. hehe. but really, their songs speak far from just a simple emotion. feelings. more of joy than happiness. more of grief than sadness. more of high than just plain excitement. of course, the realization just came kicking in just then.. when i got the bang in the head that -- oh, i know how to read between the lines now.

last song syndrome. sometimes you can't make it on your own. every so often, we project a facade -- of indelible strength, of sheer apathy/indifference, or of perceived happiness. we put up a front to cover up a flaw. however, in time, the wall that we built for shield will start crumbling down and peeking into the crack where the true facet lies. then, we catch ourselves staring blankly, as if the crime we have committed has been disclosed. there's no turning back. we're screwed.

and now we do not have anything else left to do.. not to be on our defenses, but rather be admitting of the crime. that we are fully incapable of testifying for our pretenses. there's no escape. everything has been divulged. the prisoners of feign are awaiting their mates.

why do we put up such a deceiving front? well in fact, we know that in time, that front will just break, as rocks crumble as they are weathered in time. then we just find ourselves pathetically unguarded. unshielded. out of defenses. most of all.. guilty.

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