Season Ender

Finally, I finished watching Grey's Anatomy Season 2. I actually felt bad that I am so done with the late nights, two-episodes-per-night sessions for one week. I am not going to divulge an iota of any episode that I have watched (even if I am so in to letting it all out, with all my favorites). But here's another dose of them (the last for that matter):

a wise man once said you can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it. what he meant is, nothing comes without a price. so before you go into battle, you better decide how much you are willing to lose. too often, going after what feels good, means letting go of what you know is right.and letting someone in, means abandoning the walls you spent your lifetime building. of course, the toughest sacrifice is the one we don't see coming. when we don't have time to come up with a strategy to pick a side or to measure the potential loss, when that happens -- when the battle choses us and not the other way around, then that's when the sacrifice can turn out more than we can bear.

I will miss George O'mally the most. He's funny and comical in a sense that he is really one iconic figure in that series. I will miss his antics and his i-don't-want-to-talk-about-and-don't-let-me-tell-it-to-you character (even if nobody asks him to tell it). I will miss the rest of the surgery team: Isobel "Izzie" Stevens (and her blond character), Cristina Yang (her awkwardly, sleepy looking like eyes), Preston (uhm, his apartment?), Richard Webber (with his not so likeable superior position. [I don't like him, really]), Addison Montgomery-Shepherd (her goal to win Derek back), Miranda Bailey (the NAZI! wooohoo! didn't like her at at first, but she's one tough character), Alex Karev (although he's really a bad ass, he tells the truth and very straightforward), Meredith Grey (with her end-of-episode-dose-of-quotable-quotes, and her flawed character. Quite interesting for the BIDA to be flawed). And the McMen.. bwahaha. McDreamy (Derek, his deep set eyes -- full of emotions), McSteamy (Mark, his cutesy smile) and McVet (Finn, his charming character, and cooking skills). If I were Meredith, I would be slack-jawed if these three line up in front of me. But I'd still go for McDreamy. Hehehehe.

I so so so love this show. Seriously?! Seriously.

http://abc.go.com/primetime/greysanatomy/index.html

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More episodes of my Grey's Anatomy addiction

I love McDreamy now. Really. But, daym. I can't blame Addison for falling for McSteamy. Whew. Harharhar. And and and, the vet! the vet!! I am rooting for the next episode. I wish I could see him more:) His smile's cute. Hihihi:"> But still! GO FOR MCDREAMY!!!!!

superstition lies in the space between what we can control and what we can't.

life is not a spectator's sport. win, lose or draw, the game is in progress. whether we want it to be or not. it's not about winning, it's how you play the game.

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Carpe Diem!

And so I did name my blog after this adage.

I am rooting for a wonderful week. Although, I haven't really jump-started this week with a punctual time-in, I am still hoping for the better days. I am trying to finish the entire Season 2 of Grey's Anatomy. I will be finishing The Zahir, which I have completely forgotten where I left off (would you believe I brought this book with me to Boracay in the hopes I'd be able to finish a good book by the beach. Hohummmmm). And the next will be The Faithful Gardener, which I returned to Ms. A but she gave it back to me since I didn't read it. Hehehe. I will be starting the procrastinated automation process of a task (which hopefully I get done within this week, because I am lined up with a bigger task the following wk!) which I have to work with another team, so I hope things will really get done as scheduled. I will play badminton again, due to lack of physical activity. FYI, I just gave up the free gym offer, so I am walking lame again. And I'll be spending most of the time doing things I would and should do before time runs out. No, I am not counting down, and I am not planning to. But as what the title of this entry tells me so, I should seize the day. Make the most out of each chance I get. Only comes once. Scream at the top of our lungs.. Carpe Diem!! Seize the Day. Live life to the fullest.

More from Grey's:
Who gets to determine when the old ends, and the new begins? It's not a day in the calendar. Not a birthday... not a New Year. It's an event, big or small, something that changes us. Ideally, it gives us hope. A new way of living and looking at the world; letting go of old habits, old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. But it's also important to remember that amid all the crap, there are few things that are really worth holding on to.

Sometimes you get what you want in life. Sometimes you don't. And sometimes you get somethings in between.

If everything turns out really well, God, I feel so blessed than ever:)

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Two-timing

When I was eight, I was asked what do I want to be when I grow up. I said "I want to be a doctor". I dunno why I had that notion. I haven't been in admitted or hospitalized for some reasons that I would have a good encounter with doctors. To even know how they were really "working". The only vivid memory I can recall of me talking with Dra. Medina (our family physician) was when I had allergies all over my body due to SHRIMPS. I do not remember how old I was then, but I can very much recall what happened when I first discovered that I was having allergies because of seafood (those with shells, most especially). And oh, one more, when I was even younger (4 or 5? Do I have a valid memory retention by then?), when she gave me a lollipop with a long stick. Hehehe. Twice the length of a normal lollipop, but the candy part has the same size. I do not remember what was I doing then, or if I was really the one being checked up. (I did remember this because I have a picture of me hanging by one of the walls here at home:D my cutest picture... err kid picture that is:P wasn't a baby then anymore)

Anyway, what brings me to this is me having to watch for five hours of Grey's Anatomy. I don't know why I had that notion of being a doctor. Because now, having to watch surgery after surgery in this series makes me realize that I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO BE A DOCTOR. A surgeon that is. No offense to my med friends (they'll kill me when they get to read this!). I know you guys really want to be doctors, but with my personality, I do not want the pressure of emergency rooms. I have had immediate cases for work, and everybody knows that I have not learned the art of dealing with pressure. More so, I do not want making mistakes. What scares me the most is that when treating people, there's no room for mistakes. One mistake might lead to DEATH. Which I do not want coming across with. One thing that struck me most with Dr. Bailey (though I do not like her much), is that when she said that her husband makes a lot of mistakes in work. But it doesn't kill anybody. Doctors try as much to put remedy in any ailment a patient may have. But once you "killed" someone, you just have to get on with it. Just like Mr. A-Z says "the remedy is the experience. it is a dangerous liaison".

Of course, I do not discount the fact that it is an exhilirating feeling having to save another person's life. Giving another chance for that person to live. Nobody, than God, can give that gift of life. However, if you're given a chance to prolong that gift, man, it is beyond imaginable.

Most of the time, I am really the pessimist. However, I become the optimist when everything's turning negative on me. The biggest irony in me is that when things are getting the worse of the worst, then I suddenly shift to being the Positive Thinker. Harharhar. I am the biggest contradiction, contradicting my own, my very self.

I have been a two-timer for the past two hours:p Been shifting from watching BEP concert (which I was dying to see, but didn't have the time to really push on grabbing someone to tag along with. More so to take me home after:P) and the last episode I have targeted myself to finish in between commercial breaks. Now I'm watching BEP singing Let's Get It Started (Retarded, originally) but I am posting some quotes I jotted down from Grey's. Hehehe. How's that for multitasking:P

Dose 1:
some things we just don't want to hear. and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. somethings are more than what you say. they're what you do. somethings you say because there's no other choice. some things you keep to yourself. and not too often, let -- every now and then - some things simply speak for themselves.

Dose2:
love, like life is about making choices. fate has nothing to do with it. and that sometimes despite all your best choices and best intentions, fate wins anyway.

And here's a horoscope a fellow libran posted for me. How's this to proliferate my brain with jam-packed action? Hahaha. Who said to believe this anyway?
Do you want this person to stick around for the next phase of the journey or not? Now would be a great time to stop and inquire about their feelings regarding your next steps. It's better to be safe than sorry.

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Bora Part 2

I am slowly having a degrading memory retention lately. Before I completely have my BORA memories be housekept and be blown down the drain, here's the next batch of memory-cast.

Day3. Henna and Braids.
Buffet breakfast at The Boracay Regency (courtesy of Estre:D). Sleep. Lunch at Paluto (d' talipapa). Braids!! Henna!! Bora sun! MAMANG!!! Hehehe. Foodtrip at Jammers, hotdog, isaw, barbeque. Migraine attack!

Today should have been the Food trip day. I dunno what happened why we ended up having braids and henna instead. Hehehe. Well, can consider it food trip day since we had buffet breakfast at Boracay Regency. Food was great! I remember eating the same food (I mean same menu:P) 4 years ago, but still A-OK! Thanks Estre!!! Oh, we were supposed to eat breakfast at Le Soleil only to find out that they moved to Regency and sat outside so they can flag us that they've moved. Both Lheng and Estre had their cellphones down. Hehehe. Then we spent lunch at 'D Talipapa at namalengke kami nila Jun, Elsa and She. Hehehe. Had shrimps (na nde kami pwede ni DJ), tahong (na nde ako pwede), squid (na nde pwede si DJ), and fish (NA PWEDE KAMING LAHAT:P). Although, waiting has been boring and too long (we took pictures instead!!!) the food was great:D and cheap!!! Swak sa budget!! Hahahaha! After a sumptuous lunch, we passed by this Henna kiosk so we had our flesh dabbed with ink. Hehehe. P80 worth of henna drawn on my ankle and a free BORA SUN (tatak ng 3G!). Then the lady who does the braid is just across the henna kiosk, so the braid and henna works simulateneously. Hehehe. Although I wasn't able to keep it up for more than a day, I had to let it loose because of my unpredictable migraine. So as DJ so we had to entangle half of the braids. Hehehe. Oh, and MAMANG!!! She was a balikbayan who came back for 3 wks. She was a real cool mom coz she wanted to have braids despite of her short hair! As in super short ha, bobcut style! Hahahaha!

Day 4. Last Whole Day
Supposedly sun-bathing morning. Photo-op in front of Boracay Regency. ATV!!! Lunch at Jonah's. The shake! The crepes! Shopping! Last beach swimming. 'Exotic' Dinner at Mongolian. The rain.

It was a cloudy day. Went out early in the morning to enjoy the sun, however seemed like it hid beyond the clouds. We went to Boracay Regency instead (where there were benches and sun-bathing seats) to lie down and had our pictures taken. Hehehe! Pictures galore!!! Met Jun and Elsa 10am for our ATV! All Terrain Vehicle. Waaaaaayyyy tooooooo coooooooool!!!! Ditch ride. The dirt road. Reaching the highest point in Boracay (well besides riding the Parasail!!) Mt. Luho. It's nice to be here! Hehehe. Waaah I wish I could post the pictures already! Hehehe. That one hour mountain trip (or land tour, as Manong Oliver says..:P) was a highlight as well!! Waaaah! Adrenalin rush! I can feel the continuous pump of blood all over my body when I press the gas even harder. After the 1 hr tour, my hands were still shaking. I was still feeling the physical activity has consumed me entirely. Hahaha. Then a great meal at Jonah's where the most famous shake can be found. Hahaha. And the crepe was great! Wooohooo! We went to the grotto, paid visit to Mama Mary and prayed. Then went shopping for pasalubong. Then the last swim at Boracay when the rain started to pour. The massage wasn't so good, but not that bad either. The massage on the head did the trick;) The rain was really pouring hard dinner time, when we had the EXOTIC (which wasn't really intentional haha) dinner at the mongolian resto, where there were moths in our food. Yikes! Hahaha! With the brave women we were with (Julia and Janice!) we didn't pay for it. Yey!!!

Day 5. Bye Bora!
630 am departed from Station 2. Rain was pouring real hard now. Harder than yesterday. On time flight:) More Pictures. Home by 130pm.

And so it ended June 18, 2006. Landed on Manila by 12:00pm.

My prayer:
Dear Lord,
Thank you for the wonderful time you have given us.. To have spent five days and four nights with one of your greatest creations, in the beaches of Boracay. To have spent these days with great people.. with my dear friends. And my new found friends:) Thank you for keeping the rainy days away for a moment, to let us enjoy the days with the fine weather. The heat of the sun to keep us warm and to let us revel the beauty of the scenery even more;) Thank You for each day that You have kept us safe as we travel thru air, water and land. Thank You for letting us be one with the nature, to appreciate one of your greatest blessings to man. I could not thank You enough. This trip has brought me closer to my friends.. and even closer to You. Thank You Lord, all these we offer to You.

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A Dose of Grey's

Meredith.

I've been running this series' second season since yesterday when I got in the office early for a "slumber-cutover-party". I like Meredith's end-of-episode-mini-diary-kind-of-thing and I found myself writing them down. The metaphor is amazing. That's what I wanted to learn, or to develop. To put ideas in a metaphor that can depict exactly what I want to mean. I didn't notice this the last season, maybe because I was busy wrapping my sister's books with plastic cover. No pen and paper around. Hehe. Anyway, I'd love to share this with you.

Dose1:
There's something to be sad about a glass full. About knowing when to say when. I think it's a floating line. A barometer of need and desire. It's entirely up to the individual. And depends on what is being poured. Sometimes all we want is a taste. Otherwise, there's no such thing as enough. The glass is bottomless. And all we want is more.

Dose2:
No matter how hard you fight it, you fall. And it's scary as hell. Except there's an upside of freefalling. It's the chance you give your friends to catch you.

Dose3:
Denial is not just a river in Egypt. It's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?

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Amanda Marshall - I'll Be Okay

I hate to put this up.

It's like a white flag waving right above me. Like embracing the sweet surrender. The irony of being happy but realizing that looking outside of the box, it's a sad note. Really. I don't want to accept this FACT. Not yet. I am still clinging on the slightest chance. A chance is still a chance.

Someday, I'll cross these lines. But for now, I'll be out wondering..

It's time to let you go
It's time to say goodbye
There's no more excuses
No more tears to cry
There's been so many changes
I was so confused
All along you were the one
All the time I never knew
I want you to be happy
Your my best friend
But it's so hard to let you go now
All that could have been
I'll always have the memories
She'll always have you
Fate has a way of changing
Just when you don't want it to
Chorus
Throw away the chains
Let love fly away
Till love comes again
I'll be okay
Life passes so quickly
You gotta take the time
Or you'll miss what really matters
You'll miss all the signs
I've spent my life searching
For what was always there
Sometimes it will be too late
Sometimes it won't be fair
Chorus
Throw away the chains
Let love fly away
Till love comes again
I'll be okay
I won't give up
I won't give in
I can't recreate what just might have been
I know that my heart will find love again
Now is the time to begin
Chorus
Throw away the chains
Let love fly away
Till love comes again
I'll be okay
I'll be okay
I'll be okay
I can't hold on forever baby
I can't hold on forever baby
I can't hold on forever baby

Thanks to DJ for introducing me to Amanda Marshall. I have this mp3 all along but I didn't know who she was, so I was skipping this song the entire 2 years. Harhar.

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Filmloop - Episode 2

SEA DAY. No sports yet, coz still awaiting for Parasailing and Banana Boat pics:D To follow!



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FilmLoop - Episode 1

I was having a realtime frustration of having to put up our pictures in picturetrail (of 75Mb disk space), with me realizing that I still have account from photobucket which has 1Gb. Oh well. I got this FilmLoop (though I've been seeing this posted in other livejournals and Friendster accounts).

So this is the first installment. Day 1. More to come!




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The Bora - Per Diem!! (1st half)

FINALLY! I got myself back. I was losing my wits the other week. I felt like swooning due to a particular mood I cannot let loose. Now that I am getting over and done with it, I'm kicking in the good times to cover it up. Or should I say to fully dismiss the depressing phase. Just as I've read thru the internet, whether or not frowning uses up more muscles than smiling, I couldn't agree less that a frown really consumes a lot of energy in me. Hahaha.

Anyway, I wouldn't want to let the memory getting vague as each day passes by. I am not scribbling, erm, typing this whole event away for me to share, but for me to keep it fresh, with a vivid recollection as I read it thru. I am telling snippets per day, and will elaborate on highlights on each. Hahaha. It'll be a loooooong post. Better cut into half. Five days and four nights cannot be covered with few words. MAN, the entire getaway was more than words can encompass. Pictures can help me a bit to tell the story:)

Day 1 - FIRST DAY HIGH.
Drizzling. Kaye Ronaldo (este DJ) She Julia Fritz Jun Elsa Janice Crys (3G) at Cebu Pacific terminal. Delayed Flight. 11:15am Boarding time. First pass of our own version of Deal or No Deal! Won 20 pesos. Landing to Aklan around 12:15pm. Riding the van for around 2hrs to Caticlan. Around 30 min ride of ferry to Boracay! Landing to the clear blue water of Bora island, Station 3, with the sun up and shining! A 10 min multi-cab ride to Station 2. Checking in at La Carmela de Boracaya around 2pm. Getting a room at 130 (whew, that was the last room across the hallway, passing thru 14 rooms! waah!). Lunch at 2:30pm at Andoks:P Swimming at Station 1, FRIDAYS (by the far off-shore and pool!) with Estre and Lheng. Met Carlo and Rona, with Carlo and his skim boarding stunts:P Walked from Fridays to La Carmela for more than 40minutes with DJ and She! Dinner at Coco Mangas. Chilling at Cafe' Del Mar with Estre, Lheng, DJ and She.

The first day was a blast. And having the sun shining the moment we landed in Kalibo was truly a blessing. Excitement was all over us,3G. A lovely day ahead of us tomorrow, keeping us asleep with MYX on:) Times were at some point, kept tracked since I was wearing my watch. The rest of the days are timeless:P

Day 2 - SEA SPORTS DAY.
A sun shiny day! Rode the 9-passenger tricycle (50 peso-ride). Island hopping day. Crystal Cove! Photo-op.. to the batcave! Jellyfish attack. Fish-feeding with biscuitS! (Magic Flakes. Now I'm seeing it in a different way:P) Scary black fishes, tilapia-look-alikes! Blue starfishes. Weird starfishes. Lunch at Tonton's @ Puka Beach. Unforgettable Mackarel at 450Pesos. BANANA BOAT!!! PARASAILING!!! Speedboat ride! Swimming at LCDB pool. Crazy dance videos (Korean style:P). Dinner at Mañana. Totopos and Tacos! Second pass of Deal or No Deal. Break-even! She losing 21 pesos, owing 17 to Lheng, 3 to Estre and 1 to DJ:D Cinderella sleeping time.

The banana boat, though predictable, was a great ride nonetheless! I was screaming out loud, to fight the strong-sounding-throbbing of my heart. I have learned the art of pulling myself up. I was really having a hard time pulling the weight of my body before. Hehe. And whoaw, the PARASAILING! I was, at first, having doubts of saying YES. I really didn't have any idea what it was, how it would be, how long. But, eversince my tita told me about not letting each chance pass us by, and even thinking of the "what-could-have-been's", I did and had a great ride with She and DJ. Waaahh. The cost didn't matter much. It was all worth it. Being atop for 15minutes, with the clouds, with great friends was a total BLAST! Damn, IT WAS ALL WORTH IT!!! Every peso of it. WAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! I was totally impervious to fear. Pain. Or any other negativity. High na high! Woooohoooo!!!

And the other half....TBC. Hehe.

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The "period" of Great Depression

They say it is natural. That in these times, women are vulnerable to pain and emotional instabilities.

And everything comes as a BIG DEAL. The littlest things that happen are translated to a significant issue.. which shouldn't be. but it was. and it is. Augh. Now I feel like passing out. My "occasional" depression phase has been consuming me the entire three days, since I've gone back from Boracay. Maybe because the high level of HAPPINESS has been lingering until we stepped on the wet grounds of Manila, last Tuesday (Jul18). And swiftly, just as the water from the sink, started to be drained all out of me. Seemingly, the water has just ran dry.

My body clock has been messing around my sleeping time, keeping me up and awake. In any case, I'll be lying down and be saying a little prayer before getting to sleep.


Dear Lord,
Thank you for these times: that when everything seems so low, You have made me realize that even in darkness, there will always be the moon and the stars that will help us brighten the mileu..

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The 3G gang to BORA!

I can still feel the beach is with me. My body is like floating with the waves, moving to and fro the surface of water, wherever the current takes this parcel of... meat (Hehe). It is as if my hands are still paddling thru the sea. And the smell of the salt water and powdery sand.. I can still sniff it under my nose. Hahaha. Yes, I am still under hypnosis of the GRAND BORACAY GETAWAY. The entire five (5) days and four (4) nights have been GREAT. MARVELOUS. SPLENDID. Whatever word can replace these by pressing SHIFT-F7 will definitely, without a doubt, translate to this amazing trip.

I still have the hangover after a day leaving the island. Too bad I can not profoundly share them tonight, with the nitty-gritty details and all that! I still am utterly sappy that we left bora. Yet still jumpy reminiscing the memories. Hehehe. I'm just having a battle with my hormonal imbalance today which is why I can't get this done. With all the blow-by-blow-daily-account of the entire stay. Waaah!

Will be sharing some pictures as soon as I clear my backlog for my three (3) days of leave. Hahaha. Which is.. when? NEVER! Wahaha. Kidding.

Just when I'm done with my girl-thing-time-of-days, I hope I can give a better share. Hehehe. For the moment, I have to stick with 3 more days I guess. And upload some pics to keep for myself. I have to sustain a bit of frustration and emotional shakers. Hehe. Ta-tuh for now.

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Goal!

The world cup has been such a craze. Although I do not include myself in that crowd boo-ing and yey-ing and ooohh-ing everywhere (Makati has plasma tv's around and starbucks had their shops full with all sorts of "fanatics" - pseudo or genuine ones), I can't help not to pay a closer look to the said ball game when I get the chance.

But I only gave myself a blank stare. Except for a moment of "arrgh", with a bit of frustration that they can't get a hit over that net-bordered goal. I am but a standing pole, with arms crossed just below my chest. Or sitting on the side of the bed, with a slouching back. Harhar. Anyway, what brings me to this post of this football game is the thought of these two teams hitting GOAL.

One time we were watching WC in Redbox, Greenbelt (while my HS friends are losing their wits finishing their last order of beer-all-you-want's), really felt super frustrated that they can't kick the ball to the goal. I know it's hard, and super tiring. They've been running back and forth the entire football field for how-many-minutes (that i do not know:P) and they can't get a score. 0-0. And now, as always, have applied to life in general:P Well for me, I have been trying to set my goal (short or long-term that is) and still I haven't set it up. I've been working for two years now, running back and forth with my life, and I can't get a HIT. Until that time, my friend have set her "goal" in life. And has been urging me to set my own too.

I have not really been "goal-less" this 22 years of existence. Of course I had my own before. And my life hadn't been a waste, in fairness to myself. Hehe. Life's a blast, although a part of me is suddenly going down. Now I have crossed the line of so-called "maturity" stage, I should, by now, know what I want to do for the rest of my life. And now I came to realize the dreams that I want to pursue. And the life I want to live. But until this moment, I just have to build it for now and come reaching it slowly.. but surely.

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.

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Waiting for Superman - Flaming Lips

This can't wait!!!:D

I just came home and watched Superman Returns. And boy, I was so amazed how good-looking Routh was with the S suit. Whoa! Left me slack jawed when he starts to smile, with the little curly hair dangling by his forehead. Hehehe. I wouldn't have paid much attention to it, if not for She:P Hehehe. Anyway, I really did enjoy the movie and I could have not enjoyed watching it any better than the cinemas of Greenbelt. Good choice. And Thank God the showing was 7:30 which allowed us to run to the other side of Greenbelt to grab some dinner. Hehe. Two and a half hours wasn't so bad for it. Didn't leave me counting till the movie ends. I couldn't say anything negative about the movie, coz I really really love it. Super! Hahaha, I guess it's needless to rub the obvious:P

Though the ending wasn't that of a fairy-tale kind of thing, you know happy endings, well at least it had been carried enough pretty well. And I am rooting for the next Superman, if there is. And I hope there will be, when Super boy comes shaking Smallville. Hehehe.

Waaaah. We're waiting for our Superman, our hero to come! I know HE's just around:D

I asked you a question
I didn't need you to reply
Is it getting heavy?
But they realize

Is it getting heavy?
Well I thought it was as
already as heavy as can be

Is it overwhelming
to use a crane to crush a fly?
It's a good time for Superman
to life the sun into the sky

Cause it's getting heavy
Well I thought it was already as heavy as can be

Tell everyone waiting for Superman
That they should hold on as best they can
He hasn't dropped them, forgot them, or anything
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift

Cause it's getting heavy
Well I thought it was already as heavy as can be

Tell everyone waiting for Superman
That they should hold on as best they can
He hasn't dropped them, forgot them, or anything
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift

Got this song from a CD shipped from US:"> Though I lost it (hehe sorry!), I can very much recall the tracks. Waiting for superman, to take me home..

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Teaser - KDJ

I miss/ed you!!!

Waaaahh. How come I didn't recognize your voice the last time you called?! I forgot to tell you this, but the many times we have talked over the phone, and with your distinct voice, how could I have not known you? Daym, I was having a groggy voice and had just finished a conversation with the boss which, most of the time kept me in silence (hehe, wala akong masabi eh:P ang hirap intindihin! i just gave him a nod, and super long "yeaaahh". hihihi:D) when you called and I wasn't expecting a call. And bang, you gave me a song which brought back all memories in college. Awww. How I missed them. How I missed our times. I missed our phone call conversations up until late in the morning. Reviews for exams. Projects that seemed forever to finish. Memories with stupid professors. The all-kinds-of-days in G408, our beloved thesis room. The hallway lunches, meriendas and dinners. Bowling. Tagaytay trips. Dinners. Overnights. Movies. MTVs:D song writing. Petty fights, no not us, but our fights with other people:D There's so much in us that I miss the most. How else could I have spent college without you? Man, it is imagineable.

Waaaaahhh. I never did think that I'll be here thinking back about all the things that we have been doing years back. I never thought we could have finished college in that quick span of time. And now we've been in the work force for two years now and I am still stunned on how things have turned out for us.

I am thankful for us. For the friendship we have shared througout these years. Really, I thank you for everything:) Even if I know we're and we'll be seeing each other anytime, I still miss the times. Awwwww. Mwah mwah. Thanks much much. *HUGS*

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The Week that Was

It's been a loooooooooooooong week.

Monday. Worked more than 12 hrs. Worked without the bkg team. Waaaahh.
Tuesday. Ordinary day of overloading work. With work thas has been donned to us half-baked Daym.
Wednesday. On half day SL. Bad headache. An incoming migraine attack. A 1st birthday party.
Thursday. A surprise. Whoa. What a surprising comeback. And what a prank:P Tsk tsk tsk. Lunchout at Dencio's RP and dinnerout at Terikayi Boy Harbor Square.
Friday. 6 hours of sleep. 730 AM at work. Sleepy head. Dinner at Chilis GB1. Cutover at 11PM. Sleeping at 12:40am

Week 26 just came by and swept me off as if only one day had passed.

1238AM, June 31, 2006 signing off.

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Another episode of slavery, but this is not much about it:P

Hehehe. I just entered dreamland when my first step into it got interrupted by a call. Augh. The slave has been called, AGAIN, for duty. I was feeling kinda groggy answering the phone since I got home late already and I have had a hard time lulling myself to sleep. So he said 'I am sorry to wake you up.. blah blah blah.' Hell, your sorry couldn't make it any better. Wahahaha. Sorry, it's a bit too off:D I am just having a bitter time waiting for the ticket to be closed. Sorry about that, my friendly midnight phone pal. I know you're just doing your job. And your apology is accepted:)

Anyway, it was a looooooong day. I spent 12 hours at work. Well, I wasn't really working 12 hours. Hehehe.
- A twelfth of the time I spent yakking with officemates about the drowning e-mails.. of countless tickets.. of running follow-ups. of no priorities but was set to pending status (!!!).. of disappointments of our bosses.. of on-the-verge-of-giving-up talks.. of a long but lost love.. of falling but getting up again (naks).. of a birthday celebrant.. of sneaky out-of-offices..
- Another twelfth of it was of pseudo-helping a colleague get pass her case study. I really pray she gets done with it. I know the feeling, really:P Hope I was, at least, of help;)
- Another twelfth of it was spent over lunch table, drugging ourself to coke over trumps (a card game. similar to bridge? not sure about it though:P).
- A quarter of it mostly spent over a funny, laugh trip conversation with another friend. Hehehe. I got a little nostalgic about remembering college and sometimes those frustrating moments can really make you laugh now. I was a bit hurt, him laughing about me (even if i was totally kawawa - [kaluuy ba she?] sa kwento ko. hmp), but at the end of it we should really learn how to get over it and jokingly share the traumatic experience. Harhar.
- And the rest was spent with ACTUAL WORK. Does this hour count still?

What a way to spend 12 hours at work. Harharhar.

Of fetish, pet peeves, and mannerisms. What's yours?
1. I've really got a foot and hand fetish. One reason I hate rainy days (and mondays too), because I don't want my feet to get wet. Icky. And for the hand fetish.. for men with neat and veiny hands. Hehe. I don't know why, and it really reminds me of my highschool teacher in Religion. Hehe.
2. I was just reminded of it, when my younger sister asked me what it meant. Hehe, funny I can't think of something extraordinary, but before I used to have a long list. I can't remember one now. Tsk tsk. Recently, I've been having a hard time digging up some on my memory bank. My grey hair is gradually becoming visible now.. *Shakes head*
A pet peeve is a minor annoyance that can instill extreme frustration in an individual. Typically each person has several pet peeves that aggravate them more than the average person. Another person may not react as negatively or at all to the same circumstance.
3. I really don't have a mannerism, but the closest that I can have is when I play with my ears when I don't have earrings.

I can not wait anymore until the ticket closes. I WILL SLEEP NOW. *bog*

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Horoscope Daw

If you feel like slowing down, then you have perfect timing -- because one or two fascinating people will come into your world and they deserve your careful, studied attention. Skip past the small talk and get right to the heart of what's on your mind. They can handle the direct approach, and will match you witty remark for witty remark. Your opinions may be challenged, but you will have a great time defending your position. Keep an open mind, and let yourself learn something new.

You're relaxed, ready to empathize with others and share the nice things in life. Convince some friends that you should all give each other foot rubs or climb trees in the park. Companionship makes your day complete.

Hahaha, what can I say???

postscript: Happy Birthday Leo!!!

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Long Time Coming - Oliver James

I've had a change of heart.

It was just like a week ago, when I was here talking bold of "playing games". Now, as I have relentlessly been thinking-- over and over again, going in circles -- I came upon admitting (with utmost regret) that I have conceded.

Why? I don't know actually, and I hate to dig for some logical explanation to give myself something to blame. I am restless. And it's sadenning that it is a F-R-I-D-A-Y and I am stuck with myself wrestling about a mood-swing-caused temper. Augh.

Now, I am just remotely moping with Oliver James (thanks to Jode for sharing this with me, I dunno if you're the one to blame for my current mood. harhar, kidding:P). But here's to the long-waiting chance of a lifetime. Hehe.

Everybody wants to be loved
every once in a while
we all need someone to hold on
just like a helpless child, yeah
can you whisper in my ear, let me know it’s alright

Chorus
It's been a long time coming
down this road and now I know
what I've been waitin' for
and like a lonely highway
I’m tryin to get home
Ooo, love's been a long time comin'

You can love for a lifetime
you can love for a day ,you can think
you've got everything but everything is
nothing when you throw it away, yeah
then you look in my eyes
and I have it all once again

It's been a long time coming
down this road and now I know
what I've been waitin' for
and like a lonely highway
I’m tryin to get home
Ooo, love's been a long time comin'

Didn't know I was lost till you find me, uh huh
Didn't know I was blind, but now I see

Can you whisper in my ear, let me know it's alright

It's been a long time coming
down this road and now I know
what I've been searchin' for
and like a long, long highway
and now I see
Ooo, love's been a long time oh been a long
Love’s been a long time comin'

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The game is on!

Before anything else, I would like to thank those who have dropped by and commended the new layout:) I was actually having doubts of putting this up since it didn't occupy the entire page. And I have to resize my tag-board just to let it fit. I had two choices in mind (the other one's green with a fairytale lake banner and this one), but I opted for this instead coz it was "girlie" and had white background to make it a little lighter (coming from black, way too light!)

Anyway, I'm again up in these wee hours of the morning for another release. It's just too sadenning that I have to get up and "work". And during these times that I had to choose on staying up late or waking up (not passing up at least 2 hours of sleep), I got a good conversation with some people hanging around the same hours as I do. And at this time, mama is now cooking breakfast. Augh.

Oh, I've been thinking if I'll be coming early to work tomorrow. Hehe. I feel so much deprived of sleep since friday. Oh well, better run back to bed and get as much sleep as I could. TTFN. That is -- ta-tuh for now:P

Let the games begin, so I self-declared. I wouldn't want to play silly on this one, but I guess I just have to coast along. May karma not strike on me soon, or anytime, or ever (better say). Exciting so it seems. But I guess it really needs a lot of effort to do this. And, help me God, that I may be able to put it up and carry myself thru. Win or lose.

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I'm feeling kinda weird right now. I got called around 12am for duty and when I started to get up and open my pc, some weird feeling came bursting from my heart. Suddenly, I just felt like crying. I dunno if the spurts of emotions came from a dream or a certain thought that passed out my brain in split of seconds.

I cannot actually remember what dream I was having when I heard my phone ringing 'Unpredictable'.. and what emotion I was having on that moment I answered the phone. I was sure it wasn't because of that "call" and get disturbed in these hours of the night.

Pop!
Maybe because I was thinking that I may be losing it, like you did?
Or the fear of it might take its toll?
Are you thinking of me?
Are you feeling the same way like I do? Now?

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Amazing Coincidence

I have been trying to dig my archives for some hours coz of some vivid memory that I actually posted Sonnet XVII twice in this blog. Amazingly, I found it at the same month, the same day, one year before my last post for Violet. That is way too amazing for me. I was actually thinking and relishing that piece of art at the same day. I really love it. Although my sentiments were different for each moment, nonetheless, I still feel the same level of emotions. Awwww.

Check it out. Something must be really, really, really happening on the 25th of July. Isn't it amazing? Am I about to watch out for something this July 25th? What do you think about that?:P

July252004 and July252005 ;)

This spot has turned two years last June 6. Way to go!!! *applaud*applaud*

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Tonight I Can Write

It was quite nostalgic to have read one of Pablo Neruda's greatest writings from a colleague's blog. And I can't help but to re-read the entire Sonnet XVII from a previous entry to rekindle the moment I have first met him (Neruda, that is) more or less eight years back. Thanks to Ms. A, whom I owe much of what I know about Literature in its essence and how I love it now;)

I have piggy-backed some emotional baggage last week and am glad that I have unloaded some of them and threw them away for history to collect. Although I haven't completely recovered (and snippets and pinches of hurting are lingering still, with various reasons.. mixed up for all aspects), maybe another Neruda masterpiece can accommodate some weariness.

Translated by W.S. Merwin:

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

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City of Blinding Lights

I have been travelling this same route for about six years now. I got used to heavy traffic, crawling from taft to alabang-zapote road for one and a half hours to two (if lucky, I'd be able to sweep it in less than an hour). But, despite these long years, I still have been relentlessly complaining and hating this CITY. I have even formulated my INFINITE Reasons why I hate travelling in MANILA.
1. Freaking jeepney drivers who makes Taft Avenue their parking lot
2. Stupid jeepney drivers who waits until forever to have their jeepneys fully occuppied (an 8-seater that turns into 10!)
3. Lousy jeepney drivers who, either beats the red light or waits for the second red light to beat (having a chit-chat with fellow drivers. Man, namiss nila isa't-isa?!).
4. Stupid bus drivers who wait until forever to have their bus fully occupied. and what I mean with fully occupied is when EVERY SPACE is totally impenetrable. Ni-hindi mahulugan ng karayom.
5. WEDNESDAYS which should be a HOLY day in Baclaran, but a total nuisance to my projected 1.5 hour travel.
6. Unprojected time travel. You can never tell. Really.
7. Awful smell when the bus starts to open its doors at Baclaran.

I wish our office moves some place in Makati. Hehehe. Selfish reasons though. But, I really do hope we move so I can just ride one shuttle away in Landmark.. and breeze to home in 45minutes. Without the hassle of jampacked buses. And lousy drivers. Without the cockroaches. With a breath of fresh air.

Some things seemed to have remained as they are. Most things around me are still the same. But the feelings have changed. The people around me have changed. So am I. TBC..

*Photo taken at 7th flr DIB. Courtesy of SEW900i;)

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Garrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!

Kelangan ba parati nalang ako galit?!

Nakakainis!!!!!!!! Gusto ko na syang sakalin. Ang labo kasi!!! Tapos feeling nya ako talaga yung malabo. E sa totoo lang nde naman nya alam eh! Kaya kala nya malabo. Lakas mo magalit ha. Badtrip ka talaga as in. Pag nakita talaga kita, nako, sasakalin talaga kita hanggang sa hindi ka na makahinga! Bwiiiissssssssseeet! Huhuhuhuh. Nagagalit ako, pero naiiyak naman ako:'( waaaaaaah nakakaasar na kasi eh. Parang ako lang talaga may kasalanan ng lahat. Anong magagawa ko eh kung ganon talaga?!?!?!

Ambwiset!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pigilan nyo ko. Pigilan nyo ko!

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Impulsive

Oh well, I haven't grown. Still the impulsive buyer that I am. Now that I am in the 'depression' mode, I am even more impulsive than ever. Grrrrrrr. I hate myself for being that. I tend to splurge and waste away because I am damn frustrated. This just tends to be my tension/depression release. My escape. My diversion.

I can't forever stay this way!!! Can somebody tie my hands?

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Bittersweet tonight

And the rain came pouring. AGAIN.

The weather seems to bring more gloominess to my setting. I am even more depressed with the black-and-white hue, the smell of raindrops, and the thought of stepping into wet road. I have never been a fan of this season, and it saddens me most that the rain came falling with my season of depression.

I had a great night though. I spent it indulging to a mango-strawberry crepe in Haagen Dazs. Feels heaven actually, although I could've enjoyed it better with more ice cream;)




Thanks to Angel, She and Pearl for being with me tonight as I succumb myself to... to.. to.

I gotta get back to work;(

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I'm back!

It's been a month I guess. I never got around of putting up something for several reasons. Hehehe. Tinatamad, walang time, sobrang busy, laging antok, bulok ang pc, walang masulat. Oh well, they are just some of the 'several'.

And I came counting my posts. I read from pong that he just reached his centennial post (Congrats!). I just realized that I am nearing my 2nd year in blogspot. Whew. Time really flies by so fast, isn't it?

I read my first few posts and I grabbed some of them (due to lack of time or should I say inspiration to post:P)

Fairy Tales
Published Thursday, June 24, 2004

Always and has been with the happy ending

I dreamt

Idealistic as i have been
I still believe in wands and wishes
That somehow i'd be able to find
My knight
To rescue me from misery
And lift me to serenity

I am wound with ropes
Unable to escape
The villains of happy endings
Let my hero
Unleash me from captivity
And let us runaway
Till we reach the liberty
From the abundant skies

Kisses, let it be my comforting sheets
Embrace me, to feel the warmth of security
Caress me with your undying love
The touch of your hand, YOU
The conqueror of my heart
I am living again

I am awake

A fantasy that is bound by an enchanting spell
Let the fairy cast it on me

======

in real life, love has to be possible. even if it is not returned right away, love can only survive when the hope exists that you will be able to win over the person you desire.

ANYTHING ELSE IS FANTASY.

--by the river piedera, i sat down and wept.

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Nothing to something

I was trying to put up something light over this blog, but after three hopeful attempts to it. I ended up with this one.

Nothing.

All ideas are flowing like water from the faucet down to the drain. Nothing is left but remnants of each thought, that I cannot put up for one coherent post.

Oh well, as I quote from a favorite line of a song somebody brought up to me.. 'When you're searching your soul, when you're searching for pleasure, how often pain is all you find. But when you're coasting along and nobody's trying too hard. You can turn around and like where you are'.

And now I am trying to make something out of nothing. Good good:)

I now realize that I am missing a lot of people now. Those people that I used to talk to everyday. That I used to see everyday. That I shed some 'tear' when I am caught up in a mess. That I have been sharing with glorious moments with. Some years ago when we would spend some time just talking about nothing. Even if the topics are just repeating itself, the laughter never wanes. We could not stop talking. Only if not for my mom or an exam or a pestering brother who keeps on bugging me to use the phone, it wouldn't end. I don't know if it's me who really can't stop talking, or you who wouldn't stop listening and injecting snippets of your own stories:P So I end up telling my story again where I started:D

To those people that just might be too far, or even to those who are far too close, I miss you. I know I can't bring it all back, but I hope it doesn't stop there. I hope we could still pick ourselves where we have left off. That's what true friends really are:) Even if we had our petty fights and our sulky sorries. Even if things have changed...

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Leap of Faith

First of Summer - Urbandub, I quote -- "This heartfelt leap I surrender".

So when do we actually take that infamous "Leap of Faith"? What does it actually mean? How do we know that we should? Who should?

I asked my ever reliable companion, GOOGLE and here's what he had in store for me:
Leap of faith defined: is the act of believing in something without, or in spite of, available empirical evidence.

Operative words:
1. Empirical. Whoa. And when did I actually last hear the word "Empirical"?! You wouldn't believe that I still remember the exact person, exact time, and exact facial expression she had while uttering the word.. "Em-pi-ri-cal". My gosh, my hatest Chemistry teacher back in third year highschool. Sounds nostalgic isn't it? I had my fingers counting to back track how many years was it then.. Blech! But as I remembered, she was explaining (with her shoulder pads flying across the class room:P) Empirical relies on observation. Based on experience. Theories banned.
2. Faith. Mostly in religion context, coined with trust and loyalty. But what exactly faith means? Some say that it is just obscuring a state of fear or denial.. and that it is used as a shield for fear when truth is unattainable. However, as I have defined it myself, or with which some definitions I truly agree upon is that -- Faith, more than a belief and a state, is a relationship that we have fully surrendered to have embraced upon. We do not need proof or any logic explanation why we have committed ourselves into it. And that doubt is completely inadmissible.

So when do we actually take that leap of faith? Besides EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE and the presence of INDUBITABLE FAITH. Even if the irony of absolute uncertainty has pre-occupied your mindset, the strength of your heart's uttered trust and belief must alleviate with compassion.

You can take half the step. But not a leap. Faith comes with entirety, you either lose it with all doubts or embrace it with complete surrender.

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Yet Another Test

Hehehe. Thanks to Wyleen for this;) I was interested because I love writing. Although at first I didn't know what to right, and was a bit conscious on my strokes. So here it is. I think it got me, close enough:P

What does your handwriting say about YOU?
You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a shy, idealistic person who does not find it easy to have relationships, especially intimate ones.
You are affectionate, passionate, expressive, and future-oriented.
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.

Objections are fully accepted. *Blapht*

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Cigarette

Government Warning: Cigarette smoking is bad for your health.
Some things I learned about life, I learned from a cigarette.

Sometimes, we'll never really know what we're getting until we give it a try. Even if at the very start you know that it won't do you any good, you'll never realise the good and bad side of it unless you are ACTUALLY into it.

Not all the 'bad things' are totally BAD. Likewise not all 'good things' turn out to be really GOOD. Again, the theory of relativity. Sometimes the good become bad to certain circumstances. Sometimes the bad becomes good, depending how a person works it out to be of advantage to him.

Not all we want turns out what we need. And not all of what we need is given to us.

Don't do something just because some people tells you so.

There are just some things in life that were made to hurt you. Even at that, all things are made purposely.

Though there are certain societal norms that build typecasting of influence (specifically, BAD that is), an individual should be at least more careful with that.

Your problems will not go with a *PUFF*

In love and in life, just like a cigarette, will make you addicted to it. At first you'll be at HIGH. But later, you'll never know you're a slave of it. You'll never know what you're losing unless you're in pain.


No, I haven't tried hitting on it. Not even the thought of letting that stick touch my lips. And more than me giving a puff, that smoke coming out of a person's mouth (sometimes thru his nose) is a threat.

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So I begged to disagree

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy

When a guy gets to know you, he finds a great catch Problem is... you're too shy for most guys to get to know. From meeting someone to dating, you usually have your guard up. And while you're just holding back, it makes you seem like you've got something to hide.

Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend?

Though I wasn't pissed of at the result (and because I totally do not rely on this crap. Thought I answered for the heck of it) and more than surprised, I found myself laughing out loud (oops, laughing in loud must be rather correct:p). How can someone tell you the ultimate REASON why I don't have one yet if questions are so stupid that I haven't tried, or can't even relate to. Augh, pathetic! But for the one and only question and ANSWER I exactly agreed with. Too simple not to hit.

Your ideal relationship includes:
A. Your guy taking the lead and doing a good job. Also, he should be your best friend and boyfriend in one.
B. You taking the lead on most things - without him actually knowing it.
C. Both of you having a lot of seperate interests and friends, with quality together time every so often.
D. A guy with a great personality, lots of charm, a good job, and great looks. Oh, and no female friends.

And the answer is.... I'll strangle you in the neck if you don't get it. Hehehe.

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The Irony of Mediocrity

And so we meet again. In those brief moments I revel in the grandness of mediocrity. The monotony just squeezes out the real juice. Imagine how the tables were turned, dull become bright... low to high. The mere thought of this metaphormism... BRILLIANT.

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Too hard to keep

Why is it so hard to keep your own word? To stay quiet for so long? To keep a secret forever?
Why is it so hard to forget? To completely throw something and not look back to where it has been, or even retrieve it from where it had crashed upon.
Why is it so hard to recuperate from a terrible pain? To be rejuvenated and feel renewed as if the scar has been healed quick time.
Why is it so hard to say whatever you feel? To be bold enough and care less of whatever other people would say.
Why is it so hard to fall? To be pulled down by gravity without fear, utterly screaming without pain but with joy of having risked the fun without regret.
Why is it so hard to say goodbye? To bid them farewell and leave it to the chest of the PAST? To kiss it away and blow them to disappear in thin air.

Why is it so hard for ME? I have tried so hard. But I guess, ALL is not OVER.. It's not yet over..

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Jeff Buckley - Last Goodbye

this is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
but it's over
just hear this and then I'll go
you gave me more to live for
more than you'll ever know

this is our last embrace
must I dream and always see your face
why can't we overcome this wall
well, maybe it's just because I didn't know you at all

kiss me, please kiss me
but kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation
you know it makes me so angry 'cause I know that in time
I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye

did you say "no, this can't happen to me,"
and did you rush to the phone to call
was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind
saying maybe you didn't know him at all
you didn't know him at all, oh, you didn't know

well, the bells out in the church tower chime
burning clues into this heart of mine
thinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memories
offer signs that it's over... it's over

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Waiting In Vain - Annie Lennox

You know how I terribly love this song (and I love Annie's version than Bob's). But as much as I wanted to sing it on my own, I have to stop. I am never going to sing this again... or should I say, wait in vain no more.

From the very first time I rest my eyes on you,boy
My heart said follow through but I know now
That I’m way down on your line
But the waiting feeling’s fine

So don’t treat me like a puppet on a string
Because I know how to do my thing
Don’t talk to me as if you think I’m dumb
I wanna know when you’re gotta come,you see

*i don’t wanna wait in a vain for your love
I don’t wanna wait in a vain for your love
I don’t wanna wait in a vain for your love
’cause sommer is here
And I’m still waiting there
Winter is here
I’m still waiting there

Like I said
It’s been three years since I’m knocking on your door
And still I can knock some more
Ooh boy,ooh boy,is it crazy look,i wanna know now
For I to knock some more,you see

In life I know
That there is lots of grief
But your love is my relief
Tears in my eyes burn
Tears in my eyes burn
While I’m waitin’
While I’m waitin’ for my turn,you see

(*repeat)

Like I said-
I don’t wanna,i don’t wanna
I don’t wanna,i don’t wanna
I don’t wanna wait in vain
I don’t wanna,i don’t wanna
I don’t wanna,i don’t wanna
I don’t wanna wait in vain

It’s been three years since I’m knocking on your door
And still I can knock some more
Ooh boy,ooh boy,is it crazy look,i wanna know now
Like I said,the tears in my eyes burn
Tears in my eyes burn
While I’m waiting
While I’m waiting for my turn,you see
Ooh boy,ooh boy,is it crazy look,i wanna know now
For I to knock some more
In life I know there is lots of grief
But your love is my relief

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Fate or Destiny defined

And so I asked my ever reliable companion.. Google. Although for some I would have to beg to disagree.

May also be referred to as Destiny: the ultimate agency that predetermines the
course of events (often personified as a woman); "we are helpless in the face of Destiny"

Or so am I just a victim of circumstances?

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Good Bye

Farewell to someone I held so dear for one year. It had been so long since I have last had you. When I had you back, everything seemed so different. Different but unique. Unique and made me distinct for the two decades of being ME. Distinctly me. I bore with you for so long. Even during the hardest times, I still wanted to keep you. I tried to maintain you, and had a little trimming of our misunderstandings. At times when I needed and wanted and felt I need to let go, I did not. For I thought, you bring out the better me.

Oh yes you did. For quite some time, I felt a new person every day. I can be different, I can be the same. I can play with myself and experiment. But, as they say, nothing really lasts forever. I got tired of you. You gave me more reasons to feel stressed. You made me look harassed/fatigued/stressed than ever. So I decided to let you go.

And now, I am a new person again. I feel better and the feeling is so light. Don't misunderstand me. I love you. and I still want you back. But not now. I still would want to enjoy the new me. And my new company.

I will see you soon. When I keep myself from being pampered from my reliable hairdresser. She will try to bring you back, a new and better you. For now, I'll keep myself combing for your better growth and keep you growing for another year. I hate to miss you. But I know we'll see each other again soon:)

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The Love Series: 2. Meant To Be

I hope I can remember it right. When I first heard it, I was really feeling giddy about learning how to drive.. Hehehe. And more so, I was totally 'in-love' with her story. I might have fabricated it a little bit, but the gist is there.

Main Character:
Lois - petite, cute, girl who has just learned how to drive

Setting:
Traffic jam in one of the Manila highways

Lois had just learned how to drive. Her car was not so new, but she was particular with it. And of course, as a beginner, she would want her first few driving moments to be smooth.. and a pleasure.

Some afternoon, Lois came 'cruising' her way to a traffic jam over the busy streets in the Metro. Being sooooo careful, she accidentally miscalculated hitting the gas, bumping to the car in front of her. Then the 'love story' begins:

*BUMP*
Lois: (Frantically nervous and disoriented) Ooooops....
Guy: (Came out of the car.. trying to look at the damage)
Before winding down the window, she was really praying hard that this guy may not be a goon. That she will not be harassed. Or even yelled at.
Lois: (Wound down the window, chinky-eyed saying..) Sorry..!!!:(
Guy: Uh, are you fine? It's okay. Actually, mas malaki ata yung tama sa yo..
Lois: *Blushing*
The guy was cute, tall, lean..
Lois: I am really sorry. Can I just give you my number? I am so much in a hurry. Can we just talk about it over some time soon?
Guy: Oh yeah sure.
Then they both went out their way.

*BEEP BEEP* Lois just received a text message. The 'Guy' just sent out: 'Ingat ka nalang. Cute ka pa naman:)'

Then the rest is history. What happened to the car? Well, I really don't know:P Maybe it was forgotten. Because what came about is a lovestory that was truly meant to be.

These are just some of the few things I can attest that: things really do happen for a reason. And that if all is right, things will just fall into place;) Everything will just seem so right, there will be no doubts, no second thoughts. Not a tinge of fright, and not a speck of surrender. I have always believed that God has planned out the 'RIGHT' things for me. Although, it is still up to my Free Will, I believe that the biggest factor of it is, my decisions are leaned towards and is guided by Him.

STILL, being RIGHT, doing what is RIGHT, getting what is RIGHT, feeling RIGHT, is rather relative (to each his own)...

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Ever After - Bonnie Bailey

Three years ago, our journey began
Chasing down this cure, no plan in hand
Just your pulse, my racing guide in the dark
Just knowing with conviction from the start

The moment your eyes made an introduction
I felt my second violent breath of life
Flawless to the point of being godly
Yet I fell hard for your imperfections

And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together, eye to eye through the storm, yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeahhhhh
Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side,
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

Nothing compares to the good times
Feels like we're floating, when the rest have to climb
You made me believe in love, and not the perfect kind
A real messy beautiful twisted sunshine

Emotions, volcanic eruptions
We both still care, so we're still alive
Tunnel vision, determination
I want you, I want to make it right

And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together, eye to eye through the storm, yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeahhhhh
Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side,
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

You are my twisted sunshine

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Close To You

Jologs na kung jologs. Pero gusto ko talaga itong mapanood. Hehehehe:P Kaysa naman sa I Will Always Love You. Yuck! Bwahahahaha. Peace sa mga kapuso. I just don't like Richard Gutierrez. Promise. Pano kaya nakapunta yung mahirap na si Angel sa San Francisco? Swerte naman nun. Sana ako din!

Kanta nalang kayo. FYI PBB fan ako:P

There's nothing I won't try
Just to make you mine
To get a little closer
Would be so divine

And everytime I see you
You make me come undone
I always watch you near me
In you I found the one

CHORUS
Oh why don't you smile my only star
Shine on baby
Smile my only star
Smile my only star
With you by my side
Girl it feels so right
And now that I'm close to you
I could stay all night
No matter where I go
No matter what I do
In the end your smile
Brings me back to you

You shine so true
I can't believe you're mine
And everything may change
But to me you'll always shine

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The Love Series -- 1. the Love Letter

I was supposed to rant about a miserable day it had been for me. But instead, I would like to keep myself from being bugged by 'language barrier' (:P) and misunderstood for nothing. Since it's the start of the 'love' month, might as well go with the flow. :">

So let me start these series on how a 'love' story begins.. from a 'love' letter. (Excuse my single quotes. I just have to punctuate that word for some reason).

How young were you when you first ever received that intricately prosed 'love' letter? (or how old?) How many were they? From how many persons? I just can imagine it the first time you received your first love letter. I am sure that the first one you ever received is still with you. Even if that person is not the one you are with now, or that person was never with you, you still have it, don't you? If you're still unattached, you've been reading it once in a while. The first letter you've given, I bet you still remember how many times you drafted it before giving it out. Or to whom you did consult if your grammar were correct. Or maybe, even the last lines you wrote down.

I read that letter from you, again. I can still remember that day.. My heart just leaped out of my chest. The moment I got hold of it, I knew it was from you. You never told me you will, but somewhere in my heart, I knew you would. I opened it the soonest and read it as fast as I could. It wasn't a novel and it wasn't that short even. However, I had to read it again and again (as fast and as many times as I could) until your message gets into my nerves. I wasn't at all paying attention to what you've been saying, but I just wanted to read it and feel that it was you talking to me. And alas, when I got back to my senses, I fully understood every word of it. And that I am grateful, the same way you were, that I had you.. As my friend. As more than just a friend but not greater than the thing called 'love'. It was not clear, but it had never been any clearer than knowing that you were there for me and I was the same way (and I still am, I have to say). I was for a moment lost for words and didn't know how to thank you enough. I could have never been thankful for every word. I can never be thankful enough, than to keep it still with me. They are very much still with me. And as I read it back, it just brings all memories, as if today was the moment.. the first time I read it.

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Heck Love Story

Somebody just asked me to write a 'love story' for myself.

So here it is..

Uh. Err. Uhm........

Thinking just that, makes me...

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

Sorry, my mind just shut down. It's 2:14am and being here at the office on a weekend is just plain CRAZY.

And YOU making me write a FOOLISH post makes it CRAZIER than ever.

Hahaha. Wag mo na ako paisipin please? Mas mahirap pa yan sa mga trouble tickets ko noh at kung ano anong queries!!!

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I resign!!!

Arrrgghhhh!!!!!!!!

Can I just complain even harder than that?!?

Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

To whine has always been therapeutic for me. As this has been the greatest stress relievers (and the people around me are the whining absorbers), I am glad that I am still not on the verge of quitting:P I have not been actually a QUITTER. Well, even if I am almost always at the brink of deliverance, still got my pinky hanging over the cliff.

As this has been one of the worst times here at work, here are some of the few reasons why I am just bursting or posting a resignation to my happier days:
1. Our teammate, my mentor, and the primary support to which I am secondary to have just resigned. Which means, I have no mentor, I am the primary support (to which he had left more or less five applications.. more than half of it is on me now) and I have no cubemate.
2. I was on a lousy Java Training for two weeks, which made life harder than ever. I was guilty for hating our trainor (for she does not know what she's teaching:() but still be nice to her because she is NICE. Tsktsk. And oh, freak! Still haven't passed my exercises! Can somebody remind me of that?!
3. The stressful case study which took us to come to ofc on a Saturday, stay overnight on Monday, cram on Tuesday, prepare the powerpoint on Wednesday morning and then present it 30 minutes afterwards. (although it turned out pretty well. thanks to my everdearest groupmates. you rock!!)
4. Our TL was on HK so 3 people were not around for two weeks.
5. 'SABON' early in the morning. Drama flicks. Got to give 100%. Man, if I just could tell them I can no longer carry the load! Waaahhh!!!

Here are the few things I am resigning to after all my whinings:
1. I am resigning to the fact that there's no use worrying about it but just to give it your best shot. Still, therapeutic whinings work, but never panic and that WHAT YOU DON't KNOW SHOULD NOT SCARE YOU:P (oh, i should be quoting limqule for that! hehehe).
2. I am resigning to the thought of living up to expectations of others. You should only be living up to your own expectations and clearly define what B-E-S-T means to you.
3. I resign to the fans club to which I am subscribed to. I have just given up. (and to all those who have put up a fans club for 'me', oh how I wish you do just the same:P)
4. I resign to the feeling. PERIOD. (no comments will be entertained)
5. I resign to the thought that it's not all about WORK. And I didn't even think I just signed up for that. Hehehe. We all need a life farther than that. I am posting this to all who think it is.

After all that has been said and done, I love it here despite...;)

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When I'm Thinking About You - The Sundays

Over the rooftops a plane in the sky
Beat of a bass drum cars passing me by
Under a bridge dark then back into light
A river of raincoats and a forest of faces
Still for a moment then red into green
Slow shuffling shoes whisper sight unseen
Row upon row of houses return an empty stare
Let the daydream for a little while longer

Ah.. yeah...
Hope I’ll never wake
When I’m thinking about you
(yeah) hope I’ll never wake
Cos now I’m thinking about you

Two-minute hailstorm then melts into rain
(oh) sing me a rainbow it’s sunny again
Swallows overhead while the traffic snarls below
Could I (could I) keep dreaming for a little while longer

Hope I’ll never wake
When I’m thinking about you
So that you know - I never want to wake
Cos now I’m thinking about you

When you’re searching your soul
When you’re searching for pleasure
How often, pain is all you find
But when you’re coasting along and nobody’s trying too hard
You can turn around and like where you are

(yeah and) I hope I never wake
When I’m thinking about you
And I close my eyes (dear)
Now I’ll never never wake
Why should I stop thinking about you

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The Ultimate Dream

Waaaah! I wish I have the luxury to travel. Whenever. Wherever.

Hay. I wish I have somebody with me to dream and live that dream;)

Anyone?

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Warning - Incubus

It is not a good omen to speak of a sentimental subject on New Year's Day. However, in times like these, it does not choose any occasion to feel... broken. Not necessarily of the HEART, but.. uh.. err. hmm.. BLECH! Oh yes, IT IS. Indeed it is about the heart.

I have not EXACTLY been involved of any significant relationships. For what 'EXACTLY' particularly means, I beg for it to be kept untold as it entails a looooong story and complicated BS as it is (haha did i just sound bitter at that?!). But for the 'longest' time I have not been, many people are asking WHY? Well, I've been asking myself that too.

Maybe, for one obvious reason, it must have been the IDEAL me. I cannot tell what idealism exactly or how idealism works for me, but for the people who knows me that well, they can very much attest to this public deliverance.

I have been thinking, what has really been the IDEAL?People have been prodding me to get out of the box where I have been keeping myself tucked forever. And that RISK has been greek to me that whenever it stings my ears, apparently my sense of hearing has come down. I become deaf for a moment.

The KNIGHT is still but a shadow that remains far from a distance. From a dream, it was just his grayish figure that came close to me. I cannot see if he got long hair or none, but his head was round. He was right beside me, stands not so tall, and was just lean. I can hear that he sings well. He never stops talking, but is witty and sensible that he never became a bore. I can feel his hands and was just manly that I can touch the bulging of veins. He says he knows how to play the guitar, and it has been his bestfriend ever since. He loves outdoor and very much into sports, but is also comfortable with the couches of his home, with a good book to read or just be that potato. The feeling of him beside me gave me that feeling of security. It was as if he was guarding me with his long and slender arms and that height that was not overpowering yet, he was as if shielding me from any danger.. When I was about to ask for his name, I was beginning to feel that I was about to wake up. But before I had my eyes opened (and even before I had to open my mouth for that question), he held my hands and prayed that someday we will meet... In color.

Warning - Incubus
Bat your eyes girl.
Be otherworldly.
Count your blessings.
Seduce a stranger.
What's so wrong with being happy?
Kudos to those who see through sickness...yeah
My biggest fear will be the rescue of me
funny how it always turns out that way

She woke in the morning.
She knew that her life had passed her by
She called out a warning.
Don't ever let life pass you by.

I suggest we
Learn to love ourselves,
Before its made illegal
When will we learn, When will we change
Just in time to see it all come down

Those left standing will make millions
Writing books on ways it should have been

She woke in the morning.
She knew that her life had passed her by
She called out a warning.
Don't ever let life pass you by.

Floating in this cosmic Jacuzzi
We are like frogs oblivious,
To the water, starting to boil,
No one flinches we all float face down

She woke in the morning.
She knew that her life had passed her by
She called out a warning.
Don't ever let life pass you by.
Pass you by.

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Euphoria

Defined: a pleasant state of high spirits; a state of extreme well-being and pleasure.

I was hoping I would be able to flood this strip of page with each-day-milestones-to-share for the entire month of December. But due to my unacceptable excuses (erm, which need not to be divulged anymore:P) coupled with the unexpected rainy weather on a cold December (yes, it should be. But the cold makes it gloomier, ripping the Christmas breeze in it), this blog has been empty since the 4th day of the month.

However, despite the long-days of absence, I still can vividly recall in graphic accounts, each occasion. This has quite been a momentous month (28 days to date). I had never been elatedly busy, as the busy-ness had been overpowered by the better things:D

1. My brother's and officemate's wedding had both kept me to almost-to-tears. Even I myself could not explain why (not even of the thought that it would sadden me of my brother leaving the house, or my officemate leaving his 'bachelor' life), my tears were lurking on the lids (but never dropped. Maybe because I tried not to). Unconventional wedding traditions and sumptuous meals. They sure had made it one of the most memorable day of their lives (and added to ours too..)

2. The two-time despe party for our beloved friend at Tagaytay and the so-called "Batangas". Freezing cold swimming party and the Cinderalla-like hangout (as I was interrupted at 12midnight -- the slave has been called for duty!) And now, another one has flown to pursue the 'American Dream'. There weren't much tears, but still it sure is a saddenning thought that we're starting to really grow smaller...

3. There were a lot of merriment for the Christmas holidays. Three I had for the company (OPI, ISD, IR2-WEB), two for the family (Bats and Home), and one for my forever KUBO friends (@ the not so Good Earth and ej's). And oh, I had to say that I won a microwave:P I just felt I would win. Hehehe. Oh I did forget there was one more, we had an Enchanted Christmas Party the day after Christmas, which I got another gift.. A bruise from my brother who shot me on my right arm when we played the paintball challenge. Darn.

4. The Christmas-list-conference with my siblings until 1am, and took me almost 10 sheets of my deskpad (now I'm using it, thanks much much:P) to rewrite, and finally come up with the list for the entire clan. Whew. And how much did we actually had for budget? Man, whopping xxx amount. Well, 'tis the season of giving, to be jolly. It doesn't really matter:P

5. The ACTUAL shopping. Well, I didn't had much involvement in this. As I had not done my own.. I still owe alot of people for presents, which I really need to pursue this much-awaited BREAK I needed.

6. THE BREAK. THE BREAK!!! I had been wanting this to happen. I had been dreading for me to sleep away, read away and BE AWAY from work. ALthough I had not been much successful (I cannot keep myself from connecting that is. Argh), I am still God-thankful for this:) I SHALL be making the most of my 3 free working days.

7. The gifts I have received: must say I am all happy and grateful for each:) As always;)

I am still in the euphoric stage. And I must contain this until the dreadful moment when I will be recaptured and be enslaved again by the monstrosity of the corporate jungle.

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Switchfoot - Stars

Maybe I've been the problem
Maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself
The outcome feels the same

I've been thinking maybe I've been partly cloudy
Maybe I'm the chance of rain
And maybe I'm overcast
And maybe all my luck's washed down the drain

I've been thinking 'bout everyone,
Everyone you look so lonely
But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I see someone else
When I look at the stars
The stars, I feel like myself

Stars looking at a planet
Watching entropy and pain
And maybe to start to wonder
How the chaos in our lives could pass as sane

I've been thinking 'bout the meaning of resistance
Of a hope beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent
Begin to look like home

I've been thinking about everyone
Everyone you look so empty
But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I see someone else
When I look at the stars
The stars, I feel like myself.
Yeah!

Everyone, Everyone feels so lonely
Everyone, yeah everyone feels so empty
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I feel like myself
When I look at the stars
The stars, I see someone...

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Impulsive, Reckless

Haaaayy. How can I ever keep myself from being so impulsive yet reckless when deciding on simple matters. Damn, I really hate myself. I can't even be patient for at least four days!! Augh!!!

And then after all these impulsive decisiveness, I find myself regretting of that shit decision. Damn. Sometimes spur of the moment works good on me, however sometimes (or MOST OF THE TIME) a little bit of CONTEMPLATION should be taken into consideration.

I hate ME. ME. ME!!!! Grrrrrrrrr!!! Huhuhuhuhuh:'( I have to punish myself for being so childishly, recklessly impulsive.

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Pop Question #002: Bakit ba?

Na-post ko na ito dati. Pero, my observation has been not been my own. I have shared the same 'theory' that may turn out a LAW. Oh no, wag naman sana!!!

Bakit kaya mas marami yung mga magagandang mga babae ang nage-end up sa mga not-so-handsome na mga lalake... Kaysa sa mga magagandang lalaki na nage-end up sa mga hindi kagandahang mga babae?

Gets mo? So eto na ba talaga nagpapatunay na physical lang talaga ang first level ng mga lalake? Pag chaka yung itsura, goodbye nalang! At ang mga babae, habang may buhay.. may pag-asa! Na hindi natatapos sa pisikal na kaanyuan ang lahat. Madadaan pa sa kabaitan at kasipagan:P Achecheche!

Depende pa rin. Pero san kayo mag/nag-fall? Hihihihihi:P

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Pop Question #001: Ano daw?

Ano daw ang ibang lugar (o sige kahit word, pero mas maganda lugar:P) na may 'G' na nagiging 'H' pag binasa?

E.g. Corregidor.

Sino ba daw naman kasi ang nag-imbento na bigkasin sya na 'Corre-hi-dor' imbis na 'Corre-gi-dor'? Hindi ba ang Pilipino ay -- kung ano ang sulat, sya ang basa... o kung ano ang basa syang sulat? (ah ewan kung ano man yun na sabi ni Ms. Filipi1, hehe)

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Guess who's back

Fresh Tomato splats again.

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Happy HOLLOWeen

Augh. Who could have ever spent this 4-day-weekend-sandwiched-two-working-days-again-three-weekends occasion better? Or should I say who could have ever spent the worst 'holidays' than me?! I have enslaved myself from work (with friggin' slow network!), became a janitress for a day and bummed myself to sleep on a Sunday because of a terrible migraine, and slept until midnight for my whatevers. BLECH!

I should have been on a beach. Or on a road-trip. Or been to Baguio (which I had only been once. When I was three). Or an overnight gimmick somewhere out-of-town and off my pc.

Poor me. I guess I just have to 'enjoy' the 'holidays' on November 1 and try to finish reading the Goblet of Fire.

Whining,
HollowGirl on a HalloWeen

Gusto ko umalis!!!!!!!!!!!

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Catharsis

Definition: The release of tension and anxiety by recounting and/or acting out past experiences.

I had a brief cathartic chat with a few friends. And funny how it seems that they are beginning to realize how life should be, and should have been. Now they know how to choose, know what they want, know when to try or risk, know where to put theirselves when dipped into deep sh*t.

Thanks;) Even if I hadn't experienced much to what have you had, I know it'll pull me through when I will. All had been heard, read, and kept in mind and carved in heart as well. You'll hear from me yakking, whining, struggling and howling with tears when I have my own share. For now I remain to be the addressee.

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Guilty Fries

It wasn't so late for me going home, but it was sure late for dinner. As I dropped myself in front of Jollibee, I decided to buy myself from hunger. One piece chicken joy and regular fries as usual. The first just came out right, however the latter had to keep me waiting. So I opened Goblet of Fire and whiled away for my fries. As I saw the red tray coming over my table, a large fries came lying on it. Thought that I had to wait a little longer.. But the guard was slowly coming over my way, then handing that large fries. I came looking for the receipt, and I read twice if I had just ordered large. But, it was as if I was reading in BOLD, saying REGULAR. or REG that is. I came thinking if I had to return and ask to be changed. Pretending to be naive and innocent of the said mistake, I went out and started eating.

Walking slowly, waiting in queue for the tricycle, and guilt-stricken as I was finishing the fries. Damn. The whole time I was munching each strip. I was battling with myself but I didn't do anything. Hahaha. Funny, para akong ewan na nakikipaglaban sa moral at sa gutom ko. Sabi ko pa, sasakit tiyan ko sigurado! Still, I ended finishing it all up (hungry still, though). Hay. It hadn't been me. I always return or ask to change my order if it hadn't been right (even if it'll be of my advantage). But I didn't know if I had just be too hungry (to death!) to exchange it for guilt.

Oh well. It'll be the last time. And I just came accomplishing that good deed, when I cashed-out my rebate for my Globe line. Hehe. The cashier gave me 2050, instead of 1250. Weird that he was, he came counting and reciting the bills. He said, "Ma'am your total cash is, One (thousand bill) thousand, Two (two 500 bills) hundred, and 50 (one fifty) pesos". I came counting myself in front of him, and repeated what he had just said. Then still he didn't get it. I wasn't successful of making him realize that he made a mistake. I was furious of his attention, then just came bluntly that he gave two five hundred bills instead of a hundred. As I walked out, I just realized that I am still a good girl, nonetheless:P

Good deed, dear:)

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Our Pseudo

Samuel Johnson. Marco Lance. Patrick. Haha. It is fun having our pseudos. That even with our own vivid, common, shared imagination, we are making things happen. As we want it. Haha. Desperate? Nah. We are just making fun of ourselves;) While waiting, let our minds wander through the 'catatonic' love lives... condition of being apparently awake but unresponsive (as google had defined).

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Milestone #002: 22

1. A card.
2. Two pictures with snippets of other picturettes.
3. cake with pink candles.
4. Pizza pasta chicken.
5. Dedications -- weird and funny and sweet and touching and inspiring!
6. 13 people.
7. Giftwrap tearing-- nada! Haha.
8. An emoticon gift.
9. An emoticon cake.
10. From myself - Nike Free.
11. No space for new messages.
12. Postponed evals.
13. 2k.
14. A black pen.
15. Green shirt.
16. Taco Bell's cinnamon twists.
17. Ube ice cream.
18. Marshmallows.
19. Irene (Wtf?! Ooops peace:P).
20. Waiting gift. Please pend, indefinitely (augh!).
21. Calls.
22. Home.

Missing some. Missing. Miss. Mmmmmmmmmmm.

Fun. More. Ta-tuh!

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Quote #001: The Evals

Never let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. - Jens Dahl

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What I Didn't Know - Athenaeum

I complain
When nothing's even wrong
And you're ashamed
Cause you're not quite that strong

That's when I said I'll need
More than you can offer me
I miss your face as you can tell
I hope my absence makes you well

Cause what I didn't know
Is I was killing you
I said a lot of things that I didn't mean to
But I am older now
And I am sorry too
So I can wait awhile
If it brings me back to you

I am shy
I never speak a word
And you are numb
From all the things you never heard

That's when I said I'll need
More than you can offer me
But now I own an empty space
And I can't fill it with your face

Cause what I didn't know
Is I was killing you
I said a lot of things that I didn't mean to
But I am older now
And I believe in you
So I can wait awhile
If it brings me back to you

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Milestone #001: First Anniversary

Quite nearing 22nd year of existence, it had been thought of putting down important, more so -- significant milestones that occur in my life. So let's just start with this..

First off, i had been corrected that it is grammatically incorrect to say "First Year Anniversary". It is redundant since "anniversary " already defines a year. So it has been noted. Thanks;)

Celebrating my first year in my 3rd "Second Home" was nothing much but an ordinary day. It was a usual Tuesday when I came on time (just like my first day last year:P) and sat on my cube starting to read mails and checking for tickets that I have to work on for the rest of the day. I have greeted two of my colleagues the same greeting I gave myself the moment I woke up, and those I have received since I got into the office. I was wondering if they felt the same thing I was feeling that moment on. Well, there's really no big deal about it, but I was just thinking if they were as quizzical as I was, pondering on how time flew so "fast". Or were they thinking that they had to "celebrate" their first year. Or are they "rejoicing" because they've got one more year left and they are (we are) broken free from the ball and chains. Or they are just simply "happy" and "contented" with what they have now, and thankful that they have WORK and THUMBS UP people to work with... Well enough of what they were thinking. I didn't even bother to ask. Guess they were thinking of it themselves and wondering the same way I did.

The first year may not be as extraordinary or did not shower brand-spanking new experiences to this so-called life, but I have to say that they were great. Really, time flies so fast. I came to meet alot of people, know things about other people, discovered alot about people, have analyzed the eccentricities of each person, have come to accept people as they are, no matter what. Precocious that I was/am, I have learned alot in a year.

Time:
1 month pretending to do something, and awaiting exactly for 5:30 to strike, racing against the door for dismissal. Trainings that seemed like so schoolish that I have missed.
8 months of imprisonment (with benefits:)) in the conference room made the bulk of the year.
3 months of "real work" came rummaging thru the core of "production"

People:
More than 80 people working in one floor
Six trainors
One "dad", one full "brother", and the rest are my half "siblings"
12 goofy teammates
one "odd" "Boss" (I had to put it in separate quotes since they had different connotations)
More than 30 "newbies" (dancing 80's, 90's and present).
[Those people that have gone in and out within one year had been more than momentous to call it a milestone.]

Place
One cube that I came populating with trash, and that turned to be the "water station"
One floor to which people spend more than 8 hrs
One sad looking bldg (because of its gray color) with poor elevator, and weird tenants from the lower levels (wish I can stalk at Kris Aquino by chance)
One way that I got to travel (in 2 hrs at max and 45 mins at min) for 5 years and counting

I have bought, received, lost, gained, gave, thrown away alot of memories and experiences. Some were firsts, some might be the last, some should be the last, some hopefully may not be the last, some may happen to be the first, some may not happen at again, some I never expected to happen, some I dreadfully wished not to happen but did, some I wanted to happen and did happen, and some just happened.

There's just too much in a year that happened and could not be compressed in one post. Glad that I am here. Aand after a year, I guess I have to say I am ready for one more:)

Evals coming up next week. Keeping my fingers crossed. My heart is thumping so fast.

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OktoberFest!

• Oct 03 - Betz's Birthday ; Leo's Back! ; Lunchout!
• Oct 04 - Our First Anniv ; walang lunchout:P ; NP w/ Jode
• Oct 05 - Pam's Birthday ; Libre Pam!!!
• Oct 06 - Lunchout c/o Leo ; San kaya?
• Oct 11 - Carlos' First Anniv ; May lunchout kaya?:D
• Oct 12 - hmmmm ; Pizza party?
• Oct 14 - Farewell party for Leo hehe ; Sino kaya papa-lunchout dito?:D
• Oct 15 - Party!!!!! ; sembreak na ng mga med students!
• Oct 21 - Monch's Birthday ; Libre Monch!
• Oct 29 - She's First Anniv ; Lunchout kaya kami?
  
• (POST OktoberFest!)
  *Nov 2 - Angel's First Anniv ; sabay na yan kay She! :P
• ThursDays are bowling days!

More to Come! More to Come!

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Moshi moshi

My Japanese name:

This kanji means Enlightenment.

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I'm Yours - Jason Mraz

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that i melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothin's going to stop me but devine intervention
I reckon its again my turn to win some or learn some

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
Ah la peaceful melody
It's your godforsaken right to be loved love loved love love

So i won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
It is our fate, I'm yours

Well I been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm sayin is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
I like one big family
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love

I won't hesitate no more
Oh no more no more no more
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved, I'm sure
Theres no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No I won't hesitate no more, no more
This cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours, I'm yours

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