Fresh Tomatoes

A merry merry weekend! Mar 7 - 8, 2009

2009-03-15T18:50:00.000+08:00

It was Shane's birthday weekend and I've lined up some surprises for him. Yessssa!

I think two months of preparation was too long. Hahaha. I had to ask Pie to bring home the set of Boston Legal (Seasons 1-4), I shipped from Amazon:) (Thank you so much Pie!!!! Love yah!!). The series he would love to watch over and over again:P

I bought two tickets (Gold A) for the Eraserheads concert, The Final Set, which was held exactly on his birthday! Yey! I did buy him the DVD of Eraserheads, The Reunion Concert -- the concert we weren't able to watch because we had teambuilding, and he was off to US that time, so we can feel the Eheads before the final set:D The Eraserheads concert last Mar 7 was a blast, thank you Ely, Raimund, Marcus and Buddy for making his birthday memorable:D

The next day was supposed to be a work day for him, having DR drill in the office for 18 hrs. That gave me and Michelle time to prep up for his surprise children's party! Hehehe. He's not getting any younger and we let him enjoy his 20-ish years before his age won't show up in the February calendar (not leap year:P).

Thank you to She, Angel, Nheo, Pearl who became part of his birthday on the Eheads concert! To Michelle who was my accomplice for the surprise, thank you for the all the help (kahit super init!!). To his family for the support to arrange the balloons, wear the party hats and to cheer "Surprise!" and sing the happy birthday song with the lights half open:D Thanks a million times!

Hope you had a great and memorable birthday (:ily:">

*pictures to be uploaded soon*

Were you an apple fallen from a tree?

2009-02-22T17:12:00.000+08:00

The most dreaded task I ever wanted to come across with is looking for something I can't find. I don't like looking through every corner for a lost shoe. Or an earring that fell off where it can land in a pile of clutter. I do not like looking for my things that were borrowed by someone else. Or my stuff that was misplaced by another. I don't like looking for things in so many places I can find. I believe that it will just show up on the least time I least expected it to. I just know that it will come to me when it's just the right time. It does not justify my utterly impatient nature, but I just know that if I take a hard time looking for things, it will only make it more difficult than it should be because the frustration of not being able to find it devours you and just makes it the finders keepers game excruciatingly painful and unsuccessful.

Sometimes, somethings just come to you naturally. It will come to you the least expected time. Without even knowing it, it has just been there ever since and you just didn't notice. You have been looking for so many places, then again, when you just ride along, you will come across it and finally rejoice that you have been united with it.

And in sometimes, no matter how hard you look for it, or how long you've waited, it still hadn't showed up. Maybe it was just not meant to be.

I know exactly one person who will detest to what I have just said. But you know me:) I know you believe that things should be hard-earned and not just let the apple fall from the tree. And that we should not accept that things are not meant for you if you did not do anything at all. Then again, in theory of relativity, not all things apply.

*I was just looking for my missing wallet the other day. And I know that even if I look harder, I won't be able to find it because someone hid it somewhere I don't know. And now, it's here.

happy happy happy birthday :)

2008-10-19T22:23:00.003+08:00

this year, my birthday fell on a Sunday.

this was the first time that I remember spending my birthday the first day of the week. a few friends came, my family was there and my prince was there too:) i had a fun fun fun birthday party at home (as always) and food food food... wii wii wii... and pictures pictures pictures!!!

pictures will be posted on my multiply:)

i had an early birthday celebration with a surprise dinner date with my prince on the saturday, oct 11th. when he came to pick me up, he surprised me with 25 pink and red roses:) *awwwwwwwwww:">* he lured first me by having meryenda to eat our favorite california maki where we dropped mama, maggie and anne. then, he "blind-folded" me to the destination. since i was having a hint where we were going, he did some "unnecessary" turns to steer me away from the first thought. and after a few minutes of driving, we were there! in front of a water station. hmppp. what was that? hahaha. i put powder, cheek tint and lip gloss (since I had the impression we were taking a "formal" dinner. my prince was wearing a polo shirt with olive slacks and his black clogs. i was forced implicitly to change as I was wearing a maong short skirt with a purple shirt. hahaha.. turned to wear a black slacks, white sandals and beige blouse). he was still keeping my eyes closed when i got off the car, and to my surprise despite, my hunch was correct. he took me to Lolo Dad's at Quirino nearing Taft Ave. this fine dining restaurant kept us intrigued since we got together and we were finding a perfect timing for this. sure it was. and the food was great:)

we went to serendra for my birthday cake. he wanted me to blow a candle (and he promimsed me to sing for me on my birthday a few months back) for my cake. a strawberry shortcake at miss desert. we got home at exactly 12mn just in time for some candle-blowing and happy-birthday-song-singing:D more surprises came when he gave me an unexpected card. from his parents! waaahh. and i thought that it was just a card. the gift to which it was attached to, was a gift from his parents too! i thought the gift was from him, and the card was just attached to it. supposedly, the card was the gift tag for the card! waawww! i didn't expect anything from them. hahahaha. way too cool:D then he went out and took his real gift. hehehe! something i really wanted before..he even bought it from the States (sosyal! hahaha. yabang.. hahahaha). what a way to start my birthday.. happiness. pure happiness:)

then sunday came, and had lunch with family and hs friends. thanks for coming! then my prince lighted up the cake with 25 candles (he just can't get enough of me being 25. darn! harharhar!). sang happy birthday, with the two cute cute kids, lala and katie, blew the candles with me! (hope my wish comes true!). and there was something more. a white van came in front of our house. he went out to see maybe the van can't pass thru coz his car was double-parking. only to find when he came in, he was bringing 25 flying balloons! wiiipeeee! lovely:) the kids enjoyed it too! and my family was awed with the sweetest gesture. haayyy. *love mo daw ako talaga, bwahahaha* and more pictures came. yehey!

monday, i had a lunch date with my teammates at the office. overflowing food again and again and again.. buuurp! i did expect a cake from them, hehehe, but i didn't know they were up to something big. and i had more balloons!! yeheheeeeey!! i was so touched when i saw each of them holding a balloon on a stick with their message on it. awwww... it even made me cry! (darn it!) hahahaha. i was so touched, really. thank you to she, angel and betz for arranging this, despite the busy sked, and for having people sign up (even if it's out of free will hahaha). really really appreciate it..

tues was nothing but an ordinary day. except for my prince who had something for me, again! hahaha. he gave me m&m's, only having 25 pieces, all of them colored green!! i didn't know how he did it.. the pack was sealed... you never fail to surprise me:D

wednesday, i had dinner with college friends at dampa. overflowing with shrimps. waaahhh. gave me itches. good to see old friends getting together. it's been four years since we graduated. i have one college friend engaged. i have one secretly wanting to propose. hahaha. we're getting old. thanks for the cake, jiv! nice to meet lala, who's a schoolmate in highschool. small world, isn't it?

thursday, a day in the hospital. daym. i always end up in the hospital days before or after my birthday. i wonder why..

friday, movie time with ofcmates. a long time since we had dinner and movie. it's true that when the cat is away, all mice are peaceful. i didn't even notice that the cat was away.

saturday was a rest day. thank God for a wonderful week. thank you Lord for another year. thank you for everything. i love you Lord. thank you for being with me. thank you for being with us.

i am so so weak :(

2008-10-19T22:16:00.002+08:00

sabi ko na nga ba, ang babae. marupok.

hahaha. or ako lang? hahahaha...

oh, i shouldn't be laughing. i can't really stand up for my words. and i can't undo things now. so i should accept everything that comes after it. oh, help me God!

i wish that i could be firmer with my words. and i hope that i have a stronger faith. i have been failing at this, what is a good exercise? i have yet turned another year older and i should be doing better than this. i'm not getting any younger, and i have to be more mature with the way things are going.. and i shouldn't be a brat. and i shouldn't pick fights anymore. i shouldn't hate people that do not affect me much. i shouldn't stoop to their level. and i shouldn't give in. i shouldn't.. i shouldn't. but i did:( huhuhuhu.

kelangan ko ng tulong para mapabuti ang buhay ko. hay Lord tulungan mo naman ako please?

tossing and turning in excitement

2008-10-06T00:10:00.002+08:00

i didn't notice that it was already past 12am. and OCTOBER 6 mind you:P hahaha! i was busying myself with my "surprise" when i realized it's 12midnight and OCTOBER 6. did i just repeat that? OCTOBER 6? hahahaha!! finally waiting is over and my theme song will be "reunited.. and it feels so goooood". hahahahaha!!! nah-uh. not yet. till OCTOBER 7. maarte kasi yung kikitain ko, gusto talaga sa 7 pa. madaming drama sa buhay. wahahaha!!! joke lang;)

anyway, since i was so busy, i got tired.. i got to bed and before going to sleep, i updated my not-so-updated pocket pc. to recall what the week has been and to update for an upcoming vacay! woothoot! and then i rest to bed.. BUT COULDN'T SLEEP! hahahaha. three more hours till the plane lands. arrghh, anticipation sucks!!! hahahaha.. kaasar. di ko naman pwede antayin mag-3am diba. buti nga nag-3am pa, dapat 5am kasi may connecting flight pa dapat. hay buti naman diretso na kasi mag-aalala pa ako kng pano sya sa Guam. hahahahaha. praninger-Z.

anyway, since i can't sleep, i catch myself to viewing other people's pictures in multiply. suddenly i became a fan;) hahaha. i didn't bother looking at other people's pictures. other people's business that is. but, what the heck. it's for public viewing anyway. why would they post it if they don't want other people to check out right? hahaha. so i ended up looking over my cousin's pictures and.. waaahh. i drool again. she's gone to europe.. oh men! i'd dieeeeee to be in EUROPE!!! haaaayyy.. someday my prince will take me there. oh! i hope it'll be soon!!! my prince can you hear me???? hahahahaha!!!!

di ko na nga tinapos. maliban sa madami, gusto ko makita ko yn personally and say, YES I'VE FINALLY BEEN TO EUROPE!!! haayyy. sa ngayon dream nalang sya muna. but dreams do come true. i'll make that wish when i go to the beach and go stargazing. yesssaaa!! hahahaha.

hay need to sleep. i have to go to office early so i can leave early and finish my stuff. then! sleep early and wake up to the very much awaited OCTOBER 7. yehey!!!

petiks nalang bukas para mabilis ang araw. chika to the max nalang sa mga sangkatauhan tapos sagot ng email. kain.. chika ulit. at maglinis sa bagong cube. new neighborhood. hehehehehe. mabuti malayo sa boss. bwahahahaha!

going places...

2008-09-28T22:13:00.003+08:00

i dream of travelling around the world. that's my ultimate dream.

i have been to places around the philippines, and yet I have more to discover. i have been to the best beaches..discovered philippine history..immersed into pure philippine culture. i am but excited to set foot on every remarkable landmarks in the philippines.

i won't get philippines done in no time. it may take me forever:P so it won't stop me from setting foot on different countries across the globe.

and i more excited that i have my prince charming who will be with me as we take our dreams into reality. yey! it's good that we share a dream:D our ultimate dream is to go EUROPE! yehey!!! i am really envious to people who have gone there (i wish my parents have taken us with them before. augh!). but now i realize it would be best to have someone special to travel that wonderful part of the world:"> hayyy. *drools* i know we'll get there. someday;)

and my childhood dream is to go to disneyland. hahaha. haven't been there (kahit HK. pero syempre gusto ko US diba:D). i want to see mickey! and minnie! and the princesses!! and good thing my prince will take me there too! (kahit di nya talaga gusto. pero since gusto ko, hehehe, sama na rin sya! yahoo!). he promised me this, and i know he will... someday:D

my sisters/brothers are now in different continents. i wonder who'll be left behind. ayoko! hahaha. san kaya ako? hmmm... and tuwing kelan na kaya reunion? and wala na siguro kaming exchange gift. awwwwwww. so sad...:(

i want to go somewhere...

don't you just love surprises?

2008-09-07T20:42:00.004+08:00

i do. i really do.

Google defined surprise as:
the astonishment you feel when something totally unexpected happens to you
is a brief emotional state that is the result of experiencing an unexpected event

the best thing about surprises is the very thought of someone prepping up the whole thing to make it a "surprise". stirring it all up to formulate the element of making the "surprisee" (if there's such a term) slack-jawed... awed by sweetness... with an ecstatic aura that is impenetrable to any other emotion besides happiness.

and the best thing about putting up a surprise for the "surpriser" is seeing the "surprisee" jumping for joy:)

and i tell you a fairy tale i came across today... a letter from the princess to her prince.

To My Dear Prince,
I am still in an unsurmountable state of trance... It is as if you are near me. So close to me, that I can hear your heart beating. That I can smell the scent of your body. That I can feel your hands touching against mine. My heart cannot contain this certain kind of emotion, inexplicable with words, that is filling my entirety.

You, being away, never felt so long than any other journeys you have taken. The deep, dark woods may have drifted you apart from me. But the skies have always kept me reminded that we are still under the same canopy of stars. And reassured as I am today, you did not fail to make me feel that the world will never cease to revolve until we meet again.

In great fervor, despite the unrelenting summons of forlorn, I relish this moment that I can feel you near me. The huge foliage intricately donned over the patio, with flowers abloom shouting in loud hues and beaming shades, astounded me as I woke up in dawn. Thank you, my prince, for this symbolizes that our love is blooming as in spring. The scent of the morning has brought me that kind of certainty that you are nearing. And to my utter surprise, there was something more. A gift..wrapped in carnation pink, ribboned with an old rose lace. With a scroll tucked...scribbled with a letter from my prince. And now I cannot stop myself from pursing my lips with utmost joy. You have never failed to make me feel close to you in despite.

Grateful. Thankful my Prince I am now to you. For keeping your love enclosed in this universe. That our love is not bounded by land nor ocean. That it is not forgone as you have in my land. The promise of your return comes close as I close my eyes to sleep...

I await for your return. I send my love and blow kisses to the wind hopeful that they may reach you. Keep safe. I love you for eternity.

On Second Chances

2008-08-25T03:04:00.002+08:00

It is a liberating feeling when you are given a second chance to prove yourself of something. Graciously, you accept the opportunity to make it up. You hold on to this chance and will not let yourself be caught up on the same booby trap you got into.

You carefully watch yourself not to cross that line. You are careful not to fail. This is the second chance. No more third. Fourth... This is the second chance and the last.

dreams...

2008-08-10T23:46:00.002+08:00

are manifestations of something you want to happen?
are symbolism of a current situation?
are just imagination?
are a product of your subconscious mind, that dwells in you, and outlets comes in a bubble?
are answers to many questions?
are things you wanted not to happen so you let it out so that you can prepare for yourself?
are keys to your goals, to your fate?
are just dreams, that means nothing?

committing the same mistake the second time around

2008-08-10T23:28:00.002+08:00

I can't help but to feel infuriated to myself for doing the same thing that scared me a few months back. I feel so humiliated in front of God that I have committed the same mistake I promised to keep until He bestows it upon me.

I am such a brat.

I am spoiled.

I am weak.

It's always an eye opener when some bad things happen to you.. And I am ashamed to confess that it's always the bad things that keeps me coming back to God. It's not good :( We oftentimes turn to You when something does not happen the way it should. And I am not proud of it :( I am very sorry, and I want You to be a part of me again. This time I am being true to my words.

Lord, I surrender everything to You. Please accept me again. I have made the promise again in front of you and I promise this time, I will be firm with my words. I will stand up to what I believe in. And I stand up for my faith. Please help me to be stronger and to be more faithful to you. I love you.

a post for myself, after reading others...

2008-08-10T22:25:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, we tend to meddle with other people's lives so often than we take a closer look at our own lives. We are so caught up with other people's mistakes, that we judge them for being "wrong".. wrong in a different light... wrong in our own perspective. Or thinking the other way around how successful or happy they are, that we feel so envious that we judge them that they don't deserve where they are.

I am guilty of such, at times, when I always find myself looking at other people's lives.. looking or hearing them from afar -- even strangers at that. On how they talk to their companions, how they dress, the way they fix their hair, the things they talk about, on how they simply stand up on ground carrying only themselves. I tend to look at other people's lives on surface. I have been enjoying lurking around other people's business even if I really do not have anything to do with it. And I spend so much effort analyzing their lives and how they deal with it, even if it really is such a waste of time because they don't even know that I am scrutinizing it for them.

I hope the world will just keep moving with their own lives. Not meaning to say that we should care less about the rest of the world.. What I'm driving at is I hope we learn how to accept other people as they are. And being there, as what we are supposed to play in their lives -- a child, brother, sister, friend, colleague, companion.

--------

If at times a person has done you wrong, you have the all the right to feel furious, and express your anger. But do not nurture the pain because it will do you no good. Let God heal the wounds and let go of the darkness inside you. Do not let a negative feeling be the recipient of a negative action.

If at times you feel that a friend has done something wrong to another, do not put their fate on your anger. You have the right to get mad, but you do not have any reason to put into your hands the revenge to cover up for them. Console them, be there for them. Be positive to your friend. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do negative towards another to justify that you care for a friend.

If you are feeling envious that a person is successful, be happy for them. Rejoice with them. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, reach for your dream and be inspired that if somebody is able to step forward to their goal, believe that you can make it on your own.

If you feel sad about a person's situation, be there for them when they need you. Listen to their problems. They do not actually need advice, they just need someone to talk to. Unsolicited advice sometimes aggravate the problem, so just tell them that you will be there.

If you feel like the decisions you made put you in trouble, do not blame other people for it. Your actions always boil down to your own decision. No matter what people say, no justifications are needed because it's always you who have the last say.

I don't know why I am telling this. Maybe because I have had enough of meddling with other people's lives. I do not play a big part in them, but I always steer to keeping myself involved even if I don't have to. Then I end up now, thinking of my own life. How have I lived it. And how I have made decisions in my life that might be worth the time to think about instead of thinking about others. I have yet to deal with my own problems, and think about the decisions I have made. For those people, on the other hand, who are meddling with mine, then I'm telling you, you are wasting your time. I bet you have your own problems to deal with.. so deal with it!

On Moving Out

2008-08-02T10:58:00.003+08:00

I have been thinking about this for years. I didn't want to leave because I have stayed for as long as four years. I didn't want to move because I have made so much memories here. Through good times and bad, this was my refuge. I have made connections with people. Some dropping by. Some have come and go. I have connected to other people through this, what I called "home".

But I want something new. Brand-spankin' new experience, new feel, new light. I believe four years is too long. I can make new entries with my new home. I can still make connections to those who have stayed in the old spot. I still can have a look at it and visit it whenever I like. It's still where it's at. I am just moving but it won't be gone.

The question is where? And when...

I don't want to say goodbye to you yet, my refuge, Fresh Tomatoes. Four years have been a long, long time. There has been so much in this that keeps me wanting to be back. I have made so much memories kept in here. I love being here. I just want something new... I have stayed long enough to keep you burdened with the many things that happen to me for the last years.

I am searching for a new spot for my new life.... For the meantime that I have not found it yet, I will keep you posted.

Btw, I am happy. I haven't been posting happy thoughts for so long a time.. maybe the next one will be :)

Ch-ch-ch-changes, changes!

2008-04-27T13:36:00.002+08:00

This morning I got two messages from two of my Southern Girlfriends.

They were in the boarding area about to embark to their new lives.

I felt really sad that they are starting their brand-spanking days in a foreign land. Marga is still on her flight to US will Jode is now problably reunited with her mother and unpacking her things.

And I'm still here blogging away in my room.

Sometimes, we just need that "jumpstart" so we can start anew. Living in our comfort zone, sometimes we forget that there are a lot beyond our boundaries. And the sky's the limit! It does not mean changing the current environment, we just need something new so we may be able to discover other things besides what we currently do.

I read "Who Moved My Cheese" and it is about accepting changes in our lives. When your "cheese" is gone, it does not mean that someone took it. It may mean a lot of things, and it may mean that it you just devoured everything before you knew it's gone. It may mean that the cheese is probably somewhere you forgot to place. It may simply mean that it is just about time to find new cheese.

I am now living a new life with a lot of changes and I hope to make it better.

To my Southern Girlfriends

2008-04-25T18:44:00.003+08:00

To Jode and Marga, who are very dear to me.

There's just too much in my heart that I can't seem to let out. It is very overwhelming that two people close to my heart have just decided to move on and pursue a dream. To move on to greener pasteurs. To explore new things. To discover themselves apart from the zone to where they have nurturing comfort. Good friends. Great company. Our home.

These two people, who have been with me in most of the times that we decide to go out. Pig out. Rant. Chismis! Cry. Share. Laugh! Hard laugh that is. Go home:( (and staying too long in front of our house with more rants! hahahaha!). Tawid sa mga nakakamatay na walang tawiran. Paghahabol ng bus. Ng shuttle. Paglalakad sa MOA. Taxi sa kahit san. Bus sa kahit san. Road trip sa weird na kotse:P

I will be missing going home with you. Although some things have changed. It still feels different going home without you (and I won't go home without you!! Maroon 5:P).

I will miss all the night outs with you. I will miss everything about you two. I love you my friends. Take care always.

Touched by God

2008-04-25T10:34:00.004+08:00

I can barely remember the time when I have actually felt God touch me in mysterious ways.

I am not a self-righteous person, not even a religious one to claim such, but I have never felt more blessed than now. I have experienced an event that changed me from that moment on. I have come to accept Him and let Him be a part of me again.

I am ashamed on how I have come to know You again. That only in trying times we come back to you. But You accepted us, I know, because we can feel You near us.

I forget. I always forget. But in this time, I will never forget how God played a big part in my life and I am graciously thankful to God for accepting me again.

I am sorry that I still have doubts and fears. But I surrender everything to You, and I pray that you wash them away. My faith is in You. Our faith is in You, and we pray that You will continue to guide us in everything we do. That no matter what happens to us, may we realize that everything You give us has a purpose. To learn. and to know You better.

Thank you Lord for all heeded prayers. Thank you for teaching us lessons, that sometimes may hurt us. But I know that You only know what's best for us.

Thank you Lord for always, in all ways, working in our lives. I thank You how you have significantly changed our lives. And I am very much thankful that You have accepted us again and for entering in our lives together.

I am thrilled of living my life with You. I am excited on new plans, reinventing myself and pursuing my dreams. To travel the world. To try new things. To discover You more. And building our lives with You. I am excited that we are taking this journey with You. My journey. His journey. Our journey together.

I have come to realize that I am young and I have a lot of things to discover. There are so many things that I want to do. And I am living that life I want from this moment on. With a change that he's with me and You're with us. Carefree as a child, but wiser.. and with love, and in faith;)

We promise to keep You with us. And remember everything that we do is for Your glory.

A message that struck me the most in trial times:
When a problem leads you to a prayer... then it has served its purpose.

Quickie

2008-03-20T20:54:00.002+08:00

Just a quick get-back-on-track post.

I'm heeeereeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kelangan ng change ng layout para may rason na mag-blog ulit. Hehe.

Ayun lang. Hehehe. Hello World!

Balik ako in a jiffy;)

farewell to 2007!

2007-12-31T15:38:00.001+08:00

has it been fair and all well for me the past 365 days?

i told myself i was going to start the year right. and i did. and i think i did a good job at making the year the best year of my life to date. there was just so much with the past year that made my life tumble with joy, tears, happiness, pain, suspense, excitement.. to the many adventures.. lucks and bad lucks.. first time experiences.. land, air, water trips.. parties, events, hangouts.. love, laughs, tears..

i am so proud to let all the people know that the year that was, is the best year of my life... YET. that i never would've any regrets that i have spent the year the way i did. they might not all be right and i may have made a lot of mistakes. but this is who i am now and have defined how i will be in the future. i will become a better person. i will be living my life better to be more fruitful and fulfilling. i will become happier than ever. i will be building my dreams now, and making it happen.

i am happy and thank you to all the people who made my 2007 the best. my 24th year of existence had been more meaningful. i will set the bars higher and make 2008 better than better. the best has yet to come. :)

cheers to 2007, for a year that made us who we are now. another toast for 2008 that will make us better for the coming years!!!

who said life was fair? you can only have the luxury of living it well. Carpe Diem!

welga! welga!

2007-11-11T22:29:00.000+08:00

while the Writers Guild of America is currently holding a strike, we, ebot and violet, have resigned to produce articles for the corporate magazine. We will not accept, or on an indefinite refusal to accept any favors or charity to scribble a write up for a momentuous event in the company. i have been out-of-focus to discover that our article has been edited entirely, as if it was written by someone else. i felt violated. it was as if i was robbed off a license to write a decent article. not that i am saying that ours was perfect, but the fact that it was changed and we weren't informed, and our names were still published as authors... i am enraged to have tagged of some article that we didn't even write. i was too ashamed to let the entire company, and i mean in all regions and territories, read something that was totally not ours.

i cannot imagine writing that kind of article. sorry and excuse my arrogance. but really... i cannot let something be published without having it proofread (at least for something that is going to be circulated in an organization where reputation matters:p and bosses, and big bosses are having a quick access to information from its employees). *sigh of disbelief.. of embarassment.. of sadness*

i am redeeming ourselves from this. not that i am bragging, but i just would like them to know that we did not write that article. i am not claiming ours is better, i am posting this to, at least, let others know what we have written. i believe this just deserves to be published.

for the summer sportsfest 2007:
From the first bullseye target, till the last move to checkmate, OOCL Summer Sportsfest 2007 has rummaged every inch of a muscle in all OOCL Employees.

Commenced last April 24, 2007 at the Garden Deck of DY International Building, the Sports Committee headed by Rheeo Gatchalian opened this year’s sportsfest with a feast. Yellow, Green, Pink and Purple, as fun and vibrant each represent, are the four teams for this year’s sportsfest. Having the entire event run for five weeks, with six games to vie for (darts, table tennis, badminton, billiards and chess), the event brought excitement and tension to each team day-by-day. As each week passed, teams’ standings were so close, giving all teams a strong chance for the first spot. Competing with each other neck to neck, every team screamed -- at the top of their lungs to break a leg! (more leaning to the idiom, though). Action packed as these weeks were, snapshots of the events still linger to these sports enthusiasts. Mouse set aside as dart invaders aim for the bullseye. Heads turned left and right with smash after smash as shuttlecocks came crossing courts faster than the speed of light. Spikers’ serve resounded an echo. With throbbing hearts, the receiver got ready for the attack as everyone waited for the kill. But as all games end, only one team emerged as champions. Garnering the highest points, taking away three games as first – hail to the Purple Team for being paramount to all the best and victorious of all winners.

Hit the Bullseye. Spin the ball. Smash the shuttle cock. Serve with a Spike. Break it. Until finally, one goes Checkmate! 2007 Sports Committee, congratulations for a job well done!

congrats ebot for this article. it may have not been published as expected, but i am proud to have produced an article, as this, with you. thank you:)

sweet and cute victory:)

2007-11-04T20:14:00.000+08:00

i remember a few months back, one of my teammates shared to us that he has been addicted to the stacker game at timezone. i didn't know what it was then, so when i had the chance to "exercise" the kid in me, i went to timezone and started trying it out by myself. the first time i did, i actually won the minor prize. i opted to take it, because it was my first and i wanted to have something for my first win. but, since i was a newbie at that, i wasn't able to get the minor prize coz there was a stupid time limit to get the prize. i didn't know, and when i had to press the start button to get it, the time was over... so what i did was to try again:D and chose to go for the major prize this time:D after three attempts, i was a sore loser not to get any... awwwwww..:(

last saturday, while waiting for the movie showing, i paid a visit to my little playground and tried my luck for the nth time. i was feeling a bit easy this time... the first game i had was the stacker game. i was paying full attention to the squares moving from side to side, stacking it in the middle... my eyes were rolling from left to right. hitting the red button as the light were in lined in the middle. minor prize, kaboom! i hit it!!! i had the gut feeling i was going to have a good shot at this one, so i went off to get the major prize. three more lines. one square. first line. kaboom! hit!!! second line.. kaboom! hit again! and here comes the last... the square was really moving fast.. i was getting the beat of it. then i pressed the red button at that instant i felt it was directly above the last square. and YES! kaboom! MAJOR PRIZE it is!!!! i had a winnie the pooh stuff toy!!! (which, i must say was not a cheap one. it was fluffy and stuffy hehehe).. it was cute really:) and i was so happy that i got it finally:D i was watching the other kids play it, and i haven't found anyone yet who hit the jackpot:P hahahahaha!!!!

i had my mind on it. i had a strong feeling that it will be mine. i was feeling that i will get it. i've waited long enough. i've tried so many times and i thought i won't be able to get a hold of it. many times i thought of giving up. but the emotion was far too strong to let myself give up on it. i knew and felt that it was for me. i was victorious. I AM. finally, i had it:) and the most important part of it, i was with you.

to this i wait... till i finally call it my own victory.

octOVER

2007-11-02T23:21:00.000+08:00

october is finally over. my birthday month;) it wasn't just a day.. a week.. it's been a month. i have been celebrating my 24th year for days and days and i can't seem to get enough of it:) and there's much with this month that it has always been filled with momentous events.. the OctoberFest. i remember posting my last year's birthday bash and i had to call it octoberfest, octoberpest. hahahaha. there's just too much with this month that i never fail to put up a banner inside my head.. reading..."to the month i swore i'll never get over:P"... hahahaha. this month seemed to be sluggishly come day by day. not because i am bored, but there's just too much that a week after my birthday seemed months have gone by.

with this month, we had four celebrators.. two additional from our team;) every week, we had to put up a surprise! hahaha. mine was great. i had full of surprises. and gifts. and love:) i was asked the other day (in a high-schoolish spin-the-bottle session with my teammates:P), that if i had a chance to repeat a day all-over again, what would it be? i had my answer in a jiffy (since i was asked a similar question a few days back:D), and it had to be my birthday this year:) it was the first time that i got to celebrate it with the special people (physically and in spirit, in my heart:P) in 24 hours:) well, the only time that i wasn't able to celebrate was the very few hours of sleep:P and it has been a birthday month. it has been special than ever. i never had the chance to fully explain in detail, but really it is the greatest birthday i've ever had in 24 years of existence:) i was and am still awed and, still reveling with outmost joy the days that i had been celebrating it with family and friends:) i still haven't gone over it yet not until the last day of the month. hahahaha. thank you for all the gifts:) it has always been the child in me. i love surprises:)

week after my birthday, we had our last teambuilding. i had a blast. of joy. of tears. not a total disaster but it was great. the long drive was a pain in the a** but i must say that it was worth the time for togetherness:) the sunny day could've made it, but the whip of the strong wind with the shower of rain made it a bit lonesome to wrap up the day. the emotions were in-tuned with the weather. but as all rainy days go, a sunny day follows:) and it outshines the gloominess of the rain.

the last event for the month was our halloween party:) it was a long-time in planning.. and i'm glad that it still pushed through. honestly, i was afraid it wouldn't... thank goodness, we pulled it through:D i am excited with the pictures!!! of fairies (good and bad:P), of a surgeon (not a nurse, or a caretaker mind you), of a hula dancer, of scream!!!, of dracula, of demons (not framework:P), of a chinese pirate (more like of a shaolin to me:D), of shrek turned dracula, and of zorro in his mask (with elena... where? in his heart:P). the night-out at the pad with two poles was great.. the spin-a-bottle, the tequila, the "active" moments. hahaha. it was a great. great night.. happy night. tiring night.

what a way to wrap up october. and yes, it is finally over:(

Happy happy happy:)

2007-10-15T02:36:00.001+08:00

I've been pinning myself to write a recap of what life has been after three quarters this 2007. We're down to the last and I must say that bigger and better and the "hellacious" (:P) keep coming my 24th year.

It has been a blast. The past week. My birthday week:) Not all smiles. But in general, and most of the time, HAPPY:) No nitty gritty details. I would like to perceive it as one big happy smile. Full of surprises. gifts. love. For the entire week:) Happy happy happy:)

Thank you to all the people who became part of my birthday week. Especially to those people I've been with on the day itself:) You mean a lot to me, and I am truly grateful and blessed to have spent my most memorable day for the entire year with you. I must say that this is the best birthday.. yet:) I am looking forward to better birthdays ahead. I love you, all:) *kisses and hugs*

====
I got to watch Stardust last Saturday and it is a great movie:) It wasn't dragging (although excuse my sleepiness that it had to kick-in involuntarily, not because the movie was boring. I was just to sleepy and it was very conducive for a short break:P haha not an excuse, not an excuse!). I just would like to share Yvaine's monologue to poor Tristan who turned into a mouse for a few minutes. Her speech was lovely.

Yvaine: You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

A Love Story

2007-09-03T00:19:00.000+08:00

I got to read Bom's blog with Jim Paredes' article. I was astounded by the women that he had in his life. Not because of the number of women that came by, but of the lessons that he learned with them.

It was not that long ago when I wished I could write my own story. I have read stories of love. Watched movies about love. Heard stories about love. To every relationship that I have come across, I was just a spectator. I have had my own comments... good or bad. Advices.. that which some have come unsolicited. I had a say. And that it had always been easy telling them what to do, or thinking upon yourself what could've they done.. or pretending to be in that position, and acting upon it readily as if I were on their shoes. It has always been different. And it has always been easier said than done. Definitely, easier said than done...

The latest love story that I have come across was that of a man who came across two flowers at the same garden. These flowers were lined up in a stream of pots. In all shades and hues... The first that came to sight had been his favorite. Red Rose. Beautiful, in its full bloom. The other flower was a Violet Lilium. He didn't know what it was called. It just came to him in passing, as the flower bowed its head not showing the true beauty of its petals. The others were ordinary that he didn't come to notice.

He roamed around the garden and then came back to the rose to which he was attracted the most. He was mesmerized by the beauty of the rose that he examined every part of it. The pollen. Its petals. And leaves. He wanted to pick the flower, although tempting, he refused since the thorns protruding its stem threatened him to be pricked. He, then, watched the flower from afar and appreciated the beauty of the flower.

But there came a time that he was no longer happy that he could not touch the flower. He risked being hurt, went thru the thorns, and came to pick the rose. How lovely it was for them to be together now. Even if the thorns still bespeak of danger or of unrelenting susceptibility to pain, he still continued to pursue his love for the flower. It was hard, however, he reveled in the joy of risking.. There was no other flower anyway, not any flower that he knew of.

It has been years since the man has nurtured his love for the rose. He took care of it. Sprinkled with love. Showered it with rays of sunshine. He was still avoiding the threats of the thorns. But after some time, he began to slowly lose his love for the flower. He was tired. He did not feel that he can love the flower fully because of its thorns. He felt that it was now an obligation to take care of the rose. The rose did not speak of any pain. It fully submitted to the love of the man. Though it cannot defend itself from the thorns, the sacrifice to live with the man for as long as it can, made it bloom further than it has ever imagined itself blooming.

He was not falling out of love with the beauty of the rose. He was still taking care of it. He still loves the radiance it brings. But he felt empty at times. He felt that his love was coming out of guilt. Or of a commitment that he swore he'd keep. It was not good. Then he came back to the garden where he found the rose. He walked for a while, then it came across the lilium that still bowed her beautiful violet petals amongst its leaves. The man was curious and he came to give a closer look to that flower. Only then he realized the beauty of a lilium. Gazing up at him, its glow spread outward.. exuding a scent of joy... of happiness that reverberated through his body. He examined it yet again, and slowly, he began to fall for the lilium. It was lovely. The beauty illuminates a certain fragrance that lived darkly in its body.

Yet he thought, he could not take care of two flowers. The pot that he made was for one. Only one flower can fit in. Now he thought to risk the place that he had made for the rose... and pick the lilium and plant it to the pot. But the beauty of the rose will just die without defenses. It won't die a natural cause of death. It will die because of a love that was lost. Then, the lilium was still there, bowing its head... waiting to be picked..

The ending has not yet been known. For now, the rose still holds the pot. And the lilium has been one with the others...

Love at the wrong time. Love that was so true, but a mistake. It is painful to call a love a mess. Contradictory to its meaning, love is a strong positive emotion... with relevance to an energy that sustains a powerful state of happiness... and joy. But to all the good comes in the bad. Love is a choice. Love is a choice to do the right.. Or to do what we desire. Neither of the two is of lower value.

Love at the wrong time is love that is lost. Some may take the risk of leaving the now to revel in the joy of the future. Some, as most take, risk of leaving a probable future, because the odds does not give them any reassurance of happily-ever-after. But who knows? Nobody knows what the future holds. It has always been a great idea not to keep the doors closed. However, for how long can we? Can we hold it further without anyone come knocking besides that person you've been waiting for all along?

Yes it is true that we meet better people in our lives. Better flowers... More beautiful. More radiant. But how long do we keep ourselves from being tempted to pick another flower? How long do we keep finding which is better without even starting to pick? Opportunity only comes once. We may never find another flower like it..

Love is a risk. Love is pain. Love is love. We learn how to love. We love to learn.

I love you. My heart can only wait for as long as it can. I hope you come back at the right time.

-- violet

Always On Your Side - Sheryl Crow Ft. Sting

2007-09-02T14:40:00.000+08:00

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But my demons and my angels reappeared
Leavin' only traces of the man you thought I'd be
To afraid to hear the world's I'd always feel
Leavin' you with all the questions all these years

Is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No, it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

Is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are we left to wonder, all alone, eternally
But is this how it's really meant to be?
no, this isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away,
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wandering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side?

A Prayer

2007-09-02T02:08:00.000+08:00

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I pray that God bestows me what my heart desires. On the right time. My faith has strongly believed that things are meant to last only if they deserved them well.

guilty!

2007-08-20T23:13:00.000+08:00

hehehe, this is the third post for tonight, and yes i'm on a roll.

i am a self-confessed guilt-freak right now. i am mad. i am crazy.

i can't stand this. but i have to. for how long? i don't know.

i am going to be killed for this.

i did not commit murder. i am not convicted of any crime.

but i am guilty of simple pleasures. gossip. showbiz. a pinch on the face. stalking. secrets. clean foot fetish (obsessive preoccupation). manly hands. goodnights. cariño brutal. more ice cream than cake. banofee pie. shopping. long chats. videoke.

what is your guilty pleasure?

the few good men

2007-08-20T22:41:00.001+08:00

i have three brothers, which i never ever realized that i can appreciate them now more than ever.

my eldest brother is really a tall guy. well not that much, but he is the tallest amongst us. when i talk to him, he usually leans to his right. he has quite a poor sense of hearing. his hair is not straight. he has a dark complexion. although, all my brothers are dark since they really grew up on the streets. literally. of all my brothers, he's the smartest. medyo idol ko nga sya. hehe. medyo lang :P he talks about sensible stuff. he's not a nerd, but he is really smart. i like it that he answers my questions. i value his opinion. there was this one time that i really had a petty argument that we did not talk for months. but, of course, we live in the same house so he can't stand not talking to me:P ha! or me. hehehe. i was really feeling bad that he doesn't talk to me. but eventually we did. how? i dunno. we just did. i just love him.

my next brother, who is the fifth, is the hippiest. hehe. he's cool. for me, he's the type na "kilabot ng mga kolehiyala". hehehe. i never admitted to him this, but he really is a good-looking man. naks! proud. hahaha. no, really. porma, dating, gentleman-ness. wooh! sya ang dapat tularan. hahaha. he picks me up even if he had to pick up his girlfriend (now wife.. hehe). i like it that he takes care of his then girlfriend, but he does not forget his family:) now it is understandable that he takes care of his "family" more. but he still picks us up, if he can:) we have the same profession, and i really idolize him for being where he is now. he has a good career and a great family to boot. jackpot!

the youngest brother, is three years older than me. well, i don't regard him as old, but sometimes i really think he really is old. hahaha. but too young to get married:P sometimes i get irritated that he never gets tired seeing his girlfriend everyday. but maybe that's really the way it is. (yah, i really dunno:P). he is the most makulit, and the most madaldal ever. he can practically deal with any kind of person. maybe that's the reason my mom got him as one their sales people in their biz. we fight most of the time. but i know there's just this sweet bone in him (i still think that he's the most demonstrative, and well, yeah, sige na nga, sweetest) that sometimes i really can't take. like, it's icky sometimes. hahaha. but he's my brother afterall.

i like it so much that they are taking care of their wives, kids, and girlfriend (for the last). minsan naaasar na nga ako na wala sila, dahil nasa mga babae nila, hehehe, pero we can't really hold them at home forever. i admire them that they pick them up, take them home, had their girls at home to be known to us. and i must say that they really have a good choice:P hehehe. i was and am good to them:P i treat them as part of our family. i like it that they are brutally sweet to us (hehehe, masochist:P), i like it that we don't talk much, but when we do, we just laugh our heads off. i don't like serious stuff, so it's just fine with us that we are really not that super close. like secret-sharing kind of close. hehe. i like it that they're older, three years minimum, and we don't have much differences in what we like. i like it that they don't spoil us much. but when we ask. they give:) hehehe.

i told my friend the other day the worst ever stuff that my brothers did or is still doing to me. having us girls smell their super baho socks.. rubbing their armpits on top of our heads. utot sa harap namin (kadiri talaga). i just give them the worst "kurot" they can take, i am really good at this. my brothers can give a testimony to the many bruises they got from me. they just deserved it:P but, even at their worse, i must say that i really admire them for being just my brothers. and i really wish that the person that i will end up with will have bits and pieces of my brother in them. if they get the worse, then they will just suffer the worst from me as well:P not to mention the pinches that i have mastered all these years:D

home alone

2007-08-20T22:26:00.000+08:00

i haven't been home alone for years. i think. i never wanted being alone. more than the fact that i really get bad migraines doing nothing than watch tv and lie awake in bed, i really can't stand solidarity at home. but the weekend that was, was quite different from the days i have been alone at home. and being at home, perse.

i cooked lunch. i was with my brother, and it was the first time (maybe again in years), that he told me he was smelling good food (from me:P). nothing grand with the chicken, it just smelled good of course tasted good mind you:D not much cleaning done, the house was completely in order before they left.

i didn't eat much. i wasn't even hungry. i did open the tv to check out Angel Locsin's welcome party at ASAP (hehehe, hell yeah, i am a tv/local showbiz addict:)) but after a few cuts, i turned it off and stayed at my room and started to read instead. i loved the silence. it was just the swing of the electric fan that i was hearing, and the turn of pages i had as i read through. my cell phone was beeping once in a while, though (thanks for the company:)). and that was all i had for a home alone weekend. a good lunch. a good friend. two books read from cover to cover. and a nap that lasted forever, with a dream i've forgotten.

and the home i called for silence came crumbling down when they have arrived. riot. migraine attacked as they came crashing my room.

afterall, it was great to be home alone. but not all the time:P

goodnight... :)

waiting in vain

2007-08-05T20:34:00.000+08:00

somehow, the excitement just died away with each day that passed as we waited for it to finally become official.

then it was. four days since.

i must say that i am happy. though, i could not fill it in with outmost content or even with bursts of joy. i am glad that it is here. but i could not revel in the news that was long overdue.

i cannot complain any further. it is here, and i am grateful that it is. this is what we have just been hoping to come. to be accredited. at the very least, to regard as someone that has raised herself up a notch in her own pedestal. they say that a name is just a name. but it isn't to us, because it is far better than any amount to begin with.

i have accepted the fact, and i am dropping all the others that makes me feel agitated of myself even more. otherwise, i will still be complaining. i might as well rejoice that it has come, no matter how long i've waited, or how remorseful it came. at least it did. i am not settling for anything less though. it's just that i cannot stretch it any further. i have accepted that there are just some things that we really do not have any control of. and being in no position to contest, beyond my defenses. i am up to the limits that i would like myself to think that it has approached acceptance.. plainly out of utter respect.

and again, i am happy. i will celebrate that i have come to accept my new post. i have come to accept that i am beginning to think a bit more "mature" (excuse myself for the lack of a better term). and that now, afterall, what matters to me most.

i was hopeful for years, in search for things i have been praying... of wanting, living, loving for. in my heart, i believe that it will come in due time.. oh well, some if it will. some if it, i still do not know. they may come in grandeur, with fireworks as i embrace them on their arrival. or they may come at the worst moment or instance i could have never imagined even welcoming.

x's: on a lighter note, i watched korina's interview with toni gonzaga. i am a fan, but not quite. although i am glad that she now has her love her life. haha cheezy. but he's cute, and i think she deserves him and vice versa. i am really amazed that she finally get to meet him, after all the men that came rummaging her life:P she's blessed. and happy:)

so when does waiting become "worth the wait"?

From Bom:)

2007-07-28T20:57:00.000+08:00

i am leeching this from my one of my dearest friends, bom. :) i found myself amazed that i have the same feeling for different people. strangely, i feel that we are talking about the same person... (which of course, is impossibly true, hehe!). thanks bom for this. i am letting my sentiments out for them unknowingly. i have alot of people i want to say something, but this might be overkill. hehehe. the list might go on and on.. and on.. and on.. and on........

RULES:
1. Write something about/for fifteen DIFFERENT people.
2. You can NOT (read: NEVER) say who they are.
3. If someone asks you which one is about/for them, you are NOT to tell.

*************

1. I really admire you for your guts. To where you've been and have achieved. I wish I can reach the same success as you have now. In all aspects.
2. Sana nagkakilala tayo ng mas maaga. Hay:( and Hay:)
3. Sana may gift ka na talaga sa birthday ko:P
4. Di ko talaga alam kung bakit, pero di talaga kita kaya kausapin ng matagal. Ewan ko talaga. I just feel indifferent towards you.
5. Hehe, despite what I have been through with you (or you with me), I am glad that we are really in good terms. I am happy that I can tell you anything about everything right now;)
6. Sayang lahat ng pinagsamahan. Na-miss kita. Pero ganon ata talaga. I wish I could see you and give you a hug.
7. Di ko alam bakit naging ganon lahat, pero sorry, di ko na gusto na maging super ok tayo. Wala na talagang chance mabalik sa dati.
8. I know you're just right there whenever I need you kahit na nde tayo magkita at matagal na nde mag-usap:)
9. Gusto ko ma-try na lumabas na tayo lang.
10. I know things have changed now, and ok na ako. Hehe weird pero di kita nami-miss:P
11. Gusto ko na sabihin sayo kung ano totoo, pero pag sinabi ko, baka madaming magbago.
12. Takot ako sayo. Dahil sa maraming bagay.. Lalo ngayon. Hay :S
13. Alam mo na ayaw ako sinisigawan, ginagawa mo pa din!
14. You're giving me the strangest feeling I've never felt in my entire life. Go figure.
15. Sorry sa lahat ng masamang nagawa ko sayo. I know what I did was totally wrong, and I do not have any excuse for being just that. I never really got around saying sorry, but I am. Really.

no masochist for nothing

2007-07-27T06:18:00.000+08:00

i am emotionally wrecked this week. i cannot further elaborate on the nitty-gritty details, but i am on an indefinite sanity with an imbalanced state of mind.

i can barely recall the last time i shed tears. however, those tears have flowed in ducts that sore a fortnight, were tears of sadness. now, i shed tears of incomprehensible disbelief, of betrayal, of being hopeful for nothing, of deprivation to that chance i thought will compensate for waiting. i was given false hopes. i may be wrong for assuming, but i will never have assumed if i have never been told. i am hurt not because i was defeated of a chance, but i am hurt because i knew that i was not given what i deserved. that i did not receive what i knew, with all my heart, i knew was for me.

my heart has been amassed with spears of doubt and fear. daggering to every nerve, seemingly making me numb. i am frightened that i may fall into a trap that i cannot escape. only finding myself slowly being devoured into what seemed to be a quicksand.. struggling for survival. i do not know when to stop. i do not know if it's even starting. i am beginning to think that there must be something wrong. but i beg myself to differ. talk about self-contradictory madness. i am still trying to convince myself that there is nothing wrong. i am hopeful that i can still bear with it. that i will not give up until the limit has been pushed.

i am mad. crazy. depressed. puzzled. hurt. deprived. hurt. scared. unnoticed. torn. hurt. then again, i am no masochist for nothing.

FT

2007-07-18T22:57:00.000+08:00

i miss you for so long, that i almost forgot how you looked. i have gotten the chance to get back to you. a glance maybe. i had that chance to rekindle the moments we had together, but it was quite too short. i missed you. and seeing you that time has made me feel that i'll always have you. my friend.

as we held hands and bid farewell, barely touching my fingers to yours.. lingered for as long as i can remember.. my heart was breaking that i know it will take more time for me to see you again.. yet rejoicing that i know we will still, in the not so far future.

i was told that the sites to where our refuge of emotional baggages reside has been blocked. well, i hadn't noticed since i was too "busy" keeping myself "busy" these days. i am mixed up with stuff that i cannot seem to keep myself in order. hehehe.

i do not have anything much to say now but i just wanted to revisit my spot. i miss this spot. it has been abandoned for so long a time that i cannot even recall the times that i wanted moments to be written. or those that i wanted to be shared. or those that i just wanted to type it away.

i miss you. i miss this. i miss talking to you for as long as i can. for being there, listening (erm, reading, or whatever you may call it) for all my yakkings. you know much of what others don't. most of the time you are the first to know. and you never forget, because it is and will always be written. i miss this, with my fingers strike the keys as i free-flowingly tell you the details of my story. i miss you. it is you.. my recourse to all emotions. this is you. i do not know for how long i can let it happen, but i know that i will always have you, and you will always have me.

830pm

2007-07-12T22:23:00.001+08:00

i cannot remember the last time i've watched deal or no deal. hehehe. which means, that it has been ages since i last got home that early. lahat sila nagtataka, ang aga ko daw dumating. pwede naman pala eh. bakit nga ba hindi?

touch down, 830pm. what a record. this is the earliest i've gone home since the start of the year. 12th day of the 2nd half of 2007. whew.

i got to watch DOND. i got to read 2 chapters of harry potter (the last two to go!). i got to blog! and i got goodnight kisses from the cute gremlins in spongebob pajamas. awwwwwww:">

walang tawiran. nakamamatay.

2007-07-05T23:17:00.000+08:00

i am sharing this entry with my friend, tobe. we swore that this will be the last time that we will take chance of risking our lives crossing that "street".

so why did the chicken crossed the road?

minsan sa buhay natin, kelangan sumugal. sabi nga nila take chances. opportunity only comes once. eh minsan hindi mo alam kung yung oportunidad na yun eh dumaan na, padaan palang. or andyan na. kung pang-ilan.. kung una.. pangalawa.. pangatlo. kailan mo nga ba malalaman na eto na ang tamang panahon para tumaya sa lotto at makuha ng jackpot.

malamang sa hindi, walang nakakaalam. tyans (hehe, chance) nga e. tanong natin kay google kung ano daw ang tyans.

according to my ever reliable world-wide-web partner in life:
- a risk involving danger
- an unknown and unpredictable phenomenon that causes an event to result one way rather than another

it is unpredictable. and a risk. so, FORTUNE FAVORS for the BRAVE SOULS!

so yun. makukulit lang talaga kami na ulit-ulitin ang pagtatangkang makamit ang aming mithiin. ang makasakay ng shuttle sa may Mall of Asia. pumunta kami ng 10pm, 930pm 9pm, 8pm. wala pa ring tumambad na sasakyan na maghahatid samin papunta sa katimugang bahagi ng Maynila. hanggang sa napagod na kami, at napag-isipang, hindi na kami uulit.

bahagya kong naisipan ang malaking signboard na nakapaskil sa gitna ng two-way-four-laned street. WALANG TAWIRAN. NAKAMAMATAY. kung ako yung nasa bus, maasar ako sa mga taong tumatawid. kitang-kita na nga. binalaan ka na nga. KAMATAYAN na nga ang threat , tigas pa din ng ulo mo. balak mo nga lang talaga siguro magpakamatay ano?

we broke the law. risked our lives. took that chance. admittedly, we have become irresponsible citizens, being the pasaway that we were. there's no excuse to what we've done. we've broken the rules. i'm not the goody-two-shoes kind, and i won't clean my hands either. a crime is a crime. but then again, i realized that a chance gives you that possibility of a yes or a no. 1 or 0. black or white. slightly, there's that maybe. you'll never know what you're gonna get. but then, there's just a time, when you try to STOP and think rationally that it is not always taking chance. not at this point that we risk LIFE.

so yun, we ended up swearing to ourselves that we won't ever travel MOA by public transportation. oh, how i love makati. this is just the place to be.

back... again!

2007-06-10T02:26:00.000+08:00

there's just too many things that happened weeks or even months since i last got hold of myself into writing something spontaneous. not those of the usual, "fixed, please confirm". or those of unrelenting "not reproduce, please close". or of being required to put up an article i cannot start for weeks (due to lack of time, or have been busying myself to work -- so goes my apologetic alibi to the sports committee head). thanks to the ever reliable tobe. worldplay really is the way to go;) we got ourselves printed again in that infamous corporate magazine. hehe.

anyway, there's just too much i have left unwritten since the last one i posted. in fairness to my "busy schedule", i really was swamped. add the fact that i lost my home support pc for two weeks, which is my only portal to this world. it was supposed to be my excuse for getting myself a new laptop, but i suddenly felt that there's no urgency for that gadget-y vanity. hehehe. not yet. i still can manage to keep up with the very slow refresh of this out-of-date, bulky, heavy, slow-paced office-owned tower computer. with all honesty, it would be best to donate this to public schools. more kids would be so much happier if they do. and i'd be happy that they have one, and i'll have a replacement:) everybody happy:)

well, im off to bed for now. i'll be back soon.

GA SE03 EP21 - Desire

2007-05-07T22:57:00.000+08:00

too often the thing you want most, is the one thing you can't have.

desire leaves us heartbroken. it wears us out. desire can wreck your life.

but it's tough as wanting something can be. the people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want.

i hate math!!

2007-05-06T23:37:00.000+08:00

when i was in kinder, i was 1st place in math contest. the picture is very much with me still, having miko (my highschool friend, well since elementary days [classmates gr3 - gr5, all hs yrs except 2nd yr], but let me start counting on 3rd yr... so 9 years to date) stand by the 2nd place box (with his khaki shorts unzipped:P). i can still clearly remember that i was left alone, having all contestants been kicked off the contest hall. hehehe. i wasn't aware of any rule at that, i was just puzzled why i was alone. hahaha. i had fever later that day:P

i have been asked to join math quiz bees since then, but i can only recall winning the first time i joined. i aced math when i was in elementary (maybe because it was just plain adding or subtracting apples). my math teachers favored me (which i never enjoyed).

i have never been the treasurer for the class. we voted for those who have been joining math competitions outside school. or those who almost perfected math exams. i was either elected for secretary, sgt at arms (yeah right!), or even as president (which i didn't want.. ever!).

i sucked at math when i was in highschool. total sucker for trigo and geom, on my 3rd year in highschool. i hated this year, because this was the year i got line of 7's for math. yuck. math. then i hated math. i hated my math teachers as well, because they kept calling me with my sisters' names (they were two under them, so they kept calling me either with my last name, or with two first names). i hated them, because i they're too smart, i couldn't measure up. hahaha. add the fact that we were in a sp*cial section.

when i was in college, well, easy does it --1st and 2nd year was a way to go. 3rd and 4th year was a different story though. i hated my 1st trigo prof because it was a 7am class. and he's late when i'm not. and he isn't when i am. my 2nd trigo prof was a total monkey (not because he's a wise a**hole, but he damn looks like one). i hated him because he had multiple choice for an exam, and didn't accept my answers with erasures (which, i contested that it was not specified in the directions). more so, having a 3.5 grade point average for his class despite his threat to "take him personally". how professional, professor! and oh, i can never forget him wishing me a christmas gift -- to be a good girl. bletch!

i hated math. i hated it much now, that i can't even put up a mental calculation of a simple addition of how much i ate. or how much is the jeepney ride from RP to office for 13 persons? i hate math that i have to compute more or less a hundred shirts i've been trying to cater to my sister (whom i had a bad conversation.. erm, more of a high-pitched argument, just now, which brings me to this). i am pissed off that i have to compute all this stuff for her, which makes me realize then that i do not like to have business doing all the math.

a pop question was asked during our summer getaway. what contest you most hated ever joining? i said, declamation. and your most liked? spelling:P having joined math contest the most in my entire school years.. never really liked them.

I don't drink beer

2007-04-27T00:23:00.000+08:00

Another testimony that this is crap. Or I am crap?:P

You Are Barney

You could have been an intellectual leader...

Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer

You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps

Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."

The Simpsons Personality Test

What mood am I in today?

2007-04-27T00:16:00.000+08:00

For the lack of anything to say.

Though, this blogthings change answers when you answer the quiz with a 30-second gap, it is but a confirmation that today doesn't really mark a good one for me.

Yes, all three!

You Aren't In the Best Of Moods

While you aren't full on depressed, things aren't going your way.

You may be hurt, angry, frustrated... or all three.

Not to worry - you'll be feeling fine in no time.

What Mood Are You In?

CRAP BAG!

quotable quotes

2007-04-08T15:00:00.000+08:00

If you don't have anything good to say, please. Keep your mouth shut.

Ally Mcbeal Stints

2007-04-07T23:40:00.000+08:00

Highschoolish, as Ally Mcbeal series seems to me. It was far more than what I have imagined sympathizing with Calista Flockhart's character. I was not a huge fan though, before. But I do get a hard laugh when she imagines her very self at the back of her head being dumped on a garbage truck. Or even biting her toe. Never fails.

Don't hold on to everything because you might just walk away with nothing.
- Angela

Bygones.
- Fishism

Just don't be condescending.
- Ally

John Cage is too much erratic. I don't like him. Hate is too much of an emotion to someone or something non-existent. Rather, should I say, too fictional to play a role with my emotions.

Hate to say this Ally, but Billy and Georgia really look good together :( Although, Billy is really a good catch.. I would love to think that your 'The One' and not 'The Only' will be right there to catch you. I can't remember much of Robert Downey Jr's character, but I am more thrilled to more men barraging in your office:D

Just as I remembered. Now I know where you got the "designated-sensitive-male" title. It's Billy! Maaaaan, way beyond. Hehehe.

Oh, yes. I second the motion, attorney. I just don't want to be alone:(

benta

2007-04-06T15:56:00.000+08:00

I cannot vividly remember what last year has been. But from what I can barely recall, I was laid back on our lumpy couch watching Star Cinema movies of Aga Muhlach. Now, I can't even seem to finish one movie without being paged. All My Life movie, I had to pass just because of one ring. Arrgghh.

This is terrible. 16 hrs of OT has been very much beneficial to the cost of this company. My movie marathon has been busted, thank you very much.

I hate being on-call!!!

on pet peeves #003

2007-04-02T00:33:00.000+08:00

I just don't know if I am that irritable to put much attention on simple things. But at times, you just can't simply take it.

On questions. How would you feel if somebody asks you a question, and when you do try to give him/her answers, it seems like you never gave any. Like hello? Did I just talk with the hand? Or my answers were blown by and gone with the wind?

Don't ask questions if you really do not want answers. We really don't mind if you don't ask. I would not like to be asked just for the heck or etiquette of asking. Don't even bother.

Just feel free to comment on anything. Bletch!

on baking

2007-04-01T23:20:00.000+08:00

Last saturday, my everdearest nagger mother woke me up 9 o'clock on a crisp summer morning. That is for me to cook lunch. What is? LUNCH. My sister who use to prepare the dish was out for work. My mother will be out as well, going schools all over the city for my youngest sister's transferral. My sister, next to me, is not to be trusted with the kitchen so it's on me (I will be out for a lunchdate with friends, one who will bitch out about med school! haha!). On a side note, I am saddened that my sister's transferring because that's my Alma Mater! For 12 freakin' years!!! I so wanted her to feel that pride I felt when I graduated. And with loyalty, I must say I cannot find any other school that can be far better than my Alma Mater. Hahaha. *digressing.....* Anyway, back to cooking lunch.. I was asked to cook "bulanglang" (for those who don't know, it's a veggie dish -- sabaw na nilagyan ng luya, with matching kalabasa, sitaw, sigarilyas, and fried tilapia. I so love this dish, but I don't know how to cook it!!! I was given directions, put this, put that after this, after that.. But I really dunno what magic spell they recite to make it taste like... FOOD! Hahahaha. After mixing and matching. I still ended up having, erm, nilagang tubig. Or piniritong tubig. What a waste. Hahaha. I dunno how they were able to rectify it (I was out for lunch:P), but I saw that the bowl of soup was there lying on the dining table. Meaning somebody ate it:D

Having said all that crap, I am now convinced that I could've been better in the kitchen if I was a baker:P Hehehe. After watching Stranger than Fiction (which is recommended. Life is short:D), with Maggie Gyllenhall baking cookies, I am inspired to be a baker. Hahaha. Something I can imagine myself doing besides typing and staring blankly at a monitor. Hahaha. FYI, no expertise whatsoever. My only baking attempts are the Macaroons we usually do during Christmas and New Year... which I'm proud to say always sold out:P hahaha. Only (!!!), I forgot the recipe because it's my sister's. Hahaha.

I'm planning to have a session with a colleague who will teach me some "baking skills". More than mixing with a spatula:P do I have a bright future in this? Well, definitely brighter than cooking lunch!

i do know how to cook spaghetti, though:P

Quotable Quotes

2007-03-29T09:38:00.000+08:00

All good things come to an end. Because the best things are yet to come:)

On Setting Goals

2007-03-27T23:22:00.000+08:00

I've watched Rated K the other night and there was this 5-million-peso-richer guy who has a "dream board". He posts all pictures he "wants" or "dreams" or "aims" to have. His "dream board" has a car, a house, countries he wanted to visit.. So cool, that he posted 5-peso bill which he drew 6 zeroes more. And now he proudly says that his bank account figures is somewhat similar to the said "5-peso-bill".

I'm making that one for myself too:D Sabi nya, when you want something you should write them down. Pag nasa-isip mo lang, imagination pa lang. Pag nakasulat, naka-plan na. Hehe.

He said that he still rides the MRT, LRT, jeep or the bus. He has the "luxury" to splurge into normal things.. I wonder after that episode he will still have that luxury without people swarming around him, like a celebrity.

of pet peeves #002

2007-03-27T14:15:00.000+08:00

waiting for the elevator.. people pressing the down button when they are going up.

will it make the elevator go down faster?!?

waiting for a star to fall

2007-03-24T00:14:00.000+08:00

another shooting star!

yey! i had yet again come across the sight of a falling star. or a shooting star. what's their difference anyway? kung pataas siguro, shooting. kung pababa, falling. hehe, hula lang:P. METEORS na nga lang. still i was not able to make a wish. not because it was just too impossible to make a wish instantaneously as it falls across the sky, but i just didn't know what i exactly wanted. i did not want to make a wish that will change another person's mind, thru decisions and actions that will be beneficial to me. (assuming that wishes really come true:)). or something that will be physically impossible to come true. (like me winning the lotto even if i don't bet:P). i was carefully thinking of that "wish" that i certainly want to come true, that will make a remarkable signficance in life.

but i ended up with nothing.

now, what i want to do for my next beach getaway is to spot another meteor. i'll think of a wish now.. i'll be ready for one wish to come true:)

i was wrong

2007-03-20T23:11:00.000+08:00

i suddenly lost it.

just when i thought i was holding into something very precious, i was wrong. i wasn't holding into anything. neither precious. what is value when it is only considered valuable by one alone.

i trust that something will grow fonder with absence. but i was wrong. what is absence if it was never present? just when you thought it was there, it was just pretense after all.

assurance, i thought was something you can hold on to. but the rest is not assured. i was wrong. we can never be assured of anything. sometimes, somethings fall short of security.

for whatever it's worth, i give utmost importance to what i called the gift. i'll keep it for as long as i can. by certain norms, it is irrevocable. but then again, i must be wrong.

Tender Juicy Hotdog

2007-03-17T08:36:00.005+08:00

a real great loss.

it still haven't gotten into my nerves that, finally, he has come to leave us. the last day didn't feel like the last. maybe because there's just this feeling that it won't.

again, we had just lost one of the key persons in our team. i must say the he is really a genius. in all aspects in life. i admire him for his potentials, achievements, capabilities, intellect and most of all his passion for just about everything he does. who would have thought that in such a small built contains a gigantic heart and mind?

to tell you honestly, the first impression wasn't at all impressing. i got hired first. so when he was being toured and introduced to everyone, i thought he was a fresh graduate. he was a bit vertically challenged, and i had the feeling that i was taller than him (but in most cases, men just really seem smaller if i can look at them straight in the eye. and in most cases, i'm wrong:P). he looked like a probinsyano, na parang "bagong luwas ng maynila". hehe. sorry!!! see how judgemental i can be:P i thought of him as a bit shy type and meek. maybe because i never really got around into talking to him for about a month due to trainings. although i was a bit confused why he wasn't attending any. there was just this one training that he attended (i think it was UNIX) and our mentor said "hindi mo na kelangan to e, bakit andito ka pa?!". then, on that day i knew that he is on his late twenty's! i never had the slightest idea that this man has been busting himself to work for nine years! from that day, he became our "kuya" who would let us copy his case study. hehehe...

we became seatmates during our training. knowing me, who has a very short attention span during meetings, he always reminds me to keep focused. "huy makinig ka!". hehe.. eventhough he knows that i don't listen, he still guides me whenever i'm lost:D he still entertains my questions even if he's very concentrated into listening to our blue-nosed trainor. hehe. he's the bibo kid and the favorite student of all our trainors. he's not the pa-bibo kid. he's just that. without even trying..

thru all these years as teammate, i am fully convinced that this man is really a genius.

Carlos/Kaarlo, Carlo for me, has been a great friend and colleague. Within more than two years of seeing each other everyday, I have come to know the man that he is. We never had a hard time getting along with him. Funny, serious at times, joker most of the time, which is why we're having a hard time distinguishing what he is at a certain point in time. hehe. What I have realized from him is that he is a very patient man. He does not waste time and energy thinking of bad thoughts, having bad feelings, but diverts himself into doing something good. I have never seen him or knew of him having ill feelings towards others. He always sees the good side of everything. Positive thinker:P He also has a giving heart. He would give everything he can to help anyone. He is passionate with everything he does. As husband, that he provides everything that his wife needs. As a colleague, that he fulfills and exceeds expectation from his job. As a friend, by simply being there when you need him.

I will surely miss this bibo kid around. I will miss my seatmate during lunch. I will miss one of my south buddies. I will miss his kakulitan. I will miss his quotes. I will miss his stints.. his antics. simple pero malakas ang dating. I will miss his strums in the guitar. I will miss the very few driving-moments of his life. I will miss him. Carlo, cheers to your new found journey. I hope that path leads you to yours and Rona's greatest dreams. I pray that you may be able to fulfill all your plans.. and that you may find more growth, happiness and peace in your new career. I wish you the best of luck, and may God bless you even more. You deserve nothing but the best. Please do keep in touch. I would love to hear from you, more so if the news is about Carlos III. Hehehe. I'll see you around. Kampai!

Emotional Ako Ngayon

2007-03-14T23:46:00.002+08:00

Sabi ni ebot, wag daw ako magdecide kung emotional ako. Eh tuwing mga ganitong panahon, ang dami ko pa namang naiisip. Na hindi ko siguro maiisip ever kung nasa normal na katinuan ako. At baka hindi ko rin sya magawang gawin talaga, as in make the move, you know:P, if I'm guarded with my consciousness. Mas nagiging praning ako pag walang emotions. Hehe weird talaga.

Anyway, maybe there's just a barrage of emotions digging in due to several events coming in.. or going out. Hehe.

I'm sad because..
People just seem to leave like they aren't leaving anyone or anybody behind. Hehe. Bitter lang siguro ako kasi ako di pa nakakaalis. Haha. Crab:P Ang dami na nilang nang-iiwan. Grabe. Pati ang mga little angels namin iwanan na rin kami. Wuhuhuhu. Di nyo ba ako mamimiss???

I'm mad because..
May mga taong sadyang demanding. At mga maiinit ang ulo. Kala ko ako lang yun?!?! Haha joke. Pero nakaasar lang minsan. Kasi OA na. Hay. Yun lang naman. Di naman ako nagagalit masyado, masakit sa ulo:P

I'm sawi because..
Di ako maka-decide para sa sarili ko! Grr. Tanda ko na:( Pero parang bata pa din. I'm sawi kasi hindi ko ma-push sarili ko to go up. Go up to give up, sabi nga ng aking mabuting kaibigan/officemate na nilayasan na rin ako. Tsk. Hehehe. Sawi ako kasi parati nalang ako nag-hihintay. Kahit sang bagay. Dahil ba parati akong late, babawi sila sa ibang bagay sa buhay ko? Lugi!!! Tsaka I'm sawi kasi parating kulang sweldo ko.. Grr! Nagtatrabaho ako ha! Welga na 'to!

I'm happy because..
Though iniwan nila ako, eh I know masaya sila ngayon:) Kaya mas happy ako kaysa sad. Hehehe. Libre nyo nalang ako kasi yaman na kayo. Haha joke. Hehehe. Basta enjoy your new found journey. Wag nyo ko kakalimutan:P Yung isa, big time sa lugar na nde ko alam kung san. Hehe ok yan kasi para sa future at sa growth (kahit na hanggang 20yrs lang yung growth years:P joke) Yung isa, gusto nya talaga yun at dream nya yon, kaya alam ko kahit bigatin yan yakang-yaka pa din! Yung isa naman, hehe, alam ko mahirap pero ok yan. At least lahat ng napag-aralan mo eh ma-apply mo. Hehe. Astig yan, bilib ako sayo:) Idol na rin kita:P

I'm also happy because the people around me are happy as well. Yung isa, masaya kahit nde official ang kanilang relationship. Hehe, go go go! Enjoy ka lang. Kaso be on guard lang. Alam mo na.. Hehehe. Yung isa, masaya kasi official NA! Congrats!! Stay happy and cheers to more years of togetherness sa inyo!:) Pray kayo parati para sa matagal na pagsasama. Yiiheee! Pasalamat ka samin:P wahehe joke! Yung isa naman, dumating yung official nya, kaya masaya sya. Hehe. Yung isa, masaya kasi nag-level up na sya. Woothoo!! Libre mo naman kami! Hahaha. Daming trabaho, pero ok lang yan. At least level up! Hahaha. Para ka nang gasolina, tumataas ang presyo:P Yung isa, masaya din kasi feeling nya na-meet na nya ang kanyang The One. Nice naman. Kahit may problema, hehe, malay mo diba? Malay mo sya na talaga. hehe. Chill ka lang;) Yung isa naman, masaya kasi masaya sya sa bago nyang relasyon. Ayiiiiihiiii. Hehehe. I'm happy for you:) Na-feel ko naman na ok sya at ok kayo kaya ok na rin sakin. Hehehe. Gimik ulit tayo ha, yung libre mo ulit:D Bagong work din eh, kaya ok! Wooohooo!

I'm happy kasi nag-improve na ako. Hindi na ako impulsive buyer. Nakakaipon na ako ng totoo:p At! Maaga na ako pumapasok. Haha, what an achievement.

Above all, I'm happy kasi I'm going places now:) I'm still praying for my ultimate goal to come true:) Sana talaga. Hehehe. Sana rin makahanap na ako ng The One sa career.. at sana ma-meet ko si The ONE soon. Hehe. Wag muna ngayon. Travelling kid pa ako:P

Wag nyo ko masyadong pansinin. The time of the month is just around the corner, which explains spurts or bursts of emotions. Hehe. Anyway, there's just too many reasons to be happy, so why not be just that.. or even more than that?:P

The Lakehouse

2007-03-11T22:14:00.000+08:00

"How do you hold on to someone you've never met?"

I've been pinning myself to watch this movie since last year. I was just able to download a copy last month, and I got to finish watching it just now (in several installments). Hehehe. I finally decided to watch the entire film this weekend.

I am not sure how, or should I say what to react. Maybe because I really didn't get the chance to watch it with someone (hehe, other people's emotions count:P) or in one sitting. Or I had this notion that they made it in silverscreen after the local version of Il Mare came out (Moments of Love (?)). Tsk. Anyway, in general I like the movie. More than the fact that it's Keanu Reeves (waaah!) and Sandra Bullock tandem, the love story was heartful. I love the theme of putting faith into love. Or love into faith. Or loving with faith. Or faithful to love. I am amazed, eventhough cynical to the idea.. or doubtful (then again it's fiction), of them crossing paths. I was teary-eyed being on that part when Kate had that "chance" to really meet Alex thru his brother. And then I came flashing back those events and said to myself "waaahh, it was him!!!" :(( I do not tend to overanalyze movies, (some might have predicted that to happen..) and just wait as the movie rolls and the story unfolds. And when it came to that scene, man, my tears were really on the verge of rolling down my cheeks. The movie was great. I'd love to see this again. In one sitting, this time.. even better with someone (who will cry so I can. Hehe)

I know we'll meet. In time. I trust that the Lord will bring me to you. I am not sure if I've met you or you've met me. Or we could've bumped into each other, or been in a sandbox once upon a time. We may have that "lakehouse" that connects us. Somehow, someday, we will realize that we've just been separated by time. Eventually, our paths will cross and by then we'll know in our hearts that You and Me are our the ONES.

Dig - Incubus

2007-03-10T13:33:00.001+08:00

We all have a weakness
But some of ours are easier to identify.
Look me in the eye
And ask for forgiveness;
We'll make a pact to never speak that word again
Yes you are my friend.
We all have something that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when weakness turns my ego up
I know you'll count on the me from yesterday
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me
Sing this song
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.
We all have a sickness
That cleverly attaches and multiplies
No matter how hard we try.
We all have someone that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when sickness turns my ego up
I know you'll act as a clever medicine.
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me.
Sing this song!
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.
Oh each other....
When everything
Else is gone.

Wrapping up February

2007-03-08T22:31:00.000+08:00

Recap..

this blog just seems like a diary per month. hahaha. events. birthdays. trips. i'm really getting to used to writing down important events. and places i've been. and i'm glad that every month there's something wonderful that happens in my life. woah! i have a life! wooothooo!

Feb 9 - Miko's Birthday!
Feb 10 - 11 - Blue coral at Laiya, San Juan Batangas (with college friends)
Feb 14 - Valentine's Day <3
- Music and Lyrics movie date (with officemates, Pearl and Jek)
Feb 15 - Dinner at National Sports Grill (Wa and Den's birthday bash!)
Feb 16 - Manong's Birthday
-She's Birthday! (Dencio's Lunchout and A Veneto and Ghost Rider Nightout!)
Feb 21 - 23 - Palawan Getaway!!! (with OOCL peeps)
Feb 24 - Joanna's Birthday!
Feb 27 - She's birthday bash with TMB at Italianni's

february came in a jiffy. it was just three days short with january, but it seemed like the days have been whipped out of the calendar.. so fast, that my calendar still shows the month of feb. hahaha.

march is starting to roll... looking forward to better days. it's summer time, baby! enjoy the heat of the sun!

U2 inspired

2007-03-06T22:21:00.000+08:00

sometimes you can't make it on your own...

LSS.. tough. you think you've got the stuff?

i've been wondering if people around my cube has been pestered with my "singing" voice. hehehe. when you're at your headphones, you can barely hear anything from the background and feel like you're all by yourself, having the entire floor as your studio to sing at the top of your lungs. hehehe. well, i've been asking my ever reliable neighbor if he hears me. i am not sure if he's just too busy with work that everything else passes out and as if he builds his own little world in his territorial cube. or maybe, he's just too kind -- enough not to embarass me if he said that he's been hearing creaking or croaking voice once in a while.

i've been a huge fan of bono (well U2 for that matter) ever since time immemorial. well, exagg. hehe. but really, their songs speak far from just a simple emotion. feelings. more of joy than happiness. more of grief than sadness. more of high than just plain excitement. of course, the realization just came kicking in just then.. when i got the bang in the head that -- oh, i know how to read between the lines now.

last song syndrome. sometimes you can't make it on your own. every so often, we project a facade -- of indelible strength, of sheer apathy/indifference, or of perceived happiness. we put up a front to cover up a flaw. however, in time, the wall that we built for shield will start crumbling down and peeking into the crack where the true facet lies. then, we catch ourselves staring blankly, as if the crime we have committed has been disclosed. there's no turning back. we're screwed.

and now we do not have anything else left to do.. not to be on our defenses, but rather be admitting of the crime. that we are fully incapable of testifying for our pretenses. there's no escape. everything has been divulged. the prisoners of feign are awaiting their mates.

why do we put up such a deceiving front? well in fact, we know that in time, that front will just break, as rocks crumble as they are weathered in time. then we just find ourselves pathetically unguarded. unshielded. out of defenses. most of all.. guilty.

When you wish upon a star

2007-02-11T21:10:00.000+08:00

I cannot remember the last time I had been under the canopy of a myriad of stars.. But last night was a sight to see. I had a panoramic view of the sky.. unscathed of any impediment in the horizon.. clear, despite the darkness of the nightfall.

More than the fact that I was amazed of the gazillion stars twinkling, the sky stunned me yet again with a blink-of-an-eye-appearance of a shooting star! In my twenty-three years, it was the first time I came across this heavenly body. No, I wasn't able to make a wish. I was so stunned.. then one minute I came telling everybody of the shooting star I saw. I forgot about the wish. I came waiting for another, but to no avail.. My eyes were drooping to take another chance.

The moon was also a stunner. The half-moon, lined with a red shade, hued with a bit of sepia.. It looked a bit sad. It was not with the stars, as if making its own time to shine.

It amazes me to see these so clear, that I do not have to take a flight up to the penthouse.. or to be impossibly in a city without an edifice to hinder me in enjoying the view.

february na!

2007-02-01T23:34:00.000+08:00

so fast. january's thirty one days had come to pass.

looking back, as 2006 came to an end, there were a lot of happenings that closed the year with a blast. three outreach activities (book drive, med mission, christmas party for special kids), road trip to tagaytay, six christmas parties (iwa, opi, isd, newbies, kubo, family), four exchange gifts (isd, iwa, newbies, family), first-timers-listings adding up (fort -- brazil, krispy kreme), thousands of photographs. there's just too much with the last quarter of last year that made me realize that the year i had was marvelous.. which made me look forward to another year of more joy and happiness.

leading me to 2007, which came with a good start. refreshed with a positive mindset, with goals to achieve, with plans to put in action, and with a renewed spirit to boost. january has come to pass, and i am proud to say that i have come to put things into perspective.

- an extraordinary experience at pyrolympics (parang may stampede!)
- wall climbing (and dinner and coffee at power!:))
- deja vu (good movie to start the year!)
- EK (jode's first time, our nth time;))
- birthdays (january celebrants, thanks!!)
- badminton (physical activities on the go!!)

february, here i come!

**i've just realized lately that i have a multiply account. which i haven't used for a year, or two. i was sticking with my photobucket account (which i thought was already great because of its 1G size). but i was surprised that multiply doesn't have limits.

**i realized also that the old version of blogger is really history. i think they're pushing their users to switch to beta. i don't have a google account!

coincidence?

2007-01-21T23:08:00.000+08:00

for the entire first month of 2007, i have been just slacking off my butt, pretending to be busy (which requires hardwork, really:P). my brain is totally dysfunctional for any "intellectual" productive work, but for physical and recreational activities. hehehe. i've been in constant record for tardiness and i have no excuse. i plead that my brain cells are sluggishly recuperating from the holidays.

i have yet to put something worth-posting, regarding my past activites for this month and alot of momentous events for the last quarter of 2006. as i have pledged to myself, and to the rest of the world (hehe), that i will become a DOER now, this month has been productive -- for the other side of my life:D maybe that explains it (my other half on downtime:P). in any case, i have yet to share something. due to indolence (in work, and in this blog as well), i have been running through my archives and discovered (!!!) that some things do happen on the 25th of july. well, technically, 24th this year. yc, taft, tmb. our first official meeting. that same night, or midnight, i dunno what time it was, where we called ourselves to slavery of "librehan". haha.

i shouldn't be paying much attention to this. but, i was just amazed on how things have come into place.

Madrama

2006-11-27T00:11:00.000+08:00

I do not know how to thank these people, more than enough for the great things that they have done... for me, and for the rest of the group as well. They are more than just movie buddies.. and libre buddies.. and taga-hatid buddies. My fellow freedom-day-ers. They are far more than that. In a few months time, I must say, we have established a genuine kind of friendship. That what only we know is to keep each other's company, and even if it's beyond their control, we still hope the happiness of one another.

These guys might have this sour, gooey, eye-brow-raising look on their faces now as they read on this mushy post I have been trying to decently put up, but hey, I might not be able to thank you again for everything. There's nothing biggie with yesterday, but man, you have just proven to me that you guys really just know how to make a person happy. Even if I have been moping by the passenger seat, and started to break into tears, with a breaking voice telling not to push with it.. still you drove. Even if I have yelled at you not to call my mom, still you did-- in the hopes that she still remembers you (my mom has a poor memory remembering people, i'm glad she does remember). For being persistent in asking if I really wanted to go, even if I have been insisting that I really didn't want to. For still asking me if I was okay, even if you knew that I really wouldn't tell (not until I started sniffing and broke into tears). And even if I was in tears and you were laughing on how I sounded when I spoke, I didn't get mad because I was happy. I was happy because I knew you weren't laughing because I was crying, you were laughing because you knew I really wanted to come despite may utter reluctance.

I must say that my stay here at our "beloved" corporate world wouldn't have been the same without you, all. Despite the short-time we have started to build this group, I believe that the moments we have shared together outweighs the "how long" we have been together. It now saddens me that someone had to leave the world we have called our home, from where it all started. But there is no goodbye, isn't it? I know that all of us will be happy for the decisions that anyone would take.. So goes the hope that each of us may achieve all of our dreams.

I really am glad and grateful and super blessed to have you guys. I hope that, in time that we may decide to go forth and pursue different paths, I wish we still keep each other's company.. just the same as we are now. *HUGS*

Start of Something New

2006-11-26T23:36:00.000+08:00

So I put this up. I was having a hard time figuring out how the drop-pull works. Still I dunno how, but manage to cut and paste them, without even trying to read thru the code. I am starting to hate reading codes now. Harharhar.

Anyway, I was really feeling a little shallow for the past few days and I can't seem to get myself to writing a decent one, due to *ahem* stress and a mix-and-match of emotional and physical (esp health) ordeals I had been gruelling with. More than the fact that this blog has been totally forsaken for the entire month (actually I was planning of shutting this down, due to dull, non-sense and abhorred posts), I am starting to lose my wits on writing (perse) decently. Even in e-mails (technical sort of stuff). And short conservations over communicator.

I can't write. My hands are scribbling a grade-schoolish handwriting now. I am typing non-sense, staring blankly on the monitor how I put up words that can't seem to tell what I had been meaning to say. Man, this is crazy.. Calling earth to 'K'.

OktoberFest, OktoberPest

2006-11-01T00:06:00.000+08:00

This month, as always, has been jampacked with activities, events, gatherings and what-have-you's to be celebrated or be utterly grieving for.

Oct 1
Started with the cough, sniffles symptoms. Already started feeling heavy.
Oct 2 - 9
Whole wk + 1 day SL. What a way to start the month.
Oct 6 - 9
4 days in bed at Asian Hospital. *Bletch*
Oct 3
Betz's Birthday
Oct 4
DJ's, Monzie's and My Freedom Day.
Oct 5
Pam's Birthday
Oct 7 -8
The Tagaytay, which I should've been there. But because I was in the hospital with two bags hanging beside my bed, that couldn't be just possible.
Oct 10
Back to work (augh). Lunchout -- Betz's birthday celebration at YC
Our celeb of Freedom (with DJ) Day (c/o TMB:))
Oct 11
Marga's Freedom Day and celeb too!
Till I Met You (para kay Jode:P kahit di ako Kapuso!!!)
Oct 12
My Happy Day!
Lunchout at WC. Dinner at Chili's
Oct 13
Friday the 13th (hehe la lang!)
Dinner at GB3 with Pearl and Buds; Max Brenner
Oct 14
Dinner @ home, family affair: bday celeb. Everybody's there!
Oct18
TMB Movie (with Betz): The Departed @GB3 c/o DJ:)
Dinner at Fuzion with MM and Betz !
Oct 20
IRIS2-WEB "Oktoberfest"
Kaye, DJ, Betz, Marga, Carlo's freedom day and birthday party celebration. With the controversial cake.. I mean cakes:D and the camaroons. Hehehe!
Went to Jiv's Q-Grill (ayoko na pumunta ng Ortigas!! Swear!!)
Oct 21
Dinner @ Dencio's, family affair: Mama and Papa's wedding anniv. Everybody's there!
Monch's birthday
Oct 22
Ofc sleepover for Rel12.0
Grey's season3 marathon of ep1-4
Earthquake >!<
Oct 23
Super buggy Rel12.0 (successful daw.. daw!!!)
No sleep!
Caffeine not working!
Oct 24
Ramadan. Holiday.
TMB Big Timers @ ATC. The Banquet (departed chinese version:P). Timezone. Winning 73 tickets at Super Trivia!! Smiley Badge! Glow-in-the-dark animals. Hula Hula. NeoPrints. 6 shots!
Oct 26
Sabon to the max. :((
Oct 27
Roughly 12 hrs per day this week. How's that for a successful release?!?
Oct 29
She's Freedom Day
Oct 30
She's celeb of Freedom day, with the half choco strawberry mousse cake:$
Oct 31
What a way to end the wk with a dose of bad news.. tons of baaaad newwwwsssss.... Hay:(

Man, this is too much for a month. I am super stressed. I am super tired. I want super breakfast joys that doesn't last until 10am (as opposed to the 11am cutoff!). I am super duper used! My body has been dragged thru ditches and rough roads. I need a super duper break!

2006-10-29T14:10:00.000+08:00

It doesn't take a person long enough to know who I really am. As they say, I am a transparent person. What you see, is what you get. My eyes, big as they are, truly are the windows to my soul. No, they don't have curtains to conceal a bit of emotion. People close enough, won't just have a peek, but a full view of how I am feeling right then and there.

It doesn't take a genius to know that I'm mad.. happy.. sad.. frustrated. excited.. disappointed.. flattered.. shy.. blushing.. in the wanna-go-home mood.. have-to-sleep mode.. don't-want-another-shot-of-joke-on-me silent mode. don't-need-another-prodding-or-else-i'll-hit-you-in-the-back mode. init-ulo-don't-mess-with-me mode. Hahaha. Being emotional (and moody that is) that I am, man, I am not sure how my friends are able to deal with that. But you wouldn't believe that, some of them were exactly the opposite of how I was before.

Introvert? Cry baby? Yes, I WAS all of those.

Happy Day!

2006-10-22T22:33:00.000+08:00

Pictures that sailed a thousand words:D (kahit na halos lahat si mark.. hmp, celebrant?)

Happy!

2006-10-12T23:33:00.000+08:00

Hay:)

I'm back. I'm alive.. and kicking. Parang ang tagal ko talagang nawala noh? Parang ang tagal na sobrang boring ng buhay. Well, hindi naman ako nagrereklamo. Hindi naman din ako suicidal pa. Pero kulang lang sa excitement, sa fun, sa "life".. It has been a drought. Life has been bland. Tasteless. Lifeless. Tragic for a while. Boring the next. Super boring before before that. I haven't had a "blast" for some time now. The hospital, the boring-everyday-work, the excruciating everyday route. Man, it was as if I was deprived of joy for a long time now. The hospital and the boring work seemed to consume all the fun in me.

Anyway, I had a blast today:) Thanks to all who made today the day where I regained my JOY:) I am catching up... I don't want to be left stranded in the abyss of boredom.. of the lifeless, and ordinary.

Cheers to life!!! Live life to the fullest!!!!

Nostalgia (Jem - Flying High)

2006-09-21T23:23:00.000+08:00

The past seems to be as good as brand new.

You can't know, oh no
You can't know
How much I think about you, no
It's making my head spin
Looking at you
And you are looking at me
And we both know what we want
Hmmm, so close to giving in

Feel so nice
Oh yeah you feel so nice
Wish I could spend the night
But I can't pay the price
Oh no, no

But I'm flying so high
High off the ground
When you're around
And I can feel your high
Rocking me inside
It's too much to hide

I know, oh yes
I know that we can't
Be together
But, I just like to dream
It's so strange
The way our paths have crossed
How we were brought together
Hmmm, it's written in the stars it seems
Feel so nice
Oh yeah you feel so nice
I'd love to spend the night
But I can't pay the price
Oh no, no

And I'm flying so high
High off the ground
When you're around
And I can feel your high
Touching me inside
And it's too much to hide

Back to earth
Where did you take me to
I know there's no such thing
As painless love
Well it'll catch us up
And we can never win
But ohhh
I feel so alive
Ohhh
Just wanna hold you
Hold you so tight

And I'm flying so high
High off the ground
When you're around
And I can feel your high
Touching me inside
And it's too much to hide
And I'm flying so high
High off the ground
When you're around

Sweetness, just like in the movies

2006-09-03T00:20:00.000+08:00

The sweetest things in life are free.

I have been dying to give a spiel of the sugarly, ant-infested, most remembered moments one could ever imagine crossing into. That each tick of the clock seems to hasten simulateneoulsy with the beating of your heart.. just like in the movies.

I love Adam Sandler. He is just too endearing and charming that even if he isn't that much good-looking (yeah, he's just cute.. but he is appealing!), he really could make a woman be swept off her feet. And how would a guy can really sweep off her feet? He just have to do the sweetest things. Really? Yeah. Certainly, they just have to. I do not have much expertise on these, or experience, or license to publish these, but here are just a few I may be making up. Or could've picked somewhere, from someone, at sometime. Just like in the movies..

1. even if they say flowers are impractical, they're sweet. they'll love it. they feel beautiful holding a bouquet or even a one-stemmed flower.
2. touch is the closest and the most subtle way towards intimacy. an embrace to congratulate. a hug to comfort. squeezing her hands to make her feel secure that you'll be with her, in her worst times. a tap in the head.
3. gentle men are understandbly rare and acceptable that being that is not an innate. however if they open doors, or give up a seat, or walk on the right side when crossing streets, are totally a plus.
4. a man who picks and drives her home by the doorstep is an effort. even if he drives 5 minutes or an hour. it is well-appreciated.
5. a snail mail. that despite the advancement of technology, going back to the basics is always better.
6. a call in the wee hours of the morning. i dare say it is something sweet because guys don't really like too much talking. the effort of listening is even far wayyyyy worth commending. i believe, in recent statistics, that men really have a short attention span.
7. remember dates. 'nuff said:P
8. singing. even if his vocal chords doesn't permit it. hehehe. that's why Adam Sandler is just too endearing:)
9. a surprise! they just love surprises. and girls are too damn good smelling a cooking surprise. hahaha. so for them to be surprised is a hard-earned work.
10. and more importantly, it all boils down to effort. an "A" for effort.

i say that they are sweet. it may or may not mean more than anything. but hey, girls just twitch with a little smile on their face:) with or without meaning more than anything. just like in the movies.

To be or not to be

2006-09-02T22:39:00.000+08:00

I am a masochist. But I am not a masochist for nothing.

I am a slave for work. My body has been complaining for a heavy baggage curving my back. But my head is suffering from a frequent migraine (I stand corrected for my last post. It wasn't occasional) due to lame afternoons spent playing a couch potato. I have been overworking my brain. For 24 hours, it has been doing its job. And that doesn't plainly mean a physiological or neurological norm. "Work" has been penetrating even in my dreams. However, in due lightness of this neurological activity, I get answers and solutions amazingly over my subconsciousness. Then I am able to provide answers. I feel smart. I feel accomplished. I feel fulfilled. I feel I have done so much, that "so much" today means so little tomorrow. That the bar just rises the more I accomplish. Which is good for my career and my morale. AND which is bad for my health and my social life.

I am a slave to love. And that explains why I am this long unattached. I worship the ideal. But I am the master of the real. My brain has been battling with my heart over a period of time, and to date, I have not actually declared which won and which actually raised the white flag. As of the moment, I am arguing with reasons even if, in fact, there is no, none, not a single reason to explain the ineffable joy of being "in love".

Am I really that pyschotic to subject myself into so much pain? That things could have come that easy and simple if I could've been not a masochist? Or would I have been a saddist instead?! A genuine masochist would know. There's just too much in pain that glory can be so much embraced.

Revel in the sweetness of masochism.

Where my migraine takes me

2006-08-26T23:48:00.000+08:00

I was having a mild attack of my occasional migraine. For a moment, I hesitated to take that pill to kill the pain. I was trying to locate where the throbbing comes from, but my entire head started to feel a little numb.. Then I felt a drilling pain somewhere around the temple area.. then at the back of my head. I am beginning to feel nauseous more nauseous that I couldn't bear it any longer. So I took the drug and laid my head to rest. I am now a slave of my migraine.

Through these times that I am having some cranial disorder (I seriously do not hope it would get any worse), I usually find myself completely caught up in a state of unconsciousness. My imagination starts to wander -- to a possible future, a regretful past, a recurring past, a distant past, a disturbing present, a sweet present, the wanted present, a wishful future, a dreaded future, a promising future. My mind brings me to places as though I have been warped in a time zone or immovable from time.

Tonight, as I drugged myself to an inevitable pain I get when I have been doing nothing (my body is now allergic to lame afternoons), I have wandered aimlessly into the world of pure imagination. When I am physically immobile due to an almost suicidal pain, my head has been busting itself, roaming around, carrying in itself in what seems to me as a time capsule... Incidentally, the medication seems to have metaphorically done its job.

SWAMPED!

2006-08-23T23:20:00.000+08:00

The word doesn't seem something new.. But the bold, striking letters of S-W-A-M-P-E-D gets as heavy as the black ink. Our work shouldn't be strangers with this word, but, maaaan, I have to say this time it really is a pain in the.. BACK. Hehehe.

We haven't been dilly-dally-ing or spending our eyes rolling over e-mails from the inquisitive idiots. Or roaming around like supervisors watching other people do the works. I haven't been. I have been panting all-over my cube trying to get things done, but my e-mail never ceased to increment with unread messages, red-flagged, and a running number of tickets, the change request, the enhancement, too many follow-ups, the "im-getting-tired-of-the-pend" (as if we can do something about it) and all that crap. I've been talking to a lot of people from other teams, and I haven't given them a decent reply. I am most of the time lost for words (that I can't seem to pick the appropriate terms for a simple conversation!). My brain cells are dying:'(

My body is deteriorating slowly. My eyes have been sore for the past few weeks, itching most of the time.. My back really hurts. I have a slight stiff neck. I have a mild soar throat. My wrists and my thumb have been complaining from my typing. I have intermittent cough and colds. I have problems waking up early, let me rephrase that. My problems with waking up early has gotten WORSE!! I think I am having a poor sense of hearing nowadays. AND I DO HAVE A LOT OF PIMPLES!!!!

Daym, I AM BUSY and I AM SICK!

Friends - as they are

2006-08-13T19:03:00.000+08:00

I picked a fight some months ago. No, it was not much of a childish fight or a brawl for that matter. It was a tensioned conversation which led that person into telling me that I am far-off okay and that it's not a big deal if we're not friends with each other because I have a lot anyway. So when did having a lot of friends become a reason for losing one?

Anyway, this person is still a friend of mine. Hehe. Although, things have started to be a little feeling off this time, we're friends. We talk, but not often, now. Okay, digressing.. My point now is people see me with an amiable persona. I can easily be at ease with people (well, not all... that depends on the other person) and I don't have much problems getting to know more people and them getting to know me. I am not saying that I do not have enemies. Maybe I do have, but that I do not know. Coincidentally, there was one weird lady who came knocking on the gate and asking if she could have a short conversation regarding her some sort of Catholic mission. She was telling me some things that I didn't pay attention because she was a total stranger. She was asking me things, that out of respect, I answered with minimal information divulging. Anyway, when she was about to leave, she asked whether I was working or studying. She told me that I should be careful with my working environment because there are some people that are against me. And where did that come from? I did not entertain that idea, besides the fact that she is a stranger and I do not believe in HULA (she was claming that she was a MANGHUHULA as well). Erm, okay, so I did entertain that subconsciously. It made me think after a while, but nonetheless I just dismissed the idea because if ever there was anybody who have issues with me then I don't give a damn. Just as long as I am going along well with these people that I work with, and I know I am not a bad person (am I? speak up! hahaha!), then it is nothing. My real friends will bluntly tell me if they are not good with me. Unless somebody tells otherwise?

So again where am I? Of friends. I have a lot of friends. Really. I am not bragging (they say the fact that I did say it, it is actually bragging. So I am bragging but not in an arrogant way, but in a proud way because they are my friends:)). I have friends back in HS that I am still seeing every-so-often, if not everyday in YM (hehe). I have known them since I was in pre-school and have been friends, as in really friends with them for eight years now. We go out on weekends, watch a movie, hang-out, go to the beach, celebrate christmas parties, birthdays, been on the worst days, crying days, happy days, falling apart days, phone calls, conferences, videoke nights. Oh man, we've been thru alot. Next to family, they are the closest to me. They just made me feel what the cheesy catch phrase Friends Forever mean. Seriously. And we are looking forward to the next event of our lives. Weddings. Who gets to marry first?:P

I have a friend, Bom, whom I've spent the same school for 12 years, but just got been really close when we were in 2nd year highschool. We belong to a different set of barkada, but we never lost the closeness of our friendship. We do not see each other often (uhm, like once a year?:P) but when we do, it is as if we've been seeing each other everyday. She's always present on my birthday (well except for last year I think. So she spent 7 birthdays with me:))There's just so much to tell. So many stories to share. We never ran out of things to say and so much to catch up. Maybe that's what keeps us being really good good friends. We're like sisters. Hehehe. She never gets tired of listening even if I talk about the same person after two years:P And so is she. I never get tired of listening to her stories with the same person for nine years as well. Hahaha:P So call it quits. Harharhar! We just love talking:P

And my college friends. There are since-first-year-college friends. And the since-third-year-college-friends. And the college-friends-turned-officmates friends. Hehehe. College was a different thing. A bit more serious, but more fun and exciting and adventurous. There's more in everything. More baon:D, more professors, more subjects, more overnights, more problems, more friends, more gimiks, more experiences, more problems.. MORE OF EVERYTHING! College has really wrapped it up with our THESIS. Thesis was the culminating activity. But it was as if those days were the true college days. It encompassed what college means to me. All the stress, tears, pain, sacrificies, fun, fun and fun!!! And now that were not in college anymore, we still have our tagaytay trips. And our occasional dinner-outs.

And the final set of friends that I have gained, to date, are those which I have spent the worst times at work, the best times at work (there is?! seriously?!).. my movie buddies. my bora buddies. my friday dinner-out buddies. my ever-reliable taz-trans companion:P my teammates. my college-friends-turned-officmates friends which are there on trying, crying, and rejoicing times:) my ex-officemates-turned ym buddies. my jologs-movie buddies. my breakfast buddies. my blog buddies. my batch2004 buddies. These buddies coincide with other buddies, meaning that every person may be in other buddies list:P They can be in all. Hehehe.

And so I do have a lot of friends, don't I? They say that there's also the downside part of it. I am not talking about it. Heck the reasons to the negative side of it. I love them. I love you all. And even if I have alot, I do not wish losing any one of you. Not even a single soul.

Season Ender

2006-08-13T14:15:00.000+08:00

Finally, I finished watching Grey's Anatomy Season 2. I actually felt bad that I am so done with the late nights, two-episodes-per-night sessions for one week. I am not going to divulge an iota of any episode that I have watched (even if I am so in to letting it all out, with all my favorites). But here's another dose of them (the last for that matter):

a wise man once said you can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it. what he meant is, nothing comes without a price. so before you go into battle, you better decide how much you are willing to lose. too often, going after what feels good, means letting go of what you know is right.and letting someone in, means abandoning the walls you spent your lifetime building. of course, the toughest sacrifice is the one we don't see coming. when we don't have time to come up with a strategy to pick a side or to measure the potential loss, when that happens -- when the battle choses us and not the other way around, then that's when the sacrifice can turn out more than we can bear.

I will miss George O'mally the most. He's funny and comical in a sense that he is really one iconic figure in that series. I will miss his antics and his i-don't-want-to-talk-about-and-don't-let-me-tell-it-to-you character (even if nobody asks him to tell it). I will miss the rest of the surgery team: Isobel "Izzie" Stevens (and her blond character), Cristina Yang (her awkwardly, sleepy looking like eyes), Preston (uhm, his apartment?), Richard Webber (with his not so likeable superior position. [I don't like him, really]), Addison Montgomery-Shepherd (her goal to win Derek back), Miranda Bailey (the NAZI! wooohoo! didn't like her at at first, but she's one tough character), Alex Karev (although he's really a bad ass, he tells the truth and very straightforward), Meredith Grey (with her end-of-episode-dose-of-quotable-quotes, and her flawed character. Quite interesting for the BIDA to be flawed). And the McMen.. bwahaha. McDreamy (Derek, his deep set eyes -- full of emotions), McSteamy (Mark, his cutesy smile) and McVet (Finn, his charming character, and cooking skills). If I were Meredith, I would be slack-jawed if these three line up in front of me. But I'd still go for McDreamy. Hehehehe.

I so so so love this show. Seriously?! Seriously.

http://abc.go.com/primetime/greysanatomy/index.html

More episodes of my Grey's Anatomy addiction

2006-08-12T00:22:00.000+08:00

I love McDreamy now. Really. But, daym. I can't blame Addison for falling for McSteamy. Whew. Harharhar. And and and, the vet! the vet!! I am rooting for the next episode. I wish I could see him more:) His smile's cute. Hihihi:"> But still! GO FOR MCDREAMY!!!!!

superstition lies in the space between what we can control and what we can't.

life is not a spectator's sport. win, lose or draw, the game is in progress. whether we want it to be or not. it's not about winning, it's how you play the game.

Carpe Diem!

2006-08-07T23:17:00.000+08:00

And so I did name my blog after this adage.

I am rooting for a wonderful week. Although, I haven't really jump-started this week with a punctual time-in, I am still hoping for the better days. I am trying to finish the entire Season 2 of Grey's Anatomy. I will be finishing The Zahir, which I have completely forgotten where I left off (would you believe I brought this book with me to Boracay in the hopes I'd be able to finish a good book by the beach. Hohummmmm). And the next will be The Faithful Gardener, which I returned to Ms. A but she gave it back to me since I didn't read it. Hehehe. I will be starting the procrastinated automation process of a task (which hopefully I get done within this week, because I am lined up with a bigger task the following wk!) which I have to work with another team, so I hope things will really get done as scheduled. I will play badminton again, due to lack of physical activity. FYI, I just gave up the free gym offer, so I am walking lame again. And I'll be spending most of the time doing things I would and should do before time runs out. No, I am not counting down, and I am not planning to. But as what the title of this entry tells me so, I should seize the day. Make the most out of each chance I get. Only comes once. Scream at the top of our lungs.. Carpe Diem!! Seize the Day. Live life to the fullest.

More from Grey's:
Who gets to determine when the old ends, and the new begins? It's not a day in the calendar. Not a birthday... not a New Year. It's an event, big or small, something that changes us. Ideally, it gives us hope. A new way of living and looking at the world; letting go of old habits, old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. But it's also important to remember that amid all the crap, there are few things that are really worth holding on to.

Sometimes you get what you want in life. Sometimes you don't. And sometimes you get somethings in between.

If everything turns out really well, God, I feel so blessed than ever:)

Two-timing

2006-08-06T23:48:00.000+08:00

When I was eight, I was asked what do I want to be when I grow up. I said "I want to be a doctor". I dunno why I had that notion. I haven't been in admitted or hospitalized for some reasons that I would have a good encounter with doctors. To even know how they were really "working". The only vivid memory I can recall of me talking with Dra. Medina (our family physician) was when I had allergies all over my body due to SHRIMPS. I do not remember how old I was then, but I can very much recall what happened when I first discovered that I was having allergies because of seafood (those with shells, most especially). And oh, one more, when I was even younger (4 or 5? Do I have a valid memory retention by then?), when she gave me a lollipop with a long stick. Hehehe. Twice the length of a normal lollipop, but the candy part has the same size. I do not remember what was I doing then, or if I was really the one being checked up. (I did remember this because I have a picture of me hanging by one of the walls here at home:D my cutest picture... err kid picture that is:P wasn't a baby then anymore)

Anyway, what brings me to this is me having to watch for five hours of Grey's Anatomy. I don't know why I had that notion of being a doctor. Because now, having to watch surgery after surgery in this series makes me realize that I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO BE A DOCTOR. A surgeon that is. No offense to my med friends (they'll kill me when they get to read this!). I know you guys really want to be doctors, but with my personality, I do not want the pressure of emergency rooms. I have had immediate cases for work, and everybody knows that I have not learned the art of dealing with pressure. More so, I do not want making mistakes. What scares me the most is that when treating people, there's no room for mistakes. One mistake might lead to DEATH. Which I do not want coming across with. One thing that struck me most with Dr. Bailey (though I do not like her much), is that when she said that her husband makes a lot of mistakes in work. But it doesn't kill anybody. Doctors try as much to put remedy in any ailment a patient may have. But once you "killed" someone, you just have to get on with it. Just like Mr. A-Z says "the remedy is the experience. it is a dangerous liaison".

Of course, I do not discount the fact that it is an exhilirating feeling having to save another person's life. Giving another chance for that person to live. Nobody, than God, can give that gift of life. However, if you're given a chance to prolong that gift, man, it is beyond imaginable.

Most of the time, I am really the pessimist. However, I become the optimist when everything's turning negative on me. The biggest irony in me is that when things are getting the worse of the worst, then I suddenly shift to being the Positive Thinker. Harharhar. I am the biggest contradiction, contradicting my own, my very self.

I have been a two-timer for the past two hours:p Been shifting from watching BEP concert (which I was dying to see, but didn't have the time to really push on grabbing someone to tag along with. More so to take me home after:P) and the last episode I have targeted myself to finish in between commercial breaks. Now I'm watching BEP singing Let's Get It Started (Retarded, originally) but I am posting some quotes I jotted down from Grey's. Hehehe. How's that for multitasking:P

Dose 1:
some things we just don't want to hear. and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. somethings are more than what you say. they're what you do. somethings you say because there's no other choice. some things you keep to yourself. and not too often, let -- every now and then - some things simply speak for themselves.

Dose2:
love, like life is about making choices. fate has nothing to do with it. and that sometimes despite all your best choices and best intentions, fate wins anyway.

And here's a horoscope a fellow libran posted for me. How's this to proliferate my brain with jam-packed action? Hahaha. Who said to believe this anyway?
Do you want this person to stick around for the next phase of the journey or not? Now would be a great time to stop and inquire about their feelings regarding your next steps. It's better to be safe than sorry.

Bora Part 2

2006-08-03T23:14:00.000+08:00

I am slowly having a degrading memory retention lately. Before I completely have my BORA memories be housekept and be blown down the drain, here's the next batch of memory-cast.

Day3. Henna and Braids.
Buffet breakfast at The Boracay Regency (courtesy of Estre:D). Sleep. Lunch at Paluto (d' talipapa). Braids!! Henna!! Bora sun! MAMANG!!! Hehehe. Foodtrip at Jammers, hotdog, isaw, barbeque. Migraine attack!

Today should have been the Food trip day. I dunno what happened why we ended up having braids and henna instead. Hehehe. Well, can consider it food trip day since we had buffet breakfast at Boracay Regency. Food was great! I remember eating the same food (I mean same menu:P) 4 years ago, but still A-OK! Thanks Estre!!! Oh, we were supposed to eat breakfast at Le Soleil only to find out that they moved to Regency and sat outside so they can flag us that they've moved. Both Lheng and Estre had their cellphones down. Hehehe. Then we spent lunch at 'D Talipapa at namalengke kami nila Jun, Elsa and She. Hehehe. Had shrimps (na nde kami pwede ni DJ), tahong (na nde ako pwede), squid (na nde pwede si DJ), and fish (NA PWEDE KAMING LAHAT:P). Although, waiting has been boring and too long (we took pictures instead!!!) the food was great:D and cheap!!! Swak sa budget!! Hahahaha! After a sumptuous lunch, we passed by this Henna kiosk so we had our flesh dabbed with ink. Hehehe. P80 worth of henna drawn on my ankle and a free BORA SUN (tatak ng 3G!). Then the lady who does the braid is just across the henna kiosk, so the braid and henna works simulateneously. Hehehe. Although I wasn't able to keep it up for more than a day, I had to let it loose because of my unpredictable migraine. So as DJ so we had to entangle half of the braids. Hehehe. Oh, and MAMANG!!! She was a balikbayan who came back for 3 wks. She was a real cool mom coz she wanted to have braids despite of her short hair! As in super short ha, bobcut style! Hahahaha!

Day 4. Last Whole Day
Supposedly sun-bathing morning. Photo-op in front of Boracay Regency. ATV!!! Lunch at Jonah's. The shake! The crepes! Shopping! Last beach swimming. 'Exotic' Dinner at Mongolian. The rain.

It was a cloudy day. Went out early in the morning to enjoy the sun, however seemed like it hid beyond the clouds. We went to Boracay Regency instead (where there were benches and sun-bathing seats) to lie down and had our pictures taken. Hehehe! Pictures galore!!! Met Jun and Elsa 10am for our ATV! All Terrain Vehicle. Waaaaaayyyy tooooooo coooooooool!!!! Ditch ride. The dirt road. Reaching the highest point in Boracay (well besides riding the Parasail!!) Mt. Luho. It's nice to be here! Hehehe. Waaah I wish I could post the pictures already! Hehehe. That one hour mountain trip (or land tour, as Manong Oliver says..:P) was a highlight as well!! Waaaah! Adrenalin rush! I can feel the continuous pump of blood all over my body when I press the gas even harder. After the 1 hr tour, my hands were still shaking. I was still feeling the physical activity has consumed me entirely. Hahaha. Then a great meal at Jonah's where the most famous shake can be found. Hahaha. And the crepe was great! Wooohooo! We went to the grotto, paid visit to Mama Mary and prayed. Then went shopping for pasalubong. Then the last swim at Boracay when the rain started to pour. The massage wasn't so good, but not that bad either. The massage on the head did the trick;) The rain was really pouring hard dinner time, when we had the EXOTIC (which wasn't really intentional haha) dinner at the mongolian resto, where there were moths in our food. Yikes! Hahaha! With the brave women we were with (Julia and Janice!) we didn't pay for it. Yey!!!

Day 5. Bye Bora!
630 am departed from Station 2. Rain was pouring real hard now. Harder than yesterday. On time flight:) More Pictures. Home by 130pm.

And so it ended June 18, 2006. Landed on Manila by 12:00pm.

My prayer:
Dear Lord,
Thank you for the wonderful time you have given us.. To have spent five days and four nights with one of your greatest creations, in the beaches of Boracay. To have spent these days with great people.. with my dear friends. And my new found friends:) Thank you for keeping the rainy days away for a moment, to let us enjoy the days with the fine weather. The heat of the sun to keep us warm and to let us revel the beauty of the scenery even more;) Thank You for each day that You have kept us safe as we travel thru air, water and land. Thank You for letting us be one with the nature, to appreciate one of your greatest blessings to man. I could not thank You enough. This trip has brought me closer to my friends.. and even closer to You. Thank You Lord, all these we offer to You.

A Dose of Grey's

2006-07-31T13:16:00.000+08:00

Meredith.

I've been running this series' second season since yesterday when I got in the office early for a "slumber-cutover-party". I like Meredith's end-of-episode-mini-diary-kind-of-thing and I found myself writing them down. The metaphor is amazing. That's what I wanted to learn, or to develop. To put ideas in a metaphor that can depict exactly what I want to mean. I didn't notice this the last season, maybe because I was busy wrapping my sister's books with plastic cover. No pen and paper around. Hehe. Anyway, I'd love to share this with you.

Dose1:
There's something to be sad about a glass full. About knowing when to say when. I think it's a floating line. A barometer of need and desire. It's entirely up to the individual. And depends on what is being poured. Sometimes all we want is a taste. Otherwise, there's no such thing as enough. The glass is bottomless. And all we want is more.

Dose2:
No matter how hard you fight it, you fall. And it's scary as hell. Except there's an upside of freefalling. It's the chance you give your friends to catch you.

Dose3:
Denial is not just a river in Egypt. It's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?

Amanda Marshall - I'll Be Okay

2006-07-31T02:22:00.000+08:00

I hate to put this up.

It's like a white flag waving right above me. Like embracing the sweet surrender. The irony of being happy but realizing that looking outside of the box, it's a sad note. Really. I don't want to accept this FACT. Not yet. I am still clinging on the slightest chance. A chance is still a chance.

Someday, I'll cross these lines. But for now, I'll be out wondering..

It's time to let you go
It's time to say goodbye
There's no more excuses
No more tears to cry
There's been so many changes
I was so confused
All along you were the one
All the time I never knew
I want you to be happy
Your my best friend
But it's so hard to let you go now
All that could have been
I'll always have the memories
She'll always have you
Fate has a way of changing
Just when you don't want it to
Chorus
Throw away the chains
Let love fly away
Till love comes again
I'll be okay
Life passes so quickly
You gotta take the time
Or you'll miss what really matters
You'll miss all the signs
I've spent my life searching
For what was always there
Sometimes it will be too late
Sometimes it won't be fair
Chorus
Throw away the chains
Let love fly away
Till love comes again
I'll be okay
I won't give up
I won't give in
I can't recreate what just might have been
I know that my heart will find love again
Now is the time to begin
Chorus
Throw away the chains
Let love fly away
Till love comes again
I'll be okay
I'll be okay
I'll be okay
I can't hold on forever baby
I can't hold on forever baby
I can't hold on forever baby

Thanks to DJ for introducing me to Amanda Marshall. I have this mp3 all along but I didn't know who she was, so I was skipping this song the entire 2 years. Harhar.

Filmloop - Episode 2

2006-07-28T11:43:00.000+08:00

SEA DAY. No sports yet, coz still awaiting for Parasailing and Banana Boat pics:D To follow!

FilmLoop - Episode 1

2006-07-25T09:09:00.000+08:00

I was having a realtime frustration of having to put up our pictures in picturetrail (of 75Mb disk space), with me realizing that I still have account from photobucket which has 1Gb. Oh well. I got this FilmLoop (though I've been seeing this posted in other livejournals and Friendster accounts).

So this is the first installment. Day 1. More to come!

The Bora - Per Diem!! (1st half)

2006-07-23T21:11:00.000+08:00

FINALLY! I got myself back. I was losing my wits the other week. I felt like swooning due to a particular mood I cannot let loose. Now that I am getting over and done with it, I'm kicking in the good times to cover it up. Or should I say to fully dismiss the depressing phase. Just as I've read thru the internet, whether or not frowning uses up more muscles than smiling, I couldn't agree less that a frown really consumes a lot of energy in me. Hahaha.

Anyway, I wouldn't want to let the memory getting vague as each day passes by. I am not scribbling, erm, typing this whole event away for me to share, but for me to keep it fresh, with a vivid recollection as I read it thru. I am telling snippets per day, and will elaborate on highlights on each. Hahaha. It'll be a loooooong post. Better cut into half. Five days and four nights cannot be covered with few words. MAN, the entire getaway was more than words can encompass. Pictures can help me a bit to tell the story:)

Day 1 - FIRST DAY HIGH.
Drizzling. Kaye Ronaldo (este DJ) She Julia Fritz Jun Elsa Janice Crys (3G) at Cebu Pacific terminal. Delayed Flight. 11:15am Boarding time. First pass of our own version of Deal or No Deal! Won 20 pesos. Landing to Aklan around 12:15pm. Riding the van for around 2hrs to Caticlan. Around 30 min ride of ferry to Boracay! Landing to the clear blue water of Bora island, Station 3, with the sun up and shining! A 10 min multi-cab ride to Station 2. Checking in at La Carmela de Boracaya around 2pm. Getting a room at 130 (whew, that was the last room across the hallway, passing thru 14 rooms! waah!). Lunch at 2:30pm at Andoks:P Swimming at Station 1, FRIDAYS (by the far off-shore and pool!) with Estre and Lheng. Met Carlo and Rona, with Carlo and his skim boarding stunts:P Walked from Fridays to La Carmela for more than 40minutes with DJ and She! Dinner at Coco Mangas. Chilling at Cafe' Del Mar with Estre, Lheng, DJ and She.

The first day was a blast. And having the sun shining the moment we landed in Kalibo was truly a blessing. Excitement was all over us,3G. A lovely day ahead of us tomorrow, keeping us asleep with MYX on:) Times were at some point, kept tracked since I was wearing my watch. The rest of the days are timeless:P

Day 2 - SEA SPORTS DAY.
A sun shiny day! Rode the 9-passenger tricycle (50 peso-ride). Island hopping day. Crystal Cove! Photo-op.. to the batcave! Jellyfish attack. Fish-feeding with biscuitS! (Magic Flakes. Now I'm seeing it in a different way:P) Scary black fishes, tilapia-look-alikes! Blue starfishes. Weird starfishes. Lunch at Tonton's @ Puka Beach. Unforgettable Mackarel at 450Pesos. BANANA BOAT!!! PARASAILING!!! Speedboat ride! Swimming at LCDB pool. Crazy dance videos (Korean style:P). Dinner at Mañana. Totopos and Tacos! Second pass of Deal or No Deal. Break-even! She losing 21 pesos, owing 17 to Lheng, 3 to Estre and 1 to DJ:D Cinderella sleeping time.

The banana boat, though predictable, was a great ride nonetheless! I was screaming out loud, to fight the strong-sounding-throbbing of my heart. I have learned the art of pulling myself up. I was really having a hard time pulling the weight of my body before. Hehe. And whoaw, the PARASAILING! I was, at first, having doubts of saying YES. I really didn't have any idea what it was, how it would be, how long. But, eversince my tita told me about not letting each chance pass us by, and even thinking of the "what-could-have-been's", I did and had a great ride with She and DJ. Waaahh. The cost didn't matter much. It was all worth it. Being atop for 15minutes, with the clouds, with great friends was a total BLAST! Damn, IT WAS ALL WORTH IT!!! Every peso of it. WAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! I was totally impervious to fear. Pain. Or any other negativity. High na high! Woooohoooo!!!

And the other half....TBC. Hehe.

The "period" of Great Depression

2006-07-21T23:43:00.000+08:00

They say it is natural. That in these times, women are vulnerable to pain and emotional instabilities.

And everything comes as a BIG DEAL. The littlest things that happen are translated to a significant issue.. which shouldn't be. but it was. and it is. Augh. Now I feel like passing out. My "occasional" depression phase has been consuming me the entire three days, since I've gone back from Boracay. Maybe because the high level of HAPPINESS has been lingering until we stepped on the wet grounds of Manila, last Tuesday (Jul18). And swiftly, just as the water from the sink, started to be drained all out of me. Seemingly, the water has just ran dry.

My body clock has been messing around my sleeping time, keeping me up and awake. In any case, I'll be lying down and be saying a little prayer before getting to sleep.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for these times: that when everything seems so low, You have made me realize that even in darkness, there will always be the moon and the stars that will help us brighten the mileu..

The 3G gang to BORA!

2006-07-19T23:30:00.000+08:00

I can still feel the beach is with me. My body is like floating with the waves, moving to and fro the surface of water, wherever the current takes this parcel of... meat (Hehe). It is as if my hands are still paddling thru the sea. And the smell of the salt water and powdery sand.. I can still sniff it under my nose. Hahaha. Yes, I am still under hypnosis of the GRAND BORACAY GETAWAY. The entire five (5) days and four (4) nights have been GREAT. MARVELOUS. SPLENDID. Whatever word can replace these by pressing SHIFT-F7 will definitely, without a doubt, translate to this amazing trip.

I still have the hangover after a day leaving the island. Too bad I can not profoundly share them tonight, with the nitty-gritty details and all that! I still am utterly sappy that we left bora. Yet still jumpy reminiscing the memories. Hehehe. I'm just having a battle with my hormonal imbalance today which is why I can't get this done. With all the blow-by-blow-daily-account of the entire stay. Waaah!

Will be sharing some pictures as soon as I clear my backlog for my three (3) days of leave. Hahaha. Which is.. when? NEVER! Wahaha. Kidding.

Just when I'm done with my girl-thing-time-of-days, I hope I can give a better share. Hehehe. For the moment, I have to stick with 3 more days I guess. And upload some pics to keep for myself. I have to sustain a bit of frustration and emotional shakers. Hehe. Ta-tuh for now.

Goal!

2006-07-09T21:19:00.000+08:00

The world cup has been such a craze. Although I do not include myself in that crowd boo-ing and yey-ing and ooohh-ing everywhere (Makati has plasma tv's around and starbucks had their shops full with all sorts of "fanatics" - pseudo or genuine ones), I can't help not to pay a closer look to the said ball game when I get the chance.

But I only gave myself a blank stare. Except for a moment of "arrgh", with a bit of frustration that they can't get a hit over that net-bordered goal. I am but a standing pole, with arms crossed just below my chest. Or sitting on the side of the bed, with a slouching back. Harhar. Anyway, what brings me to this post of this football game is the thought of these two teams hitting GOAL.

One time we were watching WC in Redbox, Greenbelt (while my HS friends are losing their wits finishing their last order of beer-all-you-want's), really felt super frustrated that they can't kick the ball to the goal. I know it's hard, and super tiring. They've been running back and forth the entire football field for how-many-minutes (that i do not know:P) and they can't get a score. 0-0. And now, as always, have applied to life in general:P Well for me, I have been trying to set my goal (short or long-term that is) and still I haven't set it up. I've been working for two years now, running back and forth with my life, and I can't get a HIT. Until that time, my friend have set her "goal" in life. And has been urging me to set my own too.

I have not really been "goal-less" this 22 years of existence. Of course I had my own before. And my life hadn't been a waste, in fairness to myself. Hehe. Life's a blast, although a part of me is suddenly going down. Now I have crossed the line of so-called "maturity" stage, I should, by now, know what I want to do for the rest of my life. And now I came to realize the dreams that I want to pursue. And the life I want to live. But until this moment, I just have to build it for now and come reaching it slowly.. but surely.

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.

Waiting for Superman - Flaming Lips

2006-07-06T00:35:00.000+08:00

This can't wait!!!:D

I just came home and watched Superman Returns. And boy, I was so amazed how good-looking Routh was with the S suit. Whoa! Left me slack jawed when he starts to smile, with the little curly hair dangling by his forehead. Hehehe. I wouldn't have paid much attention to it, if not for She:P Hehehe. Anyway, I really did enjoy the movie and I could have not enjoyed watching it any better than the cinemas of Greenbelt. Good choice. And Thank God the showing was 7:30 which allowed us to run to the other side of Greenbelt to grab some dinner. Hehe. Two and a half hours wasn't so bad for it. Didn't leave me counting till the movie ends. I couldn't say anything negative about the movie, coz I really really love it. Super! Hahaha, I guess it's needless to rub the obvious:P

Though the ending wasn't that of a fairy-tale kind of thing, you know happy endings, well at least it had been carried enough pretty well. And I am rooting for the next Superman, if there is. And I hope there will be, when Super boy comes shaking Smallville. Hehehe.

Waaaah. We're waiting for our Superman, our hero to come! I know HE's just around:D

I asked you a question
I didn't need you to reply
Is it getting heavy?
But they realize

Is it getting heavy?
Well I thought it was as
already as heavy as can be

Is it overwhelming
to use a crane to crush a fly?
It's a good time for Superman
to life the sun into the sky

Cause it's getting heavy
Well I thought it was already as heavy as can be

Tell everyone waiting for Superman
That they should hold on as best they can
He hasn't dropped them, forgot them, or anything
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift

Cause it's getting heavy
Well I thought it was already as heavy as can be

Tell everyone waiting for Superman
That they should hold on as best they can
He hasn't dropped them, forgot them, or anything
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift

Got this song from a CD shipped from US:"> Though I lost it (hehe sorry!), I can very much recall the tracks. Waiting for superman, to take me home..

Teaser - KDJ

2006-07-04T23:18:00.000+08:00

I miss/ed you!!!

Waaaahh. How come I didn't recognize your voice the last time you called?! I forgot to tell you this, but the many times we have talked over the phone, and with your distinct voice, how could I have not known you? Daym, I was having a groggy voice and had just finished a conversation with the boss which, most of the time kept me in silence (hehe, wala akong masabi eh:P ang hirap intindihin! i just gave him a nod, and super long "yeaaahh". hihihi:D) when you called and I wasn't expecting a call. And bang, you gave me a song which brought back all memories in college. Awww. How I missed them. How I missed our times. I missed our phone call conversations up until late in the morning. Reviews for exams. Projects that seemed forever to finish. Memories with stupid professors. The all-kinds-of-days in G408, our beloved thesis room. The hallway lunches, meriendas and dinners. Bowling. Tagaytay trips. Dinners. Overnights. Movies. MTVs:D song writing. Petty fights, no not us, but our fights with other people:D There's so much in us that I miss the most. How else could I have spent college without you? Man, it is imagineable.

Waaaaahhh. I never did think that I'll be here thinking back about all the things that we have been doing years back. I never thought we could have finished college in that quick span of time. And now we've been in the work force for two years now and I am still stunned on how things have turned out for us.

I am thankful for us. For the friendship we have shared througout these years. Really, I thank you for everything:) Even if I know we're and we'll be seeing each other anytime, I still miss the times. Awwwww. Mwah mwah. Thanks much much. *HUGS*

The Week that Was

2006-07-01T00:29:00.000+08:00

It's been a loooooooooooooong week.

Monday. Worked more than 12 hrs. Worked without the bkg team. Waaaahh.
Tuesday. Ordinary day of overloading work. With work thas has been donned to us half-baked Daym.
Wednesday. On half day SL. Bad headache. An incoming migraine attack. A 1st birthday party.
Thursday. A surprise. Whoa. What a surprising comeback. And what a prank:P Tsk tsk tsk. Lunchout at Dencio's RP and dinnerout at Terikayi Boy Harbor Square.
Friday. 6 hours of sleep. 730 AM at work. Sleepy head. Dinner at Chilis GB1. Cutover at 11PM. Sleeping at 12:40am

Week 26 just came by and swept me off as if only one day had passed.

1238AM, June 31, 2006 signing off.

Another episode of slavery, but this is not much about it:P

2006-06-27T00:14:00.000+08:00

Hehehe. I just entered dreamland when my first step into it got interrupted by a call. Augh. The slave has been called, AGAIN, for duty. I was feeling kinda groggy answering the phone since I got home late already and I have had a hard time lulling myself to sleep. So he said 'I am sorry to wake you up.. blah blah blah.' Hell, your sorry couldn't make it any better. Wahahaha. Sorry, it's a bit too off:D I am just having a bitter time waiting for the ticket to be closed. Sorry about that, my friendly midnight phone pal. I know you're just doing your job. And your apology is accepted:)

Anyway, it was a looooooong day. I spent 12 hours at work. Well, I wasn't really working 12 hours. Hehehe.
- A twelfth of the time I spent yakking with officemates about the drowning e-mails.. of countless tickets.. of running follow-ups. of no priorities but was set to pending status (!!!).. of disappointments of our bosses.. of on-the-verge-of-giving-up talks.. of a long but lost love.. of falling but getting up again (naks).. of a birthday celebrant.. of sneaky out-of-offices..
- Another twelfth of it was of pseudo-helping a colleague get pass her case study. I really pray she gets done with it. I know the feeling, really:P Hope I was, at least, of help;)
- Another twelfth of it was spent over lunch table, drugging ourself to coke over trumps (a card game. similar to bridge? not sure about it though:P).
- A quarter of it mostly spent over a funny, laugh trip conversation with another friend. Hehehe. I got a little nostalgic about remembering college and sometimes those frustrating moments can really make you laugh now. I was a bit hurt, him laughing about me (even if i was totally kawawa - [kaluuy ba she?] sa kwento ko. hmp), but at the end of it we should really learn how to get over it and jokingly share the traumatic experience. Harhar.
- And the rest was spent with ACTUAL WORK. Does this hour count still?

What a way to spend 12 hours at work. Harharhar.

Of fetish, pet peeves, and mannerisms. What's yours?
1. I've really got a foot and hand fetish. One reason I hate rainy days (and mondays too), because I don't want my feet to get wet. Icky. And for the hand fetish.. for men with neat and veiny hands. Hehe. I don't know why, and it really reminds me of my highschool teacher in Religion. Hehe.
2. I was just reminded of it, when my younger sister asked me what it meant. Hehe, funny I can't think of something extraordinary, but before I used to have a long list. I can't remember one now. Tsk tsk. Recently, I've been having a hard time digging up some on my memory bank. My grey hair is gradually becoming visible now.. *Shakes head*
A pet peeve is a minor annoyance that can instill extreme frustration in an individual. Typically each person has several pet peeves that aggravate them more than the average person. Another person may not react as negatively or at all to the same circumstance.
3. I really don't have a mannerism, but the closest that I can have is when I play with my ears when I don't have earrings.

I can not wait anymore until the ticket closes. I WILL SLEEP NOW. *bog*

Horoscope Daw

2006-06-24T01:01:00.000+08:00

If you feel like slowing down, then you have perfect timing -- because one or two fascinating people will come into your world and they deserve your careful, studied attention. Skip past the small talk and get right to the heart of what's on your mind. They can handle the direct approach, and will match you witty remark for witty remark. Your opinions may be challenged, but you will have a great time defending your position. Keep an open mind, and let yourself learn something new.

You're relaxed, ready to empathize with others and share the nice things in life. Convince some friends that you should all give each other foot rubs or climb trees in the park. Companionship makes your day complete.

Hahaha, what can I say???

postscript: Happy Birthday Leo!!!

Long Time Coming - Oliver James

2006-06-23T20:11:00.000+08:00

I've had a change of heart.

It was just like a week ago, when I was here talking bold of "playing games". Now, as I have relentlessly been thinking-- over and over again, going in circles -- I came upon admitting (with utmost regret) that I have conceded.

Why? I don't know actually, and I hate to dig for some logical explanation to give myself something to blame. I am restless. And it's sadenning that it is a F-R-I-D-A-Y and I am stuck with myself wrestling about a mood-swing-caused temper. Augh.

Now, I am just remotely moping with Oliver James (thanks to Jode for sharing this with me, I dunno if you're the one to blame for my current mood. harhar, kidding:P). But here's to the long-waiting chance of a lifetime. Hehe.

Everybody wants to be loved
every once in a while
we all need someone to hold on
just like a helpless child, yeah
can you whisper in my ear, let me know it’s alright

Chorus
It's been a long time coming
down this road and now I know
what I've been waitin' for
and like a lonely highway
I’m tryin to get home
Ooo, love's been a long time comin'

You can love for a lifetime
you can love for a day ,you can think
you've got everything but everything is
nothing when you throw it away, yeah
then you look in my eyes
and I have it all once again

It's been a long time coming
down this road and now I know
what I've been waitin' for
and like a lonely highway
I’m tryin to get home
Ooo, love's been a long time comin'

Didn't know I was lost till you find me, uh huh
Didn't know I was blind, but now I see

Can you whisper in my ear, let me know it's alright

It's been a long time coming
down this road and now I know
what I've been searchin' for
and like a long, long highway
and now I see
Ooo, love's been a long time oh been a long
Love’s been a long time comin'

The game is on!

2006-06-19T02:53:00.000+08:00

Before anything else, I would like to thank those who have dropped by and commended the new layout:) I was actually having doubts of putting this up since it didn't occupy the entire page. And I have to resize my tag-board just to let it fit. I had two choices in mind (the other one's green with a fairytale lake banner and this one), but I opted for this instead coz it was "girlie" and had white background to make it a little lighter (coming from black, way too light!)

Anyway, I'm again up in these wee hours of the morning for another release. It's just too sadenning that I have to get up and "work". And during these times that I had to choose on staying up late or waking up (not passing up at least 2 hours of sleep), I got a good conversation with some people hanging around the same hours as I do. And at this time, mama is now cooking breakfast. Augh.

Oh, I've been thinking if I'll be coming early to work tomorrow. Hehe. I feel so much deprived of sleep since friday. Oh well, better run back to bed and get as much sleep as I could. TTFN. That is -- ta-tuh for now:P

Let the games begin, so I self-declared. I wouldn't want to play silly on this one, but I guess I just have to coast along. May karma not strike on me soon, or anytime, or ever (better say). Exciting so it seems. But I guess it really needs a lot of effort to do this. And, help me God, that I may be able to put it up and carry myself thru. Win or lose.

2006-06-17T01:05:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling kinda weird right now. I got called around 12am for duty and when I started to get up and open my pc, some weird feeling came bursting from my heart. Suddenly, I just felt like crying. I dunno if the spurts of emotions came from a dream or a certain thought that passed out my brain in split of seconds.

I cannot actually remember what dream I was having when I heard my phone ringing 'Unpredictable'.. and what emotion I was having on that moment I answered the phone. I was sure it wasn't because of that "call" and get disturbed in these hours of the night.

Pop!
Maybe because I was thinking that I may be losing it, like you did?
Or the fear of it might take its toll?
Are you thinking of me?
Are you feeling the same way like I do? Now?

Amazing Coincidence

2006-06-13T22:20:00.000+08:00

I have been trying to dig my archives for some hours coz of some vivid memory that I actually posted Sonnet XVII twice in this blog. Amazingly, I found it at the same month, the same day, one year before my last post for Violet. That is way too amazing for me. I was actually thinking and relishing that piece of art at the same day. I really love it. Although my sentiments were different for each moment, nonetheless, I still feel the same level of emotions. Awwww.

Check it out. Something must be really, really, really happening on the 25th of July. Isn't it amazing? Am I about to watch out for something this July 25th? What do you think about that?:P

July252004 and July252005 ;)

This spot has turned two years last June 6. Way to go!!! *applaud*applaud*

Tonight I Can Write

2006-06-10T00:07:00.000+08:00

It was quite nostalgic to have read one of Pablo Neruda's greatest writings from a colleague's blog. And I can't help but to re-read the entire Sonnet XVII from a previous entry to rekindle the moment I have first met him (Neruda, that is) more or less eight years back. Thanks to Ms. A, whom I owe much of what I know about Literature in its essence and how I love it now;)

I have piggy-backed some emotional baggage last week and am glad that I have unloaded some of them and threw them away for history to collect. Although I haven't completely recovered (and snippets and pinches of hurting are lingering still, with various reasons.. mixed up for all aspects), maybe another Neruda masterpiece can accommodate some weariness.

Translated by W.S. Merwin:

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

City of Blinding Lights

2006-06-06T22:36:00.000+08:00

I have been travelling this same route for about six years now. I got used to heavy traffic, crawling from taft to alabang-zapote road for one and a half hours to two (if lucky, I'd be able to sweep it in less than an hour). But, despite these long years, I still have been relentlessly complaining and hating this CITY. I have even formulated my INFINITE Reasons why I hate travelling in MANILA.
1. Freaking jeepney drivers who makes Taft Avenue their parking lot
2. Stupid jeepney drivers who waits until forever to have their jeepneys fully occuppied (an 8-seater that turns into 10!)
3. Lousy jeepney drivers who, either beats the red light or waits for the second red light to beat (having a chit-chat with fellow drivers. Man, namiss nila isa't-isa?!).
4. Stupid bus drivers who wait until forever to have their bus fully occupied. and what I mean with fully occupied is when EVERY SPACE is totally impenetrable. Ni-hindi mahulugan ng karayom.
5. WEDNESDAYS which should be a HOLY day in Baclaran, but a total nuisance to my projected 1.5 hour travel.
6. Unprojected time travel. You can never tell. Really.
7. Awful smell when the bus starts to open its doors at Baclaran.

I wish our office moves some place in Makati. Hehehe. Selfish reasons though. But, I really do hope we move so I can just ride one shuttle away in Landmark.. and breeze to home in 45minutes. Without the hassle of jampacked buses. And lousy drivers. Without the cockroaches. With a breath of fresh air.

Some things seemed to have remained as they are. Most things around me are still the same. But the feelings have changed. The people around me have changed. So am I. TBC..

*Photo taken at 7th flr DIB. Courtesy of SEW900i;)

Garrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!

2006-05-24T22:05:00.000+08:00

Kelangan ba parati nalang ako galit?!

Nakakainis!!!!!!!! Gusto ko na syang sakalin. Ang labo kasi!!! Tapos feeling nya ako talaga yung malabo. E sa totoo lang nde naman nya alam eh! Kaya kala nya malabo. Lakas mo magalit ha. Badtrip ka talaga as in. Pag nakita talaga kita, nako, sasakalin talaga kita hanggang sa hindi ka na makahinga! Bwiiiissssssssseeet! Huhuhuhuh. Nagagalit ako, pero naiiyak naman ako:'( waaaaaaah nakakaasar na kasi eh. Parang ako lang talaga may kasalanan ng lahat. Anong magagawa ko eh kung ganon talaga?!?!?!

Ambwiset!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pigilan nyo ko. Pigilan nyo ko!

Impulsive

2006-05-17T23:07:00.000+08:00

Oh well, I haven't grown. Still the impulsive buyer that I am. Now that I am in the 'depression' mode, I am even more impulsive than ever. Grrrrrrr. I hate myself for being that. I tend to splurge and waste away because I am damn frustrated. This just tends to be my tension/depression release. My escape. My diversion.

I can't forever stay this way!!! Can somebody tie my hands?

Bittersweet tonight

2006-05-16T23:10:00.000+08:00

And the rain came pouring. AGAIN.

The weather seems to bring more gloominess to my setting. I am even more depressed with the black-and-white hue, the smell of raindrops, and the thought of stepping into wet road. I have never been a fan of this season, and it saddens me most that the rain came falling with my season of depression.

I had a great night though. I spent it indulging to a mango-strawberry crepe in Haagen Dazs. Feels heaven actually, although I could've enjoyed it better with more ice cream;)

Thanks to Angel, She and Pearl for being with me tonight as I succumb myself to... to.. to.

I gotta get back to work;(

I'm back!

2006-05-14T21:59:00.000+08:00

It's been a month I guess. I never got around of putting up something for several reasons. Hehehe. Tinatamad, walang time, sobrang busy, laging antok, bulok ang pc, walang masulat. Oh well, they are just some of the 'several'.

And I came counting my posts. I read from pong that he just reached his centennial post (Congrats!). I just realized that I am nearing my 2nd year in blogspot. Whew. Time really flies by so fast, isn't it?

I read my first few posts and I grabbed some of them (due to lack of time or should I say inspiration to post:P)

Fairy Tales
Published Thursday, June 24, 2004

Always and has been with the happy ending

I dreamt

Idealistic as i have been
I still believe in wands and wishes
That somehow i'd be able to find
My knight
To rescue me from misery
And lift me to serenity

I am wound with ropes
Unable to escape
The villains of happy endings
Let my hero
Unleash me from captivity
And let us runaway
Till we reach the liberty
From the abundant skies

Kisses, let it be my comforting sheets
Embrace me, to feel the warmth of security
Caress me with your undying love
The touch of your hand, YOU
The conqueror of my heart
I am living again

I am awake

A fantasy that is bound by an enchanting spell
Let the fairy cast it on me

======

in real life, love has to be possible. even if it is not returned right away, love can only survive when the hope exists that you will be able to win over the person you desire.

ANYTHING ELSE IS FANTASY.

--by the river piedera, i sat down and wept.

Nothing to something

2006-04-15T22:22:00.000+08:00

I was trying to put up something light over this blog, but after three hopeful attempts to it. I ended up with this one.

Nothing.

All ideas are flowing like water from the faucet down to the drain. Nothing is left but remnants of each thought, that I cannot put up for one coherent post.

Oh well, as I quote from a favorite line of a song somebody brought up to me.. 'When you're searching your soul, when you're searching for pleasure, how often pain is all you find. But when you're coasting along and nobody's trying too hard. You can turn around and like where you are'.

And now I am trying to make something out of nothing. Good good:)

I now realize that I am missing a lot of people now. Those people that I used to talk to everyday. That I used to see everyday. That I shed some 'tear' when I am caught up in a mess. That I have been sharing with glorious moments with. Some years ago when we would spend some time just talking about nothing. Even if the topics are just repeating itself, the laughter never wanes. We could not stop talking. Only if not for my mom or an exam or a pestering brother who keeps on bugging me to use the phone, it wouldn't end. I don't know if it's me who really can't stop talking, or you who wouldn't stop listening and injecting snippets of your own stories:P So I end up telling my story again where I started:D

To those people that just might be too far, or even to those who are far too close, I miss you. I know I can't bring it all back, but I hope it doesn't stop there. I hope we could still pick ourselves where we have left off. That's what true friends really are:) Even if we had our petty fights and our sulky sorries. Even if things have changed...

Leap of Faith

2006-04-14T21:48:00.000+08:00

First of Summer - Urbandub, I quote -- "This heartfelt leap I surrender".

So when do we actually take that infamous "Leap of Faith"? What does it actually mean? How do we know that we should? Who should?

I asked my ever reliable companion, GOOGLE and here's what he had in store for me:
Leap of faith defined: is the act of believing in something without, or in spite of, available empirical evidence.

Operative words:
1. Empirical. Whoa. And when did I actually last hear the word "Empirical"?! You wouldn't believe that I still remember the exact person, exact time, and exact facial expression she had while uttering the word.. "Em-pi-ri-cal". My gosh, my hatest Chemistry teacher back in third year highschool. Sounds nostalgic isn't it? I had my fingers counting to back track how many years was it then.. Blech! But as I remembered, she was explaining (with her shoulder pads flying across the class room:P) Empirical relies on observation. Based on experience. Theories banned.
2. Faith. Mostly in religion context, coined with trust and loyalty. But what exactly faith means? Some say that it is just obscuring a state of fear or denial.. and that it is used as a shield for fear when truth is unattainable. However, as I have defined it myself, or with which some definitions I truly agree upon is that -- Faith, more than a belief and a state, is a relationship that we have fully surrendered to have embraced upon. We do not need proof or any logic explanation why we have committed ourselves into it. And that doubt is completely inadmissible.

So when do we actually take that leap of faith? Besides EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE and the presence of INDUBITABLE FAITH. Even if the irony of absolute uncertainty has pre-occupied your mindset, the strength of your heart's uttered trust and belief must alleviate with compassion.

You can take half the step. But not a leap. Faith comes with entirety, you either lose it with all doubts or embrace it with complete surrender.

Yet Another Test

2006-04-07T20:17:00.000+08:00

Hehehe. Thanks to Wyleen for this;) I was interested because I love writing. Although at first I didn't know what to right, and was a bit conscious on my strokes. So here it is. I think it got me, close enough:P

What does your handwriting say about YOU?
You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a shy, idealistic person who does not find it easy to have relationships, especially intimate ones.
You are affectionate, passionate, expressive, and future-oriented.
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.

Objections are fully accepted. *Blapht*